Does anyone else have a Master/Mistress who almost seems to have a dual personality?

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Does anyone else have a Master/Mistress who almost seem... - 4/22/2008 8:21:41 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
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I adore my Master, but sometimes it feels almost like I am dealing with two people. There is the Master who tells me that I am His shining star, how happy He is that I am in His life, how I am His favorite pet. He makes me feel incredible and I would do absolutely anything to please Him.

Then, out of the blue, He switches into this other mode. He tells me that I will be what He wants, when He wants, and that it doesn't matter if I get any enjoyment out of the relationship because it is only about His pleasure and this is part of being a slave. I asked Him if He knew the single thing that hurts a sub/slave most, and told Him being ignored. He told me that I spend too much time on the boards (even though one of my tasks was to find out more about how other slaves feel) and accused me of questioning His authority. Then He told me that He USED to adore me, but not since I questioned Him.

It is like Jekyll/Hyde. I go from feeling the most fulfilled I ever have in my life to feeling that I am to be a robotic yes man with no thoughts or emotions.

Please, don't tell me to leave Him. I am only asking if anyone else has gone through this and how they deal with it. Maybe the best way to handle His mood shifts is simply to stay as silent as possible when He is in the aggressive mode and know that it will once again pass.

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RE: Does anyone else have a Master/Mistress who almost ... - 4/22/2008 8:25:32 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
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From: Nashville, TN
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You might also want to mention to him that his moods are odd, if this is something that has just started happening. Sudden major changes in mood can have a lot of reasons behind them, but not all of them are innocent. It oculd be stress, it could be situational. This could be how he always is once he reaches his comfort zone within a relationship...
Or it could be something far worse. If it is a major thing, you might suggest he se a doctor to make sur everything is alright, especially if he is acting "off" with people other than just you. You care for him, so you want him to be well, and if this could be getting in the way of things you might want to bring it up to him.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to chamberqueen)

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RE: Does anyone else have a Master/Mistress who almost ... - 4/22/2008 8:27:32 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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Is this a recent swing (since you say he said he does not now adore you since you questioned) or one that happens periodically?

the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Does anyone else have a Master/Mistress who almost ... - 4/22/2008 8:28:42 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
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Thank you - that is excellent advice. I do truly care for Him and want the best for Him. I know that His daughter is manic depressive. Maybe He has a touch of it Himself.

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RE: Does anyone else have a Master/Mistress who almost ... - 4/22/2008 8:36:30 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
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It happens periodically. He seems to slip into this "super Dom" persona once in a while. When He is like that He becomes very harsh with me even though I have done nothing wrong. He typically is not sadistic, but in this mode is very emotionally sadistic.

I cried in person because of something that He said to me when He was in this mode. He told me that I was a slut, only a slut, and I would never mean anything more to Him. When the session was over I asked Him if that meant that He no longer liked me as a person and I couldn't hold the tears back. He immediately hugged me tightly and told me that they were only words, that He didn't mean them. It makes me wonder if He just sometimes feels that He is being strong when He barks out orders and ignores any emotional impact they might have on me.

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RE: Does anyone else have a Master/Mistress who almost ... - 4/22/2008 8:41:05 AM

OmegaG

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Joined: 10/23/2007
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I guess that it would depend on the swings.

Yes, m'Lord can be affectionate and he can also be a sadistic OverLord, personally when he's chosen each side has worked with me. There are times that I need the validation and there are times that I need the objectification. But if it's not working for you, then (well, you know what comes next........) talk to him about it.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to chamberqueen)

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RE: Does anyone else have a Master/Mistress who almost ... - 4/22/2008 8:48:15 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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I would recommend DVs advice on approaching this as something from outside (stress etc) and maybe getting assistance as the moods switch periodically. You may find it useful to keep a diary of events and see if there is a regular patten - so you can 'see' it comming.

The other thing that makes me go 'hmmmm' is that he did this during a session - now to me, that might indicate he is working through some humiliation or headfucks with you, but it would help if he had communicated that this is the case to you before doing so - otherwise of course you are going to question him - and that is what he is not liking - but your questioning is of course understandable. It might be worthwhile approaching him and asking if this is the case? This is simply another scenario to consider.

the.dark.

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RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to chamberqueen)

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RE: Does anyone else have a Master/Mistress who almost ... - 4/22/2008 8:53:20 AM

OmegaG

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Joined: 10/23/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

I would recommend DVs advice on approaching this as something from outside (stress etc) and maybe getting assistance as the moods switch periodically. You may find it useful to keep a diary of events and see if there is a regular patten - so you can 'see' it comming.

The other thing that makes me go 'hmmmm' is that he did this during a session - now to me, that might indicate he is working through some humiliation or headfucks with you, but it would help if he had communicated that this is the case to you before doing so - otherwise of course you are going to question him - and that is what he is not liking - but your questioning is of course understandable. It might be worthwhile approaching him and asking if this is the case? This is simply another scenario to consider.

the.dark.

