Are there times in Your

Are there times in Your (Full Version)

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swtnsparkling -> Are there times in Your (10/15/2005 5:53:48 AM)
Are there times in Your BDSM lives where you just cant get in touch with Your Dom/me or submissive side? Do You worry about these times or just know they're a normal part of life and wait it out.

RainGod -> RE: Are there times in Your (10/15/2005 6:01:31 AM)
There are times at which I have felt far from acting as Dom due to pressures, stress, worries, or illness. It doesn't mean I want to be submissive, it just means I feel less "Domly". It doesn't usually cause Me much concern if the girl I am with is understanding and knows I will bounce back shortly. I am not One who is constantly "Super Dom" however, lol. I have to be Dom at home, and I also am a foreman at work, so I am often Dom there. But I do have many other hats to wear... Dad, co-worker, citizen, and others. When these times come, I don't feel I have stopped being Dom... just set it aside for more important roles for a while. It comes back... ;)

WickedKev -> RE: Are there times in Your (10/15/2005 6:10:20 AM)
^ What he said.....

domtimothy46176 -> RE: Are there times in Your (10/15/2005 6:17:26 AM)
I endured a time of grief and depression when all I wanted to do was lie down and die. I realized the state I was in and understood that it would prevent me from being an effective master. I sat toy down and explained the situation to her and offered her the option of release, which she declined. Her emotional support helped me recover more quickly than I otherwise would have. Because I work at remaining grounded and honest with myself, I don't find myself in the position of needing to "act" like an owner. I will say, however, that my effectiveness can vary, due to illness or emotional turmoil. I consider it just another aspect of being human. I try to maintain a stable environment and generally succeed but even I am less than perfect. ;) Timothy

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Are there times in Your (10/15/2005 7:57:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling Are there times in Your BDSM lives where you just cant get in touch with Your Dom/me or submissive side? Do You worry about these times or just know they're a normal part of life and wait it out. No matter what orientation, no matter what lifestyle, no matter age or sex or race...everyone goes through identity crises.

subkitten32 -> RE: Are there times in Your (10/15/2005 9:34:52 AM)
Of course there are times in everyones lives that they do not feel Dom or submissive. I am a submissive, but being the independant woman I am I have to make decisions for myself in my everyday life. There are times where I do not feel like submitting sexually, but I can make that decision for myself as I do not have a Master. I would think though that if I were sick or just not able to be there submissively at times I am sure and certainly would hope we as a couple would talk about it. Just my thoughts.... kitten

swtnsparkling -> RE: Are there times in Your (10/15/2005 9:40:34 AM)
Indeed people do go through identity crises. But i was just wondering about those of us who live BDSM llifestyle. Not everyone in general. I was just curious how others felt during those paticular times.

LadiesBladewing -> RE: Are there times in Your (10/15/2005 9:46:40 AM)
I think, in general, I am what I am. Some days I am very commanding and even harsh, and other days, I am much more gentle. Some days, I will let a servant slide on something that, the day before, I would have nailed them for. Sometimes, I am in the mood to micromanage, and other times, I expect that previously-covered material can be handled without my holding my servants' hands through each and every step. Sometimes, I am sick, and I want someone to wait on me and bring me soft, warm, blankets...bowls of soup...and cuddles. Sometimes I am -tired-, and the weight of my responsibilities weighs on me like the "Caryatid Fallen Under Her Stone" -- and yet those responsibilities are not going to go away until I feel like dealing with them. Through it all, I am the matriarch of our household. It is a responsibility, and one that I cannot lay down. When push comes to shove, the responsibilities to the House will come before my personal mood or state of mind, and if I must hoist myself up by my own petard to get there, then that is what I agreed to when I took on the responsibility for servants and for the House. This is what works for me -- to know that I am responsible to something larger than myself is a good way to keep from slipping into an abyss where I wallow, even when horrible things happen (like the deaths of two of our beloveds, within half a year of each other). It gives me something to remind me that I am not living just for my own benefit anymore, but for something greater than myself and more demanding than my emotional roller-coaster could ever be. Just how I handle things... Lady Zephyr quote: ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling Are there times in Your BDSM lives where you just cant get in touch with Your Dom/me or submissive side? Do You worry about these times or just know they're a normal part of life and wait it out.

