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How Many can you keep? - 4/26/2008 6:51:57 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		I have read in several threads about how many male subs there are statistically speaking for every Female Dom on CM.  Most of those threads are males complaining that they cannot find or attract a FemDom. 

Just out of curiosity, I  changed my Search on the  home page to "Straight Female Dominants from 18 to 60 years, all states."  There were FIVE of us on line at that time.  I then changed to "Straight Male submissives" of the same age range.   I got 3 1/2 pages, 25 per page, of them on line at that time.  I wasn't counting all the people who had just left, etc.  That would be roughly 18 male subs per FemDom at one given time.

How many of these does each Domme here even try to 'keep'?  I've got several that I talk to on a regular basis and have about 6 that I consider good friends and would actually enjoy having as R/L subs if they were geographically closer.  (Some of those have been invited to visit, but none have shown up yet.)

I used to wonder about all the women who said they were Pro Doms and make lots of money at it.  One spoke of men waiting as long as 2 years for a strap-on session.  These things just boggled my mind.  I couldn't figure out where they found all these men who were desperate enough for this type of attention to pay for it. 

I also never realized how rare a Dominant Woman is as a comparative ratio to sub men looking for them.  Is this 'normal' in R/L?  Or just an on-line phenomenon?   If it's normal, how many subs do most Dommes try to keep?

Ladies, please understand that I am very new to the BDSM community.  I've always had my 'boys', but through other venues and have always kept my kinks pretty much under wraps. 

I've done Science Fiction/Fantasy conventions since 1979.  Those always had at least 10 males for every female... So I've always had my pick of the fan boys.  They never cared about being 'one among many' as long as they got some attention.  And if they didn't like my kinks?  Well - there were plenty more waiting for the chance to try.

I've been on Adult Chatt lines since 1990... Again, it was almost all male, so any female was showered with attention and could easily pick and choose who she wanted to spend time with.

But the open BDSM community?  This is new ground for me.  I'm not even sure exactly what I'm asking, so please pardon me for rambling.    Do the rest of you Ladies keep a 'stable' or prefer to keep just one like a monogamist relationship?  Do you keep more on-line than in real life?  Or, once again, is this just personal preference?

<--46 and still learning!





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the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
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RE: How Many can you keep? - 4/26/2008 7:14:06 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		I can only speak for myself.  I am a switch, but I hope that the information will be useful.

When I started as a Domme I had three real time subs and about a dozen more online.  When I found that not all of my needs were being met I approached a Master who knew that I was a Domme and over time became His slave.

He has chosen that I remain an online Mistress.  I could have dozens of male subs if I wanted to, but now I am more discerning.  I already have what I need, so now someone needs to really touch me to get my attention.  I have one special pet and about three others that I am considering.  They need to understand that they will never see me in person; that this is for internet only. 




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RE: How Many can you keep? - 4/26/2008 7:18:27 AM   
DominantJenny


Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline 		I've actually just mentioned this thing in a casual way in a couple of threads. Myself, I have one man and I'm keeping it that way, but, since coming here, I've seen so many quality submissive men that I almost feel guilty not taking on more.

Really, it makes sense...women are SO not socialized to be dominant, and, in fact, have to fight like hell to be themselves when they are, for the most part. Hormones also play a part; we know that testosterone ups aggression and estrogen/progesterone reduces it (generally). It's just so much easier to transmute your dominance into something else or be in denial about it entirely (especially considering the vast quantities of women who are socialized with the idea that they're not even supposed to like sex!) AND all sorts of distorted ideas about what a femald dominant actually IS. (Hey, I'm a dominant. Guess what? I'm nurturing and loving and emotionally strong as hell, and I actually LIKE men.) Blah.
Add to that that a LOT of "male submissives" are really guys with a fetish (if it's all about YOU, you ain't a submissive, dude), and browsing through all of THEM to get to the actual male submissives is enough to deter even the staunchest of souls, and it's no wonder the situation is kind of a mess.

I do think that, as the next generations move up, it's getting and going to get better, but that doesn't do a lot for those who are stuck now.

I wonder how many posts will have been made before I finally finished this one, there weren't any yet when I started it. :P

Jen

(in reply to MsStarlett)
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RE: How Many can you keep? - 4/26/2008 7:23:10 AM   
khem


Posts: 300
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline 		I think it depends on what you mean by "keep."  People who are content to have online or very long distance relationships could, perhaps, have like 100 each.  That would be really confusing and annoying to me.  I'd probably have to set up a database to keep them straight.  I do enough of that crap at work.

I can fit up to 6 other women in my bed (yes, I did try ), but only about two adults in the trunk of my car in bondage.  Silliness aside, I really only want one slave and perhaps a few really good friends I can occasionally play with (like female slaves belonging to friends and such). 

While there may be 18 to 1 ratios on this website, I think the fact that I'm single (and I know a few single Dommes) is pretty telling about the ratio of compatible people. 

-K



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RE: How Many can you keep? - 4/26/2008 7:47:05 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		My opinion may not help you in your quest for information.  I'm married and poly, so I may not exactly be the demographic that you are hoping to get answers from.

