RE: ~~Protecting your heart by killing it slowly~~

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RE: ~~Protecting your heart by killing it slowly~~ - 4/28/2008 3:43:25 PM

daddysliloneds

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i don't want/need to protect my heart, not in the emotional well being sense of the word, that is because the only thing that's going to kill it will be physical...

i'm one of those people who believes in telling people exactly how i feel about them, right when i'm feeling it; regardless of whether or not it's the yardman or my man!

i've found what works best for me is to keep an open and pure heart and to allow love in and out as often as possible. i don't fear someone not feeling as intensely about me as i do them, and i don't fear giving 100% of myself, let alone expecting a return on my investment; probably what makes it easier to not be broken-hearted; not having expectations...

not to say that i'm going to hang around all goo-goo and ga-ga over someone that feels nothing for me, but also not to say that the level of intensity that i can give of myself each and every time will be determined by how much someone hasn't given me in the past!

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RE: ~~Protecting your heart by killing it slowly~~ - 4/28/2008 5:51:35 PM

kiwisub12

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i went into my relationship with my Sir determined to be as open as i could. I opened my heart and mind and laid them bare. When i was feeling insecure i told him. When he wanted to know about my opinion about sexual issues i was as honest as i could be. I threw it all out there - something i had never done before, and for me, it worked!

There was a chance it wouldn't have worked. I could have been slammed against the (figuratively) wall, and raped.I hoped it would be ok, and thank goddess, it was. The point is - i took a chance, gave it my all, and reaped my reward.

Previously my way was to hid vulnerabilities and hope it would all be ok. The human condition is to be wary , to guard our hearts and well-being, to not risk too much - but for my Sir and i - i needed to be as open as i could, as difficult as it was. And i was!

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RE: ~~Protecting your heart by killing it slowly~~ - 4/28/2008 6:44:51 PM

BoundDown

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See I can understand protecting your heart from a new love, or an unsure love, but not someone you claim to currently love. Unless trust has been previously broken between the 2 people it seems counter productive to me. Yes we all have past hurts from prior relationships but if you are holding those hurts against an innocent party, and not even attempting to move past them, then why are you there at all?

I have been hurt, lied to, betrayed, used, abused and neglected in my past relationships, and when we first got together I carried that baggage right in along with me at first, but with in the first year I came to realize that HE was those people and my "innocent" defences were actually very unfair. I was punishing him for wrongs he did not commit.

I have grown because of this relationship, as has he. people may not believe this but we have a "perfect" relationship for us, at times we disagree, sometimes we even still yell over each other but those times get more rare as time goes on. And that is not because we are perfect people, we are quite flawed. He use to say things that he would regret and sometimes things would get broken, but that is all he knew about how to handle his anger - he didn't come from a functional home environment either- but he, like me, was willing to learn a new way to live.

It is a slow process, but you have to be willing to make changes IF you are dissatisfied with the staus of your relationship. For me, I craved internal peace and contentment, and for the only time in my life I like my place in this world.

Steel, speaking from experience, and this is something I still have to be vigilant about, but sometimes we try to help others because it is easier than taking an honest look at ourself and taking action to correct those things we may feel need to be changed. We all have issues, and no matter how much we may feel like we are "helping" other by listneing sometimes we are harming ourselves more; vampires come in other forms beside blood suckers.

Blessed be and go in Peace,
BD

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RE: ~~Protecting your heart by killing it slowly~~ - 4/28/2008 8:13:52 PM

MontrealPhoenix

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Oh gypsy, i so understand what you're feeling. I've been there so many times, each time swearing i'm never going to fall in love again - until it happens again....and so the cycle repeats itself. The thing is, we are only human, and it's human to want to love and be loved.

Dont beat yourself up for wanting that and believing you'd found it...after all you're only human like the rest of us.

hugs,

phoenix

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RE: ~~Protecting your heart by killing it slowly~~ - 4/28/2008 8:48:01 PM

HerLord

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Fast Reply
Steel as always... Interesting read. I have not read all the replies yet, and as this post was as long as it is... probably wont for a couple days... I like to let your thoughts sink in before I go very deep into them... I really like the atrophied analogy. But alas, I do have a counter point. But I not as eloquent as some will screw it up some how but here goes.

For some, the walls that are built around a heart may be of glass for all to see yet still protected from the savage weather of the outside world. I know some who wear their emotions, feelings, thoughts and the like openly, as a display of who they are almost. But even in this openness there are barriers which cannot not be seen. For instance the temperature difference between the two sides of the glass. While the outside is hot and muggy the inside is calm cool and protected.

I quess this is less of a counterpoint than anything else it does not go unsaid any more. Perhaps you might get something out of it, perhaps not. I hope you understand my point. (which was not made drunkenly LOL)

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RE: ~~Protecting your heart by killing it slowly~~ - 4/29/2008 4:38:25 AM

StormsSlave

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My Lord would become bored in a minute if we didn't spark against one another. The passion that drives us to bed is the same passion that drives us to screaming at each other and saying things we both regret.

I have protected my own heart too completely in the past, and found it getting hard. Actively loving is so much more rewarding, and so much more fun. My trust in him is instinctual, but my submission he has earned, and he earns it nearly every day.

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RE: ~~Protecting your heart by killing it slowly~~ - 4/29/2008 4:55:30 AM

christine1

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i completely get what you are saying Steel....i do because that is what i'm doing right now...i've got enough barbed wire fencing up that...well who knows. i don't have a solution or a lot of thoughts on it at the moment, it is what it is and i realize it's there.

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