RE: how do you convert a vanilla?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: how do you convert a vanilla?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: how do you convert a vanilla?

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: how do you convert a vanilla? - 10/18/2005 9:40:38 AM

wolfinside

Posts: 74
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

I hope you can work this out with your wife. Especially if you have kids. So you can stay in the marriage.

But, ...... (having said that) let me say, that if she just isn't kinky and does not have kinky desires, you can do nothing about this. There is no trick to change ones basic nature.

I was once where you are. Married to a woman who was not kinky. She was actually great in bed, but her "circle of sexuality" was not as large of mine and did not include any kinky fantasies. I tried for years to talk her into doing what I wanted to do, but it did not work.

In the end I realized that you can't change someones basic nature.

Let me ask you, if she wanted you to preform oral sex on another man, and you are totally straight, would you be able to enjoy such a thing? Would you appreciate her preasuring you to do so? Would that be respectful to you as a person?

You cannot change peoples basic nature.

If it is there, maybe you can bring it out, but it sounds to me from your post that you have already talked to her about these things and she has told you she isn't into it. You may just have to take her at her word.

No matter how much you want her to participate in your kink, maybe you should respect the size of her sexual circle? As you would want a partner to respect yours.

I know it's frustrating. And I sympathize with you because I have been there. And I find myself much happier being with women who's sexual interests match mine.

Good luck,

Wolf

(in reply to realsumissive)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: how do you convert a vanilla? - 10/19/2005 7:29:43 PM

GoddessDee

Posts: 24
Joined: 10/9/2005
Status: offline

I don't know if this would help you with your problem but I feel that you should be honest with your wife and just tell her how you feel and allow he to tell you what it is she is feeling about your sexual relationship. There is a problem here because the will for communication is not open, without it there is no point..

(in reply to jaybo)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: how do you convert a vanilla? - 10/19/2005 9:58:20 PM

KittenWithaTwist

Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

Okay, it she said no, she's not into it, then guess what..no, she's not into it. How hard is that to grasp?

(in reply to jaybo)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: how do you convert a vanilla? - 10/21/2005 2:46:18 AM

pandoravampire

Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline

I agree that you cannot change someone's basic make up. You can enhance it, but you cant change it.

I was with my vanilla partner for 13yrs, kids, the whole shebang. i tried to change him. What i went seeking was a submissive in my husband. What i found was a submissive (gay) husband. Eek!

That was a pandoras box indeed. Took us 4 yrs to finally put that one down and move onwards separately, with a lot of heartache along the way. We are no longer a family unit.

I really do believe that bdsm, was the vehicle he rode into being gay. It freed him. As it did me. Just in ways i did not anticipate at ALL.

I got far more than i bargained for when i tried to convert my vanilla ex husband. But it was worth it in the long run. I would do the same again.

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: how do you convert a vanilla? - 10/23/2005 8:18:43 AM

addcted2it

Posts: 78
Joined: 10/28/2004
From: Sonoma County, California, USA
Status: offline

In response to realsubmissive's experience:

quote:

I wish I had taken the time to think of the female psyche. I'm sure you can figure out what happened the following Friday night and Saturday. If you can't, I'll tell you. Not a damn thing. She did the housework, bitching and moaning in the laundry room, and I watched TV all day. Some women just don't catch on, or don't want to. if your wife doesn't have the inclination to kink up your sexlife, it won't be easy to change that, but good luck.

I just had to say one thing here: It sounds like you have given up on her, and if so, it is the beginning of the end for you both. You will eventually stop communicating your feelings and drift apart. I went through a similar experience with my ex-wife and it was a disaster. But in hindsite, if I had just tried harder and been more patient, perhaps in time she would have come around. Of course, not all women do, but if you love this person and wish to spend the rest of your life with her, please consider seeking couple's counceling with a kink-aware professional. Find some books on the subject and keep them around the house. Try introducing her to some erotic stories in which the female is dominant. Until you have exhausted all avenues leading to your dream, do not give up. I was young and I did give up, and now I live to regret it. Just my own $ 0.02 worth...

-philip

_____________________________

Submission is not an excuse to abuse.
Life is short! Live it to the fullest!

(in reply to AAkasha)

Profile

Post #: 25