You mean they are supposed to warn us before calling us "sluts" during a scene? That takes all the fun out of it. (FWIW-- when I'm getting fucked, I completely agree that I am just a slut-- at that moment :)

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 8

RE: Does anyone else have a Master/Mistress who almost ... - 4/22/2008 8:54:56 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
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From: Kalamazoo, MI
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Yes, I just need to wait until He is back in one of His caring moods.

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RE: Does anyone else have a Master/Mistress who almost ... - 4/22/2008 9:33:44 AM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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That you have to "wait" for a good mood to talk to him sends up a flag for me.

I've seen other posts of yours where you seemed unhappy with your master, so I suspect this isn't all that new. Putting aside the notion that he is just doing some kind of colossal mindfuck to break you down, if his daughter is manic-depressive, chances are excellent that he is too. Try and track his behavior, and see if there are triggers, times of day, foods, that set him off, and if there is time between cycles.

I understand that you are a slave, but your own well being has to come first here. Please do not allow someone else's erratic behavior cause YOU trauma or hurt. A person that loves you loves you all the time---even when they might not like you very much, even when your behavior makes them angry. If it looks like you have to take a step back from your relationship to protect yourself, do it. I am not suggesting that you leave this man, only that you take care of yourself first, so you can better take care of him.

I have had a mentally ill slave, and I know how hard it can be to deal with. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk----my best wishes to you!

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[page 23 girl]

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RE: Does anyone else have a Master/Mistress who almost ... - 4/22/2008 10:16:45 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG
You mean they are supposed to warn us before calling us "sluts" during a scene? That takes all the fun out of it. (FWIW-- when I'm getting fucked, I completely agree that I am just a slut-- at that moment :)

Love youuuuuuu....

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to OmegaG)

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RE: Does anyone else have a Master/Mistress who almost ... - 4/22/2008 10:19:16 AM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
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ohh...having a Mistress with multiple personalities would be sooo fun....it would be like having sex with more than one girl!

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RE: Does anyone else have a Master/Mistress who almost ... - 4/22/2008 10:49:38 AM

GoddessTeaze

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

I adore my Master, but sometimes it feels almost like I am dealing with two people. There is the Master who tells me that I am His shining star, how happy He is that I am in His life, how I am His favorite pet. He makes me feel incredible and I would do absolutely anything to please Him.

Is this really humiliation/mindfuck, or hasn't that been a part of your play?
humiliation doesn't work when you're insecure, and take all the things to heart which he says to you, in the heat of the moment.

Or is this really way different?

Then I think it's good to follow other's advice which is given to check at the docters if He is depressed too.

(as if it's so easy to get a man to the docter, grinz)

I wish you goodluck with this hon.

Warm Greetingz

GoddezzT`

_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to chamberqueen)

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RE: Does anyone else have a Master/Mistress who almost ... - 4/22/2008 12:59:32 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

Thank you - that is excellent advice. I do truly care for Him and want the best for Him. I know that His daughter is manic depressive. Maybe He has a touch of it Himself.

If his daughter is bipolar, the chances of him being also are high, since it's usually a genetically passed disorder. However, getting someone to see, then admit, a mental health problem is almost as hard as getting an addict to see and admit a problem.
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/BipolarLivingWith/story?id=4359199

Master Fire

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(in reply to chamberqueen)

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RE: Does anyone else have a Master/Mistress who almost ... - 4/22/2008 4:21:28 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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It could be a sign that he's not just yet stable and secure in having the authority, and thus occasionally feels the need to overflex things. It could be that some days he wake up feeling like a bit of an asshole and instead of expressing it productively, it comes out as nasty.

Or it could be that anytime he suspects an actual thread to him sense of security, he guilts and shames you into repression so he doesn't have to deal with it.

It's really up for grabs here, but you guys both need to work together to understand it and work through/in it.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Does anyone else have a Master/Mistress who almost ... - 4/22/2008 4:48:49 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Call him on it. Next time he tells you he doesn't give a damn about you, respond that you need to think about whether this kind of a relationship will work for you. Then walk out and go home, or go out by yourself to think things over.

He calls you just a slut? Stop the scene and tell him that you haven't consented to this and you need to think about whether you want this sort of relationship. If he has to face the consequences of his actions every single time, he might be willing to go get treated.

Right now you take it so of course he keeps giving it. Until you decide enough and walk at which point he'll tell everyone what a terrible slave you were. Up to you to draw the line.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: Does anyone else have a Master/Mistress who almost ... - 4/23/2008 7:52:35 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I think you first guess is right on the money.

We got a chance to talk yesterday and the phone, and I asked Him if He still wanted to meet. There was a hesitation, and then he said tentatively, "do you?" I had completely forgotten - because of His role - that there are times when He is unsure of Himself. (Very human, but subs sometimes try to make their Dom/mes into something infallible.)

We met, and for the first time went out shopping together. We had a good time on a different level than we normally do. Some of the first words He said to me were, "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." When we went back to the hotel and had a session it was the closest to a romantic one that we ever had. We had bought a pair of diamond earrings and put one in each other's ear, and outward symbol of our commitment to each other.

