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RE: Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 10:14:19 AM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

Based on your conclusion I must be irresponsible as hell. I'm not a new dominant but I have taken on several new disciplines in the past few years and I learned the ins and outs of each by reading about them, talking about them to people online and carefully performing them in real time. Just because you were mentored by someone else does not mean that you were tutored in the proper and safe way to perform said activity.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 21

RE: Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 10:17:53 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35
So i was wondering do you think a new Dom trying to train (and i mean train such as whipping ,caning , bondage)a new sub is irresposible?

I'm guessing that you do NOT mean, is it irresponsible for someone (in this case, the new Dom) to train someone else on how to whip/cane/flog when obviously he does not know how to do it himself. Meaning, each of them have a tool in their hand.

I'm guessing that your question is really, "is it irresponsible for someone who does not know how to use a flogger, to play with someone who has never been flogged?"

There is of course, no right answer. Some people are dangerous even after having many swings of the flogger under their belt.

Personally, I prefer that someone has some experience before trying something new on me, or has done some research, or something.

Cali

_____________________________

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(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 22

RE: Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 10:19:58 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

Master and i were talking yesterday aboout bavk when he was a new Dom (almost 30 yrs ago). I said to him i think for a brand new Dom to try to train a band new sub is irresponsible. When i met Master i was not new but I did want an experienced Dom.

So i was wondering do you think a new Dom trying to train (and i mean train such as whipping ,caning , bondage)a new sub is irresposible?

(please no flames just a question)

Matt's littleone

I don't think it's any more irresponsible than an experienced dom attempting an activity they don't know anything about. Provided the new dominant is aware that they are new, unashamed about being new, and seeks guidance and teaching from more experienced dominants while training their sub, I have no problem with it. That's pretty much how we did it and I'm still alive and well.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 23

RE: Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 12:09:46 PM

abcbsex

Posts: 478
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline

I think that's the key, being unashamed of being new. it means that the sub is aware of their inexperience and the sub can then request more research be done or they can find themselves a more experienced Dom

Alpha and I have only ever explored this by ourselves, we've had trial and error. Lots of error, but also lots of fun new experiences. He knows that I know how I feel better than he does and when I say, "that's too tight" or "please don't hit there" he listens. It would be irresponsible of me not to speak up.

There was an instance when he didn't listen to my concerns with flame involved (burning the ends of an acrylic rope so the knot would be secure, I was afraid of it melting on my skin) and I ended up with a small burn on my wrist (looks like a mole), but it's a reminder that he doesn't know everything. It was a very upsetting night but we worked through it and our understanding of each other is better now. I personally think that nothing a newbie tries should be life-threatening if done improperly (breath play, the like). That's for someone who's taken courses, talked with people, done their research. But as long as there's communication, I don't see much wrong with newbies playing with other newbies. Just don't be stupid, that's all.

-C

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 24

RE: Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 12:29:46 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

Master and i were talking yesterday aboout bavk when he was a new Dom (almost 30 yrs ago). I said to him i think for a brand new Dom to try to train a band new sub is irresponsible. When i met Master i was not new but I did want an experienced Dom.

So i was wondering do you think a new Dom trying to train (and i mean train such as whipping ,caning , bondage)a new sub is irresposible?

(please no flames just a question)

Matt's littleone

I find it about as irresponsible as getting into a car and actually driving to learn how to drive the car. There are lots of things in life which give you practice and most probably don't even realize it. Play darts, shoot pool or go bowling, you're improving your aim. Like to swim, you're building your upper body to help swing a flogger. Walk and chew gum at the same time .. you're multi-tasking so you can play and read body language at the same time. Video games are going to improve your hand eye coordination. Very few adults are going to enter into BDSM without some stuff already under their belt .. even if they don't know the full extent and richness of that knowledge.

Celeste

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 4/25/2008 12:30:50 PM >

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 25

RE: Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 2:46:52 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

Master and i were talking yesterday aboout bavk when he was a new Dom (almost 30 yrs ago). I said to him i think for a brand new Dom to try to train a band new sub is irresponsible. When i met Master i was not new but I did want an experienced Dom.

So i was wondering do you think a new Dom trying to train (and i mean train such as whipping ,caning , bondage)a new sub is irresposible?

(please no flames just a question)

Matt's littleone

What about in the case of a married couple who decide they want to include BDSM in their marriage, and strive for a D/s or M/s relationship.... should they seek out others to learn from...should he bring an experienced sub to train him ...if neither have a desire for poly? Their are married couples here who started in a vanilla relation there fore both newbies and then added the D/s element later learning together... it is not necessary to learn to by having involvements with experienced players, they can learn thru group workshops or thru trial and communication together

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Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 26

RE: Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 4:26:40 PM

metalmiss

Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline

i don't think it would be irresponsible.. simply because every D-type will train their respective s-type to please them.. And if it works/satisfies for them both then great.

If they both move on to other partners they will only have to learn all over again anyway, whether they were newbies or had years of extensive experience under their belts.. Because every single new person out there is completely different and will require different things or react differently than the last.

