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Hard to Fathom - 4/22/2008 8:51:36 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		I was sitting here reading the threads, when suddenly it occurred to me..I can no longer even fathom heartache any longer.Have I hardened as I have aged?..Have I wised up?..Am I no longer capable of those deeper lost in love, devotion type feelings?..I can recall the last time I felt heartache, which was about 6 years ago...since then nada...and yes, I have been in relationships,dated , whatever..and when the break came..or we simply just parted...I felt a whole lot of nothing..Am I too old to feel that burning,gotta have it,crave it,stars in my eyes love?..Or have I been burned so much in my past that love is no longer an acceptable risk?...Has love become a "hard limit" that I was unaware of until now?..Tempting

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RE: Hard to Fathom - 4/22/2008 8:53:56 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		That's a great question but I don't know that any of us can answer it.  Do I think you still have the capacity for it?  Yes, very probably.  Will you ever have that experience again?  I don't know.  Do I think it means you've become hardened and unable to feel deep passionate love because you can't imagine heartache?  Not even close.

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RE: Hard to Fathom - 4/22/2008 9:14:50 PM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline 		Once upon a time I wanted to learn how not to feel.

For years I was successful.

Then there came a time when I wanted to feel again.

For over a year I failed.

Eventually I was able to feel the little things.

For a time this was good enough.

Later I was given a reason to let someone deeper, and let myself feel more.

All hell broke loose and I was an emotional wreck.

I've gotten a little better at feeling now.

______________________

My point is this: sometimes we close off parts of ourselves, either consciously or unconsciously.  Hopefully you will one day find the reason to open up to deeper love and deeper pain.


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RE: Hard to Fathom - 4/22/2008 9:23:18 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Sounds like desensitization - sorta' mild post traumatic stress.
I’m an old fart and my heart still breaks but, like you, there were periods in my life when things got a little numb around the edges.  With time I was no worse for the wear. Hope the same is true for you.

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RE: Hard to Fathom - 4/22/2008 10:34:43 PM   
TethersEnd


Posts: 102
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

I was sitting here reading the threads, when suddenly it occurred to me..I can no longer even fathom heartache any longer.Have I hardened as I have aged?..Have I wised up?..Am I no longer capable of those deeper lost in love, devotion type feelings?..I can recall the last time I felt heartache, which was about 6 years ago...since then nada...and yes, I have been in relationships,dated , whatever..and when the break came..or we simply just parted...I felt a whole lot of nothing..Am I too old to feel that burning,gotta have it,crave it,stars in my eyes love?..Or have I been burned so much in my past that love is no longer an acceptable risk?...Has love become a "hard limit" that I was unaware of until now?..Tempting


Tempting ... hugs  I'm with you here. 
I dont believe that age has a thing to do with it, at least for Me. 
There's a void where that Over The Top, Heart Pounding desire used to live. 
I removed that 4 letter word from my vocabulary, I think mine is as you said "no longer an acceptable risk". 
I'm happy to say that the void has not effected My ability to find Awe, give Devotion, and be as Emotionally
open as I possibly can. 

At this point in life I can say I miss it, but I dont trust it.  I see it as a memory of youth to revisit when lonely
but I feel no urge to welcome it back.  Sure I may be missing something but all in all, it's all good as it is. 






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RE: Hard to Fathom - 4/22/2008 10:39:38 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

Once upon a time I wanted to learn how not to feel.

For years I was successful.

Then there came a time when I wanted to feel again.

For over a year I failed.

Eventually I was able to feel the little things.

For a time this was good enough.

Later I was given a reason to let someone deeper, and let myself feel more.

All hell broke loose and I was an emotional wreck.

I've gotten a little better at feeling now.

______________________

My point is this: sometimes we close off parts of ourselves, either consciously or unconsciously.  Hopefully you will one day find the reason to open up to deeper love and deeper pain.



Beautiful.

