Lost

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aurora31 -> Lost (10/11/2005 2:53:46 PM)
I am curently an unowned submissive and I have only been in the lifestyle a few months but enough so to get a good taste of what it is to truely submit, Here is a recent journal entry. I am lost, uncentered, unfocused. I need structure and guidance in my life. I can't explain it. These are things that I have never had, wanted, or needed but I now need and crave them. I was wondering if anyone else had ever felt this way and if so how did you deal with it?

synrgy33 -> RE: Lost (10/11/2005 3:13:29 PM)
i think most of us feel that way at different points of time in our lives. I think, especially when submissives first come into the lifestyle, there is so much to see, so much to feel, go through that we try to do it all at once. Most people call that "sub frenzy" i know that's not what you're talking about, but it might help to explore some of your feelings. Know that what you're feeling is pretty normal and there is nothing wrong with it. Learn what it is about your submission that has drawn you into the scene. That might help you focus on what it is that you seek in a Dominant. Why do you feel you need, crave this? s good luck :) please feel free to msg if you have more questions. i'd be happy to chat with you. syn~SD~

fyreredsub -> RE: Lost (10/11/2005 3:21:12 PM)
sure, this girl feels that way most of the time and she now has a Dom helping her explore her submissive needs in a daily journal to understand WHY she feels the need to be submissive after a Domina r/t relationship turned sour. Why is there a need to be controlled? how much control does this girl wish to give up? what is it that she seeks in D/s TPE? You may want to ask yourself some of these questions. quote: ORIGINAL: aurora31 I am curently an unowned submissive and I have only been in the lifestyle a few months but enough so to get a good taste of what it is to truely submit, Here is a recent journal entry. I am lost, uncentered, unfocused. I need structure and guidance in my life. I can't explain it. These are things that I have never had, wanted, or needed but I now need and crave them. I was wondering if anyone else had ever felt this way and if so how did you deal with it?

Phoenixandnika -> RE: Lost (10/11/2005 3:25:03 PM)
greetings, I think there is a point in all our lives that we feel unfilled and lost. To some having a submissive or slave nature and being unowned can make you feel this way. I think it is natural. There was a time I felt very much like this, I set myself a schedule much like my Master has for me now. I turned to several doms that I knew to help guide me, train me, and introduce me into the local scene. For me the schedule, routine, the feeling of having purpose made those feelings go away a tad. I would take this time to learn about yourself, what you desire in the lifestyle. What you don't want. But I would urge you not to rush into a "collar" simply because you think it will make these feelings subside. If you would ever like to talk please feel free to message me. Blessed Be Nika, Phoenix's Deviant Wench

thetammyjo -> RE: Lost (10/11/2005 3:28:27 PM)
I think everyone at some point in their lives feels this way, regardless of their scene orientation. It might be stronger in terms of BDSM if one is submissive but I'm sure many novice tops have felt like guidence and advice and mentoring would have done wonders for them.

felineone -> RE: Lost (10/11/2005 3:57:34 PM)
"submissive frenzy"... the need to feel it all, to drown in it.. to totally submerse oneself in the submission that is so newly discovered... the need to serve that is so strong once it is acknowledged...found. I think many of us experience this.. Doms too.. and if you are lucky you will find one who can lead and teach, maybe not your ideal "Master", but someone who can offer guidance and support at this time. Journaling is very important, you don't have to have someone to journal "for", just do it for yourself, write down all these feelings and questions..and the answers you find. learn about yourself, what you may want/need in a partner..you will be glad you did in years to come. it isn't always easy to be a submissive with out a Dom.. but use this time for you... figure out who you are. many times the right One comes along when you least expect it, when you aren't even looking. [:)]

JustaTop -> RE: Lost (10/11/2005 4:06:03 PM)
This may actually be a sign of a nervous disorder. You may want to consult professional help to see what the problem is. Too many subs seem to see Doms as a cure all for what ails you. Most of the time they are merely well meaning guys, with some kink-not god. If you feel dysfunctional,for whatever reason-it's best not to put your mental and physical health in the hands of amatuers.

brighthorizens -> RE: Lost (10/11/2005 4:59:43 PM)
As I read through this topic I thought there's no need for me to respond. Everyone else had already said what I was thinking. But then I came to the last post. I don't agree with that at all. At one point or another every submissive deals with these feelings. For most of us we spend our lives knowing that there is something different about us but we never really know what it is. Then comes the day when we discover there's a name for it, and others who desire these same things. Of course we are eager to explore it and feel lost without it. We felt lost before, we just didn't know why. It's not a mental condition. It's natural.

