What happened??? (A CD thread) (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

LotusSong -> What happened??? (A CD thread) (5/1/2008 9:51:14 AM)

In a visit with my Domme buddy yesterday, I had inquired  about her hubby's cross dressing activities of late. 
 
When he had come out of his closet a few years ago, he was basically very militant about his desires.  He joined support groups, started a group, did talks,  wrote a couple books on it and would go publicly en fem.  She grew to accept his desires and was supportive. 
 
What took me aback is when she said.. "It doesn't really seem to mean that much to him anymore.  He says he sometimes misses it.. but isn't compelled to dress as he had done and is selling off his wardrobe.  He enjoys having his hair and nails done but that seems to be it".
 
He finally got the acceptance he desired.  He was just "his alter ego"  No one thought it unusual anymore.
 
So my question is..what's changed?  A desire that so drove him and consumed him is now.."eh.. I can take it or leave it now"?
 
Do you find this is the case in the fetish community situation also.. that it's no longer  a big whoop once its been accepted?



abcbsex -> RE: What happened??? (A CD thread) (5/1/2008 9:55:11 AM)

I guess some people really are turned on by the taboo aspect of it. Would that make it a taboo fetish?



LotusSong -> RE: What happened??? (A CD thread) (5/1/2008 10:02:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: abcbsex

I guess some people really are turned on by the taboo aspect of it. Would that make it a taboo fetish?


I dunno.  I'm wondering if  WITWD is totally accepted and seen as normal in the mainstream..  will the allure of it all be the same?  It wouldn't make any difference to me.  I just do what I do.



Leatherist -> RE: What happened??? (A CD thread) (5/1/2008 10:04:16 AM)

It's no longer taboo, so it's boring.

Maybe he should get a diaper fetish instead-that's still pretty much unnacepted.



GreedyTop -> RE: What happened??? (A CD thread) (5/1/2008 10:05:32 AM)

you and those damned diapers, Leatherist... *snicker*



LotusSong -> RE: What happened??? (A CD thread) (5/1/2008 10:11:09 AM)

<<In a perfect world, there'd be a vibrator that can slap your ass, pull your hair, bite you and call you nasty names.>>

Wonderful sigline, GTop :)  I think I'll submit it to the Hitachi suggestion box!!!! [:D]



abcbsex -> RE: What happened??? (A CD thread) (5/1/2008 10:13:00 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: abcbsex

I guess some people really are turned on by the taboo aspect of it. Would that make it a taboo fetish?


I dunno. I'm wondering if WITWD is totally accepted and seen as normal in the mainstream.. will the allure of it all be the same? It wouldn't make any difference to me. I just do what I do.


I think it would just eliminate the creeps in this lifestyle, to be honest.



Leatherist -> RE: What happened??? (A CD thread) (5/1/2008 10:14:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

you and those damned diapers, Leatherist... *snicker*


It's hard limited in about 98% of profiles-is that taboo enough? I guess I am just easily amused.



Dnomyar -> RE: What happened??? (A CD thread) (5/1/2008 10:24:40 AM)

The rose color fades off of the glasses.



LadyEllen -> RE: What happened??? (A CD thread) (5/1/2008 11:15:12 AM)

Tell me what's a guy supposed to do
When all his feminising dreams come true?
And for a while its fun for him
To be a Julie not a Jim
But then he finds that no one cares
Its everyday and he's still there
And suddenly its not so great
To be a Sharron Ruth or Kate
And slowly he might realise
That regardless of disguise
And the reasons he advanced
To be wearing frilly pants
His yearning was for woman kind
And the male thoughts inside his mind

E



SteelofUtah -> RE: What happened??? (A CD thread) (5/1/2008 11:23:59 AM)

There is a Taoist belief that says getting what you want still won't make you happy I can't remember the exact quote but Paraphrased it goes "A LUCKY man is he who gets everything he wants but never a happy man will he be"

Then there is the first Law of Buddhism has you accept that inheirent in life is pain and suffering, one must become used to it. Because of this one must activly persue what they truely desire, or learn to be happy with what they already have.

Often time it isn't the Concept you want, it's the Cause you have to fight for. When you no longer have to fight for it, It looses it's luster.

The BDSM Lifestyle has many facets that mimic this concept.

I used to believe that a Sally-yes'sir-sub would make me happy. I sought one out for a few years. Then I got one, and she was fun for about 2 months then I got bored because she was EXACTLY what I wanted and what I wanted rarely has the Depth that is needed to truely connect to someone so I have learned to be happy with that which I already have and only persue the things that I TRUELY Desire.

As Always

Steel



Stephann -> RE: What happened??? (A CD thread) (5/1/2008 1:28:53 PM)

I think we're expected to know 'out of the box' what we want and desire.  If I have a curiousity about coin collecting, and everyone around me rags on me for it, makes me feel bad about it, socially smears my coin collecting desires, I might feel more compelled to fight 'against the grain' simply because I'm angry that others feel it's acceptable to impair my desires to experience coin collecting.  Suddenly it ceases to simply be a hobby that I didn't even really know I wanted to try, and becomes a chance for me to 'be my true self' (whatever it might be) as I have defined myself.  Once the world says "fine, coin collect your little heart out" I finally get the chance to learn about it.... only to find it's really not that exciting.

