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RE: The Use of Anger - 4/21/2008 9:09:00 PM

WhiteFox77

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Anger isn't what I worry about here, control is. Is he in control of his actions, or is he letting emotion run away with him. Letting any emotion run away with you and cause you to loose control in a "scene" is unnacceptable for a dominant. Passion can cause you to swing that crop too hard just as easily as anger can.

It's the subs role (and privilage) to loose control, and the Doms resposability (and privilage) to have full control. That's what the game is all about.

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RE: The Use of Anger - 4/21/2008 10:56:26 PM

MasterFireMaam

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Does the submissive agree to it and give INFORMED consent? If so, they yeah, it's doable in my book.

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RE: The Use of Anger - 4/22/2008 12:57:20 AM

IronBear

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Anger is a natural reaction to events or actions by self and/or others. Anger is healthy and a way of excorcising the feelings which, if supressed can and do create later problems such as deep seated psychosis. How we handle our anger is a matter of choice, preferably informed choice. Some paople are slow to anger and others like me have a hair trigger. Even then how we react to that anger can vary greatly. Some take the time to think about it and even analyse if and how much we are in part, the cause.

Taking anger out oin an innocent person or animal is reprehensible and unworthy. It shows a lack of self disclipline, matutity and understanding of both self and the anger process. Working anger out physically on an inaniment object can be extrememy benificial especially if a situation beyond your control is the cause. Like a bank stuffing up yout savings. getting rid of the anger allows you to rthink on the subject and plan the best way to get restitution or revenge in some form.. Mosatly situations anger me ir social cliques and not being the typew to race home and raid my armory then start a body bag coiunt, i give a punching bag, rope wrapped board a work out or grab a training swirs and give the pell a work out oe even if I'm inclined, grab a weapons bag and attend a combat range and shoot the shit out of a target. if is is an individual thre aforementioned methods apply but i will have named my target, board or bag with the neme of he or she who has pissed me off.... Later, much later, and remembering I'm a Norse/Celt. I just may resort to a spot of sorcery and hex the bastard/s who have offended me or hurt my family. I take physical action against people never in anger but to protect my clan or to redress hurts. This is done in cold blood and well calculated.

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
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"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

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RE: The Use of Anger - 4/22/2008 3:42:39 AM

DesFIP

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This is when anger management classes are recommended. And btw, if he dealt with the rage he might discover he didn't have so many work issues. Bosses, subordinates and coworkers don't like getting his hostile attitude either.

As far as being out of control, breaking limits? I can't see any time where they would be good things but in a new relationship? Red flag time here. If this is what he does when you can still run, what do you think he would do when he feels you are committed?

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RE: The Use of Anger - 4/22/2008 5:27:16 AM

OldBastardly1

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BTW...one person's rage is another person's venting

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RE: The Use of Anger - 4/22/2008 6:09:40 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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From: Chicago, IL
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why hold a grudge over the new submissive for what has happened in past relationships? personally to me, it's a waste of time and energy being angry over bad relationships/breakups. taking that anger out on the new submissive is simply wrong. granted it hurts however you do have to move on towards brighter days and not let the bad memory of what was then control you.

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RE: The Use of Anger - 4/22/2008 11:44:43 AM

stubborngirl

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again, thank you, everyone...I have plenty to mull over...I will admit that the brakes came on pretty hard and fast. I'm a strong woman, capable of taking care of myself, and the words and phrases all came rushing back: things he said and the reality of what he meant when he said them...It's all in the presentation...

again, I thank each of you...

sg

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RE: The Use of Anger - 4/22/2008 12:44:30 PM

antipode

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In my book, anybody who has "pent up anger and hostility from past relationships that didn't work out" is best avoided - not just by subs, by humanity as well as pets. Secondly, you're not defining what "didn't work out" means. If a relationship ends, does that mean it did not work out? Is your premise that things are supposed to last forever, or until next month? Watchatalkingbout, exactly?