JustaTop -> RE: Lost (10/11/2005 5:11:27 PM)
If you have an inability to focus,it may well stem from some mental or physical condition. I have seen more than one girl looking for structure,thinking it would help her sort things out-but she actually had something like ADHD,or OCD,or bipolar...... No dom would have been able to effectively help them with that,believe me. Or are you saying people should just ignore things that may be problems? Isn't that a bit like going to the dog groomer to have your car fixed? I am constantly amazed at how many things people ignore,or overlook.

thetammyjo -> RE: Lost (10/11/2005 6:24:10 PM)
A person should be able to live his own life and direct his own life before he makes a decision to become someone's submissive or slave. Otherwise what does he give? You have to have skills and power and ability in general to make your submission worth while. Just a longing for some one else though does not necessarily equal an inability to live on one's own.

JustaTop -> RE: Lost (10/11/2005 6:29:34 PM)
But if you are dysfunctional on your own,you need help. Not a crutch.

aurora31 -> RE: Lost (10/11/2005 9:32:19 PM)
Ok, time for me to put my two cents worth in. I am and have been a very strong and independent woman for sevral yrs now. Possiblly a little ADD but not so bad as to interfer with my life. Like I said in my origonal post I have had enough r/t experiance to know what it is to truely submit. And those experiances where some of the most awesome experiances in my life. Not only the physical side but the emotional and physcholgical side to. Due to distance and busy schedules I have not got to spend much time with the person who gave me these experiances and for the last few weeks we have not even been able to talk much due to his current location. Hence my feelings of being lost. As some have stated I am most likely experiancing sub frenzy. I have always known I was submissive but was just to afraid to follow up on it. I have finally found the courage to really be me and I feel whole for the first time in my life. That said I also have all these new emoitions and feelings that have surfaced and due to not being able to talk with the one who has showed me these things is what lead to my journal entry and feelings. I hope this clears some things up for those who did not understand where I was coming from. aurora

hurtgame -> RE: Lost (10/11/2005 10:03:39 PM)
Having been both sub and Top I think what Lost is feeling is natural and not a sign of a nervous disorder or dysfuction. Some Tops do not want to be bother with trying to work thought these feelings, so as long as your Dom is then do not worry. It is very difficult to go a long period of time not seeing a Dom, due to schedule conflict and the other stuff that occupies out life. Some TOP's do not want to be bother with that so stay away from them. Part of bing a good Dom/Top is to work out those thoughts/feelings after a sceen, expecally when realitively new to to this. It probably took me a full 2 years before I got it all straight in my head. Luckly I had some excellent Masters to help me throught it. One of the most important lesson I had to learn is not to let other judge you because of what you feel about being a sub. It is truely a gift, expecally from women who are use to bing in control of thier life.

brighthorizens -> RE: Lost (10/11/2005 11:05:28 PM)
Her inability to focus is merely because she is missing the D/s experiences. She never once said that she couldn't cope with or handle life. She is distracted by these desires, and that is normal when you're still finding your place within the lifestyle.

JustaTop -> RE: Lost (10/11/2005 11:58:56 PM)
It makes more sense now that she's fleshed it out a bit.[;)] I know the feeling to an extent, as well. We all like pleasant companionship that makes our lives a bit brighter.[:)]

Wolfie648 -> RE: Lost (10/12/2005 12:18:15 AM)
quote: I am curently an unowned submissive and I have only been in the lifestyle a few months but enough so to get a good taste of what it is to truely submit, Here is a recent journal entry. I am lost, uncentered, unfocused. I need structure and guidance in my life. I can't explain it. These are things that I have never had, wanted, or needed but I now need and crave them. I was wondering if anyone else had ever felt this way and if so how did you deal with it? Being in this kind of emotional state amplifies the feelings we experience - and potentially increases our risk of being vulnerable. Keep a level head and consider your safety before your emotions (don't ignore what you are feeling, just don't let it get you into a bad situation) before you commit to anything with anyone if and when the opportunity arrives. Always ensure that you meet in public until you feel confident otherwise, if possible question other people in the local lifestyle about the person(s) you are interacting with, if you are playing have a safe word, always let at least one friend know where you will be and have check in times. As someone else mentioned in another post: seek out your local community - munches, events, etc. Read, read, read, just because you have read one book, doesn't mean another doesn't have something else to offer (if that were the case only one book would have ever been published ;-). Trust in yourself before trusting in others, until, if ever, you decide to place that trust in someone else. Now that I've said all that boring stuff - you are in a wonderful spot to enjoy yourself and your newfound insight into yourself as to who you want to be. If you aren't enjoying the ride, it ain't worth taking. D (owner of j)

aurora31 -> RE: Lost (10/12/2005 4:05:36 PM)
Thank you All for the kind words of encouragement and your advice. aurora

wipmebeetme100 -> RE: Lost (10/13/2005 8:15:20 AM)
Something that has helped me to maintain my focus during a period in which i am unowned....it is a simple phrase from Guy Baldwins book, Slavecraft. PROTECT THE PROPERTY. That is our responsibility....even more so when we have no owner. It is this realization that helps me when i become uncentered or unfocused. If i allow myself to become unfocused....i am not keeping the property in optimal condition. Peace, cathy

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