What does a submissive "owe"?

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What does a submissive "owe"? - 5/7/2008 3:03:16 AM

Insatiable4Black

Posts: 35
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline

What does a submissive owe...?

I spoke with a Man for a week.. googlechat (live voice chat) and iming. Emails exchanged, tons of (G and PG) pictures. In depth conversations about our past experiences and our future desires. "I want to remove my profile from CM - I feel very good about you," he said. (How flattering! I thought) He is presently in NORWAY (though his profile says he resides in my state).

My question: Is it a non-submissive thing to have reaffirmed my refusal, my discomfort and my "limit" of not having phone sex? Before you all ask me, yes he knows I didn't care for that sort of display of obedience. And no, I'm not a novice.

He doesn't like "being denied". (Get in line! No one does!)
He has now done a 180 degree turn and isn't speaking to me.

(PS... I already know the answer to this "to owe or not to owe" question - but I hope a new submissive out there reads this and gets some insight into what SHOULD and SHOULDN'T be expected before meeting - and how limits are defined and respected.

Post #: 1

RE: What does a submissive "owe"? - 5/7/2008 3:13:36 AM

StormsSlave

Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline

After a week? He encounters one obstacle and is no longer interested in you? I say, good thing you found out now. If he can't respect a soft limit after a week, how do you think he will respond to hard limits in your LTR? You're truly better off.

If it were me, I'd move on. Life's short. There's good men out there. That's just me.

_____________________________

Congratulate me...I'm a missus!!

--nobody's resident anything.

(in reply to Insatiable4Black)

Post #: 2

RE: What does a submissive "owe"? - 5/7/2008 3:18:05 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Insatiable4Black
I spoke with a Man for a week.

Enough time to decide you want to meet in real life to see if you actually like each other.

quote:

Emails exchanged, tons of (G and PG) pictures.

Not consistent with your profile statement that you do not cyber. I NEVER ask women for pictures, and I do ok at meeting in real life.

quote:

He is presently in NORWAY (though his profile says he resides in my state).

So he started lying to you even before the two of you emailed each other. Yippee.

One submissive on CollarMe owes herself a full-on reality check.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Insatiable4Black)

Post #: 3

RE: What does a submissive "owe"? - 5/7/2008 3:23:43 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

Red... I don';t see pic exchange as being 'cybering', especially if the pics were G and PG rated... I'd always thought that cybering is the keyboard version of phone sex...

maybe that's just me though...

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 4

RE: What does a submissive "owe"? - 5/7/2008 3:43:03 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

"Tons." That's the issue. Dude's in Norway. She sends him 50 kajillion pictures. He's wanking off big time. Tell me he's not, Greedy.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 5

RE: What does a submissive "owe"? - 5/7/2008 4:07:59 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

he's in Norway but resides in your state - red flag right there for me. i met a dominant from here who claimed to be from my state but lived elsewhere (Ghana) however it didn't take long to figure out he was scammer.

if you're not a novice, then why ask the question? BDSM doesn't mean Brains Don't Seem (to) Matter - luckily you used some common sense about this situation by not giving into his little temper tantrum. take the sign of him not talking to you as good omen to ignore and/or block alll contract from this creep.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to Insatiable4Black)

Post #: 6

RE: What does a submissive "owe"? - 5/7/2008 5:26:08 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Neither of you owe each other anything.

It's important for him to know that you're sexually compatible and before he shells out the cost of a plane ticket, he would like to establish this compatibility through phone or cyber sex.

At the same time it's important for you to not start with cyber/phone sex and to determine compatibility in other ways before you shell out the money for a plane trip.

Maybe his job assignment there ends in three months, maybe he's there for three years, maybe he owns a house in both places.
Doesn't matter. What does matter is that you aren't compatible and that when you two hit a snag you didn't try to talk it out.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 7

RE: What does a submissive "owe"? - 5/7/2008 5:32:02 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

If you told him when you started communicating that this was something you woudnt be part of, he should have seen it as a limit. He doesnt like being denied, then dont ask for something you were already warned you would be refused.
IF you would have had phone sex but decided on a whim you were against it when he asked, then Id have said he might have a legitimate gripe. Even with a legitimate gripe his complete disinterest is an overreaction, but I see that as no harm no foul. If someone cant handle being told no once, they arent going to make much of a Master anyway.
But, I digress. You told him ahead of time you wouldnt partake in it, and he still asked. He should have been smart enough to know the answer was already determined. I am sure he is one of those that was hoping youd change oyour mind for HIM since he was so special.

