Servant Messengers (Full Version)

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BoiJen -> Servant Messengers (5/7/2008 7:48:19 PM)

Sometimes D-types have their s-types manage certain aspects of their lives for them. Call it deligation. Deligated duties such as getting the mail, paying the bills, or fielding emails, phone calls, etc.

This is for the Ladies here and the s-types.

S-types (specifically the males): If a FemDomme's personal s-type is fielding Her emails/messages/etc, and (for example) has that stated in Her profile, why do some of you react badly or not respond at all when you realize that you're not talking to the FemDomme Herself?

Why do some of you not take the time to actually read the signatures at the end of a profile? Do you automatically assume you're making immediate contact with said FemDomme?

Ladies: Do you make such assignments?

How do you respond to negative responses, blatant rudeness, or outright hostility directed at your s-type?

Do you have specific rules for your s-type to field these messages?

What do you expect from your s-type in response to certain bad behaviours from "outsiders"?

To all: Feel free to expand on the questions. And if the situation doesn't apply to you but you feel you have something to add, I'd gladly like to hear from you too.

boi

PS this in prompted because more and more frequently I get told "I don't talk to underlings", "I don't talk to middle men", "what? you're so ugly and pathetic, She doesn't give you anything else to do?", "fuck off I was just asking" etc etc etc...mostly from bitter guys who get told "No, MsK isn't interested in taking on anyone else personally. Says so in the first line of Her profile." And that's the background.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Servant Messengers (5/7/2008 7:54:34 PM)

"The person who is nice to you but not to the waiter is not a nice person.  Pay attention.  This never fails."  -- Dave Barry

Not a lady or an s-type, but I've found that quote to be true 100% of the time.  Someone who doesn't treat an "underling" with high respect is a lower form of human being.




Pyrrsefanie -> RE: Servant Messengers (5/7/2008 8:00:00 PM)

I wish I had the patience to go back through my copy of Interview With the Vampire and word-for-word quote the part where Armand is talking about using Louis as his link to the outside world...

This is what I do with my boy.  I think most people know about my social "quirks" and how nervous having to actually talk to people in person or on the phone makes me.  I've tried to overcome it as best as I can but it's usually not worth having to sit there and psyche myself up for a two-minute phone call to make an appointment, so I give him the details, the phone number, and tell him to make it happen.

I can only imagine what people think when I whisper instructions into his ear and then usher him over to a salesgirl when there's a problem with something, then hide behind him and stare intently at the entire exchange.  They probably think I'm a bit odd by now.

My example of a servant messenger is a bit less rooted in fetish or service than it is in necessity, but I think it still counts, eh?



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Servant Messengers (5/7/2008 8:05:17 PM)

I don't have a personal servant right now, but at work or at home, anyone who disses my staff is someone I do NOT need for a customer!   My secretary is as a goddess, believe me, and if I find out a customer has given her a hard time, I let them know that their behavior is not appreciated. 

If the person in question is trying to have a session with a dominant, you would THINK that he would take the required steps that would make that happen, rather than fuck it up from the get go.  Sorry you have to be the on the front lines of shitcatching, Jen, but that's the job.  [&:]    It's a planet of bitter wankers who can't even see how unappealing they are making themselves.  Can you block them?  I certainly would.  I refuse to engage them in any kind of conversation~~just a one-liner saying that due to their rudeness, further contact with them is unwelcome.  BLOCK. 



hopelesslyInvo -> RE: Servant Messengers (5/7/2008 8:12:38 PM)

never had it happen, if i did i would probably either be of mind something like "well might i talk to the right person then?", or more likely "oh hey, well then, what's your name?".

but if i knew it ahead of time, i'd be chipper enough, and if it was something i should have known i'll just feel stupid.  otherwise it's like asking to see management and after talking with them for an extended amount of time you find out the person they sent is just a cashier, that stuff is annoying.



madshysoul -> RE: Servant Messengers (5/7/2008 10:15:51 PM)

For me, it would depend on a couple things.

