My Right of Way or The Right of My Way

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My Right of Way or The Right of My Way - 4/21/2008 2:36:55 PM

MladyHathor

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I hope I am able to present My concept here in some susccinct fashion that readers can grasp and posters can debate.

<NOTE: I am not pointing at other ways as wrong, I am simply presenting ideas for newbies to consider---this has been prompted by the full moon plethora of bash the Dominant posts--its not a rant, its an interesting read--I hope.>

I am an avowed Dominant. That statement in itself speaks volumes and yet speaks nothing at all.

It conjures visions of hot nights with sweat laden bodies bondaged in a variety of naked, exposed, sensual, erotic, naked pleasure.
It conjures visions of walking stiletto heeled across some lowly subs nuts purely for the sake of it.
It conjures up, Yes Maam, no Maam, I will lick, crawl, walk, drag, run with whatever shoved up or down for the sake of Her Delight.
It conjures a castle with the Story of O now told as the Story of D
It conjures up a gargantuan bed with bon bons, the dailies, champagne and "BOY" yelled after the bell is rung.

and the Director yells "CUT"--

My personal definition of Dominance is so far from that, its in another dimension--I use what I call My Right of Way---not because I want life My way but because I believe that in My life unit I am better suited to guide and steer the ship through the right of way. I assume the responsibility for all decisions and all the outcomes. WShen faced with a decision, I insure that all necessary information is available. I determine the schedule and the paths to accomplishment. I foster the mutuality of self, accomplishment, love, like, laughter, honesty and trust. That does not for one moment mean that it is My Way, it does not even imply that every second of the day is devoted to attending to or fawning over Me. I do not for one moment believe that the majority of decisions are for Mois. It also doesn't imply that if I love you, you get away with not folding the towels the way I have determined they fit on the shelf neatly. It also doesn't imply that because you are My boy, your opinion or ideas are not asked for/considered when I choose to seek counsel from others. Note: there was not one mention of whips, chains, sex, nakedness or any genitalia. Its not the driver for Me. I know more than a few Dominants that are like this--One in particular who refused to send for Her boy when She was so ill because he has to finish college--and another who despite Her own pain, sent Her boy for surgery. There ain't no bon bon eating going on there.

Now, I also know D's on the side of The Right of My Way--One is the wildest D I know, has boys all over, in Her house, all over the country, etc--and yet She has paid for everyone to have some college/work training and jobs and savings accounts--(note, if you are contributing to a savings account, you aren't footing the bill for Her Highness)--yet, its Her Way or the Highway--( she adores chocolate btw, lol)---

And both of those categories have Dominas of value--

The point I am trying to make is if you want something of value, something with meaning, (whether its cyber, play, munches, whatever)-- why take things at face value, why stop at, " I am a Dominant, kneel boy/bitch/slave/ ( fill in your term here)--and because you are a sub you think " ooohhh ok i'm a sub, she/he is a D--bingo! Match!

If there are a multitude of submissives/slave types/preferences, trust Me there are the same number of Dominant types/preferences---people in this life aren't car batteries with a positive and a negative and that's it.

If you took more time and asked, probed, questioned, queried, maybe you wouldn't get so screwed--then again maybe if you did, it would be more to what you hoped for.

So do you want a My Right of Way, The Right of My Way---or some other variation on the theme? But define, frame, articulate what you want beyond the trite, overused cliches.

<dons Her flame suit, grabs a martini and waits>

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The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

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RE: My Right of Way or The Right of My Way - 4/21/2008 5:05:54 PM

TermsConditions

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I'll go. I've spent half a lifetime trying to please everyone else and am only now figuring me out. This is like 400-level stuff. Now I've got to figure out D/s to 9 significant digits? I'm thousands of pages behind in the required readings, and that's just Dossie's stuff.

More seriously, anyone able to articulate their want's / requirments to the extent you suggest ... more power to you.

I wish you'd done my pre-marriage counseling. ;-)

On an evolutionary note, if you know what you want to 5 nines and only hook up with someone that matches you exactly, both of you might miss an opportunity to stretch a little. Likewise, two folks that match exactly are going to grow and change over time and some negotionation will have to take place at some point to take those changes into account.

Overall though, yeah. People talking to one aonther about what they want and expect. That's a good idea. I should have thought of that...

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Married, Novice Subbish-Type Person
and rider of the Drama Llama.

