RE: I should be elated but...I'm not

RE: I should be elated but...I'm not (Full Version)

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adoracat -> RE: I should be elated but...I'm not (4/23/2008 11:18:05 PM)
hugs the girlie june 10 will be our 16th wedding anniversary. chances are i'll already be gone, then. wolf and i are having an amicable divorce...but still a divorce. i have mixed feelings about it, definitely. i also realize he deliberately made me miserable the last nearly 2 years because he ADMITTED it. i wasnt doing the things he wanted, so he was all passive agressive with me. i deserve better. and you do too, dearling..... and it looks like we've got it now. kitten

ownedgirlie -> RE: I should be elated but...I'm not (4/23/2008 11:28:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: adoracat hugs the girlie june 10 will be our 16th wedding anniversary. chances are i'll already be gone, then. wolf and i are having an amicable divorce...but still a divorce. i have mixed feelings about it, definitely. i also realize he deliberately made me miserable the last nearly 2 years because he ADMITTED it. i wasnt doing the things he wanted, so he was all passive agressive with me. i deserve better. and you do too, dearling..... and it looks like we've got it now. kitten My therapist said divorce is difficult whether amicable or not. It was the hardest decision I've ever made, but it was necessary, and there is life to be lived on this side of the equation! Just wait, I had no idea what living was. I'm still finding out! Stay positive, adoracat, and go through the process. You will grieve, but let the joy in. :)

BitaTruble -> RE: I should be elated but...I'm not (4/23/2008 11:31:41 PM)
There's no rule book, hon. How you feel is how you feel.. no 'should' about it. Have a glass of wine, kick off your shoes and call someone who loves you. Like me. [sm=hearts.gif]

ownedgirlie -> RE: I should be elated but...I'm not (4/23/2008 11:37:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BitaTruble There's no rule book, hon. How you feel is how you feel.. no 'should' about it. Have a glass of wine, kick off your shoes and call someone who loves you. Like me. [sm=hearts.gif] [sm=oddballs.gif] Love you too! I'll have the wine when this headache goes away. [:)]

adoracat -> RE: I should be elated but...I'm not (4/23/2008 11:54:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie My therapist said divorce is difficult whether amicable or not. It was the hardest decision I've ever made, but it was necessary, and there is life to be lived on this side of the equation! Just wait, I had no idea what living was. I'm still finding out! Stay positive, adoracat, and go through the process. You will grieve, but let the joy in. :) not easy, definitely. and i am all torn up about bits of it. i know life with TheEngineer is going to be better.....but he's in texas and Daddy is still gonna be in florida. kitten

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: I should be elated but...I'm not (4/24/2008 7:08:45 AM)
i felt the same way nearly 2yrs ago when my divorce was finalized one day after my oldest UM's birthday. my ex had no idea the mess he created upon thinking he could get a divorce like getting glasses in an hour. he (and his attorney) missed so many court dates that he dispatched sheriffs after them during one hearing. he had the nerve not to mention that he fathered 2 and wasn't paying me any child support since walking out on us in 04. i've never seen him so terrified when he was read the riot act for not disclosing that and things to his attorney. i wanted jump and scream hallelujah however i remained calm beaming with content inside. when it was finally finalized, he received another riot act for not being fully involved my girls' lives when the judge gave him some stern advice to live by. i was sort of numb about the whole experience after signing and receiving my copy. i'm still sort of numb as the 2nd anniversary approaches but at least i've moved on with my life unlike my ex who thinks i'll come crawling back to him.

ownedgirlie -> RE: I should be elated but...I'm not (4/24/2008 7:17:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl ...but at least i've moved on with my life unlike my ex who thinks i'll come crawling back to him. This is the best thing you could do, too. Just yesterday, he said with proper counseling, I could come to my senses and reconcile. Maybe he thinks proper counseling is a labotomy??

lusciouslips19 -> RE: I should be elated but...I'm not (4/24/2008 7:35:52 AM)
I have been seperated living in the same building as my ex. yes, we call each other that. I have a retainer with a lawyer but the confusing financial obligations and debt are overwhelming. In order to move we have to sell in a bad market. We havent been prepared. We are such opposites and I discovered that what I need now and what I thought I needed at 30 was 2 different things. At times I feel anger. He never tried, he was unambitious in all aspects of life, never putting in effort, made me the grown up while he had minmal resposibilities for grown up things.He hasnt even filed taxes in 3 years because I didnt do it for him. But when you get down to it you cant expect people to change who they are. For years I would say this and for years he would disagree and say he could change. Then he would go back to being his self. I imagine when we finally bring ourselves to deal with the unattractive prospect of the official divorce...yes, I will have to do all the paper work although he will not contest anything. I will be fair, probably more likely to screw myself them him. But yes, having to deal with it myself is just part and parcel of the trouble. How will I feel about it? I am long past feelings of love. I imagine I will feel sad. A failure and a closed chapter is a closed chapter. I will take comfort in that we have both put our son first and have continued to work together and in many ways still will always have each others back( concerning working out schedules). i will wish him luck. I also wish that he could get himself together so that someone will find him attractive. Right now hes just a slob.

