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First "play" meetings - 4/26/2008 1:46:37 PM

BotanicalMiss

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What kind of things do you do or expect during a first time "play" meet? This refers to the time after you've already been talking to the person for a while, have met them in a nilla setting, and have decided to get together for some private play time. I've always been curious about how others feel and think about this one, so I thought I'd throw it out there.

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RE: First "play" meetings - 4/26/2008 2:21:42 PM

BRNaughtyAngel

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What people do on their first play date can vary as wildly as the individuals themselves.

I think a lot would depend on experience levels on both sides of the slash, and whether or not you plan on play time including sexual aspects.

What you've discussed with each other about limits, boundaries, likes, dislikes, curiosities, definitely wanna tries, etc... and if you don't know what you want or like, then I'd make sure that was made clear upfront and proceed accordingly. Meaning, if you are new and haven't ever been flogged or whipped or whatever, that you not go into it full tilt, or at least work your way up.

Toy collections can also affect what type of play may or may not occur. And just because someone has a (fill in the blank) in their toy bag, doesn't mean it needs to come out the first time.

Afterall and generally speaking, I think most people are hoping for more than one play date and perhaps an eventual relationship, whether as a casual play partner or as a potential life partner. So what's the big hurry in doing everything under the sun right off the bat?

Talk to each other about what you'd like the play session to include and don't be afraid to say "no" to anything you aren't ready for.

And mostly, have fun.

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RE: First "play" meetings - 4/26/2008 2:33:17 PM

Maya2001

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I agree that it varies greatly based on what the individuals and what they discuss and agree to ..some may agree only in a public party type setting where no penetration/sex occurs mostly it is just impact play with safe words and people present to ensure play remains safe and can be stopped at any time. others prefer private settings and may include sex as part of the play ..it involves a greater degree of trust that safe words and limits will be respected

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RE: First "play" meetings - 4/26/2008 2:38:17 PM

kallisto

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I think what is done depends on the people involved. My expectations don't change from the first play date to the very last one and those in between. I expect trust and respect no matter when. If either is broken, then it's the last play date no matter what we did.

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RE: First "play" meetings - 4/26/2008 3:48:07 PM

sadomasokisti

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I always try to build the first play on a slowly expanding comfort zone.

Is the person comfortable with basic bondage at first. For a newbie the bondage is most likely with clothes on, hands behind the back. Then I build on the trust gained and slowly add things that we are discussing or have discussed before. For the most part it depends mostly on the experience level of the sub how fast we take things.

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RE: First "play" meetings - 4/26/2008 3:50:36 PM

ThundersCry

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When it gets to that point...

I will take all I want...

Nothing wrong with going 0 to 60 in a heartbeat...

Tsk Tsk

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RE: First "play" meetings - 4/26/2008 4:22:42 PM

SweetNika

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For myself it is simple, if I am going to play with someone I am owned by them or they are long and trusted friends that know my personal limits and would not put me in harms way. In either case I am submitting to their will.

Blessed Be,
Nika

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RE: First "play" meetings - 4/26/2008 5:27:44 PM

Aynne

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*throws caution to the wind.....now that's just HOT....

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThundersCry

When it gets to that point...

I will take all I want...

Nothing wrong with going 0 to 60 in a heartbeat...

Tsk Tsk

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RE: First "play" meetings - 4/26/2008 5:43:33 PM

ProfJoe

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If the play date is a step toward a real-time power exchange, I'd be very observant. Do the words that were said before match the actions now? Is there respect shown for what I said when we talked about it?

First meetings are all about building trust through consistency.

Prof Joe

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RE: First "play" meetings - 4/26/2008 7:16:58 PM

SteelofUtah

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HEY JOE!!!!

I find first play helps as a Base line it is something I try to do in private and I try to get a feel for them. I try NOT to go too heavy but also don't wear kid gloves. I try to offer what I perfer to do in play. Lighter play to see how they react to it and then Heavy play to see if they will safe word and fo guage thier pain threshold. I have known girls that after our first PLAY they lost interest because I am NOT a sadist I'm just not and so I am often too light but hopefully this is something that we will have determined is OKAY before out first PLAY meet.

Wish I could offer better advice.

Steel

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RE: First "play" meetings - 4/26/2008 7:26:17 PM

OldBastardly1

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I agree. I use a first time play session as an evaluation of her responses, tolerances, likes & dislikes. I usually do not try to find her safeword...unless, maybe, she has proclaimed that her pain tolerance is a 8 or 9 and has "never safeworded".
I had one that had claimed to be an 8. I challenged her on that because I had seen her play before, so she backed off to a 6. When I got done, I let her know that she should say she was a 4 in the future.

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RE: First "play" meetings - 4/26/2008 7:42:15 PM

MaamJay

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I agree it depends on the people, the available circumstances and equipment and what they have negotiated.

For Me, it usually involves an inspection and opportunity to review medical history, then some negotiated impact play such as a spanking or flogging. This gives Me a chance to see how their skin reacts, how long it takes for the redness to subside etc. I try NOT to mark or bruise in that first session, though there are some who mark very easily so I never try to "guarantee" it. With individual impacts I do aim to play to "orange" as I want to know where their tolerance level is at this first occasion, and the sub knows that if they don't call it when they feel they should, things are just going to get harder! I feel it's especially important to get "macho male subs" to say orange, I NEED to know how they are really feeling. I usually don't do confining bondage in a first session (ie I don't tie them to anything), and not in association with the impact play. After the impact play I may do some bondage in terms of tying hands behind back, or simply tie a rope harness onto them so they experience the feel of rope on the body. On occasions I may move onto other play such as hotwax painting or sensation play as is My wont and time permitting. My overall aim is to provide a satisfying first experience that has stretched their minds a bit without pushing physical barriers too far ... and to leave them wanting more of course.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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