I went through something similar in Chile.  I had been playing three or four music gigs a week, and living the life of a musician.  I played for my supper, my beer, and my rent.  When I moved back to the US, I had every intention of continuing that life... only to find that while I was a big fish in a small pond in Chile, I was barely a minnow here.  To boot, my identity as a full time musician was no longer socially appealing; if anything, it was passé.  I had to slowly, and not so comfortably, adapt and transition into someone who no longer was known as "the guy with the big black guitar."  I remember when I finally hung up the leather motorcycle jacket; I've worn it since, but not with the same gusto and regularity that defines me as a person.  Now, it's just the warmest coat I have. 

What we wear, invariably defines how we feel about ourselves inside.  Any woman who's worn high heels or scarlet lipstick knows this.  It sounds like your friend's husband is changing as a person, or finding he has new directions to take his life.  It doesn't mean he must have been a faker, poser, or living out his 'alter ego' (not that you said he was); it could very well have meant he just has a new direction he needs to take his life.

Regards,

Stephan





Spyderman -> RE: What happened??? (A CD thread) (5/1/2008 1:42:37 PM)

Sometimes it is as simple as something that is only in one's head, a fantasy, ends up not being what one thought in reality.  I always wanted a certain fancy car, for over a decade.  I finally bought one.  It broke down a lot and was a pain.  I sold it in six months and no longer want one.  Reality does not always live up to the fantasy.  Same thing has also happened with a few of my BDSM desires.  They seemed good in my head, tried them, not so good.  A very few I hated, most I was just ambivalent about.  In the end I am lucky, most I like [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m10.gif[/image]  I think it is normal.



RumpusParable -> RE: What happened??? (A CD thread) (5/1/2008 2:03:44 PM)

It may be that the taboo nature of it before made it more exciting, and/or it may be that he only really had a so-so drive to do it, but because of how much hiding he'd done before of it that for a while he just needed to go on a spree for a while.

The state of a dam first bursting and that of the river it would've otherwise been are quite different things.  He may have just settled into what would've been his normal interest level all along if he'd never felt the need to hold back at some point.



Missokyst -> RE: What happened??? (A CD thread) (5/1/2008 2:43:37 PM)

I wonder if there is a correllation between the crowing about what you do, which I posted in that wantless, needless thread and his comfort in having people accept what he is?
In the beginning if he was practically militant about coming out in womens clothing that may have been his frenzy phase we tend to see so often in people new to this stuff.  But once he is comfy in himself, and knows that no one gives a darned what he does, the need to crow is less.  And his desire can be something he indulges when he needs it, rather than to show off.
Kyst



MasterFireMaam -> RE: What happened??? (A CD thread) (5/1/2008 2:53:11 PM)

Perhaps his goals were to 1) accept himself, 2) have other accept him and 3) help others accept themselves. Now that he has reached his goals, he's moving on. Been there, done that kind of thing.

Master Fire



CreativeDominant -> RE: What happened??? (A CD thread) (5/1/2008 3:09:11 PM)

Hmmmmmmmmmm...~wonders to self if Lotus, mischievous sort that she can sometimes be, is chuckling softly to herself because she knew that...once I saw a thread called a CD thread...I, CD, would have to come in and see what it is about.~



DesFIP -> RE: What happened??? (A CD thread) (5/1/2008 3:39:53 PM)

As long as he couldn't do it, he was tortured by thoughts of it. Once he could, and had indulged himself in it, he integrated it into his lifestyle. Frenzy basically. He doesn't need it anymore because he can have it.

Like a sensible eating program that schedules in treats once or twice a week. If you aren't tortured by the idea of all that forbidden food, you don't have the craving.



Floggings4You -> RE: What happened??? (A CD thread) (5/1/2008 4:08:41 PM)

People change.  Some people lose their desire for sex as they age, and if this guy associated his cross-dressing with erotic feelings (even if he's straight, his sex drive can wane) he might not feel the desire for sex, or cross-dressing.
 
Or, perhaps he was simply associating it with being unusual, and if no one seems terribly shocked by it, it's not as exciting to him as it once was.
 
Yes, some people lose their interest in BDSM the same way.  Overall sexual feelings wane, and/or they feel that they've acted out all their fantasies, so 'that's it'.
 
So far, I feel I'm creative enough to think of enough things to try to keep Me busy--and excited--by this lifestyle for many years to cum...!



MidMichCowboy -> RE: What happened??? (A CD thread) (5/1/2008 4:20:36 PM)

So, I've always wanted to win the lottery and retire to do what I want. I really doubt those wants would change if I actually won. But, if I do win, I would love to be a test case.



Page: [1] 2   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.03125