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Fears - 4/26/2008 9:34:24 PM   
Pickles1995


Posts: 9
Joined: 3/2/2006
Status: offline 		Any suggestions for how a sub/slave can overcome major fears of things that her Dom/Master wants to try or have her do?
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RE: Fears - 4/26/2008 9:37:26 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		Do them and see if it really is as bad as you think.

Fear becomes irrational if you have never done it and believe you know how it will be.

Unless it is something that could KILL you, Try it first be afraid after and if you aren't sure do it AGAIN.

Steel

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Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
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For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

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RE: Fears - 4/26/2008 9:41:09 PM   
SweetiePie26


Posts: 17
Joined: 3/5/2008
Status: offline 		When I am afraid, I just remind myself that I trust him not to do anything to damage or seriously hurt me, most of the time I am still afraid depending on the act, but he enjoys seeing my fear, it's usually NEVER as bad as I think, and knowing he loves what  he is doing makes it that much easier to deal with. if it's things you haven't tried yet, you never know you might end up loving it.

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RE: Fears - 4/27/2008 12:28:26 AM   
impossiblesub


Posts: 150
Joined: 4/20/2008
Status: offline 		Are you afraid just because you are afraid or are you afraid because you think these things to be "wrong" in some way. If it is just plain fear, then yes by all means give it the old taste test. If it is fear due to a conflict with your moral values I would suggest giving serious consideration to the matter. If you have deeply rooted values you could develop some serious psychological problems. 

< Message edited by impossiblesub -- 4/27/2008 12:31:32 AM >

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RE: Fears - 4/27/2008 12:30:06 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Ask to go slow. Even crawling takes you places.

Celeste

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: Fears - 4/27/2008 1:17:54 AM   
kinkypuppy2


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		Trust

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See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

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RE: Fears - 4/27/2008 2:57:33 AM   
michelleryder


Posts: 198
Joined: 5/18/2007
Status: offline 		He's your Master he won't do anything to seriously hurt you. If you learn to love the anticipation rather than fearing it you'll enjoy wondering whats coming next.

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RE: Fears - 4/27/2008 3:38:50 AM   
Snakepunch


Posts: 3
Joined: 10/20/2007
Status: offline 		Faceing fears works most of the time..

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The smartest man in the world.

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RE: Fears - 4/27/2008 3:49:02 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pickles1995

Any suggestions for how a sub/slave can overcome major fears of things that her Dom/Master wants to try or have her do?


What are you afraid of?

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

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RE: Fears - 4/27/2008 4:37:18 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		He is your Master, if you trust in Him and in His duty of care then the fear itself is unfounded. Focus on Him rather than what you are afraid of, Draw your strength for Him and trust in His ability to get you through it.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

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RE: Fears - 4/27/2008 4:40:10 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		Assuming you have trust in him...tell him of your fear and ask him to slowly lead you into it. You may find what you now fear is actually rather nice.

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RE: Fears - 4/27/2008 5:52:58 AM   
KCherry


Posts: 2264
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: Send Help, Fla.
Status: offline 		Just push it down and rely on trust until you have actually experienced it, then you can be afraid if you want.

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Reality and I had a fundamental differing of opinions. We're currently undergoing trial separation.

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RE: Fears - 4/27/2008 5:57:13 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: impossiblesub

Are you afraid just because you are afraid or are you afraid because you think these things to be "wrong" in some way. If it is just plain fear, then yes by all means give it the old taste test. If it is fear due to a conflict with your moral values I would suggest giving serious consideration to the matter. If you have deeply rooted values you could develop some serious psychological problems. 


I have to agree with this.


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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
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RE: Fears - 4/27/2008 8:50:40 AM   
Pickles1995


Posts: 9
Joined: 3/2/2006
Status: offline 		It is fear of the unknown, never experienced things.  It isn't because of morals.  It's fear of possible long term effects of certain things.  He knows about my fears because I've told him.  He's been very upfront on what he wants and expects.  To put it mildly, I was very sheltered growing up among other things.  So on one hand, finding someone like my Master is totally awesome, but totally freakin scary too.  He's never done anything to lead me wrong so yes, I trust him.  I just have many fears.  The things I have tried so far, over time I grew to love.  Just struggling with a certain thing in particular that is very major for me. 

