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RE: a pondrance - 4/30/2008 4:05:14 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG
It seems to me that an advantage of WIITWD might just be that we accept human nature and we don't constrain people to lies and sneaking around to fufil natural needs. We might just be more open and honest in allowing others to be themselves rather then conforming to societal constraints.

Of course this is all a very broad brush that I paint with and I also recognize that there are people who don't identify with WIITWD who are accepting of the above points.

The thing is of course that we are part of "wiitwd" before we know what the heck "wiitwd" even means. WIITWD doesn't change us- we are who we are and then choose to associate that with "wiitwd."

It's a nice idea, but frankly all my experience and evidence shows the opposite- the great majority of kinky people come into kink with expectations that it will be just like they've always imagined and masturbated to. When it isn't, they do everything they can to avoid it, denigrate it, and punish themselves for enjoying it anyway.

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RE: a pondrance - 4/30/2008 4:11:07 PM

OmegaG

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well, I went through a period in my life when someone snuck around behind my back to be with the ex girl friend and I was properly indignant. And to be honest, up until the point when m'Lord talked to me about his desires to be polymourus, I had never considered sharing. So, while I can't say for sure if I was pissed at the previouos scenario more for the lies and sneaking or because of the sharing, but I do think that when I was younger I wouldn't have shared well and it was probably cultural indoctrination.

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RE: a pondrance - 4/30/2008 5:00:34 PM

mistoferin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplySubmissive

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG
Of course this is all a very broad brush that I paint with and I also recognize that there are people who don't identify with WIITWD who are accepting of the above points.

And there are also a lot of people who do identify with WIITWD who are NOT accepting of the above points. Jealousy seems to run as rampantly here as it does in the nilla.....and sometimes I even think that there are more people here who are less emotionally mature about such issues. Maybe that is because we talk about it here and everyone preaches about acceptance and tolerance....and suddenly it's in your face and even though you "said" you were fine with it, there can come a real time here when it's actually in your face and you have to find a way to deal with it.

I am monogamous, and look for that in relationships. I am not tolerant of others (cheating) in my relationship.
I don't think it makes me less mature emotionally, nor does it make me a jealous person.
It's just what works best for me. I don't beleive one way is better, more "enlightened" than another.

I'm really sorry if that is what you got from my post, that certainly wasn't what I was trying to say. I did not mean to imply that people who choose monagamy are less mature. What I have seen here though is that people here stress the importance of being open minded and accepting....and many people think that sharing their partner is simply a part of the program in WIITWD. So they say that they are ok with it....right up until it hits them square in the face. Also, there are many people who come here with a lot of issues, insecurities, problems with low self esteem and a string of failed relationships behind them thinking that a dominant is going to take charge of their lives and they will live happily ever after. When said dominant savior chooses to exercise his "privileges" and seek out another....just watch the jealousy sparks fly. It takes a very secure person to successfully be in a relationship where there are multiple partners.

Oh...and just as an aside....I don't see multiple partner relationships as cheating....unless of course they are actually cheating.

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RE: a pondrance - 4/30/2008 5:51:01 PM

kiwisub12

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

well, I went through a period in my life when someone snuck around behind my back to be with the ex girl friend and I was properly indignant. And to be honest, up until the point when m'Lord talked to me about his desires to be polymourus, I had never considered sharing. So, while I can't say for sure if I was pissed at the previouos scenario more for the lies and sneaking or because of the sharing, but I do think that when I was younger I wouldn't have shared well and it was probably cultural indoctrination.

i would so agree with this - i did the traditional monogomis (sp?) marriage- it failed - and finding my submissive side - i ended up with a man who likes to play with women (plural). And once i overcame my insecurities, with lot of reassurance from my Sir - i was fine with it. I am straight, so i would not voluntarily join in, but its interesting to watch, and when Sir beats the butt of a woman that i like physically, i get horny.

My Sir likes to watch websites with bdsm - specifically,, one with a lot of water involved, and i enjoy it as well. Infact when Sir called it porn, i was surprised. It didn't strike me as porn - probably because there on this one site, is little actual penetration.
of course i have never seen much wrong with porn. There is a lot that i wouldn't want to watch - what is up with leaving white tube socks and t-shirts on? Are the floors dirty? And who finds it sexy to watch a woman spit on an erect penis? repeatedly. And wouldn't it be better if we didn't have bad acting in porn films - after all they aren't hired for their penis erectus ability? hmm - seem to have gone on a "what is wrong with porn" rant - sorry.

