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RE: websites to learn from - 5/4/2008 1:04:12 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

There is sooooooo much BS online, and in BDSM in general.  That's part of why people are suggesting these forums.

You're right.  There is a lot of BS online, including some of the things said on these forums.  
 
quote:

If someone says something, ah, lame, other people are willing to set the record straight.
  
People on here can "set the record straight" according to them.  The "record" isn't the same for everybody.
 
That's why it's a good idea to read from different sources.  Each person can decide what is "right" for them and what is BS.  They can use what works for them and leave the rest behind.    
 
quote:

 Articles by "experts" with credentials you can't check are not worth too much.

Nobody claimed that any of the people who write about BD/SM are "experts" but, they do have a perspective to offer, just like everyone on this site. 
 
What makes someone an "expert" in BD/SM?  What credentials do you need to be able to write about your experiences, your thoughts, your feelings?  Having authored published writings on the subject is a pretty good credential, to me, and not many on this site can claim that.
 
joy
Owned servant of Master David

< Message edited by slavegirljoy -- 5/4/2008 1:06:35 PM >

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: websites to learn from - 5/4/2008 1:24:24 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Oh, for Pete's sake, Joy.  Tammy Jo has a Ph.D. in History, just to name one example of someone whose posts I am sure you have read.  I asked for her professional assessment of the Old Guard situ before making up my own mind.  She's also a nationally recognized BDSM activist.  Hell, yeah, I'm claiming that she is an expert.  She has both academic and community credentials.

There really is a difference between fact and opinion.  I base my life in facts.

"You have a right to your own opinions, but not to your own facts."
-- Alan Greenspan


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: websites to learn from - 5/4/2008 4:58:07 PM   
HerLord


Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stormygirl25

i never said its a bad thing i just dont have the cash to spend on em right now.

I am NOT picking on any one here but the whole reading a book thing... Aint how to learn this life. It may be a good source of inspiration, but (I am sorry John Warren) you cannot "learn" how to do this from a book. There are things that can be learned, such a safety measures, particular signals to look out for and things that you may not think of that become issues, but the process of learning what actually works for you in real time, can ONLY be learned in RT, by you, in doing it.

As for the cost of books... there are means to alleviate some of these costs. Public Libraries being the foremost. While some books are harder to find in a library, with an appropriate amount of patience and diligence, MOST can be made available through the system.

(BTW John Warren, I am looking forward to reading your Loving Dominant book. However I think I may have to have My Love read it to me... Seriously, will that affect the read?  Is it written in a manner that is condusive to being relayed as opposed to first person reading?)[/hijack]

OP. as for asking questions... NO questions go un-answered in these forums. You may not like my replies... (errr, I mean some of the replies) but they will get answered.

Suggestion, Take your time, ask questions that are specific to you, and acknowledge that no one can answer your questions as they pertain to you , except you. There is nevere a shortage of replies that do not help, but there is a plethora of people WANTING to share what they know with those who don't when it is done properly.

Good luck and Happy Hunting!

(ps, Hey Mod11, Was this one nice enough, or did I need to pass a candy cane out or something?)

_____________________________

"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

(in reply to stormygirl25)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: websites to learn from - 5/4/2008 6:00:00 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

I am NOT picking on any one here but the whole reading a book thing... Aint how to learn this life. It may be a good source of inspiration, but (I am sorry John Warren) you cannot "learn" how to do this from a book. There are things that can be learned, such a safety measures, particular signals to look out for and things that you may not think of that become issues, but the process of learning what actually works for you in real time, can ONLY be learned in RT, by you, in doing it.


You can't get to where some of the more experienced posters are here by reading a book, only by screwing up lots of times can you do that.

HOWEVER, 90% of the posts here would be answered by a read of three or four of the better books.  Having read The Bottoming Book alone would save a huge amount of pain and suffering we experience reading about "sillynewgirl7" and her broken heart.  Reading that and The Topping Book would do even more.  Reading The Ethical Slut and something else like The Loving Dominant or Screw the Roses would provide more knowledge than many here possess.


(in reply to HerLord)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: websites to learn from - 5/4/2008 6:06:51 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline 		Well, i never said that there aren't some very knowledgeable people contributing to this forum.  Of course, there are.  i never said that you can't get some very valuable information from reading the posts on this site.  But, even with all the intelligent and skilled people posting on CM, you still need to weed through the posts that are less than informative.  And, CM hasn't cornered the market on all that is worth reading about BD/SM. 
 
There is a wealth of information to be found elsewhere, if you look.  Why should someone limit themself to just one source for information?  The OP asked for suggestions on websites to learn from.  The poster is already on this site so, why not give other sites as suggestions?  The person doing the reading must decide whether the information is valid and valuable to them or not, just like each of us must do when reading these forums.
 
joy
Owned servant of Master David

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Oh, for Pete's sake, Joy.  Tammy Jo has a Ph.D. in History, just to name one example of someone whose posts I am sure you have read.  I asked for her professional assessment of the Old Guard situ before making up my own mind.  She's also a nationally recognized BDSM activist.  Hell, yeah, I'm claiming that she is an expert.  She has both academic and community credentials.