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RE: The Use of Anger - 4/22/2008 4:33:06 PM

stubborngirl

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referencing his relationships...

I know why mine didn't work out...

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RE: The Use of Anger - 4/24/2008 6:58:54 AM

mypain56

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No one should ever begin a relationship with excess baggage. Very unhealthy.. myself when i first starting talking to Daddy i had been out of a somewhat abusive relationship for 1 year. And i wanted to take it slow, per myself and my therapist. Actually she didn't think i was ready for any kind of involvement. But taking it slowly we identified on a lot of levels like every day frustrations, He was having some personal family situations and illnesses that He was dealing with at the time. Now many months later things are calming down and i am so glad that we are still taking it slowly because iknow he still has some frustrations in His life and i don't want to be a total release for angry,disruptive behavior. And when we are talking on the phone and He mentions what a screwed day He's had and He say's you know beating the shit out you would really make me feel better, honestly i am glad we live an hour away from each other,although i trust Him enough that those are just words and He would never take to a level where 911 would have to intercept. My butt may be cherry red for a few day's. Or Him slapping me in my face may leave a mark but other than that He is very in control. Daddy's past relationships are just that "PAST" and that's is where He prefers to leave it. He's very private in that respect.... So, in retrospect if Hehas too much hostility and anger He needs to channel it in a healthy way as in therapy or at the gym.....

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RE: The Use of Anger - 4/24/2008 12:43:05 PM

derfrewop

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quote:

No one should ever begin a relationship with excess baggage.

So hows celibacy treating you?

If you meet this baggage free Buddha, long standing international treaties and post 911 security policy require that you kill him immediately.

Real people have baggage. Some is carry on and some of it needs to be checked before boarding. A person without baggage is up to no good.

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RE: The Use of Anger - 4/25/2008 8:01:46 PM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1

BTW...one person's rage is another person's venting

You can't break a hard limit by venting, OB. She did say that he did just that.

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RE: The Use of Anger - 4/27/2008 7:20:07 AM

IXian

Posts: 29
Joined: 8/13/2007
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Oh, all TRUE masters have to join a monastery and cultivate their non-agressive side until they emerge free and without any emotional baggage. Aside from a emotional lobotomy, what else does a "twue" dominant need?
Seriously, there has to be a line between having emotional issues and playing them out on bystanders. Those of you that squirts out silly one-liner truths about "Don't even start a relationship until you've dealt with all your issues" has to be smoking _something_ with such a simplistic view of human relationships.

On the other hand, when talking about original posters issue there is another line any _human_ should be careful about crossing, namely acting out your frustration or anger on a third party. Regardless of how much a new boyfriend or girlfriend gets projected into the abusive rolemodels of past relationships. The most important rule is to _never_ let the anger move past this thin jagged line. Anyone both sub/dom/domme's are allowed to be angry and frustrated as long as the internal anger managment is in complete control.
Where this line goes is extremely difficult to judge except in hindsight, so in most cases and for most people the only solution is to never play in anger. (Including me..)

If the OP sees this as an issue then it must be adressed. First of all, do read some online literature about mental health and projection. We all project rolemodels onto others and ourself, in your(OP) case you've been unfortunate to take on a rolemodel in the Dominant's mind that previous relationships has damaged. (Note, this isn't your fault nor responsibility.) The reason I sugest reading some literature is that you'l have to deal with it sooner or later. If you have some basic information at least you'l have a chance to nudge him into a healing process rather than evoking the fear of rejection that pushes his "Rage Button" up another notch. (Almost all adult Rage issues deal with fear of rejection.)
http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=5802&cn=116

But it's very important to understand that he has to take his issues upon himself. It isn't your responsibility to treat him, your primary responsibility is to your own mental health. If he come to the realization that he needs to deal with the issues he's facing he might need professional help. Online reading will only give access to information, internalizing such information to create a behavior change is quite another beast to tackle and most people need some help from a neutral third party.

Good luck to you, we all hope that you found something useful here.

IXian.

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Post #: 33