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meeting with prespective sub - 5/6/2008 12:17:32 AM

novicenydom

Posts: 1
Joined: 5/6/2008
Status: offline

This is a question to female subs out there, though of course I welcome everyone's response:

I am a novice dom meeting with a perspective sub next weekend....

I need advice.....she has had experience with half a dozen or so partners...me with none

We are having a vanilla date...coffee date.....

But I'm not sure how to handle the whole thing....should I be vanilla on the date....?

Post #: 1

RE: meeting with prespective sub - 5/6/2008 12:29:30 AM

deliteme

Posts: 34
Joined: 5/2/2008
From: Melbourne AUstralia
Status: offline

Be you on the date... not formal you are just meeting and sussing each other out.

So if that means being a little more vanilla (as you are out in public) then be so. Coming up behind her and grabbing a handful of her hair is probably not a good idea but relax... she is probably nervous too regardless of how many previous partners she has had. I mean how does she know you are not a raving loonie??

Relax and enjoy the meeting...see how it goes...and good luck

_____________________________

Chainmaille...metal and pliers..I am in heaven...

(in reply to novicenydom)

Post #: 2

RE: meeting with prespective sub - 5/6/2008 12:39:54 AM

growlyprowly

Posts: 4
Joined: 4/23/2008
Status: offline

Just act the way you would on any other date, doofus!

What I would do is, when you meet her, give her a handshake or a hug, depending on your "relationship" so far. Get her a simple little gift, like a cheap bunch of flowers or a bar of her favorite candy. Explain to her off the bat that you're nervous, and very happy to meet her.

(in reply to deliteme)

Post #: 3

RE: meeting with prespective sub - 5/6/2008 1:25:26 AM

Hippiekinkster

Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
Status: offline

Where in NY are you?

Compliment her on something - her hair, her eyes, her hands; make sure it's a part of her. I like eyes, myself. I love looking into a woman's eyes. Use the word "lovely": "wow, you have such lovely eyes. What a wonderful surprise."

Meet at a place that has hot cocoa. That's kinda decadent. Pick up a medium-sized box of some good chocolates. Artesanal, if possible. As an example, I gave a woman a box of mixed from Daniel, in Vancouver. Hand-made.

Use a light natural scent; don't use cologne or whatever. I like several scents. tangerine, cucumber, lavender, vanilla, eucalyptus. Especially tangerine, But I make my own soaps, so that's easy for me. Tangerine, I love it. After you wash your hair, squeeze half a tangerine and use the juice in your hair, behind your ears, on your neck, and so on. When you meet, maybe give her a light hug (make sure you are close, somehow) so she can catch a scent.

Talk about her. Don't babble on about yourself. Plenty of time for that. Get to know HER. And not just superficial shit. Ask about her family, what her grandparents were like, what customs she grew up with. Askj about her adventures. Ask her "if you could..." travel anywhere, meet anyone, stuff like that. Favorite movies, actors, and such. Watch a couple good chick flicks before you meet her (I like chick flicks far more than war/sports/car crash/shoot-em-ups, myself. SO do most women. Watch SHakespeare in Love, Dangerous Liaisons, An Ideal Husband, Bridget Jones' Diary, The Importance of Being Earnest. les Miserables (Neeson/Thurman), Man in the Iron Mask, and so on. get a feel for them (I like themk because I like things like plot, character development, dialogue, and all that shit that happens in between car crashes hahaha).

be relaxed. She's at least as uptight as you. I always say, "I know we are supposed to be on our "best behavior" on a first date, but I'm not a good actor. let's just be who we are, OK?"

Have someplace to go after the coffeehouse, if it goes good. Find a shop that has old movie posters, and go browse while you talk. Go ride the Staten Island ferry back and forth, just for grins. use your imagination.

If she's a disappointment, do NOT let it show. She's a human, just like you, and she has feelings.

Tip the servers where you go well. Don't go goofy, and give out a fifty for two cups of cocoa, but don't be a cheap bastard, either. Ask for the manager and compliment your server to him, in front of your date. (shows your date you try and find the good in things.)

Hold doors open, and all that. That's just manners, anyway.

Don't talk about sex unless SHE brings it up, and don't go overboard if she does. If she wants to take it further, make sure you have a couple rubbers, and empasize you never do this, but she is just so special, and so on. MEAN IT.

When you part, regardless of whether you do make it together or not, if you like her, make sure she knows it. Tell her how much you liked being with her, how natural it felt being together, how you feel you have a connection, how much you would REALLY like to get to know her more, and learn more about each other.

Be cool and calm.

(in reply to growlyprowly)

Post #: 4

RE: meeting with prespective sub - 5/6/2008 1:57:41 AM

deliteme

Posts: 34
Joined: 5/2/2008
From: Melbourne AUstralia
Status: offline

Hippiekinkster - I may just cut and paste that and file it somewhere for future reference (or give it to my nephews)....

Don't go expecting to meet the person of your dreams...you never know though!

Be safe!

_____________________________

Chainmaille...metal and pliers..I am in heaven...