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RE: Hard to Fathom - 4/23/2008 2:40:13 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		"Love" as our society teaches it is, in my opinion, a huge negative attachment to and for another. If you've let go of that idea, I think that's good. However, if you've scratched the idea of any and all love off your list...then yes, you've hardened your heart.

Master Fire


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RE: Hard to Fathom - 4/23/2008 3:01:18 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

My point is this: sometimes we close off parts of ourselves, either consciously or unconsciously.  Hopefully you will one day find the reason to open up to deeper love and deeper pain.


i'm 5 years your senior and i can't see ever being 'too old' to feel that deep feeling again.  i went through that 'numb' stage at about the age you are now.  And numb is probably the right term.  i also thought it was over, my capacity for deep emotion was gone, used up, more scar-tissue than wounds, nothing could hurt me but nothing could inspire me.  Then i gave myself permission to own the one thing i didn't have... passion.  Passion is what was missing, passion is what makes colors and tastes and smells and sensations vivid.  Who cares if pain is also vivid? i've been hurt deeply and i survived but living a life without passion is a walking death.  Passion is that thing that makes living wonderful. 

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RE: Hard to Fathom - 4/23/2008 3:20:32 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

I was sitting here reading the threads, when suddenly it occurred to me..I can no longer even fathom heartache any longer.Have I hardened as I have aged?..Have I wised up?..Am I no longer capable of those deeper lost in love, devotion type feelings?..I can recall the last time I felt heartache, which was about 6 years ago...since then nada...and yes, I have been in relationships,dated , whatever..and when the break came..or we simply just parted...I felt a whole lot of nothing..Am I too old to feel that burning,gotta have it,crave it,stars in my eyes love?..Or have I been burned so much in my past that love is no longer an acceptable risk?...Has love become a "hard limit" that I was unaware of until now?..Tempting

Still fall in love and out of it. Still the agony and the ecstasy for me.


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RE: Hard to Fathom - 4/23/2008 3:32:22 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

I was sitting here reading the threads, when suddenly it occurred to me..I can no longer even fathom heartache any longer.Have I hardened as I have aged?..Have I wised up?..Am I no longer capable of those deeper lost in love, devotion type feelings?..I can recall the last time I felt heartache, which was about 6 years ago...since then nada...and yes, I have been in relationships,dated , whatever..and when the break came..or we simply just parted...I felt a whole lot of nothing..Am I too old to feel that burning,gotta have it,crave it,stars in my eyes love?..Or have I been burned so much in my past that love is no longer an acceptable risk?...Has love become a "hard limit" that I was unaware of until now?..Tempting


You know we can't answer that for you, Tempting. But perhaps you didn't feel those things in recent breakups because the relationships just weren't "deep" enough?
 
You have such a good heart, I would truly doubt you are no longer capable of love, pretty lady.

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

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RE: Hard to Fathom - 4/23/2008 4:03:08 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Has love become a "hard limit" that I was unaware of until now?


Ah, you never know when or where you many find it.  Until then I try to focus on being happy.  If a relationship can provide me with happiness and calm and a sense of well-being it's a good thing.  I will let others define the entire love thing.


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RE: Hard to Fathom - 4/23/2008 4:37:04 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Another possibility is that you are picking nada relationships to begin with to avoid the possibility of being hurt. If you aren't with people you truly need then you really won't care when it ends.

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RE: Hard to Fathom - 4/23/2008 4:38:58 AM   
MissLily


Posts: 146
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline 		Maybe it's because you haven't met someone you could fall in love with. When you,ve been burned and learned your lesson, you become more difficult to please. That's what happened to Me at anyrate. I know I can still love with a passion, but it hasn't happened yet, because I haven't met someone "good enough" with whom it clicked and worked out. Maybe it will happen, maybe not. We'll see.

Miss Lily

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RE: Hard to Fathom - 4/23/2008 5:41:30 AM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline 		I can understand how you can wonder that Tempting.
 
Since my ex Domina and I amicably split, I find it hard
to think of letting my heart go in deeply with another again.
I do wonder too if it has to do with aging and getting wiser
about how fleeting love can be and how painful to rejoin life
among the "singles".
 