Very specifically, in My marriage, the rule is that I can only keep one collared submissive, which I think is probably the most direct answer to your question.  However, I can have as many (depending on the person) play (not sex) partners as I can find the time to beat.  There are also no problems with training relationships, but those aren't on the same level as My collared sub.  I don't do online *domination, and for the sake of the discussion, I'll keep My personal opinions on that to Myself.


_____________________________

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RE: How Many can you keep? - 4/26/2008 8:09:08 AM   
MadameMarque


Posts: 1128
Joined: 3/19/2005
Status: offline 		Five.  Yes, I'd be up for that, if they are the ones for me.  I"m thinking, in a family.
 
 

(in reply to MsStarlett)
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RE: How Many can you keep? - 4/26/2008 8:19:19 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		At one point in my life I had two submissives in training (one was Fox who has been my slave for over 8 years now) and one slave plus my husband.

I can say it was one of the best periods of my life in terms of getting my SM and Ds needs/desires met. It required a lot of time management from me and understanding from the subs/slave.

Honestly right now not only would it be difficult to offer another slave privacy in our household (something I believe every adult human being needs) but since I'll be on the job market again in the fall/winter, I can't say where we'll be next summer. I'm not sure that is fair to me emotionally or to a potential.

Though if they met the specifics I just changed my profile to include, I might consider a potential right now for a short-term dynamic (a year perhaps if training worked out well).

_____________________________

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MsStarlett)
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RE: How Many can you keep? - 4/26/2008 8:52:34 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		at one point i did have 3 pets and though i had to release him, we still chat as friends. currently, i have 2 pets (1 is local but he's away on business) and don't want to take on anymore. my other pet is older and long distance who enjoys being my sissy Jacqueline.

in my experience, i had up to 6 pets but they were mostly marrieds looking either to satisfy an itch or fulfill a sexual fantasy (being dominated by a black woman or trampled).  for them it might have been fun yet for me it got extremely boring especially when they wanted to control the session. so i stopped sticking to my submissive side until Daddy suggested i get a pet last year.

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RE: How Many can you keep? - 4/26/2008 9:07:50 AM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline 		I think "how many" is a personal choice.
I've got one live in pet and I'm talking to a wonderful girl right now who may become p/t.
From what I've seen, it is difficult to find what is to me a compatible male slave.  This doesn't mean that the person wouldn't be right for another, just that they aren't what I need.

What I am ultimately looking for is a full time slave.  A lot of times, what I find are men that want the kink or the play, but are not interested in any kind of service.

I could not give you an actual number, it would just be however many compatible people I could have quality time with while not sacrificing any other part of my life or theirs.  If that comes down to one other person or five, it is what it is.

Lady Jag

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RE: How Many can you keep? - 4/26/2008 9:09:44 AM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline 		In the past, I have owned as many as four male submissives at the same time.  However, through experience I have learned that I am happiest when in a monogamous relationship with only one sub. 
 
Lady Topaz

< Message edited by MysticFireTopaz -- 4/26/2008 9:10:28 AM >

(in reply to MsStarlett)
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RE: How Many can you keep? - 4/26/2008 9:41:17 AM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		It's been my observation that there are tons of male subs out there, but very, very few sincere ones. In other words, a lot of time wasters. I gave it some thought at one time, and I began to believe there are probably as many male submissives who truly desire to serve as there are women who are seeking just that. Unfortunately, the fakes, the players and the time wasters (from both sides) make it quite difficult for any of those sincere ones to actually find each other. Add in geographical location and distance between potential partners, and I think it makes a logical argument as to why there are still a lot of women trying to find that "right guy" but have not yet succeeded.

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RE: How Many can you keep? - 4/26/2008 10:29:26 AM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline 		Interesting question.  Personally, I don't have time or energy for a volume approach.  I feel very blessed and grateful to have found even one male submissive that I want to love and cherish.

I would agree that there are a lot of quality men on this site, however, and it is truly incomprehensible to me that some of them are running around loose.    They're smart, articulate, handsome, sweet, passionate, submissive (or switch--I'm not judging)...quality merchandise without a doubt!  I guess they have trouble finding a woman they can give all that wunnerfulness to, but I doubt that it's an issue of there being not enough women to go around--it's more about finding the right woman for him personally, most likely. 

I have people that I talk to along the whole spectrum of gender/orientation on the other side, but I wouldn't say that my submissive male friends are getting a lot of "dommitude" out of their talks with me.  Just chit-chat and the occasional hugs and encouragement.  I always assume that if people wanted something more or deeper with me, they'd say so.

Anyway, I really have never considered having a lot of submissives.  If the right people offered themselves, I suppose I'd at least think about it--that's the least you can do when a really quality human being takes the time to get to know you and hurls himself at your feet.  And after all, I always joke about having a harem--mostly because role reversal seems to annoy people so much, but still... 