I knew that He was coming back later. He works a strange shift and comes back to me on break. He was running late and had called me to tell me, and told me to take a nap. When He arrived He sat on the bed next to me, brushing the hair from my face, and told me that I could just sleep if I wanted to and He would just sit there and watch me. Of course, I wanted to be awake and enjoy my time with Him. It turned out to be the best night of my life.

He had sent me an email while I was on my way so I missed it. I was afraid that I would get home and find that He had written it when He was still in His aggressive mode. Instead, He talked to me about not being afraid to share my feelings, and that if He doesn't understand something to tell Him again in a different way until He does.

I do believe that the hard line is His way of showing His power, of Him trying to not become too emotionally involved. I reacted strongly to the words after coming from a past with an abusive father and then two husbands who were increasingly abusive. I have been carrying around a fear that He would suddenly stop enjoying me, no matter how hard I tried to be pleasing, and simply leave the relationship. In the morning my own sister had told me that she was surprised that he could like me, that almost any man could. I have to battle against the negative influences of my family and trust that not only can I be liked but adored, and that someone would want to have a continuing relationship with me. I also need to remember that my Master has many facets to His personality, His own stresses and external pressure and history to deal with, and cut Him some slack.

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RE: Does anyone else have a Master/Mistress who almost ... - 4/23/2008 11:10:26 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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I hope this lasts but cutting him slack won't cure mental illness.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

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RE: Does anyone else have a Master/Mistress who almost ... - 4/23/2008 11:28:58 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG
Yes, m'Lord can be affectionate and he can also be a sadistic OverLord, personally when he's chosen each side has worked with me. There are times that I need the validation and there are times that I need the objectification. But if it's not working for you, then (well, you know what comes next........) talk to him about it.

Quite. I am a number of things to My girl. her caring affectionate Daddy, her friend with whom she shares a laugh and a joke, the hard ass Master who won't budge so much as an inch on the Dynamic rules, the sadistic merciless SoaB who plays and takes His enjoyment from her wether she likes it or not.

But though it all there is a consistancy and security, different facets of the whole rarther than a dual personality.

As omegaG said, if there is a problem you need to talk it through with Him.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to OmegaG)

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RE: Does anyone else have a Master/Mistress who almost ... - 4/23/2008 12:06:54 PM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

That you have to "wait" for a good mood to talk to him sends up a flag for me.

I've seen other posts of yours where you seemed unhappy with your master, so I suspect this isn't all that new. Putting aside the notion that he is just doing some kind of colossal mindfuck to break you down, if his daughter is manic-depressive, chances are excellent that he is too. Try and track his behavior, and see if there are triggers, times of day, foods, that set him off, and if there is time between cycles.

I understand that you are a slave, but your own well being has to come first here. Please do not allow someone else's erratic behavior cause YOU trauma or hurt. A person that loves you loves you all the time---even when they might not like you very much, even when your behavior makes them angry. If it looks like you have to take a step back from your relationship to protect yourself, do it. I am not suggesting that you leave this man, only that you take care of yourself first, so you can better take care of him.

I have had a mentally ill slave, and I know how hard it can be to deal with. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk----my best wishes to you!

I agree with this and DesFIP's statement."... cutting him slack won't cure mental illness."

I think it's also important to make a clear distinction between what is commonly referred to as "mood" and "mood swings" and how we in the mental health field define mood. When we talk about the so-called mood disorders, we are really talking about whether one's state is either one of debilitating "sadness," lethargy, or loss-of-interest, one of high energy with an almost unquenchable drive to do many things at once, or one that is generally more balanced. This is the difference between depressive, manic and more "normal" states. When we talk about "mood swings" we are really talking about going from depressive states to manic states. We are NOT however talking about instances where a person expresses their love and affection for another, and shows great kindness and gentleness and then turns around in another moment and rescinds their love and affection, only later to return back to those loving feelings. These kinds of behavioral shifts can occur totally absent of any mood disorder proper. Or can occur in conjunction with said. When we see that happening, shifts in behavior and feeling states, we tend to think along the lines of characterological issues and personality disorders. And what concerns me about your Master, is the shift from loving you one minute and then not loving you the next and the fact that you have to "wait" for him to get into a better, more loving mood. It's smacks of characterological inconsistency and if I were you, I would keep a very careful eye on it. And, he may in fact, have a bipolar disorder that may be exacerbating underlying issues. But this is all speculation, as I do not know him or your situation.

Like I said, I would keep a very careful eye on it and I would literally make note of the inconsistencies whenever they occur. I would not necessarily make mention of it to him, until I was certain of what I was seeing...because I'm not sure you aren't in a situation that could potentially become abusive. I would also consult with my physician and talk plainly about what I am seeing. If you know anyone in the mental health field that you trust, try talking with them about it, too. You should also consider seeking out some women's support groups in your area. I'm glad you brought this issue up, but don't now turn around and minimize the issue...not unless you are truly sure that you have no reason for real concern. Until you are sure, keep watching and keep seeking advice and support.

Be Well,

MNN

Edit: No matter how careful you think you're being, a typo always slips through...:sigh:

< Message edited by MistressNoName -- 4/23/2008 12:10:02 PM >

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