It may be that my ex and I are still emotionally very close
and talk frequently and/or just because since last August
my life has been shocked and completely turned upside
down.
 
Yet somewhere inside I think that I still yearn to meet
the Domina that will once again light that fire.
I try to trust when the time is right that door will once
again stand before me and I will enter it with all the
enthusiasm as I have in the past.
 
I hope the same for you.
 
Missy.

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RE: Hard to Fathom - 4/23/2008 6:15:35 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Lets put this into prespective. Tempting you have never met me so how can you even think that you can't have feelings of amore again. I probably should stop this. I know that I can't save the world. As a resident CM expert on age I can't tell you that while feelings of love may be repressed at times don't worry they will resurface at the right time.

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RE: Hard to Fathom - 4/23/2008 6:40:25 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I have only been in love twice in my life.  Everyone else who comes in stays for a while and we part amicably at the end.  I dont see this as a bad, hardened thing to get beyond.  I also dont see it as protecting myself from harm.  Love for me is a permanant condition.  It is not so much being in love with them, as loving them to the point of committing "myself" to devotion.  It is never given lightly... hmm.. but if I think of it really, I don't even give it.  It is more that it is beyond my control.
Do you really feel nothing for those who touch your life?  Are they there to fill the void or do you get some joy from your pairing?
I have had over two men in my life.  I enjoyed the heck out of them!  Having those men in my life made me happy, it made me lively, it gave me contentment.  And if their parting left me with fond memories, and lasting friendship, that is near perfection.
I dont expect to love every one that spreads my legs or lips.  I know that for me someone like that is an unexpected blessing.  But that does not make the time spent with men who make me smile and laugh made less of an impact.  Every day does not have to be a holiday to be special.
Kyst

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RE: Hard to Fathom - 4/23/2008 7:38:59 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Do you really feel nothing for those who touch your life?  Are they there to fill the void or do you get some joy from your pairing?


I blame societal conditioning.  We tend to think in terms of black and white.  A relationship must be love in order to count or have any significance, no shades of gray allowed.  This just is not true for some people.  People measure love differently.  Love is easily found for some, but not for others.  This does not mean that their pairings are less significant.  Actually they can be more significant.  I don't feel that love should be the absolute measure.  I know people who are in love and have crappy relationships and definitely not something I would hold up as something to aspire to.  I don't feel as though I am avoiding love or numb to it.  If it's going to happen, it will.  Until then, I am committed to enjoying my life the way it is.


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RE: Hard to Fathom - 4/23/2008 7:52:30 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		My glass is full.
 
When I stopped looking at things through a haze of pain, they became joyous.

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RE: Hard to Fathom - 4/23/2008 8:20:02 AM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

<snip>   since then nada...and yes, I have been in relationships,dated , whatever..and when the break came..or we simply just parted...I felt a whole lot of nothing..Am I too old to feel that burning,gotta have it,crave it,stars in my eyes love?..Or have I been burned so much in my past that love is no longer an acceptable risk?...Has love become a "hard limit" that I was unaware of until now?..Tempting


What came to mind when I read this is that you probably are doing something I did for years.

You are choosing partners that you know, if only subconciously, you will not become emotionally attached to. Ergo, no worries of heartbreak or heartache when the relationship ends. Which you also know will happen eventually.

Does it mean you are unable to fall in love?   No, not at all. It means you have to be willing to accept a partner you have the ability to fall in love with if, if that is what you want, instead of shying away from them. Which is really hard to do.

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RE: Hard to Fathom - 4/23/2008 12:00:56 PM   
ELUSIVE1


Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline
You may be protecting yourself from going through the heart ache. My first ever Dominant called me the other day and asked to meet for drinks...I was so totally completely in love with him for 4 long years, I still compare everyone to him.. I got the shakes, I declined.  Getting over him was the hardest thing I have ever done...can't do that again 


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