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Inexperience Dominant seeks advise - 10/16/2005 3:35:58 PM   
MagikMstr


Posts: 5
Joined: 10/16/2005
Status: offline 		Warm Greeting to A/all,
I am a 46 yo Dominant Male who has his priorities in order, Health , Home , Work , and wish to open my life and lifestyle to one possibly two submissive/slave girl/s . What I wish to know is the obvious pitfalls other Dominants Male and Female Dommes have found with this Lifestyle, what to watch out for in submissive training/psche, I consider myself Well rounded individual Honest , Kind, Considerate, Loving, But Strict as need be.
I havent had a full time sub/slave before and really would appreciate Experienced Dom/Domme views on this subject of Pittfalls of the D/s lifestyle....
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Inexperience Dominant seeks advise - 10/16/2005 3:47:40 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline 		The biggest mistake I've seen dominants make is not knowing what they want and expect from a slave or submissive partner. If you're not certain what you want, it tends to show up in the form of inconsistent discipline and expectations, which will leave the slave confused and uncertain of their role within your life.

Another mistake I've seen being made is taking on a second slave when the dominant isn't fully in control of the first one. In my book, this is just begging for trouble.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to MagikMstr)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Inexperience Dominant seeks advise - 10/16/2005 5:45:20 PM   
Auralise


Posts: 36
Joined: 8/2/2005
From: Denver by way of Florida
Status: offline 		Greetings Evanesce,

Out of all the advice / over-views and random crap i've read on-line in my own discovery process, your words are by the far the most accurate. Absolutely 100% accurate. There is no sorrow compared to that of being lost inside a world you desire.

You touched my heart.

auralise

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Inexperience Dominant seeks advise - 10/16/2005 8:12:01 PM   
Delvin


Posts: 151
Joined: 8/23/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		The list can be huge, and is all over the net when you have the time to wade through it all.

Personal insight is the largest area that spans this whole life, what you do, how you do it and how you instruct the slave who serves you all falls under your views of this life. What you see as a slave, as a Master, the rituals and ceremonies, purpose and day to day living in this world. Life will most definately throw everything at you as it has before this decision, now though, you own someone. How do you deal with that ?

I would strongly suggest NOT "falling in love". Will kill a true slaves heart as she isn't looking for a partner or a relationship, but someone to obey and serve. How you take care of your property and how you see your property will dictate the slave that will serve you. There are players, daddys girls and freeloaders looking for you to pay off their debts, pay for their colleges and then run off. Then again, this life isn't immune to any "dating service" you will run across.

Be consistant, be clear on your directions and purpose, be open to change both to yourself, your life and your property. Never, ever stop learning and expect bad experiences, learn from them and move on.

Best wishes

D

(in reply to Auralise)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Inexperience Dominant seeks advise - 10/16/2005 8:17:44 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline 		I just want to offer a little support here. My dominant is new too, and yet he makes me happier than any experienced dom I've ever known.

It's all in the heart and in the sincerity. Love what you do, and it'll show.

Good luck!!!

Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to MagikMstr)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Inexperience Dominant seeks advise - 10/16/2005 8:41:10 PM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		May I suggest that you rewrite this question in the 'Ask a Sub/Slave' threads? I think you'll find that they can tell you a lot about what kind of problems there are out there too. There are several successful full-time Sub/Slaves on this site and their intuition and ideas might give you a different insight.

The obvious problems that I see are getting too involved too quickly with a Sub and not being sure this is someone you can live with 24/7. Go slow. Be yourself and let her be herself too. See if you are really compatable both in and out of the bedroom. If you are then build on the good things and continue. If not then you might suggest that this isn't working and look for someone else.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to MagikMstr)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Inexperience Dominant seeks advise - 10/18/2005 7:32:51 AM   
MagikMstr


Posts: 5
Joined: 10/16/2005
Status: offline 		I want to Thank everyone for their insightful, thoughts to my question. I do appreciate you taking the time and helping me, Sincerely MagikMstr

(in reply to MagikMstr)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Inexperience Dominant seeks advise - 10/18/2005 4:26:31 PM   
fyreredsub


Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		in consistancy sux as does uncertainty....

and this girl agrees 100% w/ one should master the one they have before seeking another

reminds me of a situation that this girl doesnt wish to discuss right now,perhaps later


quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

The biggest mistake I've seen dominants make is not knowing what they want and expect from a slave or submissive partner. If you're not certain what you want, it tends to show up in the form of inconsistent discipline and expectations, which will leave the slave confused and uncertain of their role within your life.