Plus.. i'm sure it's been said before.. we all start somewhere

_____________________________

"The longing to serve, to submit, to abandon oneself sexually, emotionally, and physically makes one a slave either to a Man, a Woman or to God. Submission to that passion is divine degradation." - Dorothy C. Hayden

Owned by RavenMuse

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 27

RE: Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 4:39:10 PM

Arrrchibald

Posts: 350
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline

I don't presume any experience from past relationships will apply to future ones.

No amount of "lifestyle experience" means anyone knows jack about someone they've never met.

When two people get together for the first time, they're both beginners with eachother.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 28

RE: Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 7:37:23 PM

RippedTwisted2

Posts: 14
Joined: 10/27/2007
From: upstate, NY
Status: offline

While I can see the advantages of one party having experience if the other does not, I would not say it is irresponsible...nor impossible. My Master and I learned together, taught each other, made hideous mistakes together and MOST vitally communicated with each other. We started fairly slow, and it was a few years before we tried to take things to a 24/7 basis. It was a few years more before we did it successfully. Yeah, there were lots of unintended hurt feelings and minor injuries (on both of our parts), but it was just us...our own little world which we created together, just for us. At the time, there was no internet to speak of, few accessable books, no local demos or seminars, no local scene, no play parties, locally.... we were utterly alone, exploring the darkness in us both. In retrospect, perhaps those things I mentioned might have been helpful... but they might also have simply been intrusive. We learned from each other, and through deep self analysis ... I would not trade it for the world.

_____________________________

"I came into your world, and kicked you in the mind, and I'm the only witness to the nature of my crime"

"He was born dead and just got older"

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 29

RE: Irresponsible - 4/28/2008 6:35:39 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

I got lucky and learned from a great Mentor. Without him I probably would have learned from trial and error. With anything new I always ask someone to show me and walk me thru it first. I don't care if your a Dom/Domme or sub/slave. Im willing to learn from anyone.

(in reply to RippedTwisted2)

Post #: 30

RE: Irresponsible - 4/28/2008 1:11:59 PM

katie978

Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline

When I was looking, I had several guys ask me what I liked. "Well, I'm a masochist." I would reply, "I like getting hit with things." Then I had a gentleman rattle of a list of implements and ask me which I liked better, and if I didn't know, how was I a sub. I still don't know whether I prefer the crop or the belt, and before I'd ever played, I had no idea at all.
Me and my current dom are starting off together, and we both like it that way. He never had to feel silly because I was an experienced sub and he was a newbie, and vice versa. Sure, we'll get into bits of trouble along the way, problems we need to work out together. But that's what life's about-growing, learning, getting better, changing.
That's not to say that I would have nessecarily turned down an experienced dom. However, at my age, an experienced dom either got started insanely early (read: UM), or is a liar. I just understand that there are a few limitations on our play (things we haven't learned yet), a bit of a learning curve, and that things are just going to keep getting better and better and better!

_____________________________

"That's the plan. Rule the world. You and me. Anyday ::wink::"

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 31

RE: Irresponsible - 4/28/2008 7:03:45 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

I only think they are irresponsible if thee try to play with toys without learning any knowledge about them at all and what they can do. The same goes for trying anything in play. Read about it, attend demos, ask others, we all were new at one time

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(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 32

RE: Irresponsible - 4/28/2008 10:44:41 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

If my partner had not been willing to enter into that situation, we would never have had a relationship together. :)

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

Post #: 33

RE: Irresponsible - 4/29/2008 6:47:37 AM

lanie38

Posts: 120
Joined: 9/14/2007
Status: offline

~FR~
I think what's irresponsible is people assuming age equals knowledgeable experience...I witness that assumption, on both sides of the slash, way too often...

Edited for spelling...I hate those esp when someone quotes you...grrr...:))

< Message edited by lanie38 -- 4/29/2008 7:29:15 AM >

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Post #: 34

RE: Irresponsible - 4/29/2008 6:53:16 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

I think what's irresponsible is people assuming age equals knowledgeable experience...

I agree, I am never impressed when people spout off about their many years in the lifestyle. They may be doing the same thing they did when they were 21, with no new knowledge or experience, it's difficult to be impressed by that.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to lanie38)

Post #: 35

RE: Irresponsible - 4/29/2008 7:58:47 AM

ownedslaveflesh

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/29/2008
Status: offline

Master and I learned from each other. We started out using traffic light safewords to communicate and that was very helpful: Green = I'm fine. Amber = I'm reaching the end of my tolerance to this. Something needs adjusting. or I need a break from this now. Red = Stop everything! Once my limits and his comfort zones were established, we ditched green and amber. Now I only use 'red' for specific medical reasons and apart from that, my limits are set by him. This is ok now because we know each other so well and have a huge amount of trust.

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"Humans need fantasy in order to be human; to be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape." ~ Terry Pratchett.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 36

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