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Separating the difference between drop and depression - 5/4/2008 4:03:04 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'm not exactly sure where this post is going so you have to bear with Me.  I guess what I'm trying to figure out is where My lines are drawn emotionally just now and to see if anyone has some insight from similar situations.

The general gist of this is that I was at the regional munch last night.  Very interesting demo (done by Archer here of CM, btw), fun conversation, followed by some wonderful play with My sub.  I did a rather long scene, during which part of the time I had him on the cross for some good flogging and birthday lashes.  The second half, I made him into his own birthday cake.  (Ain't wax grand!)

Anyway, I made some classic mistakes in not avoiding drop  For starters, I didn't exactly eat healthy prior.  I also didn't get any sugar, either by fruit or chocolate relatively soon after My scene.  I compounded this by waiting a bit long to eat today.  (Very late breakfast/lunch.)  I didn't hydrate properly.  (Working on that now.)  Not a whole lot of sleep.  (To avoid this being a wank thread, I'll just hint and say it was a *long* night.)  My sub had to finish a case study, so I sent him to do that and My husband is napping.  In My favor, I did have a lot of physical contact after the scene and during the ride back today.

By now, I'm sure you've guessed it, that I was just prime for hitting top drop.  That's right, kiddies.  Even us folks with some experience under our belt do these things sometimes, too.

I do recognize part of what I'm feeling as being drop.  Where the complication is in sorting out My feelings between which part is drop and which part is the sadness or depression about My husband being off to Korea on Wednesday.  I have no doubt in My mind that one is compounding the other.  I think part of this post is Me trying to figure out to what scale.  I know I'd be sad thinking about My husband going, even if I weren't experiencing drop.  I don't know if My drop would be as bad, if I didn't have this underlying emotional thing fueling it.

Since this is a discussion board, I suppose I should ask some questions to discuss.  Has anyone out there got anything remotely similar to this that they have experienced?  Maybe a time that drop seemed worse because of other things affecting their life?  Can one thing fuel the other?  Heck, I'll even settle for stories of the last time you had a bout of drop because you didn't do the things you knew you should do to prevent it.

I just want to make sure that when I'm done falling, I'll get up.


_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread
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RE: Separating the difference between drop and depression - 5/4/2008 4:13:51 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		Well, all that would make anyone tired and tired people are emotional people.

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RE: Separating the difference between drop and depression - 5/4/2008 4:47:23 PM   
hopelesslyInvo


Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
Status: offline
quote:

I just want to make sure that when I'm done falling, I'll get up.


i wouldn't worry on it much, after all you have people who will help you to your feet if you have trouble managing it alone.

when i'm down instead of being wholey depressed, or days that i feel things just aren't quite right, i simply go to sleep; dreams aside, you wake up each time with a different state of mind, usually you wake up with a clear head, and from the sound of things, it seems like you could use some sleep anyway.

< Message edited by hopelesslyInvo -- 5/4/2008 4:48:29 PM >

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RE: Separating the difference between drop and depression - 5/4/2008 5:50:52 PM   
Reigna


Posts: 334
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		It's hard to say without knowing the dynamics of your various relationships. For starters, though, I'd wonder why it seems important to know what's about your husband's imminent departure, and what's drop. No doubt you have excellent reasons for wondering, and it would be good for you to know what they are. Full disclosure: I am a compulsive navel gazer.  I do think, though, that  hopelesslyInvo has the right idea. Sometimes I just give up on the navel gazing, admit that I'm in the midst of a clusterfuck, and curl up into the fetal position until I feel better.

Sorry to hear your darling is leaving. That is hard.