There really is a difference between fact and opinion.  I base my life in facts.

"You have a right to your own opinions, but not to your own facts."
-- Alan Greenspan


(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: websites to learn from - 5/4/2008 6:22:11 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you for clarifying.  I agree with you.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: websites to learn from - 5/4/2008 6:41:10 PM   
ELUSIVE1


Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stormygirl25

well this site doesnt really have articles just forums and im not really sure how to phrase my questions or my thoughts at this time to post anything that might make sense.

if you can get past the snarky people on bondage dot com I have found lots of useful information and ideas there, articles and forums....I also belong to alt, and there are a few longtime lifestylers that keep informative blogs and write magazine articles...I am very careful whose advice I will consider because so many live their entire lifestyle online, not real life...I have a few favorites here that I respect thier opinions...


_____________________________

"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality"

*Poe
http://alt.com/blog/ELUSIVE1NC
http://users.adultspace.com/ELUSIVE1NC/


(in reply to stormygirl25)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: websites to learn from - 5/4/2008 8:01:44 PM   
katie978


Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline 		   I'm actually going to speak against the book idea (a mortal sin for an English major..but). Although many of the books would be priceless for a COMPLETE beginner, someone who has already found her way here must have at least some idea what she's doing. I've bought several submissive-type books, and while they do offer an occasional interesting fantasy to try out, many of them cover the complete basics and then just rave about the author's sexual experience and then use as many fancy garden metaphors about BDSM as they can. I admit there are many fine and frequently recommended books I haven't sampled, I just haven't cared much for the ones I have.

  For finding articles online, I find that many seemed to make sense. I'd say to take anything about "protocols" with a grain of salt, since they frequently change from area to area and dom to dom. Try and remember everything about the safety aspect of things, and understand that BDSM is a very different thing than abuse. Trust your brain, not your heart or ::ahem:: lower for the first few dates. It's all exciting and everything, but if something seems wrong-it is. Lots of articles or even s-type journals can give you a good idea of what the day-to-day life of a submissive would be.

   I have found books to be invaluable for particular activities, however. If you want to learn about "the lifestyle", online's as good a place as any. If you want to learn about a specific activity, especially one that would be dangerous in the hands of a novice, I'd suggest a book. Something like ropeplay, knife play, blood play-anything that could go REALLY wrong, you might want a book to learn about.

   But, hey, if extended garden metaphors are for you, you could save up and some submissive type books and let your mind wander through the shady, misty path, with a rare glimmer of sunshine flitting through the clouds, until at last, in a dark corner by the ivy-laden shed, you find that one wonderful plant that makes all that gardening worth it! ::ugh::

_____________________________



"That's the plan. Rule the world. You and me. Anyday ::wink::"



(in reply to ELUSIVE1)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: websites to learn from - 5/4/2008 8:16:41 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stormygirl25
google hasnt helped me much looking for bdsm websites for learning about the lifestyle...

Some BDSM Communities & Resources Link LIst

http://www.spannertrust.org/
The Spanner Trust exists to defend the rights of sadomasochists of all sexual orientations and specifically to reverse the UK court ruling which made certain SM activities illegal even though all parties consent.

The Slave Register
With more than 30,000 registered slaves, this has become a very interesting web project hosted by the House Of Tanos. The Slave Register provides a central place for the registration of slaves and submissives. Each registration is assigned a unique Slave Registration Number ("SLRN") and there are ownership certificates. This service is free.
 
The Eulenspiegel Society
TES is a not-for-profit organization which promotes sexual liberation for all adults. Especially for people who enjoy consensual SM. Please remember that TES was founded by masochists for masochists and only later became an S/M liberation group.

Internal Enslavement
You've got to love those kinky Brits, another project hosted by the House Of Tanos.! Originally this was MaterSlave.org.uk. Internal Enslavement is a radical answer to the question "Just how binding and complete can consensual slavery really be?"  They aim to develop practical techniques to establish and maintain a solid and inescapable state of ownership. In doing this, they cut through the vague concept of "Slave Training" popular in BDSM fiction and websites. We draw inspiration both from existing accounts of Total Power Exchange, and from mainstream Psychology.

National Leather Association
Information, education and support network for all members of the Leather/BDSM/Fetish community.  They support encourage those who fight for decriminalization of all sexual acts between consenting adults, individual and organized political activism, visibility and education in order to eradicate stereotypical beliefs, misconceptions and media misrepresentation about the Leather/BDSM/Fetish family in the community at large.

