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Submissive Grace - 5/1/2008 10:50:34 AM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
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Dear ladies,

Last night, when sitting in the Ask a Mistress chatroom and having a pretty good conversation with a intelligent, friendly but frustrated newcomer to the lifestyle; my Dominant came weighed in on the discussion (and, as this was the first time i saw Her in a chatroom and was taken completely by surprise; i was wholly delighted

) and made use of a phrase that i had never heard before.

After googling and a somewhat exhaustive search in the threads here on collarme, i was unable to find it used elsewhere in the same intent in which She had used it.

The term was "submissive grace", in reference to a variety of aspects of a submissive's demeanor that an observant and knowledge person might see which would make a particular submissive might stand out from the herd. As it was quite late, She didn't go into much detail and i cannot really remember Her wording (bad darch

).

i was hoping that the Mistress' here could elaborate for us submissives. Have you heard or used the phrase yourselves? Also, in thinking about it; what would you say this means to you? Finally, do you actually believe that there is a common aspect that will be found in all, or near all "good" submissive's bearing and/or demeanor?

Thank you,

darchChylde
The Imp's pet

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

Post #: 1

RE: Submissive Grace - 5/1/2008 11:16:48 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
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Hrm. I'd be interested to hear her wording!
Grace, in general, is something I find very attractive in a submissive, but that's not the discussion as I understand it.
I think there is a "certain something" that good submissives generally share...a combination of underlying humility, thoughtfulness, generosity (of spirit)...hrm. I think there are more things, but those are the ones that immediately come to mind as being something I see generally in good submissives. (As with any rule, there are always exceptions!)

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 2

RE: Submissive Grace - 5/1/2008 11:46:20 AM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

Dominant Jenny,

quote:

I think there is a "certain something" that good submissives generally share... a combination of underlying humility, thoughtfulness, generosity (of spirit)... hrm. I think there are more things, but those are the ones that immediately come to mind as being something I see generally in good submissives. (As with any rule, there are always exceptions!)

I find your thoughts poignant because, as a submissive, these are some of the same qualities I look for in a Dominant. Of course, I realize there are many submissives who may not feel the same. The best leaders I've ever met are those who command with gentle humility and thoughtfulness for those around them. They inspire people to follow with their vision and strength of human understanding and character.

Elan.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 5/1/2008 12:18:52 PM >

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 3

RE: Submissive Grace - 5/1/2008 11:50:08 AM

Shawn1066

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
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I honestly don't think there's a difference between "Submissive grace" and "dominant grace"

It's just grace in general that people find attractive.

DV's Fox

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

Post #: 4

RE: Submissive Grace - 5/1/2008 11:50:43 AM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued

Dominant Jenny,

quote:

I think there is a "certain something" that good submissives generally share... a combination of underlying humility, thoughtfulness, generosity (of spirit)... hrm. I think there are more things, but those are the ones that immediately come to mind as being something I see generally in good submissives. (As with any rule, there are always exceptions!)

I find your thoughts poignant because, as a submissive, these are some of the same qualities I look for in a Dominant. Of course, I realize there are many submissive who may not feel the same. The best leaders I've ever met are those who command with gentle humility and thoughtfulness for those around them. They inspire people to follow with their vision and strength of human understanding and character.

Elan.

Thank you for chiming in, i didn't mean to exclude all but the dominant women here from the discussion.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

Post #: 5

RE: Submissive Grace - 5/1/2008 11:55:04 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued

Dominant Jenny,

I find your thoughts poignant because, as a submissive, these are some of the same qualities I look for in a Dominant. Of course, I realize there are many submissive who may not feel the same. The best leaders I've ever met are those who command with gentle humility and thoughtfulness for those around them. They inspire people to follow with their vision and strength of human understanding and character.

Elan.

:) I don't consider myself possessed of much humility, but I do consider myself to be a nurturer and consider that to be a large part of what makes me (oh, the ego ;P) a good dominant. Being a good nurturer requires just what you say in your last sentence, in my opinion.

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

Post #: 6

RE: Submissive Grace - 5/1/2008 12:05:59 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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I just had to check this thread to make sure gracefulness wasn't a requirement.

Going back to put more ice on this bump on my head that I got while trying to shake my hair out....whoever put that sink in the bathroom where it would be right in my way sure wasn't thinking!!!!

_____________________________

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~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

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(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 7

RE: Submissive Grace - 5/1/2008 12:09:39 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

darchChylde,

--- Thank you for chiming in, i didn't mean
--- to exclude all but the dominant women here
--- from the discussion.

Thank you for your note and for welcoming me (and other submissives) to the thread. :-)

Elan.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 8

RE: Submissive Grace - 5/1/2008 12:17:11 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I wish I had been in on that conversation! I know what she means, though, that state of inner calm and rightness that a person exudes when they are comfortable with themselves and who they are.

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Post #: 9

RE: Submissive Grace - 5/1/2008 12:20:10 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

Shawn,

quote:

I honestly don't think there's a difference between "Submissive grace" and "dominant grace". It's just grace in general that people find attractive.