< Message edited by Reigna -- 5/4/2008 5:52:12 PM >

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RE: Separating the difference between drop and depression - 5/4/2008 7:40:56 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		drop and depression are both caused by the same neurochemiclals in the brain so if your experiencing drop then the depression will be intensified or verse vica. now myself i have ADHD and so far due to my meds my neurochemicals have not been low enough to get drop. i have seen the effects on others.keep well hydrated eat chocolate and talk to Friends whenever you can

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RE: Separating the difference between drop and depression - 5/4/2008 7:55:16 PM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		Sounds to me like you have a lot on your mind with your husband leaving and your wonderful night with your sub was a great way to enjoy yourself and forget all about your troubles, but when it was over, the world came crashing back in. I guess it would be hard to tell the two apart, because "drop" kind of implies that it's all chemical and there isn't really anything for you to feel "blue" about. In this case you really DO have something to feel down about.

I haven't experienced a Top or sub drop yet, so I can't really comment on your question but when I get down for no real reason (and therefore no problem I can solve) I just try to stay really busy and keep my mind on doing something til it passes. Eating chocolate doesn't work for me. I end  up feeling guilty. *g*

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RE: Separating the difference between drop and depression - 5/4/2008 8:00:23 PM   
LaMistressa


Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I
Since this is a discussion board, I suppose I should ask some questions to discuss.  Has anyone out there got anything remotely similar to this that they have experienced?  Maybe a time that drop seemed worse because of other things affecting their life?  Can one thing fuel the other?  Heck, I'll even settle for stories of the last time you had a bout of drop because you didn't do the things you knew you should do to prevent it.

I just want to make sure that when I'm done falling, I'll get up.



I've had this happen, and it was a combination of difficult things going on in my life (loss and separation) combined with playing too hard and expecting too much of myself. It sounds like you know what is going on with yourself, and that is half the battle won - you will definitely get up again.

In the meantime, take care of yourself.





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RE: Separating the difference between drop and depression - 5/4/2008 8:27:29 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		You double dipped on drop, no wonder you were down!

Not casting any stones here, just making an observation: If I'd been in that situation I believe I'd have skipped the Regional Munch in favor of quality time with My Husband who's scheduled to head overseas.

There's plenty of time to be with the sub at other munches when hubby's gone.

I'm guessing there is a deep dissatisfaction factoring in there due to the angst of anticipating the long separation to come, while spending time with someone who really wasn't your number one priority at that moment in time. 

I know when I was with number two sub while in my heart and mind I was wanting to be close to number one sub -I always felt a deep 'let down' after a session with beta boi.-  When my heart wanted alpha boi, well, you know what they say, the heart wants what it wants.

I don't think you're depressed, exactly, more akin to disappointment.

I'm not saying the session wasn't fun, fulfilling etc etc, but compound the impending departure with general malaise over the anticipated separation, and 'subbing a subbie instead of the hubby' would have made any Domme's heart ache.

Next time hubby's heading overseas, skip the session w subbie until hubby has landed safe and sound; handle one complex drop at a time, instead of doubling up on drop.

Better days are ahead of you.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and hop into a hot bubble bath, take a long, luxurious nap, and you'll feel better.  You'll be back to yourself in no time.

Good luck,

Texas Maam


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RE: Separating the difference between drop and depression - 5/4/2008 8:29:07 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Big huggy pets!!  This is a hard time on the home front, and I suspect that the combination of wild brain chemicals, lack of sleep, and lots of activity are messing with you.  Drink lots of water, eat some protein, take a nap.  Repeat as needed!  It can take more than a day to recover from that kind of thing, it's not a "snap out of it" situation, except maybe for 20 yr olds.

You WILL get back up again.  It will be seriously crappy with your husband in Korea, but you can handle it.  Take care of yourself, and you know you have the crew over here to back you up.  And there is some cute guy who follows you around, too...

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RE: Separating the difference between drop and depression - 5/5/2008 3:30:28 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I just wanted to pop on and thank everyone for their thoughts.  I especially appreciated the emails on the other side and offers to talk.

I'm back to Myself this morning, even smiling about the fun had during the weekend.  It was a great getaway for My husband, My sub, and Myself, which is usually the case when we head off to Atlanta.  Even with the drop, it's still a great memory for the three of us.