Good luck finding someone who actualy pays attention to your needs, this guy was not going to amount to much anyway.
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 8

RE: What does a submissive "owe"? - 5/7/2008 6:55:34 AM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

What does a submissive owe...? You don't owe anyone anything, although the IRS says I owe them about a grand.

I spoke with a Man for a week.. googlechat (live voice chat) and iming. Emails exchanged, tons of (G and PG) pictures. In depth conversations about our past experiences and our future desires. "I want to remove my profile from CM - I feel very good about you," he said. (How flattering! I thought) He is presently in NORWAY (though his profile says he resides in my state).

My question: Is it a non-submissive thing to have reaffirmed my refusal, my discomfort and my "limit" of not having phone sex? Before you all ask me, yes he knows I didn't care for that sort of display of obedience. And no, I'm not a novice. Demanding phonesex and "MOAR PICTURES!" is a huge red flag for a wanker.

He doesn't like "being denied". (Get in line! No one does!)
He has now done a 180 degree turn and isn't speaking to me. So he's pouting, hoping to guilt-trip you into contacting him, possibly with dirtier pictures as an apology. Or: "I'm so sorry! I'll phonesecks you up now!"

(PS... I already know the answer to this "to owe or not to owe" question - but I hope a new submissive out there reads this and gets some insight into what SHOULD and SHOULDN'T be expected before meeting - and how limits are defined and respected. Wellll snap. And I just typed all this stuff up. -.- I should start reading the entire question I suppose?

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 9

RE: What does a submissive "owe"? - 5/7/2008 7:26:48 AM

abcbsex

Posts: 478
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline

I've had to deal with that kind of dominant person before. He actually used the line, "I'm used to getting what I want" and I just had to reply, "well good for you."

I say give it a good eye roll and block him.

_____________________________

I was trained at MasterLordDarkness' Center for Subs Who Don't Serve Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too.....

but it needed to be at least.... four times bigger.

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 10

RE: What does a submissive "owe"? - 5/7/2008 7:59:31 AM

pinkwind

Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline

i read your OP and the first thought that went through my head was how silly wankers, real ones, can react when their supply of wank fodder is threatened in any way, suddenly you owe him something???

And you lasted a whole week, communicating and providing tasty titbits, with this jerk off?

My dear, i admire your staying power. Me, i stick with my gut instinct.

(in reply to Insatiable4Black)

Post #: 11

RE: What does a submissive "owe"? - 5/7/2008 8:05:30 AM

BlackPhx

Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline

What do you owe him or anyone that you have spoken with for a week..not a blessed thing save honesty. That included what you will or won't do, online or even in real time until you have met and know that what you both need match up along with chemistry.

Hell you were nice enough to send G and PG pics..more than I am willing to do.

poenkitten

(in reply to Insatiable4Black)

Post #: 12

RE: What does a submissive "owe"? - 5/7/2008 8:59:44 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

You are committed to being responsible for what you have agreed to being responsible.

What have you committed to being responsible for?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to BlackPhx)

Post #: 13

RE: What does a submissive "owe"? - 5/7/2008 9:13:19 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Before he owned me, I owed him nothing. I chose to give him what I did. After he took ownership of me, I owed him what I committed to giving him.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to Insatiable4Black)

Post #: 14

RE: What does a submissive "owe"? - 5/7/2008 10:44:28 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

What does a submissive owe...?

nothing that she hasn't agreed to.

(in reply to Insatiable4Black)

Post #: 15

RE: What does a submissive "owe"? - 5/7/2008 12:04:48 PM

Insatiable4Black

Posts: 35
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

if you're not a novice, then why ask the question? BDSM doesn't mean Brains Don't Seem (to) Matter - luckily you used some common sense about this situation by not giving into his little temper tantrum. take the sign of him not talking to you as good omen to ignore and/or block alll contract from this creep.

