FLButtSlut
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Joined: 3/17/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
Just because *I* don’t have everything worked out doesn’t mean that the idea itself is flawed.
Actually the whole point is that the idea is in itself quite flawed. Just as the legalities currently arising with "porn" on the internet are flawed. The flaw is in WHO decides who is capable. You certainly are not capable of deciding who is a good or capable parent. I'm not capable of deciding on that level who is a good or capable parent. There are some very fine laws that determine some basic things that make BAD parents. But determinations like this would indicate that someone who is illiterate is inherently a poor parent, or perhaps unable to finance a college education (and therefore, God forbid the poor kid needs to work his way through school or work hard enough to earn a scholarship).
quote:
ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
While personally I guess I’d disagree with that (The whole “It’s a Wonderful Life” theory of the world), on a much larger macro level we have to ponder other things. Would the world have been better if Oppenheimer had never been born? I was a complete accident to my parents, neither of them were looking to have another child. Would their lives have been better if I was never born?
First of all, that was my whole point. I KNOW that you don't feel that way about your existence, and quite frankly feel very sorry for anyone who does. There are lists of people that we can question life minus their existence (Hitler, Stalin jump to mind), and certainly the atrocity of their existence makes that question reasonable. But the whole "wonderful life" moral is that NO man doesn't touch the world in some way. Even those so horrible as Hitler served a purpose allowing society as a whole to learn and grow. We now know how we respond to genocide, without Hitler, would the answer have been so clear. We don't always know the "why" of events or tradegies, but as nothing more than mortals, we don't need to.
And just as a point of fact, I don't think that unplanned or not, spend a great deal of contemplating how much better their lives MIGHT have been without you. As parents, at the end of the day, even those days when we don't "like" our kids or their behavior very much, we can't contemplate life without them.
quote:
ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
On the other hand, perhaps if parenting children were based on skills and desires versus “he came from your body, therefore you have to take care of him” we would have guardians who were doing far better than “their best.”
"Skills" such as what? Those who choose to breastfeed being more "skillful" than those who don't? The "skills" of parenting are not learned in a book. Certainly books can be helpful, but parenting is a fluid and flexible thing that adjusts for each child so therefore each parents "skills" must be different. As for "desire", well first of all that is why women have a choice to have children or not, and second that is why many people adopt, because of the "desire" to be a parent.
quote:
ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
I personally think the idea of having “guardians” as a career choice would be fabulous. People who feel attuned to raising children and who have been cultivated to follow that attunement, rather than simply “this person shares your genes, so for some reason you must be the right person to be responsible” is definitely worth consideration.
So now who is going to pay these "guardians" who choose as a career to raise children? Oh wait, we already have many "guardians". Some are nannies, some are social workers, some are guardian ad litems. Certainly people who dislike children or for whatever reason choose NOT to have children shouldn't. But that is called "birth control" and already exists.
The main problem which you seem to miss is that just like adults, each child is different. I am very "attuned" to my son's needs, but have a friend with a special needs child that I would not be able to handle, but whose family is very equipped to handle her. Incidentally, she is one of eleven children WORLDWIDE who suffer from her disorder. How do you "cultivate" someone to care for her? Or perhaps we just let her family do that one because no one else would want to?
In the end all anyone can do is their "best". You try to be the best slave that you can be, and for your owner, your "best" might be more than he could ever hope for. For someone else, your "best" might be a far cry from anything they would ever want. You can't cultivate what would essentially be "cookie cutter" "guardians until we develop "cookie cutter" children. In MOST cases, parents are still the best equipped that exists to meet the ongoing and ever changing needs of THEIR children.
quote:
ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
Well if you aren’t going to take what I say seriously based on age or lack of raising children myself, there’s nothing I can do about it. Obviously ones experiences will affect ones perspective and it must be viewed in that context.
Here it is your complete LACK of experience that makes your ideas nothing more than the foolish meanderings of someone who of course thinks they have the answers without ever having experienced the reality. No two families rear their children identically, yet many children grow up to be successful even with those differences. So how could one of those ways be "right" and the other "wrong"? Quite simply it can't.
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and my approach to parenting is unorthodox to many eyes. But my little ones are happy and healthy and know that I love them. I've made a point of seeing past only what I want for them because I'm not them. I hated that when it happened to me, I wouldn't want to do it to them.
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