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SteelofUtah -> RE: Overcoming trust (5/5/2008 10:56:13 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth
Let's say you have found yourself in a situation where, emotionally, you are utterly incapable of trusting. Essentially, it is inconceivable for you to believe that anyone has your best-interests at heart, and anyone who behaves as if they love you, respect you, enjoy your company, or want to belong to you is just setting you up. In essence, utter, vicious paranoia.
How does a Dominant proceed forward from here?
Okay Ialda,
This is a Fast Reply I have yet to read the rest of the advice you have been given however I wanted to give you a pure answer not one that deals with the other things people have said so if you get double up info I am sorry for this.
Trust is this Interesting thing. We like to give it a Tangiable Twist as if it is something that we can give and take when that isn't true. It can only be Given and Lost. Trust can never be regained it can only be given again and truth be told once lost it can never be regained.
Example: I steal you wallet and then when you ask about it I admit that I did and give you back your wallet and offer to pay you back the money that I stole. Over the next two years you come to relax and one day you leave you wallet at my house and when you come and get it it has $50.00 less than what you thought you had...... What do you think happened? Truth is You forgot you loaned your brother $50.00 and you figure this out quickly but you still went straight to me because I have a history and you still don't really trust me once it was lost it is gone forever.
Okay so lets go directly to your situation. You have decided to blame the world for the mistakes of a few. No woman is worth your trust because the women you have chosen so far have all done you wrong, You are so sure that every woman will do you wrong that subconciously you set up situations where they certainly will do you wrong. You never give them a reason to be trust worthy with you because you never offer a willingness to trust.
I only blame those who hurt me for what they did. Not every woman is going to use me for money, however I have learned that there are things to watch out for and then there is also paranoia. Just because a woman goes out with you without money doesn't mean she is onoly out for money maybe she assumed that you would pay for her. Be a gentleman and pay once then talk about your next date NEXT time set up a realistic situation in which you ask. "So if we go to Red Lobster we will be getting seperate checks right?" Or " I bought my ticket for the movie Last Night if you want I will wait for you inside till you get your ticket and then maybe we can split the popcorn and each get a soda for ourselves." Some women will see this as cheap, Others will see it as you not wanting to commit to a relationship, I see it as setting boundries.
Truth be told that is a Bad example because well some women just want to be wined and dined by thier guy it is how the choose a man, sad but true, most women DO want to be paid for, I have YET to meet a woman who wouldn't let me pay or who paid for me first. EVER.
Trust in Cheating is a little closer. One has to ask themselves when they have a history of women who cheat on them, they have to ask themselves what is the common denominator? If the woman always changes but the outcome stays the same you have to ask yourself what you do to perpetuate the problem? What about you, or the women you choose ends in infidelity?
I have come to learn that no matter the problem, no matter the situation I can always find myself to blame if for noting else for me putting myself in that situation. This is had to deal with at first if you blame yourself for everything you find you are rather hard on yourself and easy of others however after time you find where EXACTLY you were a fault and what you had no actual control over and since you had no control you cannot BLAME yourself for the entire situation but you can take responsibility for putting yourself in that situation and try not to do things like this again.
Trust us always something you FREELY GIVE!!!! It can never really be earned, Cause even the most TRUST worthy person may not be worth your trust because everyone is capable of hurting someone else and for any reason and at times they may not even know what they had done. So if you can't trust it is because you won't let yourself trust and you have only yourself to figure that out.
If you want to have a meaningful relationship you MUST HAVE TRUST because it is the foundation that a healthy relationship is built without Trust you will never have a foothold to start a future because nothing will stand up on a nonexistent foundation of worse a hollow foundation.
Think about it. Would you want to spend the rest of your life or even the next 6 months, hell, 6 HOURS with someone who didn't trust you? Well then why would you expect anyone to want to do the same with you?
As Always
Steel
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