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RE: is there hope? - 4/28/2008 10:48:43 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3
me it often works the other way, in that i get to know someone, like them and then bam they come up with something that slams the brakes on and jangles the old grey cells like nothing else could.

Amen sister. AMEN.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 21

RE: is there hope? - 4/28/2008 11:54:50 AM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG
Come to think of it, we never talked smut on-line, we saved that for when we could partake in mutual physical pleasure to go with the words.

As long as your mutual physical pleasure is derived from mutual desires this approach will work. Let's try an experiment - we'll suggest this strategy of not discussing any kinks pre-play to all of the newbies and we'll tally how well it works for them on a percentage basis. While you were pretty fortunate in meeting the guy you met I think we both know what the results of this exercise will be. If her idea of edge play if a brisk OTK spanking and he has designs that include hypodermic needles and cattle prods... Houston, we may have a problem.

My point is that all of this information is in most cases going to be discussed eventually before people play. The getting to know you part of it... the compatibility of our kinks part of it... it's all likely going to come out. I just don't understand why so many female submissives get their panties in a wad because some dominant asked them about their limits before asking what's their favorite flavor of ice cream.

You'd happily go to eharmony or match.com (vanilla sites) and discuss your kinky proclivities to screen people but over here on a kinky site it's verboten. Interesting.

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 22

RE: is there hope? - 4/28/2008 2:32:45 PM

teganlee

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/26/2008
Status: offline

smiles i dont pay attention when ones seem to straight away attack, it was a simple question and why i changed my name truly has nothing to do with the question i posted seems there is always a bully someplace so why would i expect anything less on here , tegan

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 23

RE: is there hope? - 4/28/2008 3:24:19 PM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

Part of what's going on is the whole Men are from Mars, Women from Venus thing. Men want to know that the physical stuff/BDSM checklists are compatible before starting a relationship. Women want to know that the basic relationship stuff is compatible before looking at chemistry/play.

absolutely right... and why is that. vanilla men dont ask in the first five minutes if you prefer doggy or missionary, up a tree or in the back of the van. so why cant we subs hope for a bit of idle chat before the nitty gritty gets underway. isnt it just as important to find out a little about the person youre talking to.

in the end, are we all that different, truly... and why talk about limits, what a negative way to go about things. surely it would be far more fun to talk about what a person does like and go from there.

i would imagine most subs would be open to trying most things if the Dom they were talking to made them feel they were being listened to and valued as a person and not as a slab of meat with play potential tattood across their arse.

just saying...

(yeah! - finally got to use him!)

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 24

RE: is there hope? - 4/28/2008 3:41:19 PM

Veexen

Posts: 21
Joined: 3/1/2008
Status: offline

Yes - there is definitely hope! I think CM is great - and it worked for me. I was a complete novice when i first came on CM. Just knew I was submissive and needed to explore it. Was a bit overwhelmed by the number of Doms who contacted me and no doubt many of them were fakes, but they were all friendly and I spent most of my time that first week chatting and learning from them. I was incredibly lucky, met my Master very shortly after posting my profile and we are still together, learning more every day, the future is exciting.
Veexen xx

(in reply to teganlee)

Post #: 25

RE: is there hope? - 4/28/2008 8:07:06 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

absolutely right... and why is that. vanilla men dont ask in the first five minutes if you prefer doggy or missionary, up a tree or in the back of the van. so why cant we subs hope for a bit of idle chat before the nitty gritty gets underway. isnt it just as important to find out a little about the person youre talking to.

Really, you've never encountered that with a guy trying to pick you up at a bar asking for specific details? What a sheltered life you've lived.

I'm not up to trying most things. I'm a bondage bottom not into s & m. But in order not to talk to people about what I was into in detail before I knew if I'd like to go into detail with them, I wrote it in my profile.

And before I responded to any emails I read their profiles and didn't go beyond "thanks but no thanks" to anybody who described themselves as a sadist.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 26

RE: is there hope? - 4/28/2008 8:32:20 PM

khem

Posts: 300
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

Don't go off the emails you receive. Do you own searching based how well their profile resonates with you. Contact them. The wankers and bad news send 99% of the garbage email on here, so you'll do much better if you just do your own searching.
-MsK

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 27

RE: is there hope? - 4/28/2008 11:18:14 PM

HopeLost

Posts: 80
Joined: 2/7/2007
Status: offline

unless your dead there is always hope.

