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stella41b -> RE: Are you a Lifestyler? (4/23/2008 11:29:16 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
So... are you a Lifestyler? Maybe it's yes ... Maybe it's no... Hell maybe you see some as lifestylers and others as players....
Does it matter? Do you get some sort of happiness, fulfillment and enjoyment from your life? These questions are of course rhetorical. I don't see anyone as a 'lifestyler', a 'Dom', a 'sub', I see a person.
quote:
ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
I guess the question is... What do you think a lifestyler is in the first place.... and then what is everyone else that doesn't fit in your definition of a "Lifestyler"?
I'm smart enough maybe to see this as a rhetorical question, because otherwise I can't answer it. All I know is is that if you need to define yourself and others through occupation or activities then maybe you need to look at who you are more closely and learn a bit more about people.
quote:
ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
I happen to think everyone is a lifestyler of some sort... But their given lifestyle doesn't happen to be similiar or even close to mine.... but then there are some that are very similiar. That religious person... happens to have a lifestyle... a lifestyle that is very much at odds with my given lifestyle. I respect this person... even if they see me as a evil etc etc... for one reason... They are being true to the principles and values that is reflective of their lifestyle. In fact, I would say that I have often have more respect for a person that is contrary to my lifestyle than someone who apparently shares my lifestyle. It is that truth they have that I respect.
Yes, everybody has a lifestyle of some sorts but that lifestyle doesn't necessarily always come out of choice. Sometimes it is a lifestyle imposed on us by other people. For example I would argue that most people who are street homeless are street homeless not by choice, but by circumstances. Sure, they might have become homeless through either misfortune, a personal crisis or as a result of their own stupidity but I doubt that very few woke up one morning and said 'You know what? I'm going to become street homeless.' Take someone with say, spina bifida, and who do you see? Do you see a disabled person? Or do you see a person who needs to use a wheelchair as a result of some disability?
However I disagree with the point above.. that religious person may have a right to approve or disapprove of someone who is interested in BDSM, but to use religion as a means of making moral judgments on someone and seeing them as evil to me is just the same as someone persecuting someone for their religious beliefs. This is a popular misconception some people have about religion in thinking that because they follow that religion it somehow 'elevates' them to be on a level with 'God' and therefore above other people. But then again a large number of people confined in mental institutions also believe themselves to be 'chosen'.
quote:
ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
To often I see on the boards and in daily life individuals that make comparisons of themselves to others with the desire to elevate themselves at the expense of another. Too often people do this for the simple reason to find away to feel better about themselves at the expense of another... insecurities seem to be more common than not these days. I personally find it very difficult to tolerate someone that demonstrates behaviors of putting another down to elevate themselves. I shouldn't be so judgemental of these situations because I do appreciate that often these behaviors are rooted in an insecurity that the person feels. Insecurity is not something that is easily removed from a person's psyche and often people don't even realize what they are doing. Just the same.. it pushes a button for me.
This is what is known I guess as social stigma. Social stigma happens because we differentiate people. We develop a sort of 'us' and 'them' attitude, and guess what, 'they' are different. This can be because of a physical trait, the way someone looks, such as a physical deformity, obesity, a scar, a birthmark or simply through the way they present themselves. It can also be because of a character trait or the way in which they live. Need I give any examples here? Or it could also be 'tribal' stigma, based on someone's skin colour, ethnicity, religious beliefs, or even some sort of cultural identitifcation. Someone perceived to be a 'redneck' for example can be stigmatized.
Now I get accused of being politically correct, and people become very wary when I start talking about diversity. This isn't about being politically correct. What happens is that trait takes over, it becomes a label and some of us identify that person not by who they really are, but by that label. They as a person cease to become important, they become dehumanized, nothing more than a stereotype.
This is where some start to have problems, and I see it on these boards time after time after time. We become judged by our labels and stereotypes and not appreciated for who we really are. Some don't see women here, not women who like to dominate or women who like to submit, they become objectified, fetishized, in some ways cheapened, seen as nothing more than their label or stereotype, Domme, female sub, female slave. It happens with the men too, both Dominants and submissive, it happens with switches. Doms and Masters aren't allowed to be weak, sensitive, caring, and God forbid he ever dare to be kind, lest he be branded a 'fake' or not a 'twue' Dom. How many threads are started for example, by women who within a couple of weeks have given themselves up as slaves to Masters and who are complaining that he isn't living up to their expectations or the stsreotype? How many threads do we read which start 'Why do all Dommes/subs/Doms [insert further optional stereotypes]..?'
quote:
ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
Many desire to have this "lifestyle" of D/s and BDSM to be reflected more positively in our society. Well... I say... be a person of admirable character and this will best serve the lifestyle.
In a few weeks (hopefully) I'll be opening my play 'Switch' here in London, which is a dramatic portrayal of something which happens between two women and a man interested in BDSM. I am not promoting the BDSM lifestyle, because the theatre I'm developing is also a charity working against social stigma. I am working with an actor and actress to give an accurate dramatic portrayal of some of the issues faced by those who are interested in BDSM, in particular the issues of power and submission in interpersonal, intimate relationships. The play is a short one act, some of what happens in the play is shocking, it's very dramatic, and I guess some people may feel offended. However I'm not staging this play to offend or shock people, but to destroy some of the myths and stereotypes people commonly form of those interested in BDSM.
I am not here to promote 'the lifestyle' because what is 'the lifestyle' in reality? I'm not talking here about your lifestyle, the OP's lifestyle or my lifestyle, but 'THE LIFESTYLE'.
I can only give my own answer - the lifestyle is the illusion of BDSM.
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