(in reply to Hippiekinkster)

Post #: 5

RE: meeting with prespective sub - 5/6/2008 4:39:54 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

I would have loved it if a guy that I was on a first date with did these things. I have to tell you though that if I found out he was doing them because some other guy told him to and these things were really out of character for him....well, I guess that I would not be so pleased.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Hippiekinkster)

Post #: 6

RE: meeting with prespective sub - 5/6/2008 5:18:50 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Take her hand look her in the eyes and tell her that you are falling in love with her. Trust me it works every time. Seeing that your new at this and she isnt it is going to be a bit awkward for both of you. So keep it vanilla and see if your even compaitable. Go into this with no expectations. If things happen great. If not life goes on. Look at it this way at least you can make a very good and helpful friend.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 7

RE: meeting with prespective sub - 5/6/2008 5:39:30 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Take her hand look her in the eyes and tell her that you are falling in love with her. Trust me it works every time.

That would make me run the other way, fast. I'm skeeered of people who fall to fast.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 8

RE: meeting with prespective sub - 5/6/2008 5:55:25 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

Don't stir your coffee with your dick.

_____________________________

(in reply to novicenydom)

Post #: 9

RE: meeting with prespective sub - 5/6/2008 5:56:13 AM

Exquemelin

Posts: 113
Joined: 2/2/2007
From: CT
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Don't stir your coffee with your dick.

But do stir hers with it.

_____________________________

testing
The Hammer is my penis.

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 10

RE: meeting with prespective sub - 5/6/2008 5:56:40 AM

Asherdelampyr

Posts: 9556
Joined: 11/14/2006
From: The Desert
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Don't stir your coffee with your dick.

Damn, I thought cicks were impressed with that... you mean I got all these burn marks for no reason?

_____________________________

Pirate King,

The nicest man you'll ever bleed for

Posting Help

Vitam Piratae Eligo

The Rainmaker

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 11

RE: meeting with prespective sub - 5/6/2008 5:56:58 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Exquemelin

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Don't stir your coffee with your dick.

But do stir hers with it.

If it can reach across the table then hell yeah.

_____________________________

(in reply to Exquemelin)

Post #: 12

RE: meeting with prespective sub - 5/6/2008 6:02:35 AM

deliteme

Posts: 34
Joined: 5/2/2008
From: Melbourne AUstralia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

quote:

ORIGINAL: Exquemelin

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Don't stir your coffee with your dick.

But do stir hers with it.

If it can reach across the table then hell yeah.

I was drinking tea and you guys just made me snort it out my nose.....

There is an old joke that referrs to offering a woman something to stir her coffee with....

I just wonder how do you explain the burns marks to the doctor..."Well you see I was on this date and...

_____________________________

Chainmaille...metal and pliers..I am in heaven...

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 13

RE: meeting with prespective sub - 5/6/2008 6:03:14 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

I am pretty sure that she will spot a 'line'a mile away so if you do give her a compliment, make sure it is sincere and that you are not saying it just because you think it is what you are meant to do. I have never expected and I can't remember receiving chocolates or anything at a first meeting either .... that would actually freak me out a little but that is just my personal feeling.

Do be yourself.
Smile.
Have a few fallback topics if there is a huge lull in the conversation but also remember that silence isn't necessarily a bad thing.

And most of all....have fun.

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to novicenydom)

Post #: 14

RE: meeting with prespective sub - 5/6/2008 7:20:51 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

As other have written just be yourself and hopefully treat it like any other first date you have been on with the same nerves and expectations.

If your goal is a real relationship the only way that will happen is if you are yourself and not putting on some act. She may have more experience then you but she is equal to you in terms of having experience with both of you together and is probably not looking for a robot to do things a certain exact way that she has experienced.

Be a leader on the date but do not play act dominance let alone try to read her mind. Listen to her words and read her body language.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to novicenydom)

Post #: 15

RE: meeting with prespective sub - 5/6/2008 7:22:02 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Omega will you slow the hell down. Mmmm Alieen how much cream do you want in your coffee.

(in reply to wandersalone)

Post #: 16

RE: meeting with prespective sub - 5/6/2008 7:28:22 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Do be yourself, don't do something that feels awkward just because it works for someone else.

No cologne because you never know if she's allergic. Personally if someone had sticky citrus juice in their hair, I'd back off and think they didn't wash. I also don't like strangers invading my personal space so if someone shoved their head under my nose, I would freak.

How long have you talked to her? What have you talked about? Find something to do that itself can be talked about. I met The Man the first time at a mall, and we walked about K-Mart for half an hour while I looked for a new cordless phone. We read the labels and compared features and user friendliness.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 17

RE: meeting with prespective sub - 5/6/2008 8:00:03 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I also don't like strangers invading my personal space so if someone shoved their head under my nose, I would freak.

Oh yes...I am also protective of my personal space at a first meeting and will often hold out my hand to cue the other person that I am willing to shake hands but nothing else at this stage. At the end of the coffee/whatever I may feel comfortable enough to give the person a hug .....or I may not.

I did once meet one person who gave me a hug straight away and I swear to god...he sniffed my hair. He may have been a really nice person but that was just a little too personal for a first meeting and I was totally uncomfortable with him after that.

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 18

RE: meeting with prespective sub - 5/6/2008 11:42:48 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

wandersalone be glad he did'nt have a knife and fork in his hand.

(in reply to wandersalone)

Post #: 19

RE: meeting with prespective sub - 5/6/2008 3:38:47 PM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

be yourself, it got her attention in the first place, and she knows your a novice and still agreed to meet you; right?!

(in reply to novicenydom)

Post #: 20

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