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RE: how far is too far? - 4/24/2008 8:50:21 PM

TermsConditions

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMistressa

"Oh, no Mistress! Whatever you do, puh-LEEZE don't throw me in that briar patch!"

The married guys, they crack me up.

Yeah, what a bunch of pathetic, triffling wankers!

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RE: how far is too far? - 4/24/2008 8:53:55 PM

undergroundsea

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Here is another possibility for the mix.

It could be that sex lessens the status differences or the power dynamic he seeks. Thus, he doesn't want to have sex in its conventional spirit but it is different if it is forced.

Because he has given his consent, you have consent. So you do not have an issue of violating consent. It seems you are having difficulty with the idea of making him do something that he does not like. I think it would be to your advantage to understand why he does not wish to have sex and how you feel about the reason. This understanding might help you decide whether or not you wish to proceed. If you proceed, you might check in to see how it went. If it created negative feelings, it would best to avoid it.

If he has an open marriage, fair enough. If he does not, I would not go there but that's me.

Cheers,

Sea

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RE: how far is too far? - 4/24/2008 11:32:49 PM

impossiblesub

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LOL, he is married and he wants you to make him have sex with you so he does not feel like he is cheating.

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RE: how far is too far? - 4/24/2008 11:39:38 PM

MissMagnolia

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So really it boils down to a rape fantasy that the sub has and, if he's "raped", he isn't being unfaithful to his wife?

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RE: how far is too far? - 4/25/2008 12:05:49 AM

MsCfromMelbourne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: meandmymistress

Diane,

Does [the fact the sub is married] that change something here then?

Dear meandmymistress,

Welcome to both of you to the board

IMO a Dominant should behave with honour. Some philosophical foundations of WIITWD are respect, consent and do no harm.

Do you have the consent of the sub's wife to have sex with her husband? Do you have her consent to his submission at all?

If not, fuck someone else.

As Femdoms, I like to think we honour and respect the rights/status of other women - kinky or vanilla.

It is just not Dominant to fall for this guy's tired old tactics to seduce you and deceive his wife.

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RE: how far is too far? - 4/26/2008 9:44:45 AM

Calimistress

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iF HE IS URS WHAT SAY GOES AnD thatS it!!!!!!!

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RE: how far is too far? - 4/26/2008 12:19:39 PM

LadyPact

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I read this thread with My sub sitting here at My feet. No, he's not reading it with Me, but spending the time studying. I don't think I'll bring it to his particular attention. None of what I say here is going to be popular.

To the OP: I didn't catch anywhere in your post whether or not your sub's wife knows of your existence, whether she approves of his collar from you, or if there is any disclosure of any kind. This being the case, I have two separate forms of advice.

If the wife knows nothing about you, I'll be the first person to tell you that you shouldn't be participating in any activities with him, sexual or otherwise. This is coming from someone who has a married sub of her own. If I had never talked with her, met her, obtained her consent to his wanting to be My sub, he wouldn't be at My feet now. In My mind, there is a huge difference between cheating and poly. Just because you're not fucking him, doesn't mean that he has any right to deceive his wife by having another relationship.

If the wife does know about you, his actually having sex with you might not be a part of the agreement made between him and as wife. Dominant or not, you don't get to change the rules on this. If she is the type of woman who is being gracious enough to him to allow him to engage in a BDSM dynamic with you, why would you want to mess that up for him or yourself? Accept the 'no sex' as part of the deal, as you would any other hard limit. It may really be your sub's limit, due to STI's as he says, or it may even be the wife's limit. Either way, it doesn't sound like it is something you should be pushing. MsC above has it right. That part about doing no harm, does also happen to be extended to the wife. If a no sex situation isn't meeting your needs and wants, you may have to look at whether or not the dynamic can be satisfying for you. There's nothing wrong with realizing this is a point of incompatibility.

Ok. On to some of the other stuff that came up in this thread. Somewhere back there, somebody, in their infinite wisdom, said it should be the wife this guy is involved in BDSM with. Now, that would be great in a perfect world. Even in My own boy's case, if the wife decided tomorrow she wanted to pick up a flogger and start swinging, I'd be telling her more power to her. The truth is, she isn't wired that way, but he is. That's why they came up with the idea of him having a Dominant. Me. It was their solution, and if you don't mind Me saying so, I think the two of them are grown up enough to make those types of decisions. I'm sure if either of them need to know how to handle their own choices, I'll be happy to forward them your CMail account, so that they can consult you for your obvious wisdom. Put your own house in order with your 'girlfriend'.

While I won't withdraw the statement, I will apologize to the forum at large. Some people just can't seem to understand that, if two (or more) people have found a way to come to an acceptable solution for a situation, they really don't need certain input.

The boy's done studying. I'll get back the the flames when I've brought the marshmellows.

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RE: how far is too far? - 4/26/2008 12:26:44 PM

LaMistressa

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LadyPact, your situation is as different as night and day (and you are the example of the right way to handle things, in my opinion.) Your sub's wife knows about you, you all have your arrangement, and it works for everyone involved. No harm done (including to the spouse.)

So here's my beef -- if there's no flames here, what am I going to do with this bag of marshmallows? Think the microwave would work?