Do I know that the person I'm speaking to is an intermediary? If so, cool. If they're literally pretending to speak for someone else, this to me pings as dishonest, and I'm going elsewhere.

Is the use of an intermediary logical and reasonable? This one is fuzzy, but I see it as the difference between a business transaction (reasonable) and a conversation about politics (silly). It doesn't translate as well electronically as a distinction...but were I at a physical event that someone insisted on whispering all their replies to a third party to repeat to me, I'd find that a bit absurd.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Servant Messengers (5/7/2008 10:20:25 PM)

Okay, please read the OP over again, I think she explains pretty well what the situation is.



MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: Servant Messengers (5/7/2008 11:25:26 PM)

OK about 90% of men on the site are idiots no matter what you write.  Setting them aside, what about the 10% of genuine submissives who might also find this practice off-putting

As with all things D/s, the real issue is power.  Who has it over who.

Appointing an s-type as the Gate Keeper to field contact automatically gives the s-type power over the person trying to get to know the Domme.  To meet the Domme, you have to get through the s-type. 

The Domme has delegated her power of rejection and rejection hurts! 

Better to be rejected by the Domme herself on your merits (fair enough) than by her lesbian submissive who is - presumably - not going to welcome a hetero male sub into the family with open arms and open legs.

Hence the frisson of resentment [:D]

But these men are being short-sighted.  Everyone knows the best way to win the attention of a Domme is to impress those whose opinion she values. If a guy truly wants a D/s dynamic with MsK (maybe even convince her to take another personal sub/slave), first he is going to have to win over her Gate Keeper - another submissive - whether he likes it or not.  I have noticed some men on this board working hard to do just that

However, others do not consent to play that way.  They only submit to Dommes, not other subs.  Fair enough.  But there's no need to be rude to the sub about it.  

BTW I hate approaching subs and being told I have to go through an intermediate "Protector" for a similar reason.  I don't want "Protectors" topping me by being empowered (by the sub) to decide whether I am worthy or not to meet.  I refuse to play that Domme-topping game and move on to the next sub instead.

PS: after reading others posts, is MsK a pro-domme and you are fielding requests for professional services?  If so, I don't think the grumpy guys are genuine clients.  Just  time wasters wanting to talk shop with a Domme for free.  Genuine clients don't care who they book a session through as long as they get to talk to the real Domme before the session.  



LadyPact -> RE: Servant Messengers (5/8/2008 5:37:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Sometimes D-types have their s-types manage certain aspects of their lives for them. Call it deligation. Deligated duties such as getting the mail, paying the bills, or fielding emails, phone calls, etc.

Ladies: Do you make such assignments?

How do you respond to negative responses, blatant rudeness, or outright hostility directed at your s-type?

Do you have specific rules for your s-type to field these messages?

What do you expect from your s-type in response to certain bad behaviours from "outsiders"?

To all: Feel free to expand on the questions. And if the situation doesn't apply to you but you feel you have something to add, I'd gladly like to hear from you too.

boi

PS this in prompted because more and more frequently I get told "I don't talk to underlings", "I don't talk to middle men", "what? you're so ugly and pathetic, She doesn't give you anything else to do?", "fuck off I was just asking" etc etc etc...mostly from bitter guys who get told "No, MsK isn't interested in taking on anyone else personally. Says so in the first line of Her profile." And that's the background.

It's good to see you again, boijen.  My best to MsK.  I'm sorry that you're running into this just now.

Understandably, I'm in a much different position than MsK.  Not being a professional Myself, I don't have to field nearly the number of requests that I'm sure She does.  Even with the amount of mail that I receive, it would be very difficult for anyone other than Me to keep up with it all.  The same with taking care of the social calendar.  I don't ask clip to do much more than take simple phone calls, make hotel reservations at events, and things like that.

Even if I did, I would expect anyone who would want contact with Me to respect the fact that My sub might be taking care of such matters for Me, and that he was doing so under My direction.  I wouldn't accept hostility directed towards him any more than I would toward Me.  After all, wouldn't I chose someone to be in My life and trust them with such tasks for a reason?  At the very minimum, shouldn't that afford them a little common courtesy?  If someone would treat someone close to Me badly, how well do they think that would sit with Me?  Why would I think they would treat Me, Myself, any better?  A sure way to strike out in My eyes.

