RE: Cross dressing -- help please

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LadyEllen -> RE: Cross dressing -- help please (5/8/2008 6:53:23 AM)
The humiliation is connected with the apparent loss of the penis, associated with "being a girl". The relationship between the penis and the man is such that losing it, even temporarily through cross dressing, is sufficient to make him feel weak and submissive - not as a response towards woman, but towards the male dominated society in which his position in the hierarchy would be strongly adversely affected by such a castration. It is not that dressing as a female is humiliating and it is no comment on women in general that he feels this way when cross dressed. It is all about him, and the loss of his male status. E

MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: Cross dressing -- help please (5/8/2008 7:04:42 AM)
In all honesty, every crossie I ever met was so different from every other one that I think you have no choice but to negotiate with the guy. Does he want to paint the town red as a Drag Queen or stay home watching TV dressed in matching twin sets and pearls? Or something in between? Does he want sex with men, sex with women, sex with you or no sex at all? Is he a woman trapped in a man's body, a man with a female clothing fetish, a man who wants humiliation or a man who wants to experiment with social taboos like wearing women's underwear? Or something else altogether? Does he want to be tranformed by you? Into your image? Or does he have his own strong female identity already? Seriously, I have met all these types and everything in between. I don't know any no-fail magic formula for playing with crossies. You will have to ask the individual why cross dressing appeals to him and work out if your kinks are compatible.

Madame4a -> RE: Cross dressing -- help please (5/8/2008 7:22:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne In all honesty, every crossie I ever met was so different from every other one that I think you have no choice but to negotiate with the guy. Does he want to paint the town red as a Drag Queen or stay home watching TV dressed in matching twin sets and pearls? Or something in between? Does he want sex with men, sex with women, sex with you or no sex at all? Is he a woman trapped in a man's body, a man with a female clothing fetish, a man who wants humiliation or a man who wants to experiment with social taboos like wearing women's underwear? Or something else altogether? Does he want to be tranformed by you? Into your image? Or does he have his own strong female identity already? Seriously, I have met all these types and everything in between. I don't know any no-fail magic formula for playing with crossies. You will have to ask the individual why cross dressing appeals to him and work out if your kinks are compatible. I'm actually working on all that... and he's a bit new to this as well.. he's got some ideas but he doesn't have it all sorted. I feel a bit out of my element, but I am who I am and know how to get from him what I need to go forward. I did give him a name last night, though, as he doesn't have a strong female identity already...

MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: Cross dressing -- help please (5/8/2008 7:35:44 AM)
Woohoo....being the very first Domme to name him is such an honour [:)] Your chosen name will stick with him for life, you know. Have fun. Its a thrill playing with a new cross dresser, but its also very challenging groping around in the dark corners of his psyche, isn't it?

Marysboi -> RE: Cross dressing -- help please (5/8/2008 7:38:43 AM)
Sit him down nude,make him sit on his hands, drape the panties over his hard cock and negotiate all you want, you know hes expressed a desire for dressing, which gives you tremendous advantage.as most have said his submission will be evident, and do what you choose to do. You're the Domm. His past experience of course should be considered BUT it shouldn't cloud or dictate the new experience you bring to the scene. If his conversation brings forth certain experiences he has enjoyed use them to torment or tease him, make him earn it. Motivation and desire to dress, I believe can be so complicated that often the dresser doesn't completely understand himself, what he does know is that it trips his trigger. I don't know the need to over analyze the desire as with so much of this lifestyle I don't think its necessary to evaluate to the enth degree why someone want to be fisted, or spanked. I personally don't feel there to be any adverse relationship between humiliation and the connection to women in general..I didn't say that very well..Because he feels some humiliating toward being dressed doesn't necessarily mean he feels the fem. persona in itself is humiliating. Still didn't relay very well. Of course these are only my thoughts and as someone above wrote. We are all different..It would be interesting for the poster above to comment (if at all possible) about the similarity's her cross dressed friends did share. I'm relative new here and don't wish in any way to imply I'm any authority on any of the lifestyle..just in a funny way transfereing my own desire/fantasy if I were the male involved. Respectfully..jim

