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ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Responses to nervous laughter:
Stare at him. Stone cold. Say "You find this funny?"  Or a good response to laughter of any kind is to emotionlessly respond with a short sentence or total silence. Just stare.  When someone is laughing and no one else joins in, or smiles, or encourages it, it makes them feel stupid or awkward - that's human nature.  His laughter will be uncomfortable for him if you do not react in any way that encourages is.
Hurt him when he laughs - sudden, bad pain.  Whatever he responds to best - the kind of pain he does not like
Or, gag him -- use a tight gag, add duct tape over the gag, do whatever you take to totally eliminate it.

Akasha

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ORIGINAL: amerose

nervous laughter is a release of embarrassment. Increase the embarrassment to get it up to the next notch - which can be shaking

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ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I get that "complaint" also- that I'm too easy going and calm.  It seems like you want to wrangle a reaction from him as some proof of your ability and connectivity.  Have you ever just talked to him directly about his low level of physical response and what's going on inside?

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha

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ORIGINAL: DominantJenny

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Perhaps instead of thinking of the short term immediate impact, perhaps you should think of long term, slow burn?  Do you literally want the crying?  Or do you want him to learn to express himself more emotionally in an ongoing basis?  Do you want him to cry because he's open, or because he's overwhelmed?  You're talking about a lot of complex emotional processing here and with us not knowing anything really about him or you it's not something to easily give advice on.  Mostly what we can do is help define what you really want and open you up to other options and possibilities.

Sometimes I think I literally want the crying, sometimes I think any (nonviolent) raw emotion would do. He's not really emotionally restrained, is the thing. He's just terminally laid back, at least, so I have generally concluded.
Hrm. Honestly, either would work for me.
*nod* I'm not reluctant to talk about us, but, you know, that gets long. I'll take whatever help I can get!

Responses to nervous laughter:
Stare at him. Stone cold. Say "You find this funny?"  Or a good response to laughter of any kind is to emotionlessly respond with a short sentence or total silence. Just stare.  When someone is laughing and no one else joins in, or smiles, or encourages it, it makes them feel stupid or awkward - that's human nature.  His laughter will be uncomfortable for him if you do not react in any way that encourages is.
Hurt him when he laughs - sudden, bad pain.  Whatever he responds to best - the kind of pain he does not like
Or, gag him -- use a tight gag, add duct tape over the gag, do whatever you take to totally eliminate it.

Akasha

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ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

He might be a bit like me. I've only cried during a scene once, and I think it was a combination of stress (being relieved) pain, and who knows what else.

I'm notorious for laughing though. Caning, paddling, flipped upside down from the ceiling... all end up in me giggling. It's just a reaction, and it doesn't necessarily mean that I'm laughing at the person. Nervousness, pain and humiliation are usually the reasons I guess. I've actually had to stop one top who I was playing with, who would pop me every time I laughed. Since it seems to be hardwired into my system, it didn't work too well, and he ended up getting very angry, and losing control.

When people try to use crying as a goal for me... it *never* works. Ever. I suppose if I got hit hard enough it would eventually happen, but that kind of pain/injury is more than I allow with the people I sub to.

If it really bothers you to that extend, I'd say you are probably on the right track to stopping it. I think I laugh instead of verbalizing things most of the time anyway. ;) Don't stress too much about it I suppose, it will just make him more nervous- ha.

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ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Your competing with a few millenium of social male hard wiring here.

Men aren't supposed to cry. We're bred to be strong and crying is something perceived in the male mind as weakness. Crying is something that we learn through experience as kids to be a bad thing. Boys are absolutely ruthless when another boy cries in front of them.

Allowing ourselves to cry and become open, defenseless, and vulnerable is a big deal and in my honest opinion, not something most men are capable of doing except in extreme emotional distress.

We've simply had it pounded into our head through years of negative reinforcement via interaction with the rest of the male herd that to cry is to become less than a man.

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ORIGINAL: Madame4a

I don't have another avenue, but I guess it feels like you're trying to force a reaction that may not be possible.

I will say that I've had several cry... and for the most part it comes from me being hard, playing very hard with impact play .. and then touching them in a very nuturing and kind.. almost, dare I say it, motherly type way... softly, caring...

the contrast seems to make many cry...

so I'm flogging the crap out of someone... something I love.. I take one heavy blow and then stroke a face, the side of a breast or chest... carefully and softly...

that has made several cry

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ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

LOL it sounds as if the universe has brought you the lesson you need to learn.  The very answer he gives you "let go, enjoy, it is what it is" is what you are fighting against here.  He is personifying what you find conflict with.

What you resist, persists. 

Try letting go.

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ORIGINAL: TermsConditions

This may just restating your thoughts on hoplessness or mercilessness, and certainly resonates with what you are describing below, but I'd describe this as emotional separation by not reacting or aknowledging his feelings at all. That and some sleep deprivation to reduce his ability to keep up any defenses. I cry at car commercials now. Best effect to not aknowledge the tears and keep up that emotional distance.

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ORIGINAL: DominantJenny

So, for those of you not prone to tears (male or female, for that matter), what is your equivalent to crying? How might I know I've reached him that deeply, do you think? (I realize you aren't him, but anything is a hint I can pursue, you know.)

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ORIGINAL: batshalom
Hey Jen.

Instead of crying, which I can have a hard time with periodically, I shut down and show no emotion whatsoever. I go numb in order to not experience that level of emotion. Once I am in that state, it can take a long time to come back out of it, even becoming standoffish and uncharacteristically quiet.