How should they respond?  Well, I don't take well to dealing with folks with rudeness if it isn't deserved.  I expect My sub to be a reflection of Me, but not to let people treat him badly.  I think he knows by now that he is too valuable a property for him to be discounted.  Anyone who would hope to be important to Me, would have to recognize that he's already important to Me.  I picked him for reasons.  Anyone who would hope to have a place with Me should accept that they were good ones.  Just the same as I would use with them.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Servant Messengers (5/8/2008 5:45:05 AM)

I actually use to use this to my advantage. My submissve at the time was, as I was, online all day at work and we were both free to go and see and chat as we pleased (have to love academia!). If someone IMed me out of the blue who I didn't know or who was aggrivating me, I'd send his/her (ok, usually HIS) ID to my submissive. he'd send them an IM that said, "I'm Mistress Fire's submissive. May I help you?" I only had one who actually talked to him. It didn't work out, but that impressed me.

Of course, I rarely get IMed out of the blue these days...it helps to have MASTER in your name. LOL

Master Fire



Madame4a -> RE: Servant Messengers (5/8/2008 5:51:39 AM)

I actually use it to my advantage. 

If I want to meet someone, as outgoing and assertive as I am, I have NO clue how to approach them most of the time.  I abhor waiting for them to approach me... so I always say.. "I have an *insert her name here*" ... I send her over.

I think its wholly different offline and people react differently.  Its clearly appropriate for me to do that and its so clearly appropriate for you to do what you're doing.  Hmm... do you hire out?  *grin*  When I first came to CM I whined a lot to friends that I needed a slave JUST to answer and screen the emails.

Remember the caliber of people you'll get from email... at least that's my take on it... in person, I'm guessing the reaction would be more respectful.



MistressDollys -> RE: Servant Messengers (5/8/2008 7:18:32 AM)

I am one of several email moderators for MD. Bad behavior is common, and commonly shrugged off and ignored.



BoiJen -> RE: Servant Messengers (5/8/2008 10:02:48 AM)

Okay...I finally have a chnace to reply to everyone..so here I go one at a time.

I knew this was going to be a shitcatching job from go. I'm not surprised. I'm just amazed that some s-types (males in particular) get mad when they don't get to immeidately interact with MsK, despite that it states in Hr profiles that She does not answer the messages here. I also do my best to inform them upon first contact of who I am and that I'm the initial "interviewer." All of my messages to people unknown to MsK are signed, "From MsKitty's boi." I haven't quite figured out what part of that some guys don't understand.

Very rarely has MsK taken to given responses Herself. Mostly, if they get that far they're instructed to contact Her directly and given the information to do so. MsKitty is aware of ALL communication between myself and others here.

Recently someone MsK had met while in Dallas a few years ago, had contacted Her and mad an inappropriate request. I informed the person of that and got "Fuck off! I was just asking!" as a response. She did in fact choose to respond to him after that...to simply inform him that he had lost any and all favor he may have ahd and that She would no longer have any contact with him.

I do my best to be polite but direct when dealing with these messages and individuals. Not because I'm a direct representation of MsK. But because I like to get to know people. Often when I get a negative respnse I itch to ask them why?

Now, MsK is not in the immediate market for another personal servant. She is not actively seeking one. However, that does not mean She's not open should the right individual come along. Given that She's not a monogamous individual, and that being "trapped" based on someone else's feelings will not make Her happy...I know this. As Her boi, I take Her happiness seriously. So I do funny things like go "searching for Her." I also set the standard. I will not stand by if I see someone of poor quality of character to get past much more than "hi." And it's not something like "no, You can't..." It's "I have a feeling..."If I cannot explain exactly where I'm getting that feeling from I'm clear about that. In the past, when that's been the case, it's only a matter of days before I can specifically point out why someone is unacceptable...like I might see signs of an individual not wanting to respect certain boundaries...I'll inform MsK of my observations and why certain things make me uncomfortable.

