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RE: Lists - 4/28/2008 2:42:21 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
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From: St George Utah
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Lists are a guideline and are only as good as the person you share them with is willing to take them into account.

I like lists. Why? Because as long as I believe the person who filled them out is being honest I can get an Idea of what they have tried and what they havent AND I can get a look at what they SAY they like but HAVEN'T TRIED. These are BIG things to me.

I like the idea of them so much I have a print out I hand them sometimes when they are interested in the things I have experimented with as well as where I think I rate them. It is an additional tool to see if we are possible compatible cause for instance I like Task A SO much I see it as a requirement and she has Task A as a Hard Limit. This is obviously NOT going to work and I don't think this sould be figured out while she is tied to a St Andrews Cross.

Lists just shouldn't be confused as Negotioation which often they are. A List is just that a LIST of activities NOT an agreement to do them.

NEGOTIATE EVERY SCENE Unless you have a Previous understanding that you DON'T NEED TO ANYMORE.

This is one that I use it was a good one.
I perfer the excel spread sheet that way I can come back to it and change it as I go along.

>>>>>CLICK<<<<<<<

Steel

< Message edited by SteelofUtah -- 4/28/2008 2:43:35 PM >

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RE: Lists - 4/28/2008 4:29:03 PM

IronBear

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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Since very few people of my aquaintance in BDSM can honestly claim to have either a photographic memory or an encylopaedic knowledge of all BDSM activities and variations, a good sensible list of which I have a couple, are not only a good way to break the ice regarding play, but especially for those newer to the scene, it also serves as a list with which you can arm yourself in order to further your knowledge, even in the basic areas, of a whole variety of practices. I did this when I first became interested and pestered the hell out of a couple of very experienced friends after I had done my own research on line...A close friend did this with his girl when they were both new and madt the learning process a joint fun venture. It certainly alloiwed them to have a better idea of what they wanted to try, what they had as maybes and what was hard line "No Bloody Way Mate".

Iron Bear
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(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

< Message edited by IronBear -- 4/28/2008 4:30:02 PM >

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RE: Lists - 4/28/2008 5:37:51 PM

OrrisKitten

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Joined: 7/18/2007
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When my Dom and I first got together we did a list. While we did have great communication about likes and dislikes, the list was fairly long and brought up things we didn't think about. For example, it did not occur to me to ever say "I'm not a huge fan of hoods, but love being blindfolded and gagged." It got us talking about things, so I'd say that rather than going in with a list and handing it over, I say sit down together and use it as a conversation piece. See what comes up. You might see something you did not think of.

Its also kinda fun to go back and look at it for nostalgic reasons. We recently went back to look at it to see how our personalities change. Realistically, other than those two days, the list was in a drawer, forgotten, but it was a great way to think of different things to discuss. Also, google BDSM checklists is the best advice I could think of. :)

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RE: Lists - 4/28/2008 7:48:43 PM

derfrewop

Posts: 74
Joined: 5/10/2007
From: Vancouver
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Oh my God, I agree with Domiguy, the end of the world has come!

Look, you breathe, eat, shit, move and die. Every single one of them is a basis for BDSM. All that a list can do is make you think about your opinion of it as it is today. That opinion will change even before you end the list. A list is really useful for doing that thinking if you never have but after that, it mostly is just wanking material.

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RE: Lists - 4/28/2008 9:56:06 PM

SteelofUtah

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quote:

ORIGINAL: derfrewop

Oh my God, I agree with Domiguy, the end of the world has come!

Look, you breathe, eat, shit, move and die. Every single one of them is a basis for BDSM. All that a list can do is make you think about your opinion of it as it is today. That opinion will change even before you end the list. A list is really useful for doing that thinking if you never have but after that, it mostly is just wanking material.

Dude, if you whack off to a Kink List I suggest you invest in at very least a Sear's Catalog they at least have a Bra and Panties section with Pictures of girls in them.

A List is ONLY good to let someone know what you are into and what you aren't and how much experience you ACTUALLY HAVE with the things you are interested in I have come across quite a few lists where something HARDCORE is listed and they have never actually done it they just really want to.

I like to know what I am getting involved into first before I just get involved. It is like anything else a tool that can help you to discuss things before they just come up.

Ultimatly that may not be a Necessity but they are GOOD things for people who end up being faced with something that aren't sure about at least with a list they would have had fair warning.

Steel

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RE: Lists - 4/28/2008 10:02:03 PM

GreedyTop

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From: Savannah, GA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
go with God......Oh to clarify, the "cunt" comment was not directed at blissful or any other posters on this thread unless you are cunts.

Damn, and I thought you were calling for me....

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RE: Lists - 4/29/2008 4:59:48 AM

DesFIP

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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: derfrewop

All that a list can do is make you think about your opinion of it as it is today. That opinion will change even before you end the list. A list is really useful for doing that thinking if you never have but after that, it mostly is just wanking material.

Sorry, majorly disagreement here. I have allergies, and that means I'm never going to be able to handle a hood with those limited nose holes. Doesn't matter if I come to think they're hot or not, I still have to breathe. I could wish that I could handle it but I won't.

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RE: Lists - 4/29/2008 5:50:33 AM

ChainedExistence

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Joined: 2/5/2005
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I've probably seen dozens of lists...and the problem is all the same...Interpretation! Even on the simple things, there's so much room for interpretation. Let's take spanking for instance...Are we talking about with your hand, with a paddle, or with a two-by-four? Spanking in public or only in our own home? Spanking me til I cry or spanking me and demanding I not cry? Am I naked, or would you prefer the whole Catholic school girl outfit? Spanking as punishment, or for pleasure? I could keep on going, but that's ONE thing on a checklist. At best, maybe it's a discussion starter...at worst, you agree to something that's not at all what you had in mind. I'm not saying there's no value in lists- you might get some good ideas from them, but I'd never want to hand one over to a stranger and let that speak for me.

< Message edited by ChainedExistence -- 4/29/2008 5:51:29 AM >

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RE: Lists - 4/29/2008 6:44:17 AM

Aileen1968

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From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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I hate lists. It makes everything seem so sterile. Does the dom take the list with him and refer to it in the middle of a scene? Oh no, can't do that. It's only rated a 1 on her list. Lists make it seem like a job interview. How about just talking. Then again...I would never plan out or discuss a scene. Going with the flow is more my style and if something really isn't working for me mentally or physically then I'd say something to him and we'd adjust. Or not. It's really up to him now isn't it.

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RE: Lists - 4/29/2008 8:38:54 AM

Dnomyar

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domiguy the ears are handles to hold on to.

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RE: Lists - 4/29/2008 8:41:28 AM

Dnomyar

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Aileen I use a teleprompter.

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RE: Lists - 4/29/2008 8:54:13 AM

Poetryinpain

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~fr~ [there really ought to be some way of doing a fast reply that doesn't say you're replying to a certain post]

I don't have a list because I don't know what all is out there and what everything means, with all the ramifications and permutations of everything.

I would discuss with a Dom my physical and emotional limitations, and the seriousness of each. Some are pushable, and some are not. If he wanted to try something that I had never done before, I would like to know the general parameters of the activity. If I'm scening with a Dom, I would hope I have built up enough trust in him to know that he would never push the unpushable and that he would gently expand the pushable limits. Not knowing everything ahead of time can be very arousing.

pip, temper adventure with wisdom

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