How to Deal With a SAM

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How to Deal With a SAM - 5/6/2008 6:53:38 PM

BlackPhx

Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline

It's only fair

Use a fistful of cold spaghetti as your flogger of choice.
Use adhesive butterfly sutures to tape the SAM's mouth shut. (Forget to remove after the scene)
Use licorice ropes as restraints.
Send the SAM out to get the mail. On his return, start calling out loudly, "Here sissy, sissy, sissy, that's a good boy." Pet him on the head when he gets in range. (or swat him with a rolled up magazine flier, whatever works)
Restrain the SAM to the wall, invite some friends over. Blindfold one of your friends, hand him a really large scary-looking needle and then play pin the tail of the smart ass.
Make the SAM beg you for an orgasm. When she starts whimpering she needs to cum, remind her only when you say so. Tell her if she fakes it, she'll never be allowed an orgasm again. 5 hours after the scene, look at her and say "orgasm".
Draw on the SAM's skin with crayons, then tell him to go out side and sit in the sun and wait for the wax to melt.
If the SAM complains about a warm ass, fill the enema bag with slushies.
For the SAM's birthday, give her a T-shirt that says 'My Master went to the leather shop and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.'
Every time the sub starts to go into SAM mode, play a Bobby Vinton CD. (psychological warfare)
Play Mr Roger's videotapes during a scene, to set the mood.
Use those big foam hands you can buy at sports arenas as a paddle.
Blindfold and restrain the SAM, then start up the chainsaw.
Tell the SAM you bought new nipple clamps, then hold up a set of jumper cables.
Tell the SAM your family is moving in "just for a couple of weeks."
Order the SAM to shave off her eyebrows. Explain you have a Whoopie Goldberg fetish.
When the SAM's parents call, breathe heavy into the phone for 5 seconds then hang up.
Watch "Psycho" repeatedly. Act excited every time the SAM goes into the bathroom.
Order the SAM to wear a paper hat and greet visitors with "Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your order?"