Reigna -> RE: Cross dressing -- help please (5/8/2008 7:48:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyEllen The humiliation is connected with the apparent loss of the penis, associated with "being a girl"... It is all about ... the loss of his male status. The reason why so many crossdressers and other transfolk take naturally to BDSM, is that there is a huge conflict between this shameful loss of penis/status, and the enormous erotic charge they get from presenting as female. (Some report that they never felt this charge, others that they eventually lose it.) The love it/hate it conflict is dynamite to play with--and I mean that in all senses of the word! I'd also add that it is not only the male who, on some level, finds his "loss" of penis/status troubling. That others find it so is evident in the distaste so many people have for crossdressers and transfolk. If you're a man, you'd bloody well better stay one. Hey, what's patriarchy without constant anxiety about masculinity?

Marysboi -> RE: Cross dressing -- help please (5/8/2008 7:48:43 AM)
Ms C... Your so right about the naming and how it will stick forever, as others have said the whole scene can be an opportunity to allow someone to know you and your hidden desires ( as with so many other kinks) to develop a sacred trust. where you hope/know it will not be used to hurt you. The bond can be wonderful..and a memory forever. Respectfully jim

MaamJay -> RE: Cross dressing -- help please (5/8/2008 7:51:37 AM)
Having had a CD hubby, I am in 2 minds about it. Part of Me initially enjoyed it immensely ... until he met Me he had restricted himself to shoes only. I bought him his first pair of stockings, his first lacy female panties. That (especially the shopping part!) was HUGE fun. Mine also had legs to die for (and dammit, he can run in those heels LOL!), and the feel of stockings and silky panties is delicious on a man. Seeing a cock pushing its way past feminine panties is luscious. What ruined it for Me was that it totally eroded the D/s I was trying to build. For him, this was a fetish, it was all about him and his jollies. With My acceptance, it opened the door for the behaviour to run totally rampant. he became LESS submissive when dressed (which in all or part rapidly became most of the time) and totally refused to submit the CDing to My control. he became even more obsessive about it, insisting on changing into girl shoes in the car for a 5 minute drive to the shops! And the constant clip-clopping of his heels around the house became totally aggravating. As did wearing high heels to BED and, where the rest of Us would skinnydip in Our secluded pool, he would climb in wearing stockings and heels! (he had a water fetish too, especially wet feet in heels, preferably his but watching others was good too). At Our bdsm parties, he became the very eiptome of those for whom S & M means "Stand & Model"! The vanity grew and grew to the point that it became totally unbearable, and that was unfortunately fed by wellmeaning girls in the scene who would Ooh and Aah over his latest pair of heels, and offer to take him shopping for more (the pleasure in that had well and truly worn off for Me by then, as I was clearly just an accessory to make it more acceptable for him to be in the shop fondling all the shoes!). This experience has rather soured Me towards CDs and I would be unlikely to take up with another unless I was totally convinced it was behaviour which was entirely under My control. So OP, not saying this will be the case with your guy, I guess it's a cautionary tale though and perhaps worth watching out for the signs. Good luck! Maam Jay aka violet[A]

Madame4a -> RE: Cross dressing -- help please (5/8/2008 7:54:32 AM)
One more time.. and probably not the last time.. thanks everyone.. you can't imagine how much you've helped.. and really helped me with my confidence level on this one -- nothing worse than a ma'am with a confidence problem grin ... What really has surprised me about this -- its been on my no list and yet I am really enjoying it... thank you

Madame4a -> RE: Cross dressing -- help please (5/8/2008 8:03:25 AM)
Interestingly enough, we are currently negotiating the entire relationship -- mostly because he's had to come back and ask me and now I'm very clear about what I need. I have not said in so many words "this can't be the only thing" but I've made it clear there are other things that interest me. I just wrote a note however, before I read your post, to say that clearly to him. I'm sorry for your experience. This idea was presented to me as a way that he is extremely submissive... so we will see. I don't necessarily see it getting out of control for him as we are not and are not likely to be 24/7 -- he would not have acceptance with any other person in his life right now for this. thanks for sharing that with us...