At the bottom of the original post - I said why it was that I was posing the question. Thanks for the input!!

Rock on!

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 16

RE: What does a submissive "owe"? - 5/7/2008 12:06:46 PM

Insatiable4Black

Posts: 35
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline

Plane ticket?? Can you explain how a person can surmise sexual compatibility through phone or cyber sex?????? lol

Nevermind - scratch that question.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Neither of you owe each other anything.

It's important for him to know that you're sexually compatible and before he shells out the cost of a plane ticket, he would like to establish this compatibility through phone or cyber sex.

At the same time it's important for you to not start with cyber/phone sex and to determine compatibility in other ways before you shell out the money for a plane trip.

Maybe his job assignment there ends in three months, maybe he's there for three years, maybe he owns a house in both places.
Doesn't matter. What does matter is that you aren't compatible and that when you two hit a snag you didn't try to talk it out.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 17

RE: What does a submissive "owe"? - 5/7/2008 12:08:56 PM

Insatiable4Black

Posts: 35
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline

No no.. he never demanded more photos.... I was thrilled to send him pictures - his reaction was complimentary and appreciative. He never got NAKIES of me!! lol

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

What does a submissive owe...? You don't owe anyone anything, although the IRS says I owe them about a grand.

I spoke with a Man for a week.. googlechat (live voice chat) and iming. Emails exchanged, tons of (G and PG) pictures. In depth conversations about our past experiences and our future desires. "I want to remove my profile from CM - I feel very good about you," he said. (How flattering! I thought) He is presently in NORWAY (though his profile says he resides in my state).

My question: Is it a non-submissive thing to have reaffirmed my refusal, my discomfort and my "limit" of not having phone sex? Before you all ask me, yes he knows I didn't care for that sort of display of obedience. And no, I'm not a novice. Demanding phonesex and "MOAR PICTURES!" is a huge red flag for a wanker.

He doesn't like "being denied". (Get in line! No one does!)
He has now done a 180 degree turn and isn't speaking to me. So he's pouting, hoping to guilt-trip you into contacting him, possibly with dirtier pictures as an apology. Or: "I'm so sorry! I'll phonesecks you up now!"

(PS... I already know the answer to this "to owe or not to owe" question - but I hope a new submissive out there reads this and gets some insight into what SHOULD and SHOULDN'T be expected before meeting - and how limits are defined and respected. Wellll snap. And I just typed all this stuff up. -.- I should start reading the entire question I suppose?

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 18

RE: What does a submissive "owe"? - 5/7/2008 12:10:27 PM

Insatiable4Black

Posts: 35
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline

::perplexed look:: HUH?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

You are committed to being responsible for what you have agreed to being responsible.

What have you committed to being responsible for?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 19

RE: What does a submissive "owe"? - 5/7/2008 12:16:33 PM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

Phone sex was an extremely reasonable request on his part.
Everyone is entitled to try to find what they want, in life, and in relationships.
The reason he lied about his local was to draw people to write him who were, in fact, far, far away. This is because that is a very important part of what he most wants.

He wants a super LDR, phone- cyber- relationship. He is certainly entitled to expect that i monogamous phone - cyber- relationship will include such things as phone sex, cyber sex, webcaming to obey sexy order for him,

emailing him original, written by you porn, as well as some occasional sentimental, drippy poems, changing your profile to indicate your new status as a 'cyber-owned' slave, and changing your nick to show that you have his 'tags'.

That is the BDSM life he wants, and he is entitled to search for it.

If you want someone who can hold you with real flesh and blood arms, kiss you passionately, take you to dinner and hit you with a real wood paddle,

and you are entitled to look for that. That would, however, make the two of you not quite as compatible as he was leading you to feel that you might be, in all those deep exchanges you had to that point.

Why didn't he mention it when you first told him you were not into cyber? He though he could drag you in and ensnare you first, and then it would be easy to change your mind.

Turns out you were less ensnarable than he hoped for. good for you. Chalk it up to no great loss. Best of luck in your continued search for the right match.

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to Insatiable4Black)

Post #: 20

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