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RE: My Right of Way or The Right of My Way - 4/21/2008 8:54:22 PM

LadyLolly

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You mean like, actually take some time and put some, like, effort into like, ya know, actually thinkin about somethang beforehand, and doing some like, actual reasearch and soul searchin like, stuff?

ROFL - enough blood to support two heads at the same time? Nah, would be perverse...... <G> Dayammm! Long live perverse then!

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RE: My Right of Way or The Right of My Way - 4/21/2008 9:14:49 PM

khem

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I kept trying to post something, but every time I went back an reread the OP, I decided I had the question wrong. I'm totally confused on this one.

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RE: My Right of Way or The Right of My Way - 4/21/2008 9:37:53 PM

midgetmafiosa

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khem, you too?

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RE: My Right of Way or The Right of My Way - 4/22/2008 4:41:25 AM

MissLily

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This is very hard to answer.... I guess for Me it's a little bit of both ways. I know what I want, so in that aspect, it's My way or the high way. My short life experience has so far demonstrated that I'm very good at leading and making decisions as to how to run things in My life and make things coherent. I always ask for advice, but no matter what, the decision is Mine.

On the other hand, though I,m very tolerant of differences, it's also My way or the high way. When you know what you want, I would need a very very good reason to telerate something that didn't fit My tastes....

Anyway, I realise it's too early for Me to answer such a serious quesiton.....
Miss Lily

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RE: My Right of Way or The Right of My Way - 4/22/2008 5:03:19 AM

MladyHathor

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I do tend at times to overcomplicate My thinking---My point here is that just because we wear a D on our chests doesn't mean there is an automatic fit---there are as many variables of Dominants as there are submissives- and many of us are not overt in our styles--and to again refocus on those initial stages of getting to know someone---I see these posts of late about how awful Dominants are and it just makes Me wonder---do YOU as a sub know what you are looking for? Can you articulate it beyond the standard cliches? Do you comprehend when a D says, its My way regardless what that can imply? Or is the thinking, "aha i have Her or His attention, i can negotiate things out later"--"i have a D now they will make everything fall into place"---or "i'm waiting for You to show your Dominance and then i will respond".

I was hoping to get some sharing of styles from D's to present to subs the myriad of approaches and to say as well---if you wanted a D that walks on your nuts with stiletto heels--that's great but don't bitch when she does or when she uses tennis shoes! Or when she or he reminds you---ahem, it is My Way.

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RE: My Right of Way or The Right of My Way - 4/22/2008 5:20:16 AM

thetammyjo

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I had to think on this OP for a while to understand it but I think I do now.

I always like to think and say that I'm not a stereotype -- you won't me find in a fetish magazine or a dictionary under "femdom".

You won't catch me using titles (other than Dr. or Professor) for myself with anyone I'm not training or don't own though if I attend an event or group where that is common I've decide to play along for an hour or so.

I don't script my scenes and I've discovered that I sure as heck can't script my life. I know what power I have and where I can exercise authority and I'm comfortable enough with those limitations throughout my life that I can say I'm content and happy a majority of the time.

I know, given my interaction with meatlife and online scene communities that my reality is far more scary to a lot a people than any piece of fiction I might write (but I'm hoping the next collection of vampire stories comes close). Living out a fantasy, playing for a few hours, that's hot stuff. Living 24/7, being the honest me, I doubt I could even describe it using words to anyone who isn't all ready there in her own life.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 4/22/2008 5:21:55 AM >

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: My Right of Way or The Right of My Way - 4/22/2008 5:27:29 AM

petdave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MladyHathor

-do YOU as a sub know what you are looking for? Can you articulate it beyond the standard cliches? Do you comprehend when a D says, its My way regardless what that can imply?

i have to admit that i too was a bit lost with your initial post (i thought it was about physical vs. non-physical D/s relationships), but this makes perfect sense. Hell, if i were you i'd probably put it in my profile!

quote:

Or is the thinking, "aha i have Her or His attention, i can negotiate things out later"--"i have a D now they will make everything fall into place"---or "i'm waiting for You to show your Dominance and then i will respond".

