advice for novice dom

advice for novice dom (Full Version)

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cuteguybottom -> advice for novice dom (5/4/2008 10:41:15 PM)
Hi...Looking for some advice....I am dating a girl that wants me to dominate her sexually....I am really more submissive than dominant but like her a lot and want to dominante her....It's not a one time thing... I'm not sure even what to do? I can spank her and tie her up and verbally dominate her..... Any other suggestions? Will this work Thanks

variation30 -> RE: advice for novice dom (5/4/2008 10:51:06 PM)
no it won't. edit: to be more precise... if you aren't into it, it won't work. it's not as if dom's have some kind special moves they practice that enables them to do what they do. it's just being who you are. it's nice you're trying to satisfy her but it is going to be obvious if it is affected. now it's not as if this is only the case for doms. if a ladyfriend of mine wanted to please me by trying to be more submissive, I would be able to tell if she was faking it. it wouldn't be as enjoyable.

Guilty1974 -> RE: advice for novice dom (5/5/2008 1:44:02 AM)
I tend to disagree. While most people wil not be able to "become" a Dom, most people who are at least kink-friendly, can learn how to become a decent Top. Whether or not that satifactory depends on the other partner. For a TPE slave it will probably not be enough. For someone who enjoys the fantasy and likes to play it may well be.

Focus50 -> RE: advice for novice dom (5/5/2008 3:49:10 AM)
It can only work to a limited degree if you're open and honest about being out of your depth (and/or comfort zone) but are willing to give it a try, anyway.... If it's not in you (not your individual need), the "novelty" wears off and only she ends up enjoying the dynamic while, for you, it degenerates to plain ole hard work.... Anyone (including a sub) can learn to spank a butt or tie knots etc but you can't learn or teach someone to get turned on by those activities if it's not already their need. You may as well try and teach a hetero to be gay, or vice versa - good luck with that.... You can offer her some kink - the physical aspects (bondage. spanking) are termed "topping". Going by your post, you're likely to (figuratively) crash and burn trying to dominate her but you can top her. Do NOT try and bluster your way into convincing her you can be some bad arse dominant; be honest about your doubts and limitations. Focus.

lronitulstahp -> RE: advice for novice dom (5/5/2008 4:14:55 AM)
i never met a dom with NO vice...surely they are all in posession of at least one...[;)]

Level -> RE: advice for novice dom (5/5/2008 4:17:58 AM)
You are such a trouble maker.........[:D] I agree with Guilty and Focus, also. I am soooo helpful.

sirsholly -> RE: advice for novice dom (5/5/2008 4:31:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp i never met a dom with NO vice...surely they are all in posession of at least one...[;)] glances at Level.... Some more than others...

Level -> RE: advice for novice dom (5/5/2008 4:35:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly quote: ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp i never met a dom with NO vice...surely they are all in posession of at least one...[;)] glances at Level.... Some more than others... Ut oh..... here comes trouble......[:-]

sirsholly -> RE: advice for novice dom (5/5/2008 4:36:52 AM)
[sm=dunno.gif]NOW what'd i do?

antipode -> RE: advice for novice dom (5/5/2008 5:08:58 AM)
Dunno, Mr. I have a problem, to start off with, when somebody describes themselves as "cute" or "attractive". Why no simply say you're insecure? As to "will this work - you expect that we can answer a question about onne person we know little about, with another person we know nothing about, neither of whom are described in any detail. In my book, this is the category one liners, and then the answer has to be: yes. Or maybe not. Something like that.

ResidentSadist -> RE: advice for novice dom (5/5/2008 5:41:47 AM)
Domination test. 1- You can fuck her and have an orgasm but you can't dominate her, the experience is equal in power 2- You can control her, even sexually get her off if you like, but you don’t get to cum. Choose one. OK… now we have an understanding between power & sex: By your own words, you don’t want to dominate this girl, your are more submissive. You just want to fuck her and willing to roleplay to make her happy. Yes, it will work great if roleplaying is enough and you are good at it. No, I don't think it will work if she really “needs” to be sexually dominated, your values won't generate enough threat with the actions and choices of a submissive in control (see above test again to reaffirm the meaning of what I say.) quote: ORIGINAL: cuteguybottom a girl that wants me to dominate her sexually....I am really more submissive …Will this work

MistressDolly -> RE: advice for novice dom (5/5/2008 8:06:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cuteguybottom Hi...Looking for some advice....I am dating a girl that wants me to dominate her sexually....I am really more submissive than dominant but like her a lot and want to dominante her....It's not a one time thing... I'm not sure even what to do? I can spank her and tie her up and verbally dominate her..... If she is looking for physical/sexual domination only, there is a wealth of information available, e.g., http://www.stockroom.com/sex_enhancers/books/ which offers useful and practical Topping techniques. Good luck.

Wantstocontrolu -> RE: advice for novice dom (5/5/2008 8:11:43 AM)
You are who you are, Do not go out of your comfort zone. You indeed may be a switch and thats great. Try it, make sure you both know what each other is looking for and go have fun.

batshalom -> RE: advice for novice dom (5/5/2008 8:37:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist Domination test. 1- You can fuck her and have an orgasm but you can't dominate her, the experience is equal in power 2- You can control her, even sexually get her off if you like, but you don’t get to cum. Choose one. OK… now we have an understanding between power & sex: By your own words, you don’t want to dominate this girl, your are more submissive. You just want to fuck her and willing to roleplay to make her happy. Yes, it will work great if roleplaying is enough and you are good at it. No, I don't think it will work if she really “needs” to be sexually dominated, your values won't generate enough threat with the actions and choices of a submissive in control (see above test again to reaffirm the meaning of what I say.) quote: ORIGINAL: cuteguybottom a girl that wants me to dominate her sexually....I am really more submissive …Will this work Just to add a little bit to this - It won't only be a bummer for her - it will be one for you too, at least eventually, since you are a sub and she wants a Dom. Does she know you're a sub? Is she agreeable to let you simply be a Top? Can you keep yourself from becoming emotionally attached to her / her emotionally attached to you? Lots of things to consider her, the largest of which appears to be keeping it casual and not letting it progress into something that makes both of you miserable in the long-run.

Lumus -> RE: advice for novice dom (5/5/2008 2:41:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist You just want to fuck her and willing to roleplay to make her happy. Yes, it will work great if roleplaying is enough and you are good at it. Dammit. You found me out. sniffles So as to not hijack overly, though: The answer's been laid out well enough here, but to add - any relationship, vanilla or not, requires levels of comfort and happiness. What you're describing, OP, will ultimately lead to neither without serious discussion between you and this lady, so both of you know the score and what the other person wants and needs. Good luck.

SummerWind -> RE: advice for novice dom (5/6/2008 5:54:20 PM)
Put her on a a bus to NJ. When she gets off in Newark tell her to hold up a sign with the name "Frank".....I'll take it from there.....

spatejak -> RE: advice for novice dom (5/7/2008 11:59:13 AM)
Binding and spanking the little slut is a good beginning. Then get yourself a copy of Jay Wiseman's SM101 and study it. It will give you all the basic info on how to tie her up, where and to hit her, etc. eBay is a good place for reasonably priced toys. But if you're not really into it there's only so far you can go. You're not going to shell out hundreds of dollars for a hand-plaited kangeroo-hide whip. A vegetarian is not going to cook a first rate steak. On the other hand you may find an inner dom beneath your wimpy exterior, in which case I recommend David Morgan[;)]

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