This does not often happen during face to face events. In fact, it would only occur if MsK was already preoccupied, IE in another conversation or in a scene. The only other time is when MsK doesn't want to talk to someone and I'm instructed to politely inform them of the fact and make sure they keep a distance. We've all encountered that creepy guy in our local community that we finally get tired of.

Often I do ignore these guys. Like I said...I'm just trying to understand why the bad behaviour happens to begin with. It doesn't make sense to me that if an individual wanted to get a Lady's attention, that they would blatantly be an ass.

lol...when helping MsK move furniture early on into our relationship She had someone new helping Her out. She had known each of us about the same length of time...the guy would address Her then live-in boy by his name but rather "dude." I started pointing out MsK's boy's name everytime to the guy helping. And then when the guy helping started asking me if I needed helping moving big or heavy things I told him "no...why don't you go grab stuff and move it?" I said these things nicely...but I was not trying to make the impression of being nice. It was like saying "bless your heart" to someone. MsK caught on quickly and at the least was entertained..."you just like cutting his throat huh?" ..."nope...I'm just doing my best to get to the head of the line here." She laughed and laughed.

boi

PS Madam4A I wish I could find someone to pay me for this...but then again there's that new service that compares notes on people and that's not cool to me. So someday I'll get paid to be a good boi...until then food and sex and play work just fine for me :)



ElanSubdued -> RE: Servant Messengers (5/8/2008 1:18:37 PM)

BoiJen,

I'm an s-type so I'll reply only to the questions that pertain to me.

--- If a FemDomme's personal s-type is fielding Her
--- emails/messages/etc, and (for example) has that
--- stated in Her profile, why do some of you react badly
--- or not respond at all when you realize that you're
--- not talking to the FemDomme Herself?

If I already know the Domina and submissive in question, I would happily reply to the Domina's "s-type".  However, if I'm writing having never communicated before, my approach is somewhat different and more complex.

In the case of making an introduction for a romantic relationship, I don't respond to Dominas who indicate that other people are answering their mail.  Likewise, if this wasn't indicated in the profile but I became aware that someone else was actually replying, secretarial style, I would politely decline further correspondence.  Why?  Because I'm largely monogamous and don't consider my romantic relationships as business transactions.  Even if the submissive was simply a good friend and helping out, a Domina who doesn't have enough time to reply personally clearly doesn't have enough time for me - at least that's my feeling.

In the case of writing for platonic reasons, it wouldn't bother me if a Domina's submissive replied to her mail.  However, I will add the following:  if I continually couldn't get a personal response from the Domina, I'd eventually lose interest in chatting with her.  I have no desire to force my commentary, questions, or friendship on anyone.

In all cases, no matter who I'm talking to (Domina, submissive, switch, people's friends, a Domina's secretarial slave, etc.), I endevour to be polite, kind, and courteous.

--- Why do some of you not take the time
--- to actually read the signatures at the end
--- of a profile?  Do you automatically assume
--- you're making immediate contact with
--- said FemDomme?

I *always* read signatures at the end of profiles and correspondence.  If there is no signature and the content doesn't indicate otherwise, I'd probably assume that I'm making contact with "said FemDomm".

--- How do you respond to negative responses,
--- blatant rudeness, or outright hostility directed
--- at your s-type?

This question isn't aimed at me, but I'll answer anyway.  I've been the Master of an s-type.  In general, rudeness aimed at me or my s-type isn't appreciated.  Depending on the situation, I might try to empathize with the sender and see what caused them to reply in a rude fashion.  If the person is seemingly rude with no understandable reason, I might reply, but then again it's highly likely that I'd just consign their message to the waste bin.  Ditto for someone being unjustifiably rude to my submissive.  I qualify this by saying "unjustifiably rude" because one of my submissives had a habit of being extremely short tempered with service people (waiters, airline attendants, etc.).  Often the rude responses she got was her own doing so under these circumstances I usually took her aside and tried to get her to understand that she was being unkind.  Sometimes I'd ask her to apologize to the person in question or I'd give her a gag order and apologize directly myself so as to get things moving again as quickly as possible.  Later on I'd have a chat with my submissive about why I gave her a gag order.

