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CreativeDominant -> RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. (4/23/2008 12:41:27 PM)
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I thought light-hearted put it really well...you have to find your own rhythm.
For some D/s couples or moresomes, that might mean an ongoing, visible presence of ritual and protocol. It may vary from private to in-home to out-in-the-public but it makes them happy, it helps to define and enhance the D/s dynamic and it helps to strengthen the relationship that may exist beneath or alongside the D/s dynamic of Master/submissive. For other D/s couples or moresomes, that might mean very little emphasis on ritual and protocol...so little that they might appear to be a "more-traditional-type" of couple to the world at large and even to their D/s acquaintances. Some are a mix.
Rituals and protocols do not have to be a facade, though I grant you they can be. Before deciding that they are indeed a facade just because you (the generic you) do not happen to care for them, observe the couple/moresome following them...observe them not just in the clubs but in their private life. Talk to them and get their reasoning behind the protocol and the rituals. For some, the protocol and the rituals make it easier to enforce/follow the rules...for others, the rules are considered to be PART of the ritual and protocol...and for others, they serve as a reminder, whether followed rarely, occasionally or frequently that they are a D/s dynamic.
I have a switch friend who was a submissive to a very intense dominant who had a 40 page book of Ritual and Protocol and Rules. These were in place all the time and it worked for her for 5 years, up until her dominant nature began coming forth and he needed a partner that was submissive only. He has been with his present girl for 6 years and the last I heard, they are still going strong. I know a couple who have very few rituals but do indeed have a set protocol and a set of rules. It has worked for them for well over the 9 years that I have known them. I do not know Mercnbeth in person but from what both Merc and beth have written, it is plain that there are rules in place and a definitel sense of protocol. I do not know about their rituals, if they have any...but what they have seems to work and I would not call their protocol a facade, anymore than I would call KOM and his girls' institution of their own Rituals and Protocols and Rules a facade.
In my own relationships, I prefer intelligent submissive women. I want her to have the intelligence, and the desire to please me, that allows her to learn the Basic Rules and Premises and follow them, that understands that the Rules and Premises are always in place and that there is Basic p
Protocol to be followed, and who agrees with me that however these are present in our dynamic not only enhances the dynamic, they help to define it and that they, along with all the other things that go into the relationship, help to enhance the relationship that exists alongside the D/s relationship of Master/submissive.
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