Daddysredhead -> RE: Hardest Decision in life? (5/1/2008 6:04:04 PM)
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I offer my deepest respect and warm wishes to each and every one of you who has posted. God bless you all. I think the hardest thing I ever did was put my oldest, who was 8 at the time, in a hospital for emotionally disturbed children. I had to drive almost 2 hours, behind the ambulance, in the rain, at 1:00 a.m., and leave him there. Along the way, I lost site of the ambulance, and got hopelessly lost. I drove around for 35 minutes until I found a cop who gave me directions. I didn't have my cell phone because my then husband (we were separated) had it, and it was turned off. He was supposed to be at a meeting that evening, and it turned out he was out drinking with co-workers into the wee hours of the morning. I had to make the decision to have him hospitalized by myself, had to leave him there, screaming at the top of his lungs, "Mommy, please don't leave me! Mommy, I love you, please take me home! Mommy, don't you love me anymore? Please Mommy come back for me, please!" I have no recollection how I got home. God and angels, I suppose. I was devestated, I couldn't think, couldn't breathe, didn't know how to come home, empty-handed, and tell my littlest one that her big brother was away and I didn't know when he would be back home. My husband screamed at me when I walked in and told him what had happened during the evening that brought it to having our second-grader hospitalized far from home. He nearly hit me, told me that I was the worst mother on earth, that I was a piece of shit, that I hated my son, that I needed to be hospitalized instead of him, threatened me with all sorts of things in the upcoming divorce. I was so dumb-struck by everything that I told Daddy, my love, that I had to stop seeing Him - because I was scared of all the chaos going on in my life. He tried to talk to me about it, but I was so devestated by everything, I just walked away, but we remained good friends. After my little boy came home and things got a bit more settled, Daddy and I rekindled things and we have been together since. Things happened during that time that have made our relationship challenging and sometimes have tested us to the breaking point. But we are together still. I also learned that being a Mommy can put you to the test in more ways than you can ever imagine.
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