RE: Advice for a bad submissive

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RE: Advice for a bad submissive - 5/4/2008 10:13:28 AM

lronitulstahp

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         hmmm...advice...the first Dominant person you serve is memorable. It will always be an experience from which you can garner lots of knowledge about yourself, and just what type of submissive you are, and more importantly, want to be.
   Just because it wasn't ideal doesn't mean you're a bad anything....just a new submissive. One who is learning. There's a quote i like, not sure i can remember who said it, (sorry) but it goes like this:
        "The way to learn to do things is to do things. The way to learn a trade is to work at it. Success teaches how to succeed. Begin with the determination to succeed, and the work is half done already.”
Best of luck, you bad wicked submissive, you.
~the slut formerly known as bad submissive

< Message edited by lronitulstahp -- 5/4/2008 10:14:49 AM >

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RE: Advice for a bad submissive - 5/4/2008 10:32:29 AM

SylvereApLeanan

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Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
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~FR~

OP: If you haven't already got a copy, I highly recommend picking up Training With Miss Abernathy by Christina Abernathy. It is designed for someone who, like you, wants to prepare him/herself mentally to be a good sub/slave. It's full of practical exercises to help get you into the appropriate mindset. It also has several questionnaires to help you determine what sort of s-type you want to be, whether it is a valet or sex slave, housekeeper or escort.

As a Dominant, I have found the information in it remarkably useful for learning about a potential s-type and for training newbies. You may also find it helpful as you prepare for you prospective Domina's visit. I think you have taken an important step in recognizing that you have areas of your life and your personality that you need to work on and taking action to improve yourself. That is, to me, the sign that you have the potential to be one of the best subs. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavor.

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RE: Advice for a bad submissive - 5/4/2008 12:18:51 PM

SimplyMichael

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First I want to state that while I think MOST male submissives are worthless, GOOD male submissives are AMAZING. My comment wasn't directed at male submissives as a whole and I have the utmost respect for good ones like http://www.collarme.com/personals/v/85205/details.htm a male submissive I know personally and who is a complete treasure.

As for Mistress Abernathy's book, I second the recomendation but the two older titles are out of print and are now out in a combined and revised edition called Erotic Slavehood.

Buy it as well as many of the other best BDSM books direct from the publisher

http://www.greenerypress.com/

quote:

Erotic Slavehood: A Miss Abernathy Omnibus
by Christina Abernathy - foreword by Laura Antoniou
ISBN: 1-890159-71-9
specifications: 6" x 9", 240 pp.
$14.95 + shipping

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RE: Advice for a bad submissive - 5/4/2008 11:16:03 PM

MaamJay

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I agree with the advice here ... OP you are already streets ahead by identifying that you are not perfect and actually discovering what it is you'd like to change. Secondly, D/s is a partnership ... with open communication you can make Her aware of your concerns. It's important to see if She shares them for starters. If She does, then the 2 of you can work out some strategies by which change may be effected. Let Me be clear ... you are still the one who has to do the work of actually making the changes, putting the strategies into practice, no matter how odd that may feel at first ... but Her responsibility is to monitor that carefully and give feedback, praise and correction as appropriate to facilitate your making these changes.

Good luck!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Advice for a bad submissive - 5/5/2008 12:16:35 AM

MissMorrigan

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Hello Amenabeboy,

I am going to tell you about Reality and myself, hopefully you will see some of yourself in there.
Reality came into my life two years ago last month, we talked for some weeks before meeting and this month is our two year anniversary - we have lived together for a year of that.

Initially, we had little to no difficulty at all. Everything was new to Reality and he approached it eagerly and with zest. He had spent his youth enjoying the videos of Insex and the like. He had no real concept of D/s, just the fantasy S/M aspect. So all the while we focused on the physical aspects and took it at a pace he could process positively he was a happy boy... We approached the time for us to focus on his submission and rapidly hit problems in our relationship. Neither of us are perfect and I struggled to deal with a person that 'fought' my attempts to forge a solid D/s foundation. We needed to find our balance and the route there was difficult. Reality had so many years to focus on no one but himself that he found it difficult to focus on me so we butted heads. I was conscious of the fact that I didn't want him, at any stage even at my most frustrated, to feel as if he was 'bad'. It was a learning curve and still is for us BOTH - we continue learning together. Sure, I have a considerable amount of experience in some areas, but people are indiivduals and ever changing.

Reality's stubbornness rears its ugly head from time to time. He's fully accepted his place in our relationship and while I will compromise on some things, most definitely not the D/s. Once Reality learned to drop any preconceived idea of what D/s was he was fine. We both define ours as you will yours.
Reality will ask constantly for guidance. If I want soemthing done in a specific way, I need to convey this to him - he's not a mind reader. We have developed a great level of communication between us - we discuss everything and I value his opinions, thoughts and ideas. Reality has a rather dominant streak in him... if I want to step back and relax at all, ie time to myself, it rears its head and we butt heads. I have learned how to deal with this but it took time, lots of it and he continues to learn NOT to argue, but to listen - as do I.

Our desires, wants and needs are the same... we are working at achieving those the same route - together.
The very best of luck to you

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RE: Advice for a bad submissive - 5/5/2008 1:56:23 AM

MaamJay

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Lovely post MissMorrigan!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Advice for a bad submissive - 5/5/2008 2:58:28 AM

MissMorrigan

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That's kind of you to say, thank you

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RE: Advice for a bad submissive - 5/5/2008 5:13:09 AM

ResidentSadist

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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: amenableboy
Perhaps one saving grace, and the only thing that makes me feel any better, is that I genuinely want to learn, to be better. I need to be better as a submissive. So, any help is greatly appreciated.

Take it from this old bastard of a sadistic Master… keep the hope. The things you say above, are things that can make good submissive partners. You want to learn.

Here on CollarMe you will get a shitload of BS about what is or isn’t submissive. I can tell you this, ignore all crap and hit the books (not fiction). A typical Master appreciates a typical sub… stereotypes fit nicely together. Once you have the core of it, you can play with the 897million variations and nuances that individualize your relationship.

Try taking a peek at the non-fiction in this book thread:
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm#1726118

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I give good thread.

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