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Profile Advice - 4/23/2008 3:59:16 PM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

So I've been here a few weeks now. I'm getting very little response to my profile, and I'm wondering if it's a case of just no one who matches me checking it out or if my profile needs some work. I fear it's a little too flat maybe? I can tell this site has a lot of active, intelligent submissives. They can't ALL not want to date me, right? :P Anyway, you're the ones whose opinions matter here, so please share some of them. Should I talk about my spouse/slave later in the profile maybe? Do I need more of a "example of my style" kind of intro rather than a strictly informative one?
I'm a dominant, but that doesn't stop me sucking at this dating thing. :P

Thanks,
Jen

Post #: 1

RE: Profile Advice - 4/23/2008 4:05:02 PM

Ostentatious

Posts: 98
Joined: 7/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominantJenny

So I've been here a few weeks now. I'm getting very little response to my profile, and I'm wondering if it's a case of just no one who matches me checking it out or if my profile needs some work. I fear it's a little too flat maybe? I can tell this site has a lot of active, intelligent submissives. They can't ALL not want to date me, right? :P Anyway, you're the ones whose opinions matter here, so please share some of them. Should I talk about my spouse/slave later in the profile maybe? Do I need more of a "example of my style" kind of intro rather than a strictly informative one?
I'm a dominant, but that doesn't stop me sucking at this dating thing. :P

Thanks,
Jen

I don't see anything wrong with it except...

Blurry main pic, head cut off of second (maybe for privacy but that works against you if you're the one trying to attract someone else).

You live in Illinois...moving to Canada, when? Where in Canada? Who should contact you? People local to you now or local to you in the future?

Also, you're looking for a fem sub, I can't speak for the USA but in the UK my domme friends have found that's simply a matter of time and location!

Good luck!

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 2

RE: Profile Advice - 4/23/2008 4:07:06 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominantJenny

So I've been here a few weeks now. I'm getting very little response to my profile, and I'm wondering if it's a case of just no one who matches me checking it out or if my profile needs some work. I fear it's a little too flat maybe? I can tell this site has a lot of active, intelligent submissives. They can't ALL not want to date me, right? :P Anyway, you're the ones whose opinions matter here, so please share some of them. Should I talk about my spouse/slave later in the profile maybe? Do I need more of a "example of my style" kind of intro rather than a strictly informative one?
I'm a dominant, but that doesn't stop me sucking at this dating thing. :P

Thanks,
Jen

Well a majority of women are looking for a monogomous LTR that is full time with a man. Also your picture being blurry isnt a good thing. Try writing what you have to offer in a relationship instead of just what you are looking for.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 3

RE: Profile Advice - 4/23/2008 5:53:54 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

I know that you certainly were not looking for Dominant Points of View however let me offer that I talked to andi, erin, and jade and all three said the same thing.

You ask an AWFUL lot and you aren't giving much.

There were comments about your picture but if you are trying to keep a low profile then that makes sense however then the idea was to have NO photo at all but then you would get even less views cause we don't look at anyone without a picture so eventually we all agreed that you should just suck it up and put a photo out there if you are serious cause anyone who would recognize you would already have to be kinky to be here and go through enough profiles to recognize you.

erin thought you were far to picky and that if she were in your house she would not feel cared for in how you carry yourself in your profile. That you would only want her to come be a sex toy yet you would also want to maitain control of her actions in that you would require her to be protected with whatever her FULL TIME parter was.

andi thought you were looking for a Clean Slut and that you would be unhappy with who ever you got because either they would be okay with what you wanted and you wouldn't be okay with how they lived or they would want more and you aren't willing to give it to them.

And Personally even though you may not want my point of view I feel I should point out you are taking an EXTREME RISK for someone who prides her Family and Lifestyle and you think knowledge of this getting out could harm that, because the first person you dismiss for failing to adhear to your rules could decide to do whatever it takes to hurt what you care about.

Some serious things to think about before you go into this.

My little Quartet Family ultimatly thought what you wanted sounds good on paper but will be difficult to play out in real life and this comes from a newly formed home itself. It takes MUCH more work than you say you are willing to put into it if you want this to actually work. Otherwise you may want to look into paying for a Pro sub. (Ask Lynnx)

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 4

RE: Profile Advice - 4/23/2008 9:16:43 PM

katie978

Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline

   ::cough cough::nopersonaladsintheforum ::cough::

The questions your profile left me with are thus:

       Is the spouse going to be involved at all, beyond an inital meeting to verify that the play between just you and the sub is acceptable to everyone? You say that the sub would have to be friends with your husband...to me, that reeks of, "Hey, I know you're tied up and such, but my husband is here and he's going to watch/beat you/stick this inside you now." I'm not saying you would do that, but nearly all the women I talked to when I was searching added in the, "Oh yeah, if you serve me, you're also serving my husband/boyfriend/roommate"

       If you're only going to be seeing your sub a few times a year, how much dominance would you exert during the other times? What if the sub had another dom?

