BDSM without sexual 'stimulation'

BDSM without sexual 'stimulation' (Full Version)

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curious182 -> BDSM without sexual 'stimulation' (5/6/2008 9:22:56 AM)
Hi all, I'm not a hard BDSM player, but am very curious. I have a question: - I can only get into a truely submissive state through genital stimulation - masturbating/sex etc..I find i can truely lose myself and get into my sub conscious. However when there's none of that, I find it difficult to take the pain as much and enjoy bdsm. Does anybody have any tips on how i can improve this, so that I don't need sexual stimulation to enjoy BDSM. Ty.

OldBastardly1 -> RE: BDSM without sexual 'stimulation' (5/6/2008 9:43:44 AM)
Put a vibrating egg inside you and let him beat you like a madman.

Dnomyar -> RE: BDSM without sexual 'stimulation' (5/6/2008 9:46:24 AM)
It has to be an easter egg.

batshalom -> RE: BDSM without sexual 'stimulation' (5/6/2008 10:30:54 AM)
Find someone who isn't into giving pain. Not everyone is a sadist or masochist.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: BDSM without sexual 'stimulation' (5/6/2008 10:31:13 AM)
But make sure you cook it first.

daddysliloneds -> RE: BDSM without sexual 'stimulation' (5/6/2008 10:38:33 AM)
if you hate pain and you can only become submissive during sexual stimulation, then perhaps you should find yourself a top who also isn't into pain and is looking for a sexual/bedroom submissive; oh, and stop masterbating and getting accustomed to only being able to become submissive with clitoral stimulation... you've programmed your body and your mind to believe that it is the only way you can get there.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: BDSM without sexual 'stimulation' (5/6/2008 10:58:13 AM)
When it comes to BDSM play, I myself am a very sexual person. Even when doing S&M or whatever else. I don't think you are alone on this one. However in terms of your submissive nature, is it only during sex and BDSM play? Meaning, can you or do you ever feel submissive towards your partner outside of the bedroom? I can see this perhaps being a problem with a D/s relationship outside of the bedroom. Day to Day life where there is no sexual stimulation involed. I can't see having to rub somebodys pussy up first for a cup of coffee... oh wait, I've done that before, crap. But basically, my point is that if you require sexual stimulation for D/s outside of the bedroom to work for you, you might have a problem or not on your hands.

lemmebeYourMine -> RE: BDSM without sexual 'stimulation' (5/6/2008 11:06:47 AM)
Find someone who is only Dominant in the bedroom. Wa-la, problem solved. Isn't joking. this girl lives her life in sub space and therefore needs a dominant who wants to Dominate most aspects of their lives together. If I know a person, if they have any authority over me, parent, boss, teacher, I will do what I can to try and make sure they are happy. If that isn't you, it isn't. There's not much one can do to change that, unless she really desperately wants too... in which case my other suggestion is to find a truely sadistic Dom who seeks a doormat submissive, who will break your Will power or cause one of you to die trying... (highly doesn't recommend this option). For any Doms reading this post, single and seeking... This girl is not currently looking for anyone. Thanks.

eyesopened -> RE: BDSM without sexual 'stimulation' (5/6/2008 11:07:05 AM)
Because to me, to be submissive means to yield to authority, it sounds to me like you are thinking more along the lines of that altered mental state some refer to as sub-space? A lot of people confuse these and they are totally different. i'd like to think you can yield to authority without the genital stimuation or otherwise traffic stops would get a whole lot more interesting. But if it's that different headspace, floaty-place, then there is nothing wrong with being up front with your Top and telling him or her this. There's nothing at all wrong with wanting your BDSM experience to be sexual. For my Master and i, most of our BDSM activities could be considered long, drawn out, elaborate foreplay. So maybe if you choose a Top where you know sex is going to be the result, you will find that your body will start to equate the pain with the eventual pleasure.