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RE: a pondrance - 4/30/2008 5:51:26 PM

MadRabbit

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I think the kink community provides the information and understanding needed for re-education of how we view normal social conventions.

I came to the kink community to learn more about D/S relationships and as a byproduct of that, I learned new philosophies and perspectives of other issues that are connected to it such as polygamy, crossdressing, transgender, transexuality, and homosexuality.

The odds of the average guy being exposed to this information without exposure to the kink community is incredibly low and therefore, the average guy won't have the oppurtunity to redefine how he thinks about deviant sexual practices.

Short of coming to an epiphany (See...L.A, I spelled it right this time. Where is my gold star?

) on his own, why would someone suddenly think about something differently without being shown a new way of thinking?

So, yes, I would say that you are probably more likely to run into people with a higher degree of understanding and open-mindness to alternative sexual practices due to the prescense of information in the kink community.

I just don't attribute these things to the kink community itself, because whether or not someone is open-minded or willing to think about things in a different way is a whole other ballpark....

Hell, I have debated people time and time again on these forums, presented overwhelming arguments and viewpoints, and backed people into logical corners and yet....a few days later they will be rehashing their same mycopic opinion in a different thread on the subject without an even hint of consideration to the alternate perspectives....

It almost makes me want to sit back and just contribute snarky comments to new threads....

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RE: a pondrance - 4/30/2008 6:23:41 PM

MasterJaysslave

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I understand what you are trying to say about social standards and how we are raised.

There has been mention about people not accepting poly as a lifestyle, but from what I have read of your posts and others, the poly aspect of your life is more sexual than emotional.

I have always been okay with the man in my life to go off and have sex with another as long as it was made known to me that it wasn't something I did wrong or wasn't doing right and as long as proper protection was utilized.

There is a major difference between the person you love wanting to have sex with someone else or wanting to have that deep emotional and physical bond, similar to what they share with you. When that second person, third, fourth or however many, become equals to you, I think that is where a lot of the conflict lies with many who have trouble with the poly lifestyle. I know for me, that was always the issue. Can you get past it? Of course, but with a lot of work on all parties sides. We got past the social barriers, fears, insecurities, and many other emotions, only to have it all come tumbling down.

Social standards for me are like a flock of sheep, you have the choice to follow or step away from the flock. I personally choose to step away and see what happens. Occasionally I find a pretty river with a rainbow and occasionally I fall in over my head and get hurt. It is a matter of finding our own way and stepping outside the norm if it doesn't work for us.

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RE: a pondrance - 4/30/2008 6:24:43 PM

OmegaG

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heh, I just noticed your tag line and thought of happy bunny. I love happy bunny.

I think you have a point. Before coming to this site and others like it the only poly relationships I knew about were the Fundamentalist Mormons, so if someone has suggested a poly relationship that woud have been my baseline and it's not a life that I'd want to emulate (they wear ugly shoes).

After seeing people here talk about their poly relationships and seeing how "normal" looking they are, I was able to change my paradigm and it seemed more plausible to me.

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RE: a pondrance - 4/30/2008 8:50:57 PM

Vigilantejustice

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

I don't think that it is Society as a whole. Just part of Society you suscribe to.

I cancelled my subscription to society. I find Popular Mechanics much more interesting.

-Corinne
House Vigilante.
oy, that was painful even for me...

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RE: a pondrance - 4/30/2008 8:59:53 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
Short of coming to an epiphany (See...L.A, I spelled it right this time. Where is my gold star? ) on his own, why would someone suddenly think about something differently without being shown a new way of thinking?

Yay!

*

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RE: a pondrance - 5/1/2008 12:06:07 AM

MasterFireMaam

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG
It seems to me that an advantage of WIITWD might just be that we accept human nature and we don't constrain people to lies and sneaking around to fufil natural needs. We might just be more open and honest in allowing others to be themselves rather then conforming to societal constraints.

It's my personal opinion that this kind of openness has little to do with the lifestyle and everything to do with a healthy kind of love in our lives. [very important opinion about shit] Society-defined love is negative co-dependence bread in a sea of self worth issues that lead to the familiar possessive jealousy and idealistic standards that most of us cannot really hope to attain or maintain for a lifetime.[/very important opinion about shit] The lifestyle might be a vehicle we use to get to that place, but there are other vehicles, too.

Master Fire

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