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RE: Fears - 4/27/2008 8:59:46 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Some people jump into the deep end and others go toe at a time. Throwing a person who prefers to go toe first into the deep end will just make them more fearful. I'm one of those slow types.

I need him to explain the activity to me, allow me time to learn about it, and it helps if we break it down into steps. And just work on one at a time. Because if he demands I do the whole thing at once, that says to me that the activity is more important to him than I am. What does it matter in the long run if it takes me six months to be able to handle something? It doesn't as long as he's really planning to still be here in six months. Plus I need the right to stop it if I can't handle it and not be pushed the next day to try it again.

What works best for you? And is he more interested in doing the activity or in having you eventually have a good experience?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Fears - 4/27/2008 9:20:35 AM   
Pickles1995


Posts: 9
Joined: 3/2/2006
Status: offline 		Yes, he does go slow and we do take small steps.

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RE: Fears - 4/27/2008 9:38:04 AM   
curiousPAlady


Posts: 8
Joined: 4/20/2008
Status: offline 		Just my perspective... I personally have hard limits that are part health related, and part because of my past.  NOTHING will make me do certain things because I know they would not be good for my mental/emotional/physical health.  NO matter how much I trust my Dominant, NO matter how much I am devoted to a Dominant, I would never do those things.  Its not a matter of pushing past my limits or fears.  Its not a matter of proving that I am submissive enough or of me wanting to please Him.

Therefore, I would NEVER get involved with or pledge myself to a Dominant who needed any of those things as part of a D/s relationship.  That may mean Im not very compatible with MOST Dominants, but it also means that when I DO commit, I know the relationship will be healthier and more stable than if I just try to connect with any Dominant.

I think that we all have different limits and goals and ideas about what a D/s relationship should look like or feel like for US.  If we arent realistic about who we are and what we want, sometimes we connect with the "wrong" partner.  Then its a struggle over pleasing him and sacrificing our souls... or being true to ourselves and disappointing or losing a partner.  We arent meant to match up with just anyone. 

I believe that its important to honor and respect our fears.  Sometimes our journey is confronting them and overcoming them... and sometimes our journey is remembering WHY those fears are still in us, and learning from them, so we make better choices.

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RE: Fears - 4/27/2008 10:33:36 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well if it really is just "I don't know" based fear with nothing else holding you back...then go slow.  Try something new.  The method of taking small leaps of trust to reinforce eachother over time really tends to be the best way to go here.  Over time, the leaps add up and your fears will begin to break down on their own due to lack of support.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Fears - 4/27/2008 1:59:05 PM   
impossiblesub


Posts: 150
Joined: 4/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: curiousPAlady
NOTHING will make me do certain things because I know they would not be good for my mental/emotional/physical health.  NO matter how much I trust my Dominant, NO matter how much I am devoted to a Dominant, I would never do those things.  Its not a matter of pushing past my limits or fears.  Its not a matter of proving that I am submissive enough or of me wanting to please Him.

Therefore, I would NEVER get involved with or pledge myself to a Dominant who needed any of those things as part of a D/s relationship. 


I agree with this poster about not doing anything dangerous to your health - emotional, mental, or physical. I think you should also give some thought beforehand about what you really want. Some people want someone to push them beyond those boundaries, some do not. That is the point of Hard Limits - what things can you not tolerate as part of the relationship - Ever?

(in reply to curiousPAlady)
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RE: Fears - 4/27/2008 3:44:05 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		There are a few things that Master would like me to try and has started easing me into ... but I have a few phobias which actually cause some beginning stage panic attack symptoms.  It's difficult.  I have the trust and love - I know he would never harm me.  It's just the instinct kicking in which takes over, and I freak.  I wonder if fear and phobia are different.  I think so - there are a few things I am fearful of, but could get through - but one or two things that I am phobic about which I try and believe that I will conquer, but deep down, I'm just not there yet.  I'm figuring that in time and with patience from Master I'll get there, but wow, it is slow-going.  Baby steps ...

(in reply to impossiblesub)
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