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RE: What is this that one has to 'offer'? - 5/5/2008 11:52:47 AM

Archer

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Well just my opinion but a little more business like regimen and a little less romance would improve the success rates of relationships.
(measured by length of relationship) Romanitic Love (actually more like infatuation) as the basis for a Lifetime relationship is an aberation that has only recently (past 100 years) developed into common practice , and only in the Industrialized west.

Setting it out in a formal written manner can serve a purpose as well, but it's not hearts and flowers pretty it's practical.
For some of us that practicality is an important aspect of negotiating a good match.

Edited because I only now caught the unintentional (but possibly sublimated) slap of the word choice, please accept that it was not chosen as a slap. if you saw it before I removed it.

< Message edited by Archer -- 5/5/2008 11:55:12 AM >

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RE: What is this that one has to 'offer'? - 5/5/2008 11:55:49 AM

toservez

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I have always thought that phrase from a realistic sane person for it to mean I do not want just a taker. To me a taker is just a person only seeking out partial things in another that they want and fits into some specific goal in how that one person is going to live or feel like regardless of gender or role. Basically someone who wants all the benefits of another person in their own life but none of the responsibility of being with another or wanting to make a we life which will include some sacrifice of the I life.

When I have seen the “what do you have to offer” to me they are wanting to find out things about you that go to build up credibility that you are going to actively participate and give of yourself in all aspects of the relationship.

The unrealistic losers though have been known to use this phrase because they are takers and just want to know what you have to offer that benefits them. These people are generally looking for tangible skills.

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RE: What is this that one has to 'offer'? - 5/5/2008 12:01:03 PM

gypsygrl

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quote:

Romanitic Love (actually more like infatuation) as the basis for a Lifetime relationship is an aberation that has only recently (past 100 years) developed into common practice , and only in the Industrialized west

Yes! And, as a common practice, its such a new idea, and its origins questionable enough, that there's no telling whether or not its a good idea. Even in its best, usually aristocratic, articulation, its been an emphemeral thing, as often as not infused with tragedy.

< Message edited by gypsygrl -- 5/5/2008 12:29:34 PM >

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RE: What is this that one has to 'offer'? - 5/5/2008 1:15:03 PM

Elegant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: aleshaDreams
I have read in a few posts that one of the things that should be defined is what 'you have to offer' into a relationship. What is this offering that everyone refers to? Is there something or an idea I am missing when I read such advice, I am uncertain. Cause I am a tad in the dark here, are you speaking about material possessions, personality, _____? Thanks again.

Some people have missed an important word in your original post. what 'you have to offer' into a relationship. I know when Master Archer asks this question he is not wanting specifics of what a person can do/bring/have solely for him but rather what they can bring to the relationship.

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

It's an opportunity to take an inventory of yourself, your personality, your talents, your attitude, your desires.

Spot on!!! I am a proponent of the petitioning process as it become a self-inventory.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

Everyone has something to offer to enhance the dynamic of a relationship. I see the question as being presented by someone who wants to know if what can be offered will enhance his/her life in a way he desires.

As above.....you have missed an important word in your original post. what 'you have to offer' into a relationship. I know when Master Archer asks this question he is not wanting specifics of what a person can do/bring/have solely for him but rather what they can bring to the relationship.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I do know how to serve tea. However, except for having learned that, not one man has asked it of me. I figure this idea of "what do you have to offer" has less to do with what you have learned and more to do with a question to prove you are worth the time. BUT.. as I said, not one man I have played with has asked me to serve tea. Some skills that might seem romantic, beautiful to us, mean jack squat to another. My x likes his tea iced, in a 52 ounce styrofoam cup with three packs of sweet and low. It is his real, and practical desire. Seems kind of silly to go through a ceremony to get there. So my "skill" was of no value, except to have learned it.

You skill in that arena is the ability to make iced tea (or at least the ability to go to McDonalds and get iced tea). I canot make a decent pitcher of iced tea and would need to learn that skill if Master wanted iced tea on a daily basis. Now, I can pour a lovely glass of Mt Dew. grin

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
When someone asks me what I have to offer, I tell them, me. Someone with intelligence, creativity, and the insatiable desire to learn new things for the rest of my life. If they don't want that, I wouldn't want them either.

I think Jeffery Dahlmer and Adolf Hitler had those same qualities.

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RE: What is this that one has to 'offer'? - 5/5/2008 2:30:46 PM

Constrictor1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: aleshaDreams

I am getting confused here, and hope to find some clarity, so feedback will be very much appreciated, TIA.

I have read in a few posts that one of the things that should be defined is what 'you have to offer' into a relationship. What is this offering that everyone refers to? Is there something or an idea I am missing when I read such advice, I am uncertain. Cause I am a tad in the dark here, are you speaking about material possessions, personality, _____? Thanks again.
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How about a viewable profile?

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RE: What is this that one has to 'offer'? - 5/5/2008 2:46:51 PM

stella41b

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

Well just my opinion but a little more business like regimen and a little less romance would improve the success rates of relationships.
(measured by length of relationship) Romanitic Love (actually more like infatuation) as the basis for a Lifetime relationship is an aberation that has only recently (past 100 years) developed into common practice , and only in the Industrialized west.

Setting it out in a formal written manner can serve a purpose as well, but it's not hearts and flowers pretty it's practical.
For some of us that practicality is an important aspect of negotiating a good match.

Edited because I only now caught the unintentional (but possibly sublimated) slap of the word choice, please accept that it was not chosen as a slap. if you saw it before I removed it.

I go along with this entirely.. and even go a little further and suggest it's pointless making someone an offer of something until you have established a need or desire.

But this is what's all important - the transaction, the interaction. This lies at the heart of everything we do with other people, irrespective of whether it's business, entertainment, friends, or relationships. Someone may like you, you may like them, but unless there's an exchange or transaction of some sort neither of you are going anywhere.

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RE: What is this that one has to 'offer'? - 5/5/2008 8:04:27 PM

aleshaDreams

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Poetryinpain

~fr~
What do I have to offer? I offer me - and all that means.

I am: compassionate, romantic, passionate, creative, etc., etc. The list could go on ad infinitum. But rather than create a CV or resume for the 'position' of sub or Dom, engage the other person in communication and show them the essential you. They can see for themselves what you have, and the qualities they are looking for, if you possess them, will shine through to them.

pip, first contacts should not be like job interviews

Poetryinpain, the whole concept of the first contact being like a job interview and defining what one has to offer is really then bottom line here, and essentially what has spurred this line of inquiry from me. Recently I became rather attracted to One but given how their profile was written, my interpretation was that if I was going to initiate contact I would have to immediately go into definition mode. Well this makes me uncomfortable, as I don't have a set of Dom questions or any form of questionaire and like to approach the 'getting to know you' phase rather casual in nature. Chat a bit, and ask questions as they arise. So having to sit down and elaborate on what makes me someone to take interest in is actually difficult for me. I don't chase men, and I don't like men aggressively chasing me...... so things become stagnant in time cause there is no forward movement when neither is moving. Its a dilemma for me, and I hate every minute of it.

Thank you for the feedback.

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RE: What is this that one has to 'offer'? - 5/6/2008 4:00:15 AM

MasterFireMaam

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Usually it means what you're willing to do for/with them. Often it comes with an attitude of entitlement and expecting the other person to "prove themselves worthy."

Depends of in the person also has a whole half of the manual written about what THEY have to offer in return. *chuckle*

To the OP: What kinds of things do you want the Dom to offer you? Then, turn them around. You'll find that a lot of them, like commitment to knowledge, is something you BOTH have to offer.

Master Fire

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