      A lot of the stuff you mention seems more like you're looking for a BFF (ah, internet speak, how silly you are) than an occasional playmate. You might want to clarify the sexual aspect of the relationship (or you might want to keep that private).

    The problem I can foresee you having is that many women subs are in monogamous relationships, and are looking for a long-time, full-time partner. I imagine you'd have much better luck looking for men, though that holds true for every aspect of bdsm. I would also clarify where exactly you are...from what I've heard, Canada's a pretty big place. I think the blurry face pic is fine, although I might make the body pic the profile's primary one.
Good luck!

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 5

RE: Profile Advice - 4/23/2008 9:23:44 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

I don't know why no one is checking you out...Maybe it is the second picture...Denim top and jean shorts....Or more commonly known in Domiguy circles as the "Full Cleveland."

It should be immediately removed and burned....I can only imagine under that shirt that you might be sportin' a braided belt from the Gap keeping those shorts firmly planted over gash.

The Full Cleveland might still pull'em in if you are frequentin' the submissive NASCAR circuit...Us city slickers don't get down like dat.

_____________________________

(in reply to katie978)

Post #: 6

RE: Profile Advice - 4/24/2008 5:28:27 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

Thanks. Yeah, I know the blurry pic hurts me; as I explain in the picture, I'm just not willing to out myself to all and sundry that way. I can accept that some people aren't going to be interested based on that.

I should clarify that, thanks. I think I left it open because I wasn't sure, and I really should be.

Thanks!

(in reply to Ostentatious)

Post #: 7

RE: Profile Advice - 4/24/2008 5:30:38 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

Yeah. I know I'm looking in a relatively small pool of women, just wasn't sure if that was the only problem, you know?
Hrm. I thought I did talk about some of what I have to offer...I'll try revamping it a bit. Thanks.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 8

RE: Profile Advice - 4/24/2008 5:37:58 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

I'm open to all points of view, really, just wanted to mostly focus on those from submissives. :)

Wow. Really? I never would have thought that!

The picture thing I know is a negative, but I figured something was better than nothing, and I'm really not comfortable putting a straight-up out there for anyone browsing profiles to see, so I'm just going to accept that one.

I really thought I made it clear that I'm looking for a relationship, not just a sex toy. My standards are not nearly as rigid as your girls seem to see them. Hmm.

Yeah, I know it's a risk. I do have to be selective because of that risk.

I've actually maintained a long distance relationship something like this before; we only broke up because she was feeling that she wanted to come to me and leave her Dom/husband, something which she would never do in good conscience, of course. I guess I need to make more clear that I'm willing to put a lot into the relationship, just not as much as a full-time relationship takes.

Thank you. I'm not sure what to do about it, but you've given me plenty to think about!

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 9

RE: Profile Advice - 4/24/2008 5:49:08 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

I SWEAR I wasn't trying to get around the no personal ads thing; I really need and want advice and thought that was appropriate.

"Is the spouse going to be involved at all, beyond an inital meeting to verify that the play between just you and the sub is acceptable to everyone? You say that the sub would have to be friends with your husband...to me, that reeks of, "Hey, I know you're tied up and such, but my husband is here and he's going to watch/beat you/stick this inside you now." I'm not saying you would do that, but nearly all the women I talked to when I was searching added in the, "Oh yeah, if you serve me, you're also serving my husband/boyfriend/roommate""

I thought the strong statement about not looking for a threesome answered that. I'm actually pretty possessive of my spouse and specifically am NOT interested in sharing him. And he's happy being monogamous to me. (Yes, I know it's unusual. He's an unusual guy.) Frankly, I'd prefer a lesbian so the issue wouldn't even have a chance of coming up, but I don't want to narrow my field even further.

"Of you're only going to be seeing your sub a few times a year, how much dominance would you exert during the other times? What if the sub had another dom?"

Good question. I will try to put a short (I'm afraid of profile being a mile long) answer to it in there.

"A lot of the stuff you mention seems more like you're looking for a BFF (ah, internet speak, how silly you are) than an occasional playmate. You might want to clarify the sexual aspect of the relationship (or you might want to keep that private)."

