Paying it Forward

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CalifChick -> Paying it Forward (4/21/2008 12:21:33 AM)
What has someone done for you that you would call "paying it forward"? I'll start... when I was desperate to leave my husband, my boss wrote me what amounted to a blank check so that I could move out and get started on my own. When she was younger, she sought out the help of someone else when she found herself in the same situation. Cali

Tannie -> RE: Paying it Forward (4/21/2008 12:59:13 AM)
I was sitting at a bus stop crying my eyes out one day shortly after moving out on my own because, quite frankly, I was scared to death of being alone, after having spent the past six years as a ward of the state (abusive home situation). A homeless man walked up to me and handed me a tiny rose from a bouquet that he was carrying. Turned out someone had given him 20 dollars earlier that afternoon and he had used a bit of it to purchase flowers to hand out to pretty women so they would smile. I still think of that man every time I smell roses, and it always makes me smile.

pahunkboy -> RE: Paying it Forward (4/21/2008 6:44:19 AM)
Cali, be shrewd. Guard each dollar with your life. Show the boss she made a good decission by helping you. Shop around for the best value. Get furniture off of freecycle or at thrift store. Once you arrange bills that are doable- you will be fine. Note" most landlords will take the deposit in payments.. so ask.

GreedyTop -> RE: Paying it Forward (4/21/2008 7:04:27 AM)
The time in TX when my truck broke down, and a lady gave me 15-20.00 "just in case". The trip to England The guy that paid for a hotel room for me after I got stranded while hitchhiking through MS.. and didn't want to go in to the room with me (he walked me to the door, gave me 10.00 for breakfast, and left).

LaTigresse -> RE: Paying it Forward (4/21/2008 7:26:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick What has someone done for you that you would call "paying it forward"? I'll start... when I was desperate to leave my husband, my boss wrote me what amounted to a blank check so that I could move out and get started on my own. When she was younger, she sought out the help of someone else when she found herself in the same situation. Cali In my 45almost46 years there have been so many acts of kindness sent my way I could never ever list them all. It quite simply would involve, writing a book.

celticlord2112 -> RE: Paying it Forward (4/21/2008 8:12:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick What has someone done for you that you would call "paying it forward"? I'll start... when I was desperate to leave my husband, my boss wrote me what amounted to a blank check so that I could move out and get started on my own. When she was younger, she sought out the help of someone else when she found herself in the same situation. Cali So many.... The night attendant at a stop 'n go when I just started a new security job, was a day away from payday, and running on fumes, and bought me $5 of gas... The many IT pros who took the time to share their knowledge and experience (and didn't charge).... The web designer who went to bat and asked one of her clients to throw me a programming project when money was tight....

FullCircle -> RE: Paying it Forward (4/21/2008 8:17:46 AM)
It's about time you paid a random stranger back then celticlord. I need a new car.[8\|]

CalifChick -> RE: Paying it Forward (4/21/2008 8:24:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pahunkboy Cali, be shrewd. Guard each dollar with your life. Show the boss she made a good decission by helping you. Shop around for the best value. Get furniture off of freecycle or at thrift store. Once you arrange bills that are doable- you will be fine. Note" most landlords will take the deposit in payments.. so ask. That was almost two years ago. I needed first, last, and security deposit for an apartment (and no, the corporation that owned it wouldn't take payments), and needed to buy food for the kids. I needed to pay the power bill for the old place since it was in my name before they would turn on power at my new apartment. I had "stuff" - furniture, clothes, my car, so I didn't need money for that. My husband wasn't abusive, so I wasn't running from a domestic violence situation or anything like that where people run with just the clothes on their back. My boss was so glad that I was leaving him, because she said I deserved to be treated better than he treated me, that she made it financially much easier for me and the kids. Cali

kdsub -> RE: Paying it Forward (4/21/2008 8:29:55 AM)
Most people are good at heart despite what we hear on the nightly news. I have no single kindness that is striking but I have lately experienced many small ones. Because of many injuries from my employment I use a cane to walk. I am amazed at the number of children and young adults that will hold a door open for me to enter. Or if I drop something will run over and pick it up for me. Not just youngsters but I wanted to emphasize them because many criticize their manners and upbringing. I think they are great. Butch

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: Paying it Forward (4/21/2008 8:40:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick What has someone done for you that you would call "paying it forward"? I'll start... when I was desperate to leave my husband, my boss wrote me what amounted to a blank check so that I could move out and get started on my own. When she was younger, she sought out the help of someone else when she found herself in the same situation. Cali i need to do this too..but i dont know anyone rich... ugh...