MaamJay -> RE: Cross dressing -- help please (5/8/2008 8:28:05 AM)
You're welcome Madame4a. And I am not sorry for My experience ... You learn from everything and hopefully sharing what You have learned helps someone else somewhere on the great cosmic wheel! As You've seen, for many men it IS a way of making them more submissive, I guess like most things in life, there's the exception to prove the rule! Good luck, keep enjoying it, keep it on Your terms. Maam Jay aka violet[A]

ineedotk -> RE: Cross dressing -- help please (5/8/2008 9:12:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne In all honesty, every crossie I ever met was so different from every other one that I think you have no choice but to negotiate with the guy. Does he want to paint the town red as a Drag Queen or stay home watching TV dressed in matching twin sets and pearls? Or something in between? Does he want sex with men, sex with women, sex with you or no sex at all? Is he a woman trapped in a man's body, a man with a female clothing fetish, a man who wants humiliation or a man who wants to experiment with social taboos like wearing women's underwear? Or something else altogether? Does he want to be tranformed by you? Into your image? Or does he have his own strong female identity already? Seriously, I have met all these types and everything in between. I don't know any no-fail magic formula for playing with crossies. You will have to ask the individual why cross dressing appeals to him and work out if your kinks are compatible. I think you said it best, Mistress C. Every guy has his own reason for crossdressing, and his sexual orientation is just whatever. Me, I'm totally straight, have no desire to be with another guy, but I love crossdressing immensely. It's almost like there's a girl inside me who happens to be a lesbian!

lovmuffin -> RE: Cross dressing -- help please (5/8/2008 11:02:37 PM)
I can speak to part of your question. One thing that many of the posters have mentioned is so many different motivations for why men crossdress. But what about the similarities ? We are all submissive and want to be controlled. I don't necessarily mean we are total wimps, but we like confident women who know how to exploit the situation. What do you get from it? Speaking for myself it's sexual. The few times I was lucky enough to find myself in subspace was like unending foreplay. I can feel a rush through my entire body and butterflies in my stomach. I quiver and my speech is stuttered (some of that out of fear. One mistress I was fortunate to know loved it when I was helpless and scared). It's a feeling of submissiveness and vulnerability. What do you want from the dominant in this situation? I want her to make me wear panties under my regular clothes 24/7 and strictly enforce it. That is the biggie, panty checks and all the rest of it. Other than that there are so so many things that can be done depending on his and your situation. What enhances it for you? A Mistress with a cunning and creative imagination. Making me do things even if it's something I don't really want to do, like keeping my toes painted or wearing a bra, ( I was so scared of getting caught ) doing the dishes ect. Verbal teasing, making rules, spanking, and anything new that pushes my limits. The fear of the unknown.

firefey -> RE: Cross dressing -- help please (5/9/2008 10:26:15 PM)
i have to say thank you to all the subs and dommes who have posted positive feedback here. i'm in the not for me camp, because of the negative experiences i've had dealing with cd "subs." i use the quotes here because, for the most part, the ones i've run into haven't been submissive just fetishists with a desire for someone to orchestrate. but this makes me think..... hmmmmmmmmmm. maybe this is something to play with. at this level, i think i could be into it. my pet is in sooooo much trouble. lol

iwearpanties -> RE: Cross dressing -- help please (5/11/2008 4:19:44 AM)
to all the Mistresses here im sorry to hear that youve had bad times with other cds and panty bois .ive heard this over and over that the cds seems too want it all centered around them . well i have been wearing for yrs ... and have always put the Mistress or Dommes frsit and for most wheni been in there hands or company . for me its all about doing what see needs or wants. and when dressed id do wnat ever she wanted of course there are limits and thigns you must talk about and agree apon . i think haveing or makeing a male dress should be used too tam his male macho wants and make me be less agressive and show him you are now makeing and calling the shots . i know some females / Mistress say they dont use the crossdressing as humiliation do to the fact they feel its putting woman down by doing this . one thing i can tell you since i am a cds but dont like as female nor seek toobe one i can and is very humiliateing to have to be exposed and shown and sevre others for a Mistress/ Domme for me i found the females where ok with it some didnt like or understand it but the males weather Dom or not realy enjoyed it that i think is where the ture Humiliation in crossdressing lies i think!. im not an expert on this nor do i claim to be im just a regaular male whos seen and done it and for me i do and do enjoy it