My thanks to the folks who offered support.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Separating the difference between drop and depression - 5/5/2008 5:08:20 AM   
MistressVnus


Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline 		Lady Pact....

I can relate to this VERY much.

I like to stay in top space for long periods of time.  That's why I don't like my sub to come over for "only" 1 day, or the evening.
Because of this, my drop after an extended time in top space can be fairly intense.  However, usually a day of rest and eating well clears it up.

Howver, the last time my slave was here, he was here for 1 week and I knew it was going to be the last time I sawe him before he deployed for Kuwait.  Needless to say, my drop from that week lasted about 1 1/2 weeks and, no doubt, it was a mixture of "top-drop" and "grief."  With each one exacerbating the other.  It was pretty intense.  I recognized this and just allowed myself to "feel" whatever I was feeling.  I rested, tried to eat well, and just allowed myself to be sad and "detach."

This was such an unpleasant experiece, that we had an opportunity to see each other for a day right before he left and I refused.
It was best to just let the "detachment" process stay where it was and not open all that back up again. 

So, I can understand what your are going through and have no great advice other than to take care of yourself physically and just let the rest work itself out by allowing yourself to feel whatever comes up from moment to moment.  It sucks, but it will pass.

< Message edited by MistressVnus -- 5/5/2008 5:09:06 AM >

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RE: Separating the difference between drop and depression - 5/5/2008 5:23:42 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		LadyPact, you don't say how long your husband is going to be gone -- that isn't any of our business nor is the reason -- but if it going to be for some time (months) you may want to look into a support group or individual counseling so you just have a place to vent. Yes, we can turn to our friends, our families, our sub/slave but I have discovered for myself that a fairly disinterested party (my therapist) is a great place/person to vent because I don't have to worry about burdening her or depressing her -- I pay her money to curb that and she's a professional so she can handle it. Not worrying about those things makes it easier for me to truly express my feelings in ways that are most helpful when I'm feeling down or stressed.

The second thought I had reading your OP is that while I can completely understand the "send boy away to do his work" mentality, sometimes we need to be a bit more selfish and demand more aftercare or follow-up. That can be from our sub/slave or it can be from someone else or a special plan for self such as a movie or something else you like. When we do bondage or SM while we may still be dominant the focus in the scene is on the bottom, it has to be, and I think it's natural then to feel a bit "down" after that when the chemicals that made it fun and the moments themselves are over. Just a thought.

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RE: Separating the difference between drop and depression - 5/5/2008 8:16:56 PM   
MsIncontrol


Posts: 261
Joined: 10/3/2007
Status: offline 		I can totally relate.  I've been bawling all day today after Kinko de Mayo this weekend.  I am a domme mess!

For me it has been a culmination of things...but mostly since I am one of the organizers of the event is was the less than 11 hours of sleep I had in 3 days.  It was a wonderful event, I recieved an incredible award honoring my service to the BDSM community, had some really really hot scenes...but mostly it was the intense emotional connection I felt to those who are closest to me, especially my submissive, my husband.   We had a really great weekend and I didn't want it to end!

I am doing better at this hour...but for the most part of the day I've been expressly down and emotional.

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Happiness is only real when shared. - Christopher McCandless

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RE: Separating the difference between drop and depression - 5/6/2008 5:56:08 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		LadyP ... glad to hear You are picking up, given the confluence of factors, it would seem the drop was almost inevitable. Many here will be thinking of You as You farewell Your husband to Korea ... sending warm hugs! And maybe, charge clip with the responsibility to make sure You look after Yourself a little better next time?

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Separating the difference between drop and depression - 5/7/2008 4:46:39 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Hello again.  I wanted to post something of an update.

I took Hubby to the airport this morning.  As a military spouse, I was allowed to go to the gate.  I saw him off there and then watched the plane take off from the airport.  He's already in Atlanta.  From  there, he'll go to LA, and on to Korea.

I just wanted to thank everone on the thread and the personal messages of support.  I appreciate the warm thoughts.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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