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RE: how far is too far? - 4/26/2008 1:24:47 PM

lateralist1

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Thankyou everyone.
The number of married men that I have tried to teach in a manipulative way, that just because they are not having sex does not mean that they are not cheating on their wives, is quite large.
Cheating for me is doing anything behind someones back that you know very well they would not agree to you doing if you told them.
Don't get me wrong I have cheated most of my life. It didn't harm the other parties unless they found out but it hurt me. I am worth more than that.

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RE: how far is too far? - 4/26/2008 1:37:34 PM

ElanSubdued

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quote:

MsCfromMelbourne:
IMO a Dominant should behave with honour. Some philosophical foundations of WIITWD are respect, consent, and do no harm.

Do you have the consent of the sub's wife to have sex with her husband? Do you have her consent to his submission at all?

If not, fuck someone else.

As Femdoms, I like to think we honour and respect the rights/status of other women - kinky or vanilla.

It is just not Dominant to fall for this guy's tired old tactics to seduce you and deceive his wife.

These are my sentiments exactly.

Edited to add: I just caught Lady Pact's post above. Ditto on her thoughts too.

Elan.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 4/26/2008 1:42:00 PM >

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RE: how far is too far? - 4/26/2008 2:11:01 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMistressa

LadyPact, your situation is as different as night and day (and you are the example of the right way to handle things, in my opinion.) Your sub's wife knows about you, you all have your arrangement, and it works for everyone involved. No harm done (including to the spouse.)

So here's my beef -- if there's no flames here, what am I going to do with this bag of marshmallows? Think the microwave would work?

LaMistressa,

A friend of Mine told Me recently that you can make s'mores in the microwave. I haven't tried it yet, but you never know. I might get that special yen.

On a serious note, I'd like to thank you for your comments. I know the whole thing came off a bit "Holier Than Thou" and I honestly don't want it to sound that way. I just happen to be of a very strong opinion on the subject.

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RE: how far is too far? - 4/26/2008 2:24:10 PM

Nikko1962

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In a world of "well I got mine", or "what's in it for me", it's really, really great to hear people speaking of character, integrity and honesty. Very refreshing. Thanks to all those that have noticed that there are 3 people in this situation. Not just the mistress/sub.

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RE: how far is too far? - 4/27/2008 6:54:59 PM

Ebonybbw

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Maybe he is gay...

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RE: how far is too far? - 4/27/2008 8:49:37 PM

CoasttoCoast

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

quote:

ORIGINAL: meandmymistress
He has indicated to me that he is TOTALLY mine to do with as I please...whatever I want...even having sex with him against his will.

Does this seem wrong or going to far to anyone out there?

The issue for me would be less of "going too far" and more of turning me off. A man who genuinely does not want to have sex with me--and by this I mean he really doesn't want to, not that he has a fantasy that makes him very excited about me forcing him somehow--is a big turn-off. And obviously, a guy like this would be highly incompatble with me, to the point that attempting a long term thing would be useless.

I like me some sex. Willing, eager, mutually satisfying sex. Not the kind where one party lies back and thinks of England.

why would anyone think of england anyway? I've been there. So many times.. I HATE england.

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RE: how far is too far? - 4/27/2008 9:07:03 PM

BoiJen

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I believe it was Queen Victoria's quote in reference to her daughter's questions on sex..."Just close your eyes and think of England."

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RE: how far is too far? - 4/27/2008 9:26:28 PM

CoasttoCoast

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Can I perhaps think of belgium instead?

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RE: how far is too far? - 4/27/2008 10:13:10 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

I believe it was Queen Victoria's quote in reference to her daughter's questions on sex..."Just close your eyes and think of England."

Yep. Duty to the country in producing an heir, I believe.

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: how far is too far? - 4/27/2008 10:25:15 PM

MistressOfGa

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quote:

he loves being owned by me...

Gee, I have to ask if this is really true? How can he be owned by you, when he is already owned by another?

As far as taking sex from him. My advice, don't do it. If his hard limit was no sex, that should be respected. I assume that you knew about his desire to not have sex with you before you collared him? I think that his idea of you forcing him to have sex will excuse him of any guilt he might have felt about it. To his wife he can say "Sure I had sex with her, but honey, she made me do it".

Just out of curiosity did you meet him here on cm?

Good luck,

MoGa

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RE: how far is too far? - 4/27/2008 10:32:04 PM

MistressOfGa

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quote:

I like me some sex. Willing, eager, mutually satisfying sex. Not the kind where one party lies back and thinks of England.

Here Here!

But ShaktiSama, what does England have to do with the cost of tea in China?

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RE: how far is too far? - 4/27/2008 10:38:37 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

he loves being owned by me...

Gee, I have to ask if this is really true? How can he be owned by you, when he is already owned by another?

As far as taking sex from him. My advice, don't do it. If his hard limit was no sex, that should be respected. I assume that you knew about his desire to not have sex with you before you collared him? I think that his idea of you forcing him to have sex will excuse him of any guilt he might have felt about it. To his wife he can say "Sure I had sex with her, but honey, she made me do it".

Just out of curiosity did you meet him here on cm?

Good luck,

MoGa

I started to write this three times and changed My mind.

I mean no disrespect. I really don't. I happen to get the above question asked to Me quite often.

"What do you mean, proud owner of LPslittleclip? You can't own him! He's married."

I assure you, I can.

Just as much as any Dominant can own that what is submissive in the heart and mind of any they chose to have that place at their feet. His collar is as much a fixture on his neck as his wedding ring is on his left hand. He wears My brand on his body, and My mark is certainly on his soul.

Or, should I wake him up and ask him?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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