Oh, now that surprises me! I have plenty of BFFs already, actually. I'm looking for a romance, most definitely, in the kinky sense of romance, that is. I'm not sure how I'll do it, but I'll attempt to make the "so want sex" part more clear.

"The problem I can foresee you having is that many women subs are in monogamous relationships, and are looking for a long-time, full-time partner. I imagine you'd have much better luck looking for men, though that holds true for every aspect of bdsm. I would also clarify where exactly you are...from what I've heard, Canada's a pretty big place. I think the blurry face pic is fine, although I might make the body pic the profile's primary one.
Good luck!"

*nod* Yeah, I know it's a small pool. I just want to make sure that my profile is as good as possible to make the most of that small pool.
*nod again* Someone else mentioned the location problem...I'll definitely have to add more detail on that. I'm just worried about this thing turning into a novel!
Interesting...I'll consider making the body pic the main shot. Thank you very much for your suggestions and help!

(in reply to katie978)

Post #: 10

RE: Profile Advice - 4/24/2008 5:50:12 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

*chuckle* It was between that and another shot. I think I'll go ahead and change the pictures. Thanks.

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 11

RE: Profile Advice - 4/24/2008 7:00:28 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

Okay, I spent some time working on it. I don't know how fast the changes will show up, but I made several if any of you are willing to go back and see if you think I've improved it based on your suggestions.
Thank you!

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 12

RE: Profile Advice - 4/24/2008 7:07:35 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominantJenny

I really thought I made it clear that I'm looking for a relationship, not just a sex toy. My standards are not nearly as rigid as your girls seem to see them. Hmm.

Yeah, I know it's a risk. I do have to be selective because of that risk.

I've actually maintained a long distance relationship something like this before; we only broke up because she was feeling that she wanted to come to me and leave her Dom/husband, something which she would never do in good conscience, of course. I guess I need to make more clear that I'm willing to put a lot into the relationship, just not as much as a full-time relationship takes.

The reason that erin felt the way she felt was that you state that you would only see them a few times a year. As a girl who needs direction and order she said that she could not see getting that through a phone. That Phone relationships are cute for awhile but eventually she wants the warmth of a interactive life. The reason she felt she would be a sex toy is because if you only saw each other a few times a year that it would be obvious if there was going to be sex at ALL then that would be a focus of your meeting. If that was the case then that feeling would be the predominant one in when one was visiting. Ultimatly erin felt that she would be used as a way for you to momentarily escape your current dynamic with someone that was equally invested in you as your husband was however you would not need to be as invested in them as you are your husband.

With all due respect I would like you to understand that Maintainging a Long Distance relationship does not allow for it to cave in under it's own weight. As you stated they were far more into you then you were into them as they were ready to devote themselves to you COMPLETELY and you were not okay with that commitment. Because I assume you knew it was going to be unhealthy. There for as much as I am sure it was a good relationship it is not one I would boast was sucessful as by your own words it collapsed under it's own weight.

The Risk is Three fold however. In the first you have that you put yourself out there again to another person. In the next you bring another person into you self-proclaimed Private world. and third you open your comfortable life to a third party that you really don't want to have the initial bond necessary to know for sure that they are dedicated to you and not going to truely understand the dynamic in place.

In my opinion and take it for what it is worth if you want to, but your profile does not present you in a way that would make any one of my girls comfortable in contacting you if they were looking and these are all bi-sexual girls who were at one time in the past 2 to 3 years looking for a woman to get involved with.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 13

RE: Profile Advice - 4/24/2008 7:36:57 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

no offence intended, but your profile creaps me out...and maybe, just maybe it's the far left pollitics thing, but i am pretty sure it's the whole thing...in my opinion, as a bi female who has been a third almost as often as she's been an only, i would run from your profile...i at this point, can't offer you much advice, check out some past posts on improving profiles, there are a lot out there...

oh yea, and you can put up a variety of non blurry shots that don't reveal your identiy...i have gotten lots of compliments on my picture, and i feel pretty safe that no one is going to pick me out of a line up based on that one...you can also do one playing with shadows or an off angle...

good luck
chelle

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 14

RE: Profile Advice - 4/24/2008 7:45:53 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

I actually edited my profile to explain that it would be at least a few times a year to as much as once a month. I'm not looking to escape anything...more have my cake and eat it, too, really.

Actually, in that particular case, I WOULD have been okay with moving to a full-time poly household. It was her own commitment to her husband/dominant that was at issue, and he was not interested in that kind of poly-household. (He was interested in multiple female subs, as is common, and I don't have a sub bone in my body.)