(in reply to khem)

Post #: 28

RE: is there hope? - 4/29/2008 12:28:27 AM

Corvidae

Posts: 82
Joined: 3/18/2008
Status: offline

As someone famous once said (I can't remember who) "There are more horses asses than horses." There seems to be quite a plethora of asses on here, but there are some genuine people too, although they aren't necesarily the most vocal.
Oh, and I agree with what lilabbotsfordgrl said about searching people out yourself... it will take a bit of sifting, but you probably have a better chance of finding the "one" if you search for people yourself and send them mail (don't wait for them to find you).

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 29

RE: is there hope? - 4/29/2008 4:17:33 AM

StormsSlave

Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

absolutely right... and why is that. vanilla men dont ask in the first five minutes if you prefer doggy or missionary, up a tree or in the back of the van. so why cant we subs hope for a bit of idle chat before the nitty gritty gets underway. isnt it just as important to find out a little about the person youre talking to.

I have to assume you've never met men in a "vanilla" chat site. I have had men open with "how large are your breasts?" "Hey baby, wanna cyber?" and worse yet, those that pretend they want to chat long enough to find out if you're wearing anything sexy, and if you want to watch them jack off on a cam. Or better, they want to watch you with no reciprocal. I've even met the ones who wanted to meet and have sex within five minutes of chatting.

If you don't like what a dom has to say, don't talk to him. Problem solved.

_____________________________

Congratulate me...I'm a missus!!

--nobody's resident anything.

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 30

RE: is there hope? - 4/29/2008 6:31:47 AM

lubegirl

Posts: 59
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline

I am sorry you have not met YOUR ONE TRUE MASTER, please do not give up it will happen soon enough and beware of those posers just seeking a one night stand with a submissive.
I dislike POSERS too.
I came on this site because my MASTER wanted me to interact with other subs and also to be used sexually by other DOM MEN who swing..I am justpussy sometimes.
If I were not in a relationship already I would be just as paranoid that a guy would be posing as a lifestyle DOM just to get in between my slut whore legs.
Lubegirl

(in reply to StormsSlave)

Post #: 31

RE: is there hope? - 4/29/2008 7:53:27 AM

Poetryinpain

Posts: 341
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline

Hope springs eternal in the human breast;
Man never Is, but always To be blest:
The soul, uneasy and confin'd from home,
Rests and expatiates in a life to come.

-Alexander Pope,
An Essay on Man, Epistle I, 1733

pip, and now back to our regularly scheduled thread

_____________________________

There is none so blind as he who will not see.

(in reply to lubegirl)

Post #: 32

RE: is there hope? - 4/29/2008 8:24:43 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evility

quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG
Come to think of it, we never talked smut on-line, we saved that for when we could partake in mutual physical pleasure to go with the words.

As long as your mutual physical pleasure is derived from mutual desires this approach will work. Let's try an experiment - we'll suggest this strategy of not discussing any kinks pre-play to all of the newbies and we'll tally how well it works for them on a percentage basis. While you were pretty fortunate in meeting the guy you met I think we both know what the results of this exercise will be. If her idea of edge play if a brisk OTK spanking and he has designs that include hypodermic needles and cattle prods... Houston, we may have a problem.

My point is that all of this information is in most cases going to be discussed eventually before people play. The getting to know you part of it... the compatibility of our kinks part of it... it's all likely going to come out. I just don't understand why so many female submissives get their panties in a wad because some dominant asked them about their limits before asking what's their favorite flavor of ice cream.

You'd happily go to eharmony or match.com (vanilla sites) and discuss your kinky proclivities to screen people but over here on a kinky site it's verboten. Interesting.

It's really a balancing act. On a vanilla dating site sexual compatibility is something that you almost certianly have to talk about fairly quickly especially if it's a significant part of your life. Here we have the check lists on the profiles that we can scan for compatibility before ever talking to someone. I happen to like this feature because I can see that he gets sqicked out by the same things that bother me and we can build a foundation based on the non-sexual aspects.