Reigna -> RE: Cross dressing -- help please (5/11/2008 6:07:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: iwearpanties to all the Mistresses here im sorry to hear that youve had bad times with other cds and panty bois .ive heard this over and over that the cds seems too want it all centered around them . I've heard this over and over again, too, and I find it to be of a piece with complaints about all the "do-me" guysubs. Which is to say, I find it to be largely a matter of incompatibility and poor communication. YMMV.

steffie -> RE: Cross dressing -- help please (5/11/2008 8:30:35 PM)
I don't blame a lot of women for getting irritated with CDs. There is something inherently vain and narcissistic about crossdressing. It's so self focused. So mirror centric. The CDs attention is on the clothes, the hair, the makeup, the nails - rather than on their partner. Can't say i would blame any Domme for getting fed up with that kind of behavior. Nor am i pointing the finger at others. I've been guilty of it myself. Not to make excuses, but to try to explain... As a male, i got very little attention when i would go out in public. Dressed as a female, i get 10x more attention and have loads more fun. All sorts of people that probably would not have even noticed me as a boy - when i'm out at a social event as a woman i get treated 180 degrees different. People want to buy me a drink, be my friend, hang out with me, take me to parties, etc... It's flattering, and a great ego massage. That said, it's not the primary reason why i dress the way i do. For me, it's not a fetish . It's not sexual. It's purely self expression. I've always felt half and half. Half male, half female, and am able to live and pass as either - so why not? I consider my situation a blessing. A gift. I get to taste both worlds. And see both perspectives. I note this for the women here who might think it's purely a sexual fetish for males. It's not for all of us. For some of us, it's just who we are. And thankfully, a lot of women appreciate us for being a bit more understanding, empathetic and sensitive than your typical "macho" man.

pleasure693 -> RE: Cross dressing -- help please (5/14/2008 1:49:33 AM)
{My boy dresses up for me quite frequently and I absolutely adore him for it. I love it when he becomes a woman for me. He's so beautiful and sweet at that moment... he takes on this trembling, breathy voice, and when you look into his eyes you can see the internal struggle going on. He loves being my little girl but he knows that he shouldn't. Occasionally he'll look up at me and I can just see that he's begging me for an answer, begging me to step in and say something to confirm or deny... and now I'm seriously doubting that I'm going to be able to make it through this post without having to change my panties. } I wrote about my wearing of underpants for my Mistress at " Forced Feminization " is " Cross Dressing ". I start fearing to be a real gay.But I am Her Slave and I have nothing to say for not to obey Her rules and orders.

firefey -> RE: Cross dressing -- help please (5/14/2008 10:15:25 AM)
so i'm dieing to know madame4a.... how did/is it going?

Madame4a -> RE: Cross dressing -- help please (5/14/2008 10:44:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: firefey so i'm dieing to know madame4a.... how did/is it going? grin I was going to wait until my first outing with her... we haven't had one yet. We've talked at great length and while I haven't fully met Christine, I know a bit more about her. I think she's a lot stronger than he let on to me; I believe he was testing the waters, not sure how I'd react. We'll see how that goes. I've inspected her clothing and other things, gave her some advice on changing the shoes so she could walk better. I do not believe she has her own makeup and so I've decided I'll go out and buy some of her own for her. and he loves the name -- I picked it for him and it turns out to have great significance so I was really pleased Her bag is carefully stashed in my playroom until such time as I decide I want to go out with her. I have a very good idea of how I want that to go and what I want to do. I'm taking everyone's advice and really thinking carefully about this. This relationship is part time, to say the least, and so it will be awhile before we do this. I will definitely update though.

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