I can't change the nature of my situation, and I know it's a turn-off to many; I'm hoping, really, to find someone who is already in an established relationship like me and looking to cater to the full spectrum of her sexuality.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 15

RE: Profile Advice - 4/24/2008 7:48:50 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

Wow. I really am not sure what's creepy about it. Would it help if I said "really liberal" instead? It's just as accurate a description, really.
I thought this actually was more revealing than a lot of shadowed/off-angle type shots would be...

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 16

RE: Profile Advice - 4/24/2008 1:11:41 PM

MladyHathor

Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

What you are asking is very unique and will take some real trust building from you to them---patience--don't be afraid to write to THEM either. Good Luck!

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 17

RE: Profile Advice - 4/24/2008 1:12:28 PM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

I agree with several posters here who said that a lot of women aren't looking to feel like a toy and would rather be in committed full (at least more full than you offer) time relationships. Even after your editing, it still sounds to me like you want a sex toy, like you want to be a bedroom Domme, and the pool of female bi- or lesbian subs is going to be small. As I am sure you are aware, the more criteria you put in there the smaller the willing audience.

It also wouldn't hurt to put in some other vanilla stuff in. What I saw seemed to be all bdsm, except the liberal political thing.

Besides all the other stuff, the thing about your husband having veto power would make me hesitate too. It gave me the impression that he's not into your Domme-ing a girl (especially since you would be only visiting with me a few times a year and not having me at your home) and that he would put a halt to a blossoming relationship after it was already too late for me to salvage my heart.

It's going to be tough to find someone but if you hang around long enough, you'll get some hits. The trick will be to find someone who fits ALL that criteria as well as someone with whom you find an accord.

Wishing you well.

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 18

RE: Profile Advice - 4/24/2008 1:38:37 PM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MladyHathor

What you are asking is very unique and will take some real trust building from you to them---patience--don't be afraid to write to THEM either. Good Luck!

*nod* I do recognize that; just want to make sure my profile isn't hurting an already difficult situation. I have to admit that I'm terrible at writing to subs. I just always assume if they haven't contacted me, they probably aren't interested, especially since my situation has such limited appeal.

(in reply to MladyHathor)

Post #: 19

RE: Profile Advice - 4/24/2008 1:49:31 PM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

I agree with several posters here who said that a lot of women aren't looking to feel like a toy and would rather be in committed full (at least more full than you offer) time relationships. Even after your editing, it still sounds to me like you want a sex toy, like you want to be a bedroom Domme, and the pool of female bi- or lesbian subs is going to be small. As I am sure you are aware, the more criteria you put in there the smaller the willing audience.

It also wouldn't hurt to put in some other vanilla stuff in. What I saw seemed to be all bdsm, except the liberal political thing.

Besides all the other stuff, the thing about your husband having veto power would make me hesitate too. It gave me the impression that he's not into your Domme-ing a girl (especially since you would be only visiting with me a few times a year and not having me at your home) and that he would put a halt to a blossoming relationship after it was already too late for me to salvage my heart.

It's going to be tough to find someone but if you hang around long enough, you'll get some hits. The trick will be to find someone who fits ALL that criteria as well as someone with whom you find an accord.

Wishing you well.

Gah! You know, it's really driving me crazy because the LAST thing I want is just a sex toy. I want (what I had once before) a full-blown relationship, albeit one with limits on time/availability.

I did fill out all kinds of vanilla interests on the interests lists; I didn't want to repeat it all in the profile. I guess I could put another little paragraph in there. (It's so long already!)

Hrm. I'm using a term I'm familiar with from the poly world, where primary partners having veto power is pretty common. There IS a risk in any secondary relationship in that, if it starts to affect the primary relationship negatively, it's likely going to have to end. I know exactly what that feels like, since I was the secondary partner who got broken up with once myself. There is no easy answer to that; hopefully, I'm worth the risk. The woman I was involved with was. I will alter the phrasing, though.
Where did you get the idea that the sub wouldn't be welcome in my home? That's kind of the point of being friends with my spouse, after all...I very hope we can all spend time together as well as those private "us times" just for the two of us.

*nod* I know; I have actually been looking for a very long time (years), just not here. I've been impressed with the number of real people that seem to be present here, so I'm really wanting to make sure I do everything I can to ensure that a Ms. Right doesn't pass me by because of something stupid like a wrong phrase in my profile...

Thank you.

(in reply to batshalom)

Post #: 20

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