CalifChick -> RE: BDSM without sexual 'stimulation' (5/6/2008 11:12:31 AM)
I got the feeling from the OP that they were referring to physical play, and subspace, and not really referring to just being submissive. Cali

DesFIP -> RE: BDSM without sexual 'stimulation' (5/6/2008 11:19:48 AM)
Submission has to do with more than pain. If he tells you he wants a cup of coffee, can you make one politely without pain or sexual stimulation? Do you enjoy his sigh of relief when he gets that first sip in the morning? Even if you yourself aren't a coffee drinker? If so, then you probably are somewhat submissive. It appears as if you don't eroticize pain without sexual stimulation. That's fine, it's just the way you're wired. Tell this to the sadist you're playing with and allow him to decide if he prefers to stimulate you so you can take more pain or if he prefers to give less pain and know you're enjoying it a lot less. Either decision is fine, just be sure to make it clear to him that this is who you are and if he needs someone who can take huge amounts of plain pain that you aren't the right partner.

StormsSlave -> RE: BDSM without sexual 'stimulation' (5/6/2008 3:37:20 PM)
So, what's the big deal? Stimulate yourself? Have someone do it for you? Not sure why it's a problem. I also find it harder to enjoy the pain when I am not already aroused, however, My Lord has been able to bring me to orgasm without stimulating my clit. It's possible, though I admit it did take some time. My advice: relax. You are who you are. You like what you like. Find someone who is willing to explore this with you, and do some experimenting. It's supposed to be fun; have fun.

Focus50 -> RE: BDSM without sexual 'stimulation' (5/6/2008 4:55:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: curious182 Hi all, I'm not a hard BDSM player, but am very curious. I have a question: - I can only get into a truely submissive state through genital stimulation - masturbating/sex etc..I find i can truely lose myself and get into my sub conscious. However when there's none of that, I find it difficult to take the pain as much and enjoy bdsm. Does anybody have any tips on how i can improve this, so that I don't need sexual stimulation to enjoy BDSM. Sexual stimulation (including the withdrawal or denial of), is one of my favourite ways of teasing/torturing my girl and is something I include more often than not during a scene. And I've always found it rather curious that I don't actually get aroused (physically) from it myself, yet I love doing it to her.... However, I don't always take or allow her to climax; depends on my mood at the time and is rarely pre-planned one way or the other. Thing is, if you were my girl and told me that you can't get into a submissive state without genital stimulation etc, I'd probably be suspicious of this being a form of manipulation. Of the tail wagging the dog.... lol So I'd probably fiddle with it a bit - perhaps leave you trussed up on the lounge or floor for a few hours (NO sexual stimulation) and see whether you drop into sub-space (the time flies by) or you seemingly get bored etc (no sub-space). Not actually sure what the latter would tell me as its never happened.... lol The relevance of sub-space is that I have a theory of sub-space being the means by which a sub can endure pain, both of degree and longevity. They "go somewhere else" for the duration, hence their tolerance and loss of time perspective. For anyone else, it just plain hurts! So I'd be thinking that, since you are willing to submit in general, you probably have been conditioned in some way (societal pressures, expectations etc) that pain is "wrong" or that it "logically" must hurt etc. I think much of your doubts come from maybe not having been in a love/trust based D/s relationship which affords time to discover new limits etc. Maybe you've had (non Dom) partners who stimulated you because that's what pleases you etc? Nuthin' personal btw, merely throwing out speculators.... The most common parameters for deciding how best to torture/tease any sub is working out what they enjoy and what they don't. A Dom will most likely wanna deny stimulation as much as get you off. A vanilla guy will always try and get you off so you'll allow him back for more.... ;-) The way I'd begin "improving" your.... errrr.... paradox(?) is simple because it's a favourite. Probably a third of my scenes are no more than to kick back and enjoy her naked, bound and utterly helpless vulnerability on the floor/lounge/bed/table/whatever - no other stimulation. She's lost in sub-space and after, I'm equally almost disconcerted at where the time went, too! Where hours became minutes or seconds..... But it (Top-space) only works for me if sub-space is working for her. She needs to go there for me to enjoy her predicament. Focus.

SimplyMichael -> RE: BDSM without sexual 'stimulation' (5/6/2008 8:34:54 PM)
Find a Dominant who's very voice makes your cunt ache, who's scent makes your head swirl, and who's touch burns your skin like fire. The rest will sort itself out just fine.

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