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AAkasha -> RE: Crying and the (my) male submissive. (5/7/2008 1:27:54 PM)
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I can give you some advice based on my own experiences..but since I don't know you or your sub I do have to warn you that really, really, really make sure you are prepared for what happens next -- is he going to be ok afterward? Some guys get very weirded out after they break down emotionally, when it's not in their control, and need lots of care and nurturing afterward if they feel a loss of self respect, or feelings of self doubt or confusion. But yeah, it's hot -- and I love that vulnerability too...
In my experience, very few men cry from pain or desperation of most kinds. What gets them there is more a feeling of hopelessness or despair. I'll try to explain as best I can. I've found that for one thing, it takes time - a long, drawn out and intense session that climbs a ladder of intensity. So you have to be emotionally prepared also for the long haul, and don't see it as a "goal" to get him to cry, instead, just always have in the back of your mind that some day, after one of those long scenarios, it might happen. The hopelessness/despair, also, are NOT "real" feelings per se, just as there's no real fear in a haunted house but your body still reacts the same; you can get a man to this place if you work hard and keep at it.
I've found that the submissive must be in a position of emotional uncertainty - a kind of raw, unsure place - based on how he views me. I can get super sadistic and very unrelenting when I am in the right place, and my partner has to be emotionally at a place where he's not quite sure what he's dealing with. With that in mind, it usually happens if I am doing something NEW that I have never done to him before, and it shows a new level of cruelty or intensity.
Another factor that plays into it is a clear sense of "mercilessness" if that makes sense. Again, the objective is to get him to a place of "hopelessness" (that breeds vulnerability and a sense of smallness, of fear, of total nakedness) -- he has to feel like he's really in a very precarious place. What I found triggers the actual crying is a moment where he might feel like he's going to get back some control or some grounding, and it's pulled out from under him. This might be related to him being forced to endure an act, or do something, that he thought was going to be spared. That goes back to the sense of the femdom being merciless -- kind of like, "I can't believe you are actually doing this to me."
Now I'm being vague about what "it" is -- because that just depends on the submissive and what acts he responds to. It always will depend on that. The way to trigger the crying is to build on those acts and use momentum and escalation, combined with a fierce, selfish and unrelenting hunger/attitude, to get him to that naked, vulnerable place where he feels that hope is lost and he's truly naked and in that very scary place.
Emotionally, I've found that the plateau I'm talking about is very, very palpatable, if that makes sense - and maybe other femdoms know what I am talking about. Emotionally, it's the same as having very good sex when you know the guy is just on the edge of cumming. Emotionally, you feel as though you could give a tiny, tiny shove to push him over -- and that's all it takes. It's just one line, one word, or one "look" and he breaks down. You know it when you are there.
It's probably the most intense, most scary, most amazing part of power exchange -- hard to get to, but well worth it. Just please make sure you are emotionally connected enough with your partner to take the steps needed to make things good once you finish. I think it's the most intense thing you can share.
Akasha
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