RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors.

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RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/22/2008 9:07:12 PM

lighthearted

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for us, it's been a matter of finding our rhythm...when we are on the same page, it's easier for me to adapt to his mood, which is all that really matters. keeping the lines of communication open is key. that being said, if I've gotten a little lax in obeying, he is the first to straighten me out.

while his mood may change from situation to situation, public to private, grocery store to bedroom, it doesn't change what we are to each other - Master and slave.

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RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/23/2008 5:22:37 AM

lanie38

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Not a whole lot of rules and protocols here...and I'm not a service oriented sub, not my kink or his...but that being said we do maintin a no grey line Ds dynamic, and without going into all the details our relationship is blanketed by a *he leads, I follow* premise.

We treat each other in the same manner whether in public or private...and probably to most people we just look like any other committed loving couple...but his dominant nature and attentiveness coupled with my demeanor and obvious devotion I'm sure don't go unnoticed by most...

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RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/23/2008 5:31:49 AM

RCdc

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Our dynamic works exactly the same, whatever the company and wherever we are.
There is no emmulating or doing what is expected by anyone else. Darcy and I live as Master and property, dominant and slave, partners, parents and children of others, with no gaps in between. There are no set protocols as such, but a relationship laden with rituals that can be observed by whoever is around.

And those that don't like that, aren't around long.

the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 4/23/2008 5:32:39 AM >

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RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/23/2008 5:39:33 AM

thetammyjo

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The only protocols and rules in my household are those that I know I can enforce 24/7 and that won't interfere with the mundane realities of life.

During training we'll explore a lot of things but the number one rule is that someone who makes it past training to become my slave has one duty avoid all others: to make my life easier. It isn't easier if I need to make every single damned decision. It isn't easier if I must be sought out to give permission to do the most mundane and necessary things. It isn't easier if rely on my slave to use his beautiful head and think of ways to serve without orders.

Yes, it took focused training and time for his abilities to grow but it was well worth that effort for us to a achieve a very balanced, very happy, and very much 24/7 dynamic that flows smoothly.

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RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/23/2008 6:20:30 AM

Dnomyar

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Steel to understand me is to understand the meaning of life. Come to my moutain top and I will tell you what that is.

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RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/23/2008 7:19:23 AM

SteelofUtah

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Steel to understand me is to understand the meaning of life. Come to my moutain top and I will tell you what that is.

LOL.

"If the Mountain will not come to Mohammad, then Mohammad must come to the Mountain"

Or is this just a sly way of telling me you think I'm cute and just want me too weak from the climb to fight back??

**Chuckles**

Steel

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RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/23/2008 7:50:59 AM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Steel to understand me is to understand the meaning of life. Come to my moutain top and I will tell you what that is.

Hey!!!! What are you doing on MY mountain?

Seriously...a good thread, Steel. After this morning's time with patients, I want to come back and post my own thoughts on it.

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 4/23/2008 7:52:13 AM >

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RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/23/2008 8:57:25 AM

MadRabbit

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I don't understand why people seem to always associate the Leather concept of Protocols with elaborate rituals that involve bringing the soda on a silver tray crawling down the stairs naked.

The Leather Folk who talk me about the concept of protocols and it's use in power based relationships defined it simply as a defined behavior. Hence, simply automatically bringing me a Coca Cola as opposed to a glass of tea when I say I am thirsty is a Protocol, regardless of whether or not a silver tray and nudity is involved.

As far as the rest of the OP, there has only been a few people I have met who have had an elaborate public display of sterotypical Master/slave behaviors and I noticed all these individuals seemed infatuated with putting themselves on some sort of "community pedestal".

Hence, it's all for show and to create a social, superficial image so I tend to agree with your observations.

I don't buy into any of that (and neither do my friends) and tend to have a very realistic, down to earth approach to my relationships. I don't beleive in having a list of 46 completely pointless Rituals I want someone to follow, whether in private or in public that only serve the purpose of creating an external appearance of a stereotype. I have a few things I like to do simply because I enjoy them and they help with the mentalities when needed, but they aren't a consistant part of my life.

