an interesting observation...

an interesting observation... (Full Version)

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IamHiisBeloved -> an interesting observation... (4/28/2008 8:20:17 PM)
My Master and I have noticed traits in friends of ours, some we can identify as being potential Doms and others as potential subs, one friend in particular is so wrapped up in her boyfriend, and is definitely exhibiting sub signs to his overt Dom... At any rate, we got discussing Dom/sub versus real life and it's interesting... Some people its' predictable almost... they are meek and subservient in life. they have service type jobs and don't 'make waves' and are submissive in nature... others, managers, ceo, high profile/high power jobs, aggressive confident personalities and they are Doms... then other people surprise you... No one who knows him would suspect My Master of being a Dom, not me of being a Sub, for me it's like I have to be in charge everywhere else in my life. Work, kids etc... with Him is one place that I don't have to shoulder the responsibility or the burdens anymore, I can be HIS... and depend on him to make decisions etc instead of it always being on me.... He has a service job, and really enjoys being 'in charge'. At any rate, enough of my ramblings... I just thought it was interesting how you may be able to predict some people but others sure surprise you. Has anyone else pondered on this?

chamberqueen -> RE: an interesting observation... (4/28/2008 8:24:21 PM)
As a Domme, most of the men that come to me are very powerful on the job and want to get away from having to be in charge. If anything, in my personal experience it seems that it is more often opposite from their vanilla life instead of the same.

HerLord -> RE: an interesting observation... (4/28/2008 8:24:57 PM)
yeah... I also wonder what the sky would look like a different color. (I am color blind)

Missokyst -> RE: an interesting observation... (4/28/2008 8:29:12 PM)
Few people would ever peg me as sub. I run a business, am accustomed to being in charge, have no fear of facing issues that might arise. I am sub, only when I feel compelled to submit, and that is because the man I am with makes me feel secure. But in general am I submissive in personality? No freakin way. I have friends who are subs that are like me, assertive, in charge, and with power. And I have friends who are dominant, who in regular life take orders well. I have friends who are sub who act subservient to life and circumstance. And dominant people who almost exhude power where ever they go. So while I have pondered it, I dismissed those thoughts long ago as being invalid. People are people whether they are dom or sub or nilla, and they act as their personality calls to them, and their life demands. I WISH people could be spotted so easily. More often than not, men I see who might be dom, end up asking me to top them. Kyst

impossiblesub -> RE: an interesting observation... (4/28/2008 8:30:55 PM)
In most relationships between two people one is submissive and one is dominant.

impossiblesub -> RE: an interesting observation... (4/28/2008 8:36:23 PM)
Of course, it does tend to be more more powerful when one person is attracted to the other.

ChainedExistence -> RE: an interesting observation... (4/28/2008 8:41:53 PM)
There are people I have often wondered about...I had a boss I was sure was Dom...it would have made his behavior make so much sense.....

impossiblesub -> RE: an interesting observation... (4/28/2008 8:44:30 PM)
Most bosses are vanilla Doms I suppose. The problem I see a lot is that many know how to boss people, but they do not know how to lead people. Good leadership skills are rare. I have a dog and when I was obedience training it I learned that this is a problem a lot of people have with dogs. They think they are in charge but they are not because they do not know how to handle the dog properly so the dog exhibits behavioral problems. It was talked about in another thread that a lot of people are so submissive you can make them be dominant and they are doing so out of submissiveness. An example of this is the person who gets promoted to supervisor.

adoracat -> RE: an interesting observation... (4/28/2008 9:18:54 PM)
my hubby wolf is definitely an alpha at work. he's good at it, he's good at getting people to do as he wishes without feeling resentful at him overlording them. he's also a laid back vanilla "someone make all the decisions but dont tell me what to do!!!" person at home. kitten

MasterFireMaam -> RE: an interesting observation... (4/28/2008 9:32:30 PM)
I have to agree with what LA has said about this in other similar threads...personality and Ds role are different. For some, a submissive personality (being meek, shy and such) matches with a submissive role. We can each name several people like this. However, if we think about it, we can list several people who are the opposite. And then there are the people like me who seem one way at first but are the other way once we are comfortable. Master Fire

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: an interesting observation... (4/28/2008 10:28:47 PM)
You humble me Maam, thank you!

whenstarscollide -> RE: an interesting observation... (4/28/2008 10:48:16 PM)
my friends (who are usually either part of lifestyle or, at the very least, kink-friendly) and i often go out to clubs or bars or coffeehouses and ppl watch. a lot of the times we make up stories about the people we see, complete with dialogue if we are really on a roll. it's highly entertaining and really gets the creative juices flowing! anywho, a couple of us have developed a BDSM variant of ppl watching. we try and discern by ppl's actions and words whether or not they would be dominant, submissive, switchable, etc. i don't know how accurate out assessments would be, but usually we get a pretty good mix... i'm not sure whether or not this post really has anything to do with the topic at hand, but it made me remember this and i figured i might as well post it :P

DesFIP -> RE: an interesting observation... (4/29/2008 4:34:43 AM)
The stereotypical malesub is one who has huge corporate responsibilities. So I think you're wrong. The truth is that if someone is in control of a thousand people and their wellbeing all day, the last thing they need to do at night is have the same worries only this time without pay. After all, do you come home and do what you did at work for fun? I don't know too many people who do.