Another mistake I've seen being made is taking on a second slave when the dominant isn't fully in control of the first one. In my book, this is just begging for trouble.



_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Inexperience Dominant seeks advise - 10/18/2005 4:35:54 PM   
fyreredsub


Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		thats funny you should bring up money.
this girl had a Dom ask her about it yesterday.

he wanted to know how much this girl would give him while she was being considered.

He was referred to several threads on here about it.

its not just the subs...........

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to Delvin)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Inexperience Dominant seeks advise - 10/18/2005 4:48:07 PM   
pastplayingames


Posts: 50
Status: offline
quote:

I would strongly suggest NOT "falling in love". Will kill a true slaves heart as she isn't looking for a partner or a relationship, but someone to obey and serve.


Defining what it is you want and seek in the relationship and a prospective before trying to fill the 'position' would be wise. And as you come across prospects, be clear if their definition matches yours.

For example, the above quote is Devlin's definition of what a 'true' slave's heart seeks.
My slave heart, however, seeks love and a partner in a relationship whom to obey and serve.

Using the same words and meaning different things are apt to cause disaster.

Hope that helps,
~Christine

(in reply to Delvin)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Inexperience Dominant seeks advise - 10/18/2005 5:00:29 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		well, a little searching goes a long way, of course you can see what the enemy is bitching about on these boards....take it with a grain of salt but of course it is fodder for considering what a pitfall is........read a couple books by someone with some experience (don't get rude cause I call you mainstream John, you know I mean it in the regal sense) but a couple mainstream perverted people have written books on their rather wholesome and vast experiences in the craft. Wiseman, Rinella..et al. And since he is to suave to flog it here I will for him, check out 'The Loving Dominant', by John Warren (the guy with spaces) and in fact check into a couple of his posts here. He has a vivid and clear point making ability and apparently doesn't loan lawnmowers, but I think Jay does.

LOL

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to pastplayingames)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Inexperience Dominant seeks advise - 10/18/2005 6:28:14 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Delvin
I would strongly suggest NOT "falling in love". Will kill a true slaves heart as she isn't looking for a partner or a relationship, but someone to obey and serve.


Wow, are you really saying slaves don't want to fall in love or have a relationship? Are you saying a person can't serve and obey the one they love??

I'm really curious as to what you base this statement on...

Cin


_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to Delvin)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Inexperience Dominant seeks advise - 10/18/2005 7:09:45 PM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		well, if you were 36 I could understand your confusion in the lifestyle, but you are 46...going on 47....so...WTF, do you not understand? You are almost a half century old...Dood Dom.
You say you are well rounded? Fat...shhhh, don't tell people that, let them find it out for themselves.

All in All, isn't it nice to be a submissive in the lifestyle...so new, so innocent..so confused.

so open to questions, answers, curiosities?

In time, I hope you become who you want to be...I truly do! Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Inexperience Dominant seeks advise - 10/18/2005 7:28:29 PM   
pastplayingames


Posts: 50
Status: offline 		Damn, Kevin: Having a bad day?

Is it so terrible that someone asks a question with the motivation to learn from those who have gone before him and learned from their mistakes?

To obtain knowledge one must seek it.
~Christine

(in reply to fastlane)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Inexperience Dominant seeks advise - 10/18/2005 8:33:54 PM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Delvin

The list can be huge, and is all over the net when you have the time to wade through it all.

Personal insight is the largest area that spans this whole life, what you do, how you do it and how you instruct the slave who serves you all falls under your views of this life. What you see as a slave, as a Master, the rituals and ceremonies, purpose and day to day living in this world. Life will most definately throw everything at you as it has before this decision, now though, you own someone. How do you deal with that ?