This was (and is) my first thought too.

Elan.

(in reply to Shawn1066)

Post #: 10

RE: Submissive Grace - 5/1/2008 12:27:54 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I wish I had been in on that conversation! I know what she means, though, that state of inner calm and rightness that a person exudes when they are comfortable with themselves and who they are.

That was closer to what Ma'am said, i really wish i wasn't so tired and fuzzy that i can't really wrap my fingers around what She specifically said on the topic.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 11

RE: Submissive Grace - 5/1/2008 12:28:11 PM

NightingalesSong

Posts: 3
Joined: 2/7/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominantJenny

I think there is a "certain something" that good submissives generally share...a combination of underlying humility, thoughtfulness, generosity (of spirit)...hrm. I think there are more things, but those are the ones that immediately come to mind as being something I see generally in good submissives. (As with any rule, there are always exceptions!)

Very nicely articulated as is the thought expressed by LadyHibiscus "that state of inner calm and rightness that a person exudes when they are comfortable with themselves and who they are"

< Message edited by NightingalesSong -- 5/1/2008 1:00:40 PM >

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 12

RE: Submissive Grace - 5/1/2008 12:29:36 PM

rubberpet

Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued

Shawn,

quote:

I honestly don't think there's a difference between "Submissive grace" and "dominant grace". It's just grace in general that people find attractive.

This was (and is) my first thought too.

Elan.

Ditto here. Submissives have a grace that dominants are attracted to...Dominants have a grace that attracts submissives. It's all a part of a person's character. What attracted Mistress to me might not necessarily attract another domme. What attracted me to Mistress might not necessarily attract another subby. It's all a matter of character and perspective.

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

Post #: 13

RE: Submissive Grace - 5/1/2008 12:31:46 PM

NightingalesSong

Posts: 3
Joined: 2/7/2008
Status: offline

What a beautiful, sensitive and reverent concept. I think it is his “submissive grace” that made me honor, respect and fall in love with my cherished submissive.

< Message edited by NightingalesSong -- 5/1/2008 1:16:50 PM >

(in reply to NightingalesSong)

Post #: 14

RE: Submissive Grace - 5/1/2008 1:30:35 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

This is a timely topic for me as I've been discussing things like grace and attitude with my dominant. There are some submissives whom I admire because they speak with grace about their lives. I know that I can't be "soft" the way many are because I'd never want to lose my "spikey" nature, at least not to the world at large. But I would like to find ways of becoming more graceful, accepting, pliable as it relates to being owned.

< Message edited by KatyLied -- 5/1/2008 1:31:33 PM >

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(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 15

RE: Submissive Grace - 5/1/2008 2:01:32 PM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

I can't define the exact term for you but I do know what it means.. and I'll give you an example from Monday evening...

I have a very close friend staying with me, she just got back from overseas, doing her duty. She's a submissive and we've been friends for more than 12 years -- seen each other through a few relationships but have never gone there. Her dominant/partner/GF is in another state right now (such are military lives if you're a lesbian maybe straight too) ... anyway, she, my boi and I were sitting down to dinner. She and my boi we blabbing away.. my boi sat down... my friend stood across the table from me and didn't sit until I did. The boi usually pulls my chair for me, but she was too busy making a point and I completely forgave her..(longer story I won't go into)

I smiled at my friend and mouthed a very happy thank you. She has always shown me a certain deference though I'd never ask for it or expect.. but I appreciate it. It is her submissive grace. Don't get me wrong, I adore my boi.. and she has no clue about that moment... but it was grace -- done silently and without fanfare...

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 16

RE: Submissive Grace - 5/1/2008 4:03:02 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

Here we are, apparently we have one more of those imprecisely definable phrases to add for the plethora that we already have which exist in our lifestyle. Isn't that one of the curious and frustrating aspects of the nature of our lifestyle? That we have so few things that can be referred to in absolute terms.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 17

RE: Submissive Grace - 5/1/2008 4:07:37 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

I see grace in s submissive as something done efficiently-with defference-but also without attention seeking.

The best mundane comparison I can use would be a well trained butler.. There when needed, self effacing when they are not. Especially in the presence of guests.

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I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 18

RE: Submissive Grace - 5/1/2008 6:03:51 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Many things that a submissive or slave does makes them noticable in a crowd...for those who know the actions, stances, etc. For example, standing one pace back and to the left, arms behand back, head somewhat bowed is a slave in a standing present, in service and not to be disturbed.

Serving from the left, removing from the right is the note of a good (ie "formal") wait staff. Unless you knew this, it'd probably not mean a thing.

So, we have to learn to be aware of these things in order to pick them out.

Not sure if that answered the question, but oh well. LOL

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 19

RE: Submissive Grace - 5/5/2008 3:53:41 PM

Marysboi

Posts: 52
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

I love the words, " Submissive Grace" If one were to give a description of another they could do worse. " poetic in its sound"..Not for sure the detail and all its depth. I suppose it differs between each individual. This is something to aspire to. There are several here that write quite well and now this wording is in my mind I will pay more attention to why I believe them to have such grace.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 20

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