Sounds like you've been spending too much time with on-line subs

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RE: My Right of Way or The Right of My Way - 4/22/2008 5:28:37 AM

chezzy71

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When i was younger..much younger,i had the unfortunate misconception that a Domina,in fact all Domina's were dressed in leather and had wild hair and yes wore stilettos the size of a small ant hill.they also wore lipstick and had perfect nails on both their hands and feet and of course they were painted to perfection.I suppose that is what happens when your first ever in life encounter is with a Professional Domme hired to restrain and spank me for my 20th birthday.Nobody here knows how truly grateful i am that the same Domme took a liking to me enough so that all the questions i had about this were going to be somewhat answered as well as they could be back then in 1972.i also learned that said Domme woke up every morning like anyone else,quite disheveled from a sleepless night and prancing around the room in a nightgown and furry slippers.Also that day,i realized that this Domme was just another person,that she had interests outside of tying folks up for cash and that it was impossible to turn away when she talked because the conversation was effortless and i was allowed to say things and talk about things i would never have imagined before.And yet,with all this comfort in getting to know her and trusting what she was saying abouth the lifestyle and about life in general,you would know instantly that she was totally in charge of her world and all that surrounds it.By showing unfathomable kindness i was taught the most important lesson of all..never have expectations and always be true to yourself.I don't know if this touches on the subject matter..but hopefully it will shed some light as to what is and what should be.

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RE: My Right of Way or The Right of My Way - 4/22/2008 5:52:05 AM

MladyHathor

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quote:

never have expectations and always be true to yourself. I don't know if this touches on the subject matter..but hopefully it will shed some light

chezz, you hot the nail smack on the head---its the predetermined fantasy filled expectations that I believe are the reasons subs are running away whining about bad D's. And many of us would say well duh---but those thoughts just keep dancing in people's minds---I try to get subs to think of extremes, real extremes ( I think KoM did a post about this a bit back as well)--She wants it all Her Way--ok you have to call every time you have to pee--WHAT??? If you agreed to serve under those terms, don't whine. Understand just what Her or His style of Dominance is all about AND don't make comparisons to the sub next door----compare it against what YOU seek, what YOU need to make you happy, and as we have said just because someone has a D on their chest, doesn't mean it fits you.

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RE: My Right of Way or The Right of My Way - 4/25/2008 4:28:35 AM

LadyJeelys

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quote:

chezz, you hot the nail smack on the head---its the predetermined fantasy filled expectations that I believe are the reasons subs are running away whining about bad D's. And many of us would say well duh---but those thoughts just keep dancing in people's minds---I try to get subs to think of extremes, real extremes ( I think KoM did a post about this a bit back as well)--She wants it all Her Way--ok you have to call every time you have to pee--WHAT??? If you agreed to serve under those terms, don't whine. Understand just what Her or His style of Dominance is all about AND don't make comparisons to the sub next door----compare it against what YOU seek, what YOU need to make you happy, and as we have said just because someone has a D on their chest, doesn't mean it fits you.

It just seems to me that many subs are not looking for a person, but are looking for a fantasy. People can't live up to fantasies-darn it all. Many I've met expect Barbi with a whip, and don't really consider the consquences of living in my closet.

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RE: My Right of Way or The Right of My Way - 4/25/2008 1:41:14 PM

PassionateFox

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First or second post. Nearly 2 years in the lifestyle. I too have a fantasy. It includes the champagne in a large bed but for two. It also includes his wellbeing and growth, his security and happiness as well as my own. It includes his opinions and advice so that my choices are well informed ones and I take the full responsibility for those choices for our mutual wellbeing as the price of having that power exchange.

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RE: My Right of Way or The Right of My Way - 4/25/2008 10:45:33 PM

LadyIce

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyJeelys

quote:

chezz, you hot the nail smack on the head---its the predetermined fantasy filled expectations that I believe are the reasons subs are running away whining about bad D's. And many of us would say well duh---but those thoughts just keep dancing in people's minds---I try to get subs to think of extremes, real extremes ( I think KoM did a post about this a bit back as well)--She wants it all Her Way--ok you have to call every time you have to pee--WHAT??? If you agreed to serve under those terms, don't whine. Understand just what Her or His style of Dominance is all about AND don't make comparisons to the sub next door----compare it against what YOU seek, what YOU need to make you happy, and as we have said just because someone has a D on their chest, doesn't mean it fits you.

It just seems to me that many subs are not looking for a person, but are looking for a fantasy. People can't live up to fantasies-darn it all. Many I've met expect Barbi with a whip, and don't really consider the consquences of living in my closet.

This explains why I don't have a submissive in a nutshell.
It is rare to find a male submissive that is not submitting to a kink wish list.
Few will state this upfront, but often this is almost all that is out here.
If they are not looking for Barbi dressed in leather with a whip, they are looking for a TOP
to fullfill their needs and desires, under the guise of being "submissive".

< Message edited by LadyIce -- 4/25/2008 10:46:17 PM >

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