DominantJenny brings up some interesting points about how low some dominant women may set their expectations.  It's probably a good idea to at least think about whether a multiple arrangement would make you happy as a femme domme. Most women do not spend nearly enough time figuring out what makes them happy! 

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"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

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RE: How Many can you keep? - 4/26/2008 11:53:00 AM   
MladyHathor


Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline 		I seek one, singular sensation--every little breath he takes----seeking One singular sensation, every little breath She takes....

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The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

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RE: How Many can you keep? - 4/26/2008 12:12:00 PM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you, Ladies.  I appreciate the insight from others.  I have actually never had a 'collard slave' in the formal sense.  Unless you want to count my husband... but that's a whole different story.  I've had a lot of what I guess you would call 'friends with kinky benefits,'  but I'm still learning my way around the expected protocols. 

What brought all this up?  I'm going to my very first Munch in a few hours.  I know about 1/2 of the expected 20 people from other venues.  It's a little scary and a little exciting to be a 'virgin' again.  ;)


_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to ShaktiSama)
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RE: How Many can you keep? - 4/26/2008 1:28:24 PM   
PhoenixRed


Posts: 174
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		Well, technically I have one slave, 2 switches and 2 subs.  There are also some bottoms I top occasionally in real time and I have a few online subs I keep in touch with regularly.  Other than my mate, whom I live with (and who isn't into the BDSM lifestyle), I don't get to see the members of my little "family" as much as I'd like to.  Given the job responsibilities and family responsibilities of each of them, time with any one of them can be very limited.  I now see my slave once a week and we've been trying to work out more time....but as the custodial parent of his ums, and the fact that his job takes him out of town for almost a week just about every month, that's not always easy.  My pup is wonderful and I see him about once a week when he doesn't have his ums, and once every two weeks when he does. My male switch....maybe once a month because of his job responsibilities and his travel schedule.  I've been seeing my female switch about once a week.  The young kitten just got a new job and I haven't seen him for 2 weeks now, but plan to this weekend. 

So, therein lies the rub.  None are collared because they can't make that kind of committment yet. Sure, I would love it if they were always available and would come whenever I called.  It would be terriffic to find a sub/slave I could collar and truly own. For the people I've chosen so far, though, real-life responsibilites have precluded that possibility. I do consider myself very fortunate to have all the members of my "family" though, and thoroughly enjoy the time I do spend with them.    


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In the great experiment known as evolution, evidently there are some people who's ancestors were in the control group.

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RE: How Many can you keep? - 4/26/2008 1:58:57 PM   
aidan


Posts: 904
Joined: 5/28/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

Anyway, I really have never considered having a lot of submissives.  If the right people offered themselves, I suppose I'd at least think about it--that's the least you can do when a really quality human being takes the time to get to know you and hurls himself at your feet.  And after all, I always joke about having a harem--mostly because role reversal seems to annoy people so much, but still... 


You know, I'm not entirely opposed to this harem idea. I'v always wanted to be a squad commander...And think of the things I could do with a kitchen full of lackeys! Oh, the banquets...


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RE: How Many can you keep? - 4/26/2008 2:10:51 PM   
ElanSubdued


Posts: 1511
Status: offline 		MsStarlett,

For me, when I was a dominant, one is all I wanted.  As a submissive, I don't desire to be part of a "harem" because I'm monogamous, however, there are certain women who could probably cause me to at least consider the thought. :-)

Elan.

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RE: How Many can you keep? - 4/26/2008 8:52:55 PM   
MySweetSubmssive


Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline 		I put a lot of myself into a submissive, so energy and interest-wise, I wouldn't be into a six-pack of submissives.  It's unlikely that I would own more than one submissive (I have owned none to date). When there is someone I am serious with, I might at the same time have a few flirtations going, and innocuous chit-chat -- I like coloring outside the lines!

MSS

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RE: How Many can you keep? - 4/26/2008 8:55:09 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		ONE is enough for me.
 
The trick for me IMHO, is finding the right ONE for me.
 
I rather have ONE submissive that I cherish and love, than 500 trillion.
 
nuff said!

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

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RE: How Many can you keep? - 4/27/2008 12:02:35 AM   
Pyrrsefanie


Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline 		It's hard for me to feel terribly comfortable with having additional subs or slaves real-time.  Sure, I've tied up a few boys here and there because I was bored, but it was nothing serious and certainly nothing sexual.  As long as that line of sexuality isn't crossed I suppose I could theoretically have one or two in addition to my boy at some point in the future without getting too overwhelmed... but then again, my situation may be very different from a lot of people because my darling boy is also the man that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.  (If I don't kill him first... I love him but he's a handful, yeesh.)

I don't know if that makes me less than monogamous.  At this point another "underling" would basically amount to a very dear friend with no sexual interaction, but I know the definition of monogamy can vary depending on the person you're asking.  Personally I consider it to still fall within the realm of monogamy since I'm still only loving/touching the no-no spots of one person.










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Ти саркастична, це – доля,
Ти артистична в неволі,
Ти симпатична в цій ролі,
Ти синтетична до болю

Read my series, Taking Jessica, on http://www.akashaweb.com !

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