PanthersMom -> RE: Paying it Forward (4/21/2008 9:06:53 AM)
when we have had hard times we've been helped by various people with whatever the problem was. i always take the time to pay it forward, the last time was a couple months ago, donating food to a single mom and daughter who had nothing. i still look for ways to repay the kindnesses that have been done for us. it feels good to do it regardless of whether or not someone has done something for me lately, i don't keep a balance sheet. it's something i enjoy doing. PM

popeye1250 -> RE: Paying it Forward (4/21/2008 10:23:23 AM)
Many years ago while in the military people would see us (in uniform) and buy us drinks, give us rides, have us into their homes for dinner etc. And if we were hitch-hiking you wouldn't be on the side of the road for very long if you were in uniform. But, this was during the Vietnam days and there were people who'd honk at us and give us the finger. That hurt. Sailors didn't make a lot of money in those days so a ride, a drink or a pack of butts was much appreciated. Years after that I saw three Marines hitch-hiking and stopped right away and went quite a bit out of my way to get them exactly where they wanted to go, no problem. I had some fun with them; "Jeeze, the Navy's always rescuing you guys!"

pahunkboy -> RE: Paying it Forward (4/21/2008 11:06:00 AM)
many times when I broke down a passerby helped me. I have picked up hitchhikers. I wont anymore. Not with meth, crack, and todays propensity for violence. That is sad. Maybe I would help someones mom, a guy in uniform, gosh hard not to help him. On the landlord breaking the deposit into 3 payments, I had a few do that. If a landlord wants a tenant bad enough they will. Tho the folks that pay with a wad of cash at times- that is the last of cash you will see. Rents here are low- what I mean is the $1000s of damage a family can do, isnt worth a few $100 IN Cash......

Bethnai -> RE: Paying it Forward (4/21/2008 12:20:24 PM)
About a year ago my car would stop running while I was driving. I tried to take it in to several places but I could not get someone to actually fix the problem. I had been told by one place that they could not tell me until it actually broke down. I am not mechanically inclined. I worked at a bar at that time and I was on the way to work when it finally broke down. I was blocking a street and I was in tears. A cop pulls over two minutes later to tell me that I need to move the vehicle, as if this was my idea of a good time. So, I call and have my car towed in on a Friday. I did not say a word to anyone at work. I did not ask for any help from anybody. I catch a lot of crap for it, but I just don't ask. Everybody knew that it was down. One of the guys, that later became my friend, came up to me and said,"I have two vehicles and I want you to use one of them." At the time, I was working full time and in school full time and had an internship. I knew better than to say no. It was freaking awsome.

Arpig -> RE: Paying it Forward (4/21/2008 12:34:19 PM)
Nothing in a looong loooong time.

cjan -> RE: Paying it Forward (4/21/2008 3:06:25 PM)
Like LaT, I've had so many acts of kindnesses done to/for me that I couldn't possibly pick even a few to mention. Somehow, though, I remember most, and have been deeply touched by, the seemingly smallest acts of kindness. I remeber, for instance, once taking a walk down a country road. It seemed like I was back in time in that place. It was late spring. As I turned a corner in the road, I happened on an older woman in her robe/house dress, who had crossed the road in front of her house to collect her mail from the mailbox. As she turned to go back to her house, she noticed me, still about 50 feet from her and stopped to give me a smile that just floored me. I had her complete attention in that moment and her smile was like a blessing. We shared that wonderful moment. I'll never forget it. I try to commit random acts of kindness when the opportunity presents itself. Often in the way that kind woman did. I've found that a simple smile, a recognition and acknowledgement of a stranger as a fellow human being, can deeply affect a person. One of my favorite movies is "As Good As It Gets". To me, the transformation that Jack Nicholson's character undergoes, is totally believable and un-Hollywood. It makes me realize that every act of kindness, even if done unwillingly, as in a few cases in the movie ( remeber the first one, where Jack's character ifs literaly forced by Cuba Gooding to care for his neighbor's dog that Jack hates and recently put down the garbage chute? ), transforms the person who acts kindly. Karma, perhaps ? Throughout the movie, as a result of acts of kindness, Nicholson's heart opens and, in some ways, he is "healed". I believe that acts of kindness and their results, are one of the most powerful forces in the world. Thanks for the topic, OP.