Elan.



littlesarbonn -> RE: Servant Messengers (5/8/2008 2:17:30 PM)

While there are generally some rude people, and really there's nothing you can EVER do about them, there's also another variable at play here that I actually do understand. I see it as similar to someone who is trying to get a job in management in a specific section of a company, but for some reason cannot get beyond Human Resources, who seems to be there for the sole purpose of eliminating ANYONE who tries to get a position in the company. I have run into that a lot while pursuing a job, and it gets really frustrating after awhile when you realize that the only way to get into the company is to have someone already in the company bypass Human Resources completely.

Now, taking that into the context of a femdom situation where someone is interested in serving a particular dominant. Again, we can immediately reject the conversation about the rude applicants who are going to be rude regardless (thus, the people who may actually only have the desire to be "rejected" by the woman Herself, and are in effect time wasters rather than actual applicants). I've found myself in these situations a few times where I've achieved different results that have caused me to become somewhat frustrated. Once, I was actually pursued by a woman over the course of a few years (she often pursued me only when I was already owned, but that's for another thread), and when I actually attempted to respond to her once, her female submissive acted as a DIRECT impedement to the process, going way out of her way to make sure that contact was never made. Was it jealousy? Was she acting as a sincere appendage of her Mistress? Who knows? It was impossible to tell. All I know is that I ran into her Mistress at a party who was pissed off at me because I "ignored" her attempts to contact me, even though it was Her slave that was making it impossible for me to respond.

Other times, I've come across guys that get into a sacred position as the "secretary" to a dominant, and to be honest, I really don't want to deal with them. Quite often, it ends up in some alpha male situation that I don't play. It's not worth the time and the effort.

Where I see the complication coming in here with your original post is that you appear to be acting FOR your dominant rather than In the Name of your dominant. And that's going to piss people off no matter what you do. If Her rationale for you rejecting everyone is because she's just not looking, then perhaps a simple autoresponder is better than having someone act as an intermediary who is only acting as a gatekeeper rather than someone helping her communicate with others. If I was interested in someone, and I felt that I had a lot to offer that person, I'm going to be irritated by someone who is NOT her whose only purpose is to tell people no. I get equally irritated with autoresponders. I think most people do. Am I going to send you a nasty email? Of course not. But you seem to be expecting some kind of respect that comes from just being someone else's slave, and I really don't see how that's all that warranted. You should just be overjoyed that you have this position and then realize that you don't get any benefits from those who are going to be receiving bad news from you. That's just common sense. I tend to personally like you from your normal postings, but to be honest, if I didn't know you from here, I wouldn't feel all that much compassion for you because people insulted you when you acted as the gatekeeper to someone they were hoping to attract. You're working customer service with no ability to offer benefits to the customer; you should somewhat expect a bad work environment based on the demographic and circumstances.



BoiJen -> RE: Servant Messengers (5/8/2008 2:40:30 PM)

It's not that I'm expecting happy and chipper responses to being told "no...She's not looking for anyone personally." I'm just not expecting asshole behaviour in response. Now, that's not to say there's ALL bad responses. Several months back a very nice and polite guy offered help with the advertised project on MsK's profile and has since becomes friends with both of us. The result of that: She heard of his birthday and has been plotting spankings on him for a little while.

We're not a "couple." Our relationship is not based on romance. And She is not "my Mistress." I am Her boi. I am concerned for Her happiness and if for some reason my little brain gets "this is Her guy!" signals I'ma jump on him and drag him back to Her. At the same time if someone passes by Her radar and I get the slimy feeling of ick...I'ma be that puppy they wish would shut the fuck up. I can't really do much but make a lot of noise and annoy the hell out of someone ;)

And vice versa. There's only ever been one male in my life that I'd even consider having a romantic (non-sexual) relationship with. It also happens he's married to a good friend of mine. He's of that high caliber type of individual. lol...He's a catch. And that "catch" is the TYPE of individual I consider of good enough quality to be in MsK's life.