I would strongly suggest NOT "falling in love". Will kill a true slaves heart as she isn't looking for a partner or a relationship, but someone to obey and serve. How you take care of your property and how you see your property will dictate the slave that will serve you. There are players, daddys girls and freeloaders looking for you to pay off their debts, pay for their colleges and then run off. Then again, this life isn't immune to any "dating service" you will run across.

Be consistant, be clear on your directions and purpose, be open to change both to yourself, your life and your property. Never, ever stop learning and expect bad experiences, learn from them and move on.

Best wishes

D



The to love or not to love debate and what "love" means debates have raged on for decades within the lifestyle.

Love does complicate and make a Master slave relationship more complex and difficult for some to manage. It gives the slave a power they may not want to have.
The power of withdrawing the love. The withdrawal of love is a thing any Master who loves their slave has to deal with. It may never manifest itself but the question always crosses the Master's mind when they have a tough decission to make.
If I order this thing they really don't want to do will they leave?, stop loving me?, or what?

It is an issue that a Master has to deal with if they are going to include "love" of the romantic sort.

In Leather

Archer

(in reply to Delvin)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Inexperience Dominant seeks advise - 10/19/2005 10:32:41 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

I would strongly suggest NOT "falling in love".


Wow. Is there a pill for that? Sometimes the mind can't control the heart; I wouldn't want it to. I'm a girl with silly romantic notions.

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Inexperience Dominant seeks advise - 10/19/2005 5:44:00 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

I would strongly suggest NOT "falling in love".


Wow. Is there a pill for that? Sometimes the mind can't control the heart; I wouldn't want it to. I'm a girl with silly romantic notions.


I'm with you...The last thing I want is a master/dom who doesn't love me...I want the whole thing. I want to be owned because he loves me too much to let anyone else have me. LOL

I also know that I will not really ever be mastered unless it's through mutual love.

Some may not consider me a slave, because I don't subscribe to the no-rights angle, but I know when my head is in slave-space, and I know it works best when my heart is right there with it.

(YMMV)

Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Inexperience Dominant seeks advise - 10/20/2005 11:35:36 AM   
Soulhuntre


Posts: 223
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful
quote:

ORIGINAL: Delvin
I would strongly suggest NOT "falling in love". Will kill a true slaves heart as she isn't looking for a partner or a relationship, but someone to obey and serve.


Wow, are you really saying slaves don't want to fall in love or have a relationship? Are you saying a person can't serve and obey the one they love??


I don't know what Delvin is saying, but I will say this for those in relationships based primarily on power or structure: If your affection or love foryour servants gets the better of you it can destroy the dynamic upon which their submission and service is built.

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Inexperience Dominant seeks advise - 10/20/2005 11:49:36 AM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

If your affection or love foryour servants gets the better of you it can destroy the dynamic upon which their submission and service is built.


Truer words have not been spoken. I've had this happen not once, but twice, in relationships with dominants who fell in love with me. Dominants need to learn that love CANNOT be allowed to make them ineffective as dominants. It's all right to love the one you own, but it's not all right to allow that love to interfere with your ability to meet the slave's needs.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to Soulhuntre)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Inexperience Dominant seeks advise - 10/21/2005 12:23:07 AM   
Soulhuntre


Posts: 223
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MagikMstr
to one possibly two submissive/slave girl/s . What I wish to know is the obvious pitfalls other Dominants Male and Female Dommes have found with this Lifestyle, what to watch out for in submissive training/psche


The number one thing, the number onepitfall and problem I see novice doms falling into?

The belief that the have to ignore their own desires, views, decisions or insights because someone somewhere in the BDSM community tells them they have to do it a certain way or be considered abusive or unsafe.

By all means learn fromt he community... take from it what seems good and ignore the bad. But never, ever allow the will of the community or the "rules" laid out by someone else to supercede your own judgement.

(in reply to MagikMstr)
Profile   Post #: 20
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