CalifChick -> RE: Paying it Forward (4/21/2008 3:35:10 PM)
CJ, you call me "OP" again and I'm gonna throw a rock at yer head. I'm just sayin'. Cali

cjan -> RE: Paying it Forward (4/21/2008 5:23:59 PM)
OPP, you know me...how do that old song go ? [image]http://www.collarchat.com/upfiles/smiley/duck.gif[/image]

Griswold -> RE: Paying it Forward (4/21/2008 5:35:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick What has someone done for you that you would call "paying it forward"? I'll start... when I was desperate to leave my husband, my boss wrote me what amounted to a blank check so that I could move out and get started on my own. When she was younger, she sought out the help of someone else when she found herself in the same situation. Cali Niiiiice. And you know what you have to do. In my younger days, a wonderful man...40 years my senior took me under his wing. Never asked for a thing. He was there when I started out...more so than my own father. 15 years later, after I'd spent the bulk of my earlier days at his feet, after he'd informed me of all the worlds workings....he died. He died in a beautiful way. I'd always told him how much I loved him. Every time I saw him. Every time. He was, superficially, the singularly ugliest man I'd ever seen. Physically the elephant man had nothing on him. By the time I gotten to know him, he'd grown disfigured. And every week I sat at his feet. He grew more beautiful as each day went by. He was never anyone that GQ would have called for cover work...but to me he was stunning. He was married to a wonderful woman who saw in him the same things I'd seen in him...he was exceptional....and the sun shone in every word he uttered. He gave to me...and I swear to God I hope I gave to him. One day he told me "(Gris), I've never told my boys I loved them (he had all boys)....{his boys were my clients}....in all my years....I've never told them...." and I told him "Norwood...you have to tell them"....he gruffed.... That was 2 years before he died. I never thought much of it other than that I loved him (this is a true story).... 2 years later I got a call from one of his sons...."(Gris) are you sitting down?"....I can't even express how devastating that day was for me....I fell to the floor. I was sure gravity had succumbed me. He'd had an aneurism....a major artery to his heart had literally exploded....but a few days before he had advance warning...he felt bad that morning...told his wife "I'm not feeling well...." enough such that the emergency vehicles came and got him...and the doctors told his wife "I think you need to call the entire family in....he has barely hours to live"... And all the boys came in....each by his bed...all a little curious what to say....no one had ever held hands in that family....certainly none of the boys with their father.... And one by one...he told them he loved them...with a complete and firm grip....and then he passed away at the very last. I loved that man with every fiber of my body....I can tell you honestly I'm very much enjoying telling you about him....he was fucking beautiful....to tell you about him is an absolute joy for me. I've never known a more beautiful man....in all the universe. At his funeral...I was hyperventilating....it was the hardest day of my life.... He was a fisherman...he loved fishing. He was very wealthy...and he spent a lot of time on the water. He'd come back from his trips and he'd call me on my cell phone within minutes of arriving at his home. I know for a fact...he thrilled catching trout...and when he caught a big one....I know he'd say "That one's for Jonny!!!!" He loved me...no less than I loved him. I've never told anyone here my name..in all my time here...but you can't tell the story without his gravelly voice...calling out my name...and he'd call out "Jonny...I just caught some of the finest (whatever fish) trout...you HAVE to stop by the house and come GET some!!!!!" I never told him I couldn't handle seafood...I hated the shit...and you'd have to see the love in his eyes when he was digging through the fish in his plastic fish cooler in his garage to hand me the biggest one there was...as I tried like hell to grab the smallest one in the bunch.... "NO Jonny...not THAT one!!!!!....take THIS ONE!!!! (the biggest one of course)...Take that one home to the Missus...she'll cook it up fine...." and he'd go on for at least 15 minutes on how to slice it, cook it, etc......I could never tell him that my then wife also couldn't do seafood....and always.... On the way home...I'd toss it....hoping some cats would appreciate his efforts.....I couldn't tell him...he loved me too much...that trout was his gift to me. He was my gift. When he died....I waited...I wasn't family...when they all left, I had a special note..just for him..I'd written it days before...just between me and Norwood. I didn't know until about 3 weeks later that his wife saw me walking towards the grave. I slowly put it on his casket...I asked if that was okay to the fellows that were dropping him down.... She called me a few weeks later..."Jon...what did you do as I was leaving...I saw you doing something?".... I told her I left Norwood a note....she asked "what did it say?" "Norwood....I love you so much...I miss you now more than ever....and Norwood...I fucking HATE seafood!!!!!" She laughed so hard and told me...."Norwood hated fish too...." I miss him. (That's enough for me tonight).

cjan -> RE: Paying it Forward (4/21/2008 6:01:45 PM)
That's a wonderful story, Griswold. Thanks for sharing it. I'm wondering if and how Norwood's kindness to you has affected how you yourself interact with others ? I'm also thinking that how kind acts by others have influenced our own actions is part of what Cali is also wondering.

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