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Lifestyle bdsm - 5/4/2008 3:36:22 AM

ballerinaboy

Posts: 16
Joined: 10/24/2007
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Im looking to make the change from "just playing" at bdsm,to making it a large part of life.Can anyone help with tips,advice on the sort of things I should expect,get used to,and the sacrifices I may have to make?

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RE: Lifestyle bdsm - 5/4/2008 3:38:34 AM

mistoferin

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You should expect that the answers to your questions will be as varied as the responders.

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RE: Lifestyle bdsm - 5/4/2008 3:47:48 AM

TwistedLeather

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Joined: 3/9/2008
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It really depends on what your limits are, and what type of partner you find. Everyone varies in their expectations, philosophies, and personal opinions. You'd get a better answer if you asked this directly to anyone you're considering for your Dom/me.

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RE: Lifestyle bdsm - 5/4/2008 3:50:46 AM

wulfgarw

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For me, it's more of a change that I make in my mind., rather than how I live my day to day life.

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RE: Lifestyle bdsm - 5/4/2008 9:51:41 AM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
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sacrifices - serving your chosen one first.
                  obeying even if you don't want to
                  being the recipient of their attentions (yep - this one is tough! lol)
                  not being the recipient of their attentions.
                  warming their cold feet in bed in the winter
                  making the coffee when you would rather stay in be ( and you don't even drink coffee)
                  doing the laundry for everyone
                  getting the newspaper on Sunday, so the two of you can lay in bed and read and drink coffee and tea, and talk
                  having to decide where to go for lunch because your chosen one doesn't want to make that decision
                  dressing (or undressing ) to please your chosen one
                  and so on and so on and so on
These are some of my sacrifices (lol) - but they won't be yours. Only your chosen one and you can tell or decide how your life will be.   Have fun with it.

(in reply to wulfgarw)

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RE: Lifestyle bdsm - 5/4/2008 3:02:10 PM

StormsSlave

Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
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First.

Forget everything you read here... Including this.

Second.

Live your life how you deem it fits you.

Simple.

Find someone who shares how you think/feel and invite them to be your partner. (this is the hard part. but then again, this is ALWAYS the hard part, even in nilla ice cream.) But take your time finding this one. Being a partner while being a D type or an S type can be a very precarious balancing act. But, IF you have managed to find the right one to be your partner... then all will work itself out through your partnership to one another. This is the nature of partnerships. They work IF and ONLY if there is an actual partnership, otherwise you have catasrophe and or worse, and you will wind up wearing the scars permanantly. (scars are not always a good thing)

I am done.
My copper is spent.

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RE: Lifestyle bdsm - 5/4/2008 3:08:12 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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Storm is right, no matter what you read here, it wont really matter much. What you have to learn you will have to learn from whomever takes you on. No one else will know what will be expected of you, what would be necessary for you to sacrifice and all that. What I would say a boy in service to me would need to know might mean nothing to your mistress. Hell, my 2 boys dont even have the same requirements and such.
The only adjustment that goes pretty much across the board is that you are going to have to think about your Dominant's needs before your own. Playtime can be sub-centric, and you can call the shots of who and when and where you want to play. It doesnt usualy work that way in a more full time relationship, you have to get used to being told when and where .

DV

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RE: Lifestyle bdsm - 5/4/2008 5:15:22 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ballerinaboy
Im looking to make the change from "just playing" at bdsm,to making it a large part of life.Can anyone help with tips,advice on the sort of things I should expect,get used to,and the sacrifices I may have to make?

I'm not sure what you mean- do you want to involve kinky things into everything you do? LIke wearing buttplugs all day long?

Or do you want to engage in a relationship that has an authority dynamic all the time? Cuz those don't look or act anything different than a lot of vanilla relationships in any way unless they choose particular activities.

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RE: Lifestyle bdsm - 5/4/2008 5:32:10 PM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ballerinaboy

Im looking to make the change from "just playing" at bdsm,to making it a large part of life. Can anyone help with tips, advice on the sort of things I should expect, get used to, and the sacrifices I may have to make?

Take it seriously. If you do not, be honest—both to yourself and others.

Look before you leap. Don't settle for anything short of your ideal.

Know thyself. Be accountable. Communicate well. Live it.

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RE: Lifestyle bdsm - 5/4/2008 8:23:34 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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I suggest setting up some daily rituals to reinforce the lifestyle. In my relationships, I found a nice spanking each morning started us all off in our roles well. If not in a live in relationship, maybe journaling will help?

Get involved with the local community… go to munches, parties and events.

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I give good thread.

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RE: Lifestyle bdsm - 5/4/2008 11:02:59 PM

MaamJay

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While I agree with others here that it depends on what you and your Domme choose to make it, I do think there's a bit of a mindshift that needs to go along with that. From being about special times to being about everyday. Lowering your play expectations to make room for everyday life stuff. And to being prepared to do what you should at the times you REALLY don't feel like it! I think they are fairly universal.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Lifestyle bdsm - 5/5/2008 2:47:16 AM

stella41b

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Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
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I'd suggest you switch your perception of 'normal' from fitting in with others' expectations to being yourself and doing the things you enjoy, your BDSM interests inclusive. It's nobody else's lifestyle other than your own, true?

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