Communication and Sharing (Full Version)

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SltlyBrokenAngel -> Communication and Sharing (5/7/2008 10:16:47 PM)

This may seem like an odd question with an easy answer – but i'm intersted in a Dom's perspective on how a sub can ask her Dom to “share” with her?  (yes… i know communication, communication, communication) 
 
i’ve been in a relationship for a little over a month.   While we talk about what seems like everything sometimes i would like to feel like i can ask him directly about things in his life but sometimes i feel like it isn't my place.   This really is my issue and not his.
(please please please…. don’t  think I’m asking this in a nagging manner just that i’d like to feel more connected to Him and I feel like hearing about what he’s doing with his time when we’re apart would be a way to connect to Him and His likes….  i hope that made sense…..) 
 
…. Please don’t beat me up too badly for such a silly post  - just thought i’d see what Your thoughts are. 
 
Thank You



hopelessfool -> RE: Communication and Sharing (5/7/2008 10:41:27 PM)

I understand you think you have a great connection. But if you dont feel you can openly ask whats new in his life maybe you should reassess. Do you feel you cant ask because you honestly dont want the answer. Or is it more of a vibe your getting from him?

As for asking him about what hes doing and who hes with on a regular basis tends to end badly. Your going to have to learn to trust that he will tell you when something important comes up.

It should be okay to ask what you wish, but i dont know your owner or your dynamic. When having a conversation ask if you can delve into his personal life. Say the truth, you need reassured he will tell you whats going on with certian situations such as him seeking others if theres any that are great potentials or someone hes going to be seeing real life. And a personal question for you, since this seems to be a problem with you needing to know, are you sure your going to be okay with it? Usually we only worry about things we dont think we can handle or are unsure we can rely on.



Saffleur -> RE: Communication and Sharing (5/7/2008 10:55:49 PM)

Well said kitten.

You should be able to discuss things openly. It has only been a month, understandable. If however you cannot speak to him openly then you do need to reasses. Ask with respect to him if you can ask him a few questions. If he says yes then you've no worries on whether or not you are invading his privacy.Just don't make it seem like you're being extremly clingy. One surefire way to push a man away.



SltlyBrokenAngel -> RE: Communication and Sharing (5/7/2008 10:58:45 PM)

Hmm, after I posted I was thinking that I worded it poorly.
Lets see if I can make better sense of it.  We do have a great connection and we do talk about everything.  If I was honest with myself I think I would say that he probably would want me to ask him whatever I happened to be thinking about.   Its really my own issue not his.  In general I don't ask people questions that I feel could be taken as prying - I tend to wait until they volunteer the information.

eh... yeah asking what he's doing on who he's with on a regular basis is NOT something I want to do.  That would be beyond obnoxious!   

really very very honestly I'm ok with the answers - my brain kicks in with the weird "what if" crap when I don't ask the questions or am left wondering - its that, about myself that I hate.  Because honstly, I believe that anything I need to know he will tell me.  Ugh.... my stupid brain!



hopelessfool -> RE: Communication and Sharing (5/7/2008 11:43:07 PM)

Then might I sugesst a few hobbies to keep the what ifs at bay:

Cross stitching
Learning a new language (by watching tv shows in the language with english subs)
Getting a Cat
Getting a Dog
Getting a job baby sitting
Learn to knit.
Learn to decipher cat behavior.
And finally,
Learning to golf with out hitting the hazzards.




DarkSteven -> RE: Communication and Sharing (5/8/2008 5:38:36 AM)

"Sir, it gives me great pleasure to know about you and your activities.  i feel like it is a gift that you give me.  Could i ask that we have some time set aside to do this on a regular basis?"

Flatters His ego and sets aside a regular time so you don't ask this on a recurring basis.

That said, you need to assess why it is that you are reticent to ask for something.  If He's a good Dom, He will have no problem with granting or denying requests.



kinkypuppy2 -> RE: Communication and Sharing (5/8/2008 8:01:52 AM)

Just ask for a few minutes of their time and sit down and TALK. One of the great things about as M/s relationship is the openness and honesty. why should I watch what I tell her in fear of upsetting her, she is my slave I will tell her all honestly and openly. If I want to go fuck someone why do it behind her back. have her assist of just stand and watch. do I do this no but the fact that I could is important.



antipode -> RE: Communication and Sharing (5/8/2008 10:50:33 AM)

Well, yes, communication, communication, communication.... you just proved it: share what?



SltlyBrokenAngel -> RE: Communication and Sharing (5/8/2008 11:35:52 AM)

Thank you DarkSteven,
I appreciate the advice.  It really is just me... sometimes I feel like it isn't my business so I don't ask even though I want to but I do like your suggestion. 

That said.... it really was silly for me to post at all.  I was just in an odd place last night - having to do actually with my job and not anything to do with my relationship - and ended up doing something I normally wouldn't (posting here rather than just talking with him).  So, that said I'm good and I know where I'm at in my relationship and I'm happy and we've talked which is what matters.
 
Kitten - thanks for the thought on a hobby... but uhm  hobbies require free time - with grad school, a full time job and a part time job teaching... I don't have free time  lol.... I'm certainly not spending my time twiddling my thumbs - I'm just a curious person. 
 
Anyway, thanks for your thoughts - I'm going to stick to just talking with him though. 
[;)]



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Communication and Sharing (5/8/2008 7:33:49 PM)

Laugh at your own silliness, call him up and say "OