RE: Being outted? (Full Version)

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Cindersslipper1 -> RE: Being outted? (10/16/2005 10:56:50 PM)

Okay i have a friend who works with corrective services, for him to out himself at work puts him in a situation that other employees do not understand and in most cases stereo type him and compare him to the criminals behind the bars. as he is a very prideful man this to him would not be tolerable. so its easier to keep quiet with what he does behind his own doors then to out himself publically

J



Pandamonium -> RE: Being outted? (10/16/2005 11:28:17 PM)

I know that I am late in replying but it is better late then never.

Being outed carries repercussions that are devastating. My current position is not that important, status wise. I am easily replaceable. I bartend. So, not only would I have to deal with every cornflake that thought they knew a little something but didn’t, I would have to deal with twits who want to use that as a weapon to hold over my head while they all sit around and play with the Madonna/whore complex. I already do that now. They would truly think that they have the capacity to speak to me any way that they desire and that I would have to take it, or more importantly, that I would want that. It is because I deal with public and often their ignorance that we don’t need to go there. These people already think that they can jack with my life because they can.
I do not operate in a should have/could have/would have world. It just simply is. I have 99 reasons of precisely what is wrong about the people who could fire me, but that is not really important. It is important that they can and that creates a domino effect. I would like to buy the world a coke. I cannot. I am fresh out of idealism.



sinbetweens -> RE: Being outted? (10/17/2005 12:17:40 AM)

quote:

Now down to my question, WHY would being outted as a Dominant/submissive Sadist/masocist in a relationship cause one to loose their job?


I work as a teacher, and I would be fired in an instant if my employer was to find out that I made my last sub dress up as a schoolgirl and spanked her with a ruler! I'm lucky enough to work in a part of the world where being gay is acceptable for a teacher. A teacher where I went to high school was quit last year after being outed as gay because of pressure from parents.

My old job painting houses certainly wouldn't have minded, but I am extremely cautious about who I out myself to as a Domme.



tasha_tart -> RE: Being outted? (10/17/2005 7:23:36 PM)

It's ironic that I've been following this thread lately. I just got an email from a former coworker letting me know that I am now more or less out at work.

Though I'd never really taken pains to avoid being found out, it is still not a particularly enjoyable sensation. It will be interesting to see what happens.

Tasha



realsumissive -> RE: Being outted? (10/17/2005 8:05:25 PM)

Do you think you were terminated because of your lifestyle, or was it because of lack of work, or some other reason?



tasha_tart -> RE: Being outted? (10/17/2005 8:59:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: realsumissive

Do you think you were terminated because of your lifestyle, or was it because of lack of work, or some other reason?


I'm sorry; I was less than clear in my post.

I was not terminated. We are a unionized workplace, and I have little fear for my employment...knock wood. The writer of the message was "former" only in that we are no longer on the same shift crew.

The message he sent was:

"Just to remind you that old friends support you in your decisions. Rumours at
work are rampant. I had to check out myself."

Nice to know that there are people supportive of me, assuming it's true. What I wonder, though, is whether I should respond to him? Comments?

Tasha

ps He was the best man at my wedding many moons ago.[:D]




JohnWarren -> RE: Being outted? (10/17/2005 9:56:46 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: tasha_tart
The message he sent was:

"Just to remind you that old friends support you in your decisions. Rumours at
work are rampant. I had to check out myself."

Nice to know that there are people supportive of me, assuming it's true. What I wonder, though, is whether I should respond to him? Comments?
ps He was the best man at my wedding many moons ago.[:D]


I'd be as vague as he was. Just "Thanks" and no more



Sin07 -> RE: Being outted? (10/17/2005 10:30:12 PM)

Aileen I agree with what you said. In Europe its the same. I live in Holland and though sex and bdsm is an item that is openly discussed on telly or magazines, bdsm isnt easy to share with ppl at work though I know a few examples where things go well.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Because people are for the most part close-minded and ignorant. Anything outside of what they consider "normal" is viewed as being frightening, deviant and worst of all contagious as if it's a disease. We live in America (the majority of us on this site)... one of the most uptight countries when it comes to missionary, lights off kind of sex. Can you just imagine the reaction if bdsm was really out in the open and in the workplace?




tasha_tart -> RE: Being outted? (10/18/2005 6:25:15 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren


I'd be as vague as he was. Just "Thanks" and no more


Thank you.

I'm leaning that way myself; I might go so far as to not reply at all. I know that is discourteous, but I'm not sure there is an upside to any reply.

Today was my first day back at work after a few days off. If the rumours were indeed "rampant" the people I actually work with daily haven't heard them and/or don't give a s**t and/or are too polite to inquire further.

I tend to think (hope?) that, in a relatively short period of time, this will become yesterday's news. I've worked close to thirty years with many of my coworkers, and I think that may have a positive effect on their reactions or non-reactions.

In any case, the horse has left the barn...hell, I'm the one who left the door open...and I'll deal with it. It's not like I'm going to have to fight at recess.[:)]


Tasha



buffiyum -> RE: Being outted? (10/18/2005 8:45:56 PM)

mon dieu
buffy is very very sorry for what has happened to you trj and to others who have been 'outted'. It is a terrible thing. What are the options one has then? What can we do? Do we leave or be push from the work that maybe we love and also do well.... or do we leave the Life of M/s, D/s, and/or bdsm that also Wwe love?
Do we fight any 'dismissal' which occurs as a result of that 'outting' because it is very unfair and because it is as a result of other people's fear of things they donot understand and so cannot accepte? Or do we look at the expense, the time and the sheer energy which will be sucked away in that fighting in addition to? How do we handle the anguish that those we love face because of all this?
Hard questions these and harder decisions to make. They are not decisions any one can make for any one else maybe. Either way, it will involve sadness and much soul-searching.
one hope that each of Uus will be there for one another as that happens, rather than stand back and say 'whew, that could have been me eh'.
respectfully,
buffy



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