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stella41b -> RE: Give up my soul? (5/10/2008 8:49:16 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: GlamorousSlave
lol gall stones
As i further analyze it i realize that sex has been a issue as well
Will some one me that i am not crazy for saying anal sex is harmful?
he doesnt tseem to belive me.
Anyways, hmmm as with ownership, i come to realize that i enjoy s and m but not to the full life committment all live in slave
i enjoy spending large doses as slave but not live it twenty four seven as such.
am i crazy? confused? both idk
just only 18 and experimenting, i love this slave and have asked for his hand in marriage?
WTF am i doing? lol
someone PLEASE put some sense into me
Hello no, you're not crazy, you're just young and from what I can see from your profile you seem far more with it, together and advanced than I guess many others who were 18. But then again you are 18.
I don't know how much older your Master is, but if you're not happy then you've either got to have it out with him or leave, or get some distance while both of you sort out what's going on between you.
The giveaway here is that you appear to be being called crazy just for the fact that you're young.
I remember how it was for me. I grew up in the North of England but when I was 15 I ran away from home. I had issues with both parents, gender issues, I took a beating from my mother and she went out, locked me in the apartment on the ground floor.. I packed a small bag, went into her bedroom, opened the window, climbed through, jumped about 8 ft and I was gone. This was in Bradford, walked along the disused railways out of town, walked down the side of the motorway through the night, heading towards Manchester, stuck out my thumb the next dawn, an hour later in Manchester, a few hours later in Birmingham, that evening I arrived in London, adding two years to my real age.
I became a 'chicken', hanging round Kings Cross station in London, guys would pick me up, they'd give me money, food, we'd have sex, I didn't do any BDSM, though I spent a few weeks in a house where it all went on. Three guys. I wasn't too much into anal, I was doing drag, I didn't mind giving blow jobs, but you know these guys didn't treat me right. They'd get their jollies, tolerate me a day or so, and then I'd be kicked out. Getting money then wasn't a problem. You go to certain areas of London, smile at certain guys and go up the alley and they'd want a five finger handshake for a fiver ($10). I eventually found a squat and found a job in a sweatshop. Even ended up with a 21 year old girlfriend. I got caught by a plain clothes policeman at Kings Cross station one evening. He was a hippy, it fooled me. I thought he wanted a five fingered handshake. Even offered me £10.
I don't have much to go on, just my knowledge of the gay scene in London, back in 1981, your profile doesn't give any clues, but your postings suggest that okay, you have pretty much worked yourself out, as far as any 18 year old can (I worked myself out quite a lot about me at the age of 17 and I'm turning 42 in July) but it seems to me that Master is either playing with your headspace or doesn't quite have your best interests at heart. Or both.
I'm thinking about this.. I can't really give you any more advice until there's more information. How old is your Master? How long have you known him? How did you meet him? And what about this slave? Do you have any alternatives? Are you out? Do you have trusted people who know and understand and who can help you out and support you if something goes wrong?
You see the way I see it, it could go either way.. you could be getting yourself into something really heavy - and trust me, 24/7 enslavement IS really heavy, especially if you're not with the right Master or people. When you're in your 20's, this is when it gets better, people start treating you more seriously. Less people turn round to you and say 'ah, you're only a kid'..It's best to keep it free and easy, making no commitments, exploring, but being careful, smart, keeping a support network around you.
Don't make any commitments like marriage until you're at least 21.. trust me. You seem pretty sorted, but in those three years you're going to end up either being more sure of who you are or a different person. Your profile says something about getting out of BDSM. I think you yourself know what to do.. but you're not sure..
If in doubt just get out - this would be my advice. There's quite a few red flags coming up, warning signs. But I'm not you, I'm not in your scene, and I feel I don't have that much to go on.
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