Phoenixandnika -> RE: Are there times in Your (10/15/2005 9:55:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling Are there times in Your BDSM lives where you just cant get in touch with Your Dom/me or submissive side? Do You worry about these times or just know they're a normal part of life and wait it out. This topic comes up often, Here is another discussion that in many ways covered the same topic. That being said, for myself I simply have to find a focus and not loose sight of it. Granted at times that means I have others remind me of my focus. I also have to remind myself that it is normal. Nika{Phoenix}

RainGod -> RE: Are there times in Your (10/15/2005 10:34:01 AM)
domtimothy shared this: quote: I endured a time of grief and depression when all I wanted to do was lie down and die. I realized the state I was in and understood that it would prevent me from being an effective master. I sat toy down and explained the situation to her and offered her the option of release, which she declined. Her emotional support helped me recover more quickly than I otherwise would have. I also have a similar 'Achilles Tendon' in My life, Tim. I have Adult Attention Deficit Disorder and I take medication for it that helps Me focus and remain on-task in My daily life... basicly, it helps Me be on top of My life and comfortable with My performance at work, home, and otherwise. Without good reason often, I stop taking the 'focus pills' and after a while, My performance suffers tremendously. I hope I am not considered to be too conceited in saying I see Myself as a fairly intelligent and highly capable individual. Sadly, though, when I am our of focus I cannot utilize those blessings as I should. This causes deep depression with Me, and I have often found Myself considered "less Domly" because of it. As you did, I told My girl about this, fully expecting her to run as many before her had. To My surprise, she understood and is most helpful to Me. she sees the potential in Me, and loves Me enough to endure the bad times as well as the good. Truly, Tim, these are precious women, aren't they?

Lordandmaster -> RE: Are there times in Your (10/15/2005 10:35:19 AM)
Stress and fatigue can cause it for me. But it's always temporary. The little demon always comes back.

OsideGirl -> RE: Are there times in Your (10/15/2005 10:44:46 AM)
I spend all day telling people what to do. Many of whom are men. Sometimes, it's difficult to get out of that mode and I bring it home. In that it's best to just leave me sometime alone to unwind my mind.

lonewolf05 -> RE: Are there times in Your (10/15/2005 10:55:24 AM)
i have said it over and over....i am more alpha than i am docile sub........ and it does cause much trouble..for me personally and those around me. so i guess if i answered your question..it is hell yeah! wolf

krikket -> RE: Are there times in Your (10/15/2005 11:01:37 AM)
There are times when i don't feel submissive, but that doesn't mean i become a Domme, or even go back to a strictly 'nilla lifestyle. In fact, i'd go so far as to say it's at those times when i'm out of touch with those feelings that i need my partner more than ever, and makes being alone that much harder. i'm a strong, independent woman and take pride in my accomplishments, but that woman still longs for a partner who's even stronger, who understands that there are times in my life when i can't show the submissive woman i am, who will help me re-focus on those things that are important in life. At the same time, i don't think i'd want a partner who is always on his best Domly behavior. It's the give and take in a relationship that makes it work for me, and i need to know that there are times he needs me as much as i need him. Staying on the "straight and narrow", never allowing someone to see both sides makes life rather one-deminsional, and someone that i doubt seriously i'd trust to see deep inside to who i am. To answer your specific question, however... during those times when i was in a relationship and not feeling very submissive, i allowed myself a little time in that head space , but then worked hard to remember my place and what made me the happiest -- which was his pleasure and my service to that end. jimini

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: Are there times in Your (10/15/2005 5:33:52 PM)
For me, it has a lot to do with how safe I feel, how protected and appreciated I feel. If there are issues in my relationship with the person I am submitting to, then I am not going to be able to allow myself to let go and slip into that headspace. The less secure I feel, the less submissively I respond. This doesn't mean I'm not a submissive in that moment, it means I am a healthy, functioning adult who will always need to take care of myself. I don't suscribe to the give up all responsibility for myself philosophy I sometimes come across in this lifestyle. As tempting as it sounds some days, I don't feel it's feasible in our society. Cin

OscarHargraves -> RE: Are there times in Your (10/15/2005 8:59:15 PM)
I have good days and I have a few bad days. Sometimes I don't feel much like a Dom but I don't ever remember wanting to be a Sub.