MissLily -> RE: an interesting observation... (4/29/2008 4:40:23 AM)
What I've noticed around Myself is that meek women tend more on the sub side of things, strong ones are more attracted to Domination. As for men, the powerful men in My life get turned on by strong women would more likely sub. So do the meek ones.... I've never met a guy that wanted to be a Dom.... I wonder why... Miss Lily

Lashra -> RE: an interesting observation... (4/29/2008 4:41:14 AM)
Most people wouldn't peg my sub as submissive. He's macho, works in construction and is totally not what most people envision a submissive male to be. He used to be very demanding and controlling, a spoiled brat is what he was to be exact. He isn't like that anymore since he took off the mask and can feel free to be himself...a handsome, macho submissive male YUM.[:D] Me, most people peg me as Dominant, perhaps a bit spoiled but thats just how I'm wired. ~Lashra

RCdc -> RE: an interesting observation... (4/29/2008 4:46:38 AM)
It has been pondered by others yes, there are threads upon threads about it. And no, you cannot identify. Nor should you unless asked. Even then, it's whether you want to or not. I suppose at a streatch it might cause mild entertainment for some people. Meh. Another example of pushing your personal and subjective and therefore unrealistic expectations on others. the.dark.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: an interesting observation... (4/29/2008 5:02:32 AM)
my pet and i had a discussion about this last week when we were talking about his boss, job and how he's a slave to them both. he's a construction site manager overseeing a few projects in Denver so his dominant side plays a major role during the day however when meeting nightly with his boss, he automatically reverts to his submissive side. i have worked in service jobs (resturant and customer service) before however i took on leadership roles (managers) because of my organization skills and delegating tasks to others as well as work independently. while working for IBM - i was database manager/trainer for a couple of their clients. currently, i'm sort of my own boss since i get to pick and choose which music shows i want to attend.

MladyHathor -> RE: an interesting observation... (4/29/2008 5:23:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark It has been pondered by others yes, there are threads upon threads about it. And no, you cannot identify. Nor should you unless asked. Even then, it's whether you want to or not. I suppose at a streatch it might cause mild entertainment for some people. Meh. Another example of pushing your personal and subjective and therefore unrealistic expectations on others. the.dark. *I'd rather play--boxers or briefs--I'm better at that one!*

DS4DUMMIES -> RE: an interesting observation... (4/29/2008 5:44:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: impossiblesub Most bosses are vanilla Doms I suppose. The problem I see a lot is that many know how to boss people, but they do not know how to lead people. Good leadership skills are rare. I have a dog and when I was obedience training it I learned that this is a problem a lot of people have with dogs. They think they are in charge but they are not because they do not know how to handle the dog properly so the dog exhibits behavioral problems. It was talked about in another thread that a lot of people are so submissive you can make them be dominant and they are doing so out of submissiveness. An example of this is the person who gets promoted to supervisor. I agree that leadership and being bossy are wholly different concepts. As Master of a vessel at sea, "bossing" people around is a useless exercise. Leadership in my sense involves two things. The idea is to inspire cohesion in the crew so they work together despite their differences in other arenas, and more importantly, to inspire in them, a belief in me as their Captain, and in so doing cause them to trust me to make the right decisions.... the sum of which, gets them home for every crew change safely. All of this is especially true during dangerous situations. Note the word "inspire" . It covers a lot of ground, but basically means that one way or another, the crew needs to see the inevitability of command and feel assured that they are following someone who can deliver the goods. This involves creating discipline aboard while maintaining a good atmosphere, leading as opposed to browbeating (if I am sent someone new in the crew who is too difficult - I don't waste time with them - I send them back to the company to reassign...) and avoiding the appearance of my being "one of the crew". I have to stay above that. It's easy to do given my personality - and yet, you can't seem to be so lofty that you're unapproachable, or will not listen to the crew's needs and ideas. It's a balancing act. It simply has to be the case that what I say - goes. I can do that without being "bossy". In my view, some people "need" bosses...while others "seek" leadership. I want a crew that wants to be led. "Leading" is not micromanaging or by any stretch doing it all yourself. There are responsibilities they have been assigned and I expect them to adhere to them and do them well. So all of this as it relates to the OP...is that as a leader, I have zero desire to join the ranks of the crew - be it at sea or in a D/s relationship. No "reverse" desires to get away from the stress of command and reverse roles to "bottom". I work best when I am in command of the situation - no matter where that is. There is simply no room for compromise n that score. I crave responsibility and handle it well.

BlackPhx -> RE: an interesting observation... (4/29/2008 6:01:54 AM)
The majority of people meeting master would not think of him as your typical dominant as most people envision them. He is polite, laid back, non confrontational (well mostly at work, we confront each other very well) and doesn't swagger or act as if the world and all subs owe him. He is a middle child and the only male in a family where his mother valued her daughters more. I on the other hand am not someone anyone would peg as submissive, but then again I am not save to my Master and he has to wrest it from me. Could anyone tell just by watching us interact whose on first? Not Likely. Most of the submissives I know tend to be very powerful personalities. You only see that submissive side in the proper setting. I do know a couple of people I would calssify as doormats, but oddly enough they have not made a choice for BDSM, it's just who they are as vanilla's. poenkitten

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