Now, I know how all of that sounds. My standards and all of "who should be in Her Life." I don't get final say. Hell I don't even really get a "vote." I'm just allowed to voice my opinion.

What it comes down to is the guy from here that contacted via MsK's profile made a respectful approach and I noticed it from go. He acknowledged that he was gonna at least have to say hi to me before he could talk to MsK. He also very clearly stated his motivations and intentions. He asked what the boundaries of a friendship would be...which I don't see many individuals asking no matter what type of relationship they may be persuing with anyone.

MSK does want Her romantic partner. That's not me. I'm actually very happy with that...less confusion in the end in my opinion. And given where Her Life is right now She's not openly advertising for that. Nor is She actively seeking. As I said...if "Mr. right" shows up great!...I have a red carpet ready and if I need to push him along in Her direction I will.

This is more to be clear about who I am where my own motivation is :) And to put out there...the situation you describe, that you were in, is not something I would do. Mainly because it would be an obsticle to what She wants in the end. And I wouldn't be a very good boi if I did that now would I?

I'm not acting FOR Her perse...I'm just fielding the initial contacts until something catches Her attention. Make sense?



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Servant Messengers (5/8/2008 8:57:18 PM)

I dont allow either boy to handle my emails. I prefer to do so myself, unless I am not going to be around a computer for some time. Fox has answered a few for me, usually reading them to me over the phone and then taking answers as dictation.
He is instructed that anyone being nasty in reply to him handling my corresponsance (and this goes for his answering my messenger when I am occupied as well) is to be promptly cut off and informed that I will not have anything to do with someone who cannot be a gentleman/lady online.
Fox is also often contacted by persistant s-types who do not get the hint that I am not interested. He gets quite a few "ASk your Mistress to consider taking me on" emails. I have told a few who were annoying me that they had to beg him for permission, though I know he would never give it. Fox is what I would consider my Alpha, since he is the romantic of the 2. He has never actually considered a boy worthy to serve, aside form Angel and I suspect Angel is only becasue he was predated.

If someone has a problem speakng to either of my boys, they do not need ot have anything to do with me. The boys are part and parcel of the package and I easily dismiss anyone who doesnt care for that idea.

DV



Stephann -> RE: Servant Messengers (5/9/2008 12:49:40 PM)

Hiya Jen,

Just my 2 cents; charlotte has strict instructions to be as polite as possible, at all times, regardless of who she's interacting.  I find that in her role, her focus should be on being the best representation of courtesy and beauty whenever possible.  Obviously, this is how I've trained her; I might train a different slave differently, depending on the role she fills; but ultimately, if she's focusing on how pissed off other people make her, she's not focusing on pleasing me to the best of her abilities.  In short, I try to teach her to demonstrate a measure of tact and class that the assmonger who just wrote her/me clearly doesn't possess.  If there needs to be some ball busting done, that's my department.

I suppose that might come off a bit elitist; it's really not.  I wouldn't send trained attack kittens against a coyote; I'd use a shotgun.

Stephan



BoiJen -> RE: Servant Messengers (5/9/2008 1:09:02 PM)

Stephan, as I said I'm polite as possible unless MsK catches something before I do. Then I get told, "sick 'em, boi!" Which thrills Her endlessly for some reason. Fortunately for most, that doesn't happen often.



Stephann -> RE: Servant Messengers (5/9/2008 4:22:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Stephan, as I said I'm polite as possible unless MsK catches something before I do. Then I get told, "sick 'em, boi!" Which thrills Her endlessly for some reason. Fortunately for most, that doesn't happen often.


For my part, I wouldn't mind owning a slave who was (for all practical purposes) as effective as a doberman.  I'd find that pretty thrilling as well [;)]  I just know that charlotte isn't really doberman material.  She has other skills.

Stephan



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