JohnWarren -> RE: Are there times in Your (10/15/2005 9:41:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling Are there times in Your BDSM lives where you just cant get in touch with Your Dom/me or submissive side? Do You worry about these times or just know they're a normal part of life and wait it out. I can't bottom. I was tortured back in the 70s and any time I've tried bondage or pain play, it's bounced back really really bad. At a more complex level, I'm not even too sure about the "wall" that people see separating submission and domination. When I do one of my "scene sculptures" where I craft a scene to match someone's fantasy, like with the Dolcett scene I described a while back, or even experiment with a partner to create a scene that someone has interested me, like the blood whipping, to me, the wall seems to crumble a bit. Just another one of those problems with labels

PerhapsitsFate -> RE: Are there times in Your (10/16/2005 7:02:35 AM)
For me, when i go through long periods of time when i don't have the opportunity to serve(yes, single girl here, who has to rely on friends to get the opportunity), and my professional life is hectic, i can totally lose myself. i've found that i get crankier than normal and basically make everyone's life around me hell! Since i'm not living the lifestyle actively, i don't have the release that i've always found in my submission. The majority of my daily life is spent in a professional, management role, and without the release of my submission, I can become pretty ineffective, because I never seem to allow myself down time. Recently decided that I either need to beg to serve more often, or take up yoga..LOL. Anyone in my area have use for a partly deconditioned submissive, for a weekend?? i can clean like you wouldn't believe(whilst naked/chained and in 4 inch heels no less, have references), and make a mean homemade lasagna... LOL. (j/k). Thankfully I am lucky enough to be blessed with friends able to lend a helping hand, flogger, cane, etc etc (you get the picture), to keep me from losing myself, and that they often will offer when they see me needing it, long before i ever notice it myself!

FangsNfeet -> RE: Are there times in Your (10/16/2005 7:50:00 AM)
Just like everything else we do in life, it's all about if you're in the mood for it. Sooner or later, you'll be in the mood again.

LadiesBladewing -> RE: Are there times in Your (10/16/2005 8:23:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet Just like everything else we do in life, it's all about if you're in the mood for it. Sooner or later, you'll be in the mood again. I am curious about whether there are others in my situation. How many here move through their "not feeling like" being the dominant or submissive because of dedication to the position and the commitments made? For me, the description above feels like the way I feel about my writing. I have a published novel, a number of non-fiction publications, and am considered a "professional" by the organizations that determine whether one is a hobbyist or a pro in the industry, but -I- don't consider myself a professional writer. The reason that I don't consider myself a professional writer is that I don't write unless I feel like it. If I miss a day or two, I don't feel any need to explain my failure to write, and feel no real compulsion to force myself to write when I don't feel like it. My position as matriarch and dominant, however, does compel me. If I am not feeling well (not uncommon since I have some health issues), I -still- feel that, even in asking for comfort, I am still "on" as a dominant. For me, there just -aren't- days when I feel that I have the luxury of succumbing to some abyss where I can pity myself and fail to meet the obligations that I have taken on as a dominant. When I was still learning this lifestyle, and was living as a servant, my owners taught me that the obligation that we take on when we choose to live in service means setting aside one's own needs and one's own self-pity in order to follow through on the commitments that one has made -- in the case of a servant, the commitment to serve... I may blow off my painting, my writing, my gym workouts -- but I will not let personal problems get in the way of meeting my obligations. I guess, in relation to another discussion on these boards, this, for me, is a limit. smiles Lady Zephyr

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