Were I looking only for a play partner I'd be less concerned if he prefers sit-coms to history documentaries or if he prefers to spend his time sitting on his couch rather then other activites. Were it for a fuck-buddy hook up I'd not care if we were compatible in religion, politics and world views, I wouldn't care if he found a site where he can down load all the music he wants for free (intellectual property is one of my soap-boxes and I have stopped talking to people who didn't respect these copyrights). Were I looking for a meantimer I'd care far less about what was in his mind then what his body looked like.

But I wasn't looking for something I could get at my local bar, something I'd walked away from already. I was looking for something more long lasting and while bra size plays a factor in that (it's 38D FWIW), honestly, I beleive that when a gentleman hones in on the sexual aspects from the word go-- he isn't really interested in the same kind of relationship that I'm interested in.

And I should add that while we never talked smut on-line, we also didn't extend the on-line relationship for longer then neccessary. We both had every intention of evolving a working relationship in person, not fufilling fantacies accross the internet.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Evility)

Post #: 33

RE: is there hope? - 4/29/2008 8:30:33 AM

lalbobbilynn

Posts: 483
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline

Of course there is hope. If You give it half a chance, hope usually floats above all the BS. Take those wanker emails with a grain of salt.
b.~

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 34

RE: is there hope? - 4/29/2008 8:33:06 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evility

Yet another female submissive who is put off by kink questions from someone she is corresponding with from a kink oriented match making site. You're wasting your time here on CM because you should be over on eharmony or match.com.

We see a thread like this every week, it seems. I hate to break this to you but your limits are a part of who are as it relates to being on this website. While it doesn't have to be all about kink that is the main reason most people come to this site. If the dominant's favorite activities are A, B and C but A and C are hard limits of yours doesn't it make sense to discuss this earlier than later? No matter how much time he spends "getting some idea of the person i am" you are eventually going to get to that fork in the road if it exists.

That would be one of the first things I would want to know if I was looking. I am not the type of dominant (like most) who is happy to set aside the vetoed items and work with what's left. Nothing wrong with limits at all. Knowing them sooner or later can make things a lot simpler for both of us.

Wouldn't you rather be concentrating on meeting dominants who you might actually have enough in common with to get beyond email?

I'll agree with your last statement, but not in the way you meant it. If there is nothing in common in the vanilla sense, then there isn't going to be any kinky play anyway. No sense in talking kink if i don't like the Dom. If i don't like the person, it doesn't matter how munch we have in common in a kinky sense, we are not any kind of match.

(in reply to Evility)

Post #: 35

RE: is there hope? - 4/29/2008 10:02:17 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

The is hope for sure i met my wonderful Master on here and we have been together 2+ years.

As fot the ones who want your bra size i would tell them to take a walk if it is in the first or second communation.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 36

RE: is there hope? - 4/29/2008 10:05:24 AM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HopeLost

unless your dead there is always hope.

I tried so hard not to...I just couldn't pass this by, given your nick.

On the other hand, don't listen to me:

Hope? I gave it up for Lent.

Tee hee

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to HopeLost)

Post #: 37

RE: is there hope? - 4/29/2008 10:26:54 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Corvidae

As someone famous once said (I can't remember who) "There are more horses asses than horses."

thinkexist.com cites that to G. Gordon Liddy. Possibly infamous instead of famous.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Corvidae)

Post #: 38

RE: is there hope? - 4/29/2008 11:47:33 AM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

no i havent cybered for a vanilla - and maybe thats the thing... on the internet it seems to be the accepted norm to cut out the 'who are you and what are you like' conversations and just go straight for the bit youre both talking to each other for anyway. just seems a bit clinical is all.

i havent lived a sheltered life atall, i obviously just dont go to the right bars and clubs and ive worked in a few - but even there, dressed in virtually nothing i dont think a guy actually asked me what i liked and how i liked it. but vanilla is pretty straightforward fare on the whole.

there are variations on a theme of course but basically its either bondage, masochism (for subs) or service. and i still say that most subs, with the right master/sir/dom would be open to trying most things at least once. i know i would. but not nipple clamps.. hated and detested.

of course you cant say youre open to most things because then youll just get inundated with all sorts of wierd and alarming suggestions - i just still think it should be possible to say hi and this is me and who i am and id like to know a little about you. the next email can be about what you like on the bdsm list, but since i havent tried alot of it, i cant honestly say whether ill like it or not, until i have.

even horses talk to each other for a bit before they get it on!

< Message edited by lally3 -- 4/29/2008 11:49:04 AM >

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 39

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