DomSubFriends
Although DomSubFriends is a members only pan-sexual group serving NY and surrounding communities that share interests in the S&M, BDSM, D/s, and B/D scene, their web site and its vast resources are free to all visitors.

LLC - Leather Leadership Conference
The Leather Leadership Conference is an organization dedicated to strengthening the SM/Leather/Fetish community through the development of the leadership skills of community members and fostering a greater sense of connection between and within community groups.

Black Rose
Black Rose is a not-for-profit organization which provides a forum for the many different expressions of power in love and play including dominance & submission, bondage & discipline, fetishism, cross-dressing, to name a few.  They are a support, education, and social group for adults who share these interests in the context of caring relationships. Black Rose is a pan sexual group, open to those of any sexual orientation.

Society Of Janus
The Society of Janus is a nonprofit, volunteer run, San Francisco-based education & support organization devoted to the art of safe, consensual, and non-exploitative power exchange.

Skin Two
Fetish & BDSM magazine, parities, fashion, news, forums, personals and erotica.

The Encyclopedia Of Unusual Sex Practices  
Since the loss of the Deviant's Dictionary, this remains one of the larger collection of terms available. See glossary for free access to definitions. The paid access section of this online encyclopedia presents a unique guide to human sexual expression, ranging from the mildly kinky to the truly bizarre.

The Emblem Project
This personal site has a collection of information about the BDSM emblem which is a variant of the Triskele.

Bullwhip.org
Packed with information from the history of the bullwhip to instructions on use, care, repair, safety and making whips. A fantastic resource with photos and instructional movies on whip cracking.   

Bondage.com
A large BDSM community with free BDSM personals, fetish pictures and video, stories, and BDSM / fetish community forums.
 
ALT.com
A large source for online BDSM personals. Find a munch, a twisted dungeon for the weekend, or a 24x7 power relationship – if it’s a little kinky, you may find it here.


_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to stormygirl25)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: websites to learn from - 5/4/2008 9:45:51 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stormygirl25

im curious to here true life stories

You can check out the online journals on My Journal (dot com) http://www.my-journal.com/.   Type in "BDSM" or "submissive" or "slave" or any other term in the "keyword" search box and a list of journals will appear and you can read what different people have written about their lives.  You don't have to register to read the journals but, you do have to click on the agreement.  
 
joy
Owned servant of Master David

(in reply to stormygirl25)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: websites to learn from - 5/4/2008 11:00:21 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

I'm actually going to speak against the book idea (a mortal sin for an English major..but). Although many of the books would be priceless for a COMPLETE beginner, someone who has already found her way here must have at least some idea what she's doing. I've bought several submissive-type books, and while they do offer an occasional interesting fantasy to try out, many of them cover the complete basics and then just rave about the author's sexual experience and then use as many fancy garden metaphors about BDSM as they can. I admit there are many fine and frequently recommended books I haven't sampled, I just haven't cared much for the ones I have.


Translation: I have read the stupid books and they are well stupid but I haven't read the good ones but since the shitty ones sucked ALL BDSM books must suck.  Since there isn't a garden metaphore in any of the decent books, perhaps you could list whatever crap you are reading so nodoby thinks you are refering to anything decent.

(in reply to katie978)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: websites to learn from - 5/5/2008 1:36:11 AM   
Guilty1974


Posts: 467
Joined: 11/2/2005
From: Den Haag
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: katie978
I have found books to be invaluable for particular activities, however. If you want to learn about "the lifestyle", online's as good a place as any. If you want to learn about a specific activity, especially one that would be dangerous in the hands of a novice, I'd suggest a book. Something like ropeplay, knife play, blood play-anything that could go REALLY wrong, you might want a book to learn about.


For ropeplay, a workshop by a really experienced rigger would be best. If you want to learn on-line, I think forums and mailinglists are a very good addition. Anyone can put up a website full of crap. Crap posted on a big, well read forum tends to get corrected.

(in reply to katie978)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: websites to learn from - 5/5/2008 5:04:28 AM   
katie978


Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
Since there isn't a garden metaphore in any of the decent books, perhaps you could list whatever crap you are reading so nodoby thinks you are refering to anything decent.


   Actually, some of my books have been listed as recommendations. "The Bottoming Book" and "Screw the Roses" were just guilty of being too basic-I can only read the intro chapter about "What We Call Ourselves" so many times before I start to get a little sick. The one I'm mainly talking about hasn't been recommended- "Erotic Surrender: The Sensual Joys of female submission" was the source of the gardens as well as the extensive sexual fantasies that told me a lot about the author, not too much about BDSM.
   All the books could be useful to someone, I'm merely saying they weren't overly useful to me. Kind've worth buying just to see the look on the face of the old woman at the bookstore, though...

_____________________________



"That's the plan. Rule the world. You and me. Anyday ::wink::"



(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 33
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