LaTigresse -> RE: I should be elated but...I'm not (4/24/2008 8:55:27 AM)
Owned, having been in a very similar situtation years ago, I have to echo what someone else has already said. You've probably already long since mourned and celebrated the end of the marriage. Even moved on to a new and happier life that fulfills you. The paperwork was just the final formality. I remember feeling exactly the same way you describe. People were assuming I would be more celebratory. When I was just sorta "Oh, now I can quit paying an attorney? Cool!" "Now, what am I cooking you kids for dinner?" ......That's how anti-climatic it really was.

ownedgirlie -> RE: I should be elated but...I'm not (4/24/2008 10:29:59 AM)
Hi LaTigresse, Yes, I did mourn it all already. After the meeting I called my Master, called my Mom, came home to take a shower, and went to work. The good news is that I don't have to focus so much energy on it now. I can get on with my life without having my wages attached anymore (yes, he did that). I can get the car he has out of my name and stop paying for insurance on it, and I can stop paying for his health insurance. The signature means I can breathe again and not live in the poor house anymore. So I suppose I'm just really ready to move forward rather than stay in the past by celebrating its end. Thanks for posting. What you said makes sense.

SleeplessGypsy -> RE: I should be elated but...I'm not (4/24/2008 10:57:28 AM)
Hey Darlin, This was a huge day for you.. Something that you've been anticipating for a long time... For awhile now, you didn't even think he'd show up for the final signing so naturally, you've conditioned yourself for the worse... You're just numb right now, trying to absorb it all.. Give yourself some time and you'll start to feel everything you need to... It's been a long, hard, hellish road that you thought would never end.. I think it's perfectly normal to feel the way you do... You're amazing...[;)]

ownedgirlie -> RE: I should be elated but...I'm not (4/24/2008 11:05:55 AM)
Awww, thanks, Gypsygirl. When I get back on my feet, we'll go to Morrocco together. [:D]

SleeplessGypsy -> RE: I should be elated but...I'm not (4/24/2008 11:12:14 AM)
Oh hell yes we will!!!! Huggs and more huggs..

lusciouslips19 -> RE: I should be elated but...I'm not (4/24/2008 11:13:33 AM)
Chapter 1: A new beginning of endless possibiliities.

Mercnbeth -> RE: I should be elated but...I'm not (4/24/2008 11:13:36 AM)
congratulations and best wishes to you, ownedgirlie!!! there is a sublime satisfaction in being able to put behind, that which has dragged one down in the past. it has never come to this slave as fireworks, but as a warm glowing fire that she basks in, like an eternal flame...in the hearth of her soul.

ownedgirlie -> RE: I should be elated but...I'm not (4/24/2008 11:13:37 AM)
[sm=yourock.gif] [sm=hearts.gif]

ownedgirlie -> RE: I should be elated but...I'm not (4/24/2008 11:14:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth congratulations and best wishes to you, ownedgirlie!!! there is a sublime satisfaction in being able to put behind, that which has dragged one down in the past. it has never come to this slave as fireworks, but as a warm glowing fire that she basks in, like an eternal flame...in the hearth of her soul. Thank you so much, beth, and I really love how you put that. That was lovely. [:)]

ownedgirlie -> RE: I should be elated but...I'm not (4/24/2008 11:17:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 Chapter 1: A new beginning of endless possibiliities. It's funny you say this, because when I "ran away" (with Master's blessing) last Fall and went on my month-long trip, I decidedly became totally open to possibilities. That was the theme of my trip - "Be Open to Possiblities". I learned a lot about myself, my life, love, what attitude I want to have, and what I want my future to look like. The possibilities really are endless. I just had to realize that. :)

lusciouslips19 -> RE: I should be elated but...I'm not (4/24/2008 11:20:47 AM)
When things end, so does responsibility to it. Along with the many emotions comes relief. This coming from someone in the process of closing a failing business. Now I can tick off a number of things on my list of loose ends and start anew.

ownedgirlie -> RE: I should be elated but...I'm not (4/24/2008 11:30:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 When things end, so does responsibility to it. Along with the many emotions comes relief. This coming from someone in the process of closing a failing business. Now I can tick off a number of things on my list of loose ends and start anew. It's a great perspective, and one I found to be really helpful. Handing over half of my retirement account was not fun, especially given the tens of thousands I spent trying to maintain our house (which we lost), our bills, etc. My Mom and I would talk about it often, and we looked at it as a check off list, like you said. Now, just as you said, it's time to start anew and rebuild. And I know I'm fully capable of that. Now I can move forward! Way to go, with your attitude. Kudos to you. It's a hard process to go through, but the right perspective helps tremendously! I appreciate your words. :)

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