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RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/23/2008 9:20:33 AM

CalifChick

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When I'm Dommy Mommy with my kids, there are certain things that I expect. When I ask my oldest daughter to get me my drink, she knows that means to fill my cup (I have a big plastic cup with a handle and a lid) to the top with ice, then the diet pepsi, then put the lid on it so that when I pick it up by the handle with my right hand, I can drink from it (meaning the top is not on so the straw is coming out on the side away from me).

Those sorts of "protocols", if you will, are easy to do, easy to remember, and make someone else's life easier. Shouldn't that be what your protocols are? Something that makes your life easier? Do you need a coaster with your drink? Do you like a straw? Ice or no ice? Do you take cream and sugar in your coffee? Do you need a saucer under your coffee cup to catch spills? Like the AngryBunnyDude said, it doesn't have to be on a silver tray. It just should be what you want that makes things easier for you, that pleases you.

Cali

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RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/23/2008 9:49:42 AM

MadRabbit

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I think if for one week we confiscated all the BDSM porno, erotic stories, websites, and copies of the Story of O, everyone in D/S and M/S relationships would come out a lot better off

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RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/23/2008 9:57:30 AM

SteelofUtah

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HERE HERE!!!!!

Steel.

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RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/23/2008 10:39:10 AM

CalifChick

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Hey now! Don't get so hasty.

Cali
(absconding with all the erotic stories and BDSM porno)

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RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/23/2008 12:41:27 PM

CreativeDominant

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I thought light-hearted put it really well...you have to find your own rhythm.

For some D/s couples or moresomes, that might mean an ongoing, visible presence of ritual and protocol. It may vary from private to in-home to out-in-the-public but it makes them happy, it helps to define and enhance the D/s dynamic and it helps to strengthen the relationship that may exist beneath or alongside the D/s dynamic of Master/submissive. For other D/s couples or moresomes, that might mean very little emphasis on ritual and protocol...so little that they might appear to be a "more-traditional-type" of couple to the world at large and even to their D/s acquaintances. Some are a mix.

Rituals and protocols do not have to be a facade, though I grant you they can be. Before deciding that they are indeed a facade just because you (the generic you) do not happen to care for them, observe the couple/moresome following them...observe them not just in the clubs but in their private life. Talk to them and get their reasoning behind the protocol and the rituals. For some, the protocol and the rituals make it easier to enforce/follow the rules...for others, the rules are considered to be PART of the ritual and protocol...and for others, they serve as a reminder, whether followed rarely, occasionally or frequently that they are a D/s dynamic.

I have a switch friend who was a submissive to a very intense dominant who had a 40 page book of Ritual and Protocol and Rules. These were in place all the time and it worked for her for 5 years, up until her dominant nature began coming forth and he needed a partner that was submissive only. He has been with his present girl for 6 years and the last I heard, they are still going strong. I know a couple who have very few rituals but do indeed have a set protocol and a set of rules. It has worked for them for well over the 9 years that I have known them. I do not know Mercnbeth in person but from what both Merc and beth have written, it is plain that there are rules in place and a definitel sense of protocol. I do not know about their rituals, if they have any...but what they have seems to work and I would not call their protocol a facade, anymore than I would call KOM and his girls' institution of their own Rituals and Protocols and Rules a facade.

In my own relationships, I prefer intelligent submissive women. I want her to have the intelligence, and the desire to please me, that allows her to learn the Basic Rules and Premises and follow them, that understands that the Rules and Premises are always in place and that there is Basic p
Protocol to be followed, and who agrees with me that however these are present in our dynamic not only enhances the dynamic, they help to define it and that they, along with all the other things that go into the relationship, help to enhance the relationship that exists alongside the D/s relationship of Master/submissive.

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