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RE: My first post: Respectful request for help in unde... - 4/22/2008 7:39:48 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I would have to hear his side to give any advice that was worth a damn.

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(in reply to lilonepet)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: My first post: Respectful request for help in unde... - 4/22/2008 7:45:13 AM   
Seniorwolf


Posts: 19
Joined: 10/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

A saying My girl is probably fed up with as it is one I use often "words are cheep, actions speak far louder"

Frankly if He doesn't know what He wants after seven months then it is likely he doesn't want it. From the actions He wants all the fun stuff but doesn't want to commit to the responcibility involved in doing this properly.

Time to shit or get off the pot!



I would have to agree with Ravenmuse! Maybe he is one of those people who have a hard time letting go (seperating) even if they do not want to be involved.

(in reply to julietsierra)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: My first post: Respectful request for help in unde... - 4/22/2008 7:49:50 AM   
epiphany


Posts: 41
Joined: 12/31/2004
Status: offline 		Darcy,

   Thank you for sharing that story! It is so like my own that it brought tears to my eyes.

  To the OP.  It's the same old story of "only you can decide".

    In my case I waited literally years...but, I knew he was my soul mate and I could feel that he knew it too. Patience is NOT my strong suit, but I felt him worth the wait. 

I was willing to have what he could give me of himself and let that be enough. I was able to do that only because I knew that what he could give me of himself was more important to me than how much was given to me by just someone. I also knew that the distance he kept was about him and not about us, or his feelings for me.

Don't know if that made sense....kind of over tierd and puchy.

epiphany

(in reply to WhiteFox77)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: My first post: Respectful request for help in unde... - 4/22/2008 8:17:55 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Is VERY happy and now realises why Master taught me patience and is forever grateful that he knew and could see more than I could at that time.
 
Sometimes one can be so blinded by love you want it all now.  Darcy taught me that now isn't always the right time.
But right 'now', it is.
 
the.dark.
his.girl.always

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: My first post: Respectful request for help in unde... - 4/22/2008 8:21:15 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		Ah, like I just answered to a question - watch wat he does, not what he says. Other than that, he's been quite clear, live with it, or move on, and don't whine!

(in reply to lilonepet)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: My first post: Respectful request for help in unde... - 4/22/2008 8:26:02 AM   
Sirsinini


Posts: 172
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Short answer is that he's lost...!  
 
Focus.


DONT for a minute believe this !!
 
I have been with Sir for over a year and we are where Juliet describes.  
 
Juliet said:
Stop for a moment and just BE. Do what he says. Quit pushing. It sounds like as long as you keep on pushing for answers - for him to commit - he's not going to. So just STOP. Let this relationship of yours develop naturally. Quit striving to take control of it by trying to force his hand on the whole committment thing.
 
After the last "relationship" EXPECTATIONS of the relationship became VERY noticable.  So I re-evauated, introspected ~~ ALOT.

Sir and I have expectations that allow us to live our lives daily and I am assured 100% he WANTS me.  He has no roaming eye for another woman to SATISFY him.  He like myself have been through rather rough/tough relationships and allowing the relationship to evolve rather than to be created by needs and wants of long term committment has given us freedome to continue at a pace that right now, is good for both of our lives.  
 
I have also refused to allow myself to be "in love" with this man.  He has told me "love you" and we care about each other deeply and immensely but to force love into this relationship rather than let it evolve is an expectation that is NOT there.
 
Forcing yourself pet, and your dominant into something that is a committed relationship with the same man in 5 years or 2 years ...is for you to try and make the future happen.
 
Life if a journey, one step and day at a time, NOT a destination.  
 

 
 

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~~ whose profile is hidden on purpose



(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: My first post: Respectful request for help in unde... - 4/22/2008 8:31:12 AM   
Daddyslilpookie


Posts: 498
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: OC, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Hello pet,
My grandma always said actions speak louder than words.  How long you gonna sit there and listen to his silence?

Here's my question to you.... What has he done to prove he is worthy of you? hmmmm? 

And there's a book...  He's Just Not That Into You.... check it out sometime... and read it... and then tell us...

* for the record - that book is not a dig at the OP... it's a really good book that cuts through the chase... She might find he actually IS into her.. i dunno...

peace,
sunshine


I agree I have read that book also, it is great read and it will help you. I definitly recommend it as well.

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Princess Andie


"A Woman Loves Only Her Master"

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: My first post: Respectful request for help in unde... - 4/22/2008 8:39:05 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		 
Although I do agree with a couple of the posters who spoke of patience and not being pushy,  and doing it his way rather than your way etc, I also think there comes a time when all of that romantic glitzy bullshit about faith, risk, patience,submission,compliance, devotion etc gets dangerous in that we don't stand up for ourselves and take responsibility for recognizing red flags. 

