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SteelofUtah -> RE: Funny Phone messages... (4/24/2008 8:55:25 PM)
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The reason I never finished College.... This was our Answering Machine Message
A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we’re not here. So leave a message.
The Top 10 Answering Machine Messages
10. My wife and I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you’ll leave your name and number, we’ll get back to you as soon as we’re finished.
9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don’t need their picture taken. If you’re still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you.
8. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling…. and I’ll think about returning your call.
7. Hi! John’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
6. Hi! This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I have LOTS of money.
5. A is for Academics, B is for Beer. One of those reasons is why we’re not here. So, leave a message.
4. Hello! If you leave a message, I’ll call you soon. If you leave a “sexy” message, I’ll call sooner.
3. Hi! Now YOU say something.
2. Hi! I’m probably home; I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.
And the # 1 Actual Answering Machine Message Recorded and Verified by The World Famous International Institute of Answering Machine Messages.
1. Hello, you’ve reached Jim and Sonya. We can’t pick up the phone right now, because we’re doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down and I like doing it left to right… real slowly. So leave a message, and when we’re done brushing our teeth, we’ll call you back.
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The Psychiatric Hotline
Hello, welcome to and thank you for calling the psychiatric hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent,please have someone press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3,4,5,& 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line while we trace your call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully - - a little voice will tell you which button to push.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which button you push, no one will answer.
Have a nice day.
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