After seven months, you shouldn't expect to be owned necessarily, but you should expect to be feeling some progression of the relationship.  It should be ascending at this point, not stagnating.  It sounds like you are accepting mediocrity and he is giving you lip service because he has no clue how to handle you.  Or maybe you are a woman that he cannot dominate and he's spinning his wheels trying to either figure out what trips your switch or figure out how to get rid of you, because he bit off more than he could chew.

I hope I'm wrong.


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marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to lilonepet)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: My first post: Respectful request for help in unde... - 4/22/2008 8:54:51 AM   
lilonepet


Posts: 14
Joined: 2/24/2008
Status: offline 		i do not know how to adequetly express my gratitude to you for your response..........Thank you.

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: My first post: Respectful request for help in unde... - 4/22/2008 8:59:31 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		When you agreed to become "under consideration" to him, did you two discuss exactly what that meant?  Did that mean he was going to hold you in limbo for eternity?  You know, not being really his, but not really being free to be someone else's?  Personally I don't believe in the whole "under consideration" thing... you either want me or you don't want me. 

Cali






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(in reply to lilonepet)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: My first post: Respectful request for help in unde... - 4/22/2008 9:29:05 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

When you agreed to become "under consideration" to him, did you two discuss exactly what that meant?  Did that mean he was going to hold you in limbo for eternity?  You know, not being really his, but not really being free to be someone else's?  Personally I don't believe in the whole "under consideration" thing... you either want me or you don't want me. 

Cali



A-fuckin-men



_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: My first post: Respectful request for help in unde... - 4/22/2008 11:02:21 AM   
lilonepet


Posts: 14
Joined: 2/24/2008
Status: offline 		yes i have felt and thought that.  it sometimes seems even to me that i am being an idiot for staying.  i'm not sure i can explain it other than my gut tellls me to stay and i see something in his eyes that makes me believe that he feels more than what he says.

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: My first post: Respectful request for help in unde... - 4/22/2008 11:35:45 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilonepet

yes i have felt and thought that.  it sometimes seems even to me that i am being an idiot for staying.  i'm not sure i can explain it other than my gut tellls me to stay and i see something in his eyes that makes me believe that he feels more than what he says.


I understand the need to see it through at all costs. Either way,  I hope it all plays out for the best for you.



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marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to lilonepet)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: My first post: Respectful request for help in unde... - 4/22/2008 11:42:05 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilonepet

i have never posted on this forum or any other forum so please forgive any ignorance i may show.
 
What motivate me to post is the hope that i might find some help understanding why the Dom i am under consideration with still says He doesn't know how He feels about me after seven and a half months. 
 
i don't want this to be long and drawn out but i do need to give a little info i think.  He doesn't want to define the relationship, He said we needed to take a step back.  However nothing seemed different.  He says i delight Jim a great deal, He likes having me around,  that i'm sexy as hell, and i'm a wonderful woman.  i have asked Him what i can do to worthy of His ownership, he told me nothing.  That i should not push so hard.  His words at times seem to say that He doesn't think we will be anything more.   But when i say this to Him he tells me that maybe i don't understand what He is saying, that He is willing to see where it goes.  i guess my confusion comes from a lot of the time His actions don't match His words and sometimes He says things that would indicate He feels more for me than He is saying, but doesn't want to discuss what He said. 
 
Any thoughts on this would be most welcome and if you may need other info please ask.  i love this man and know in my heart that He is the one meant to own me.


I haven't read other responses.  Note what I put in bold above, pretend your best friend came to you about someone she was dating and said the bold phrases.  What would you tell her?  What would you really think about this relationship?

I don't know enough to really comment but my instincts say he's just not that interested, but you're fun to have around.  He deflects any discussion of how he feels, and is inconsistent and noncommunicative.

Maybe this isn't what you wanted to hear, but from the little bit you put out there, that's my gut reaction.

(in reply to lilonepet)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: My first post: Respectful request for help in unde... - 4/23/2008 1:27:17 AM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

  lilonepet
   i do not believe i need justify my profile or my reasons for posting it. 


If that is the case then why did you get rid of the profile?
That's just  more suspicious to me- something's fishy 



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Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to lilonepet)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: My first post: Respectful request for help in unde... - 4/23/2008 3:04:37 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirsinini

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Short answer is that he's lost...!  
 
Focus.


DONT for a minute believe this !!

Well this at least definitively eliminates one possibility.  Getting easier all the time....
 
Focus. 

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Sirsinini)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: My first post: Respectful request for help in unde... - 4/23/2008 8:02:06 PM   
lilonepet


Posts: 14
Joined: 2/24/2008
Status: offline 		He is a little older than i.  and yes he as been in the lifestyle for a while.

(in reply to DDraigeuraid)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: My first post: Respectful request for help in unde... - 4/23/2008 8:04:12 PM   
lilonepet


Posts: 14
Joined: 2/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

quote:

  lilonepet
   i do not believe i need justify my profile or my reasons for posting it. 


If that is the case then why did you get rid of the profile?
That's just  more suspicious to me- something's fishy 



because since then he and i have talked  and he has said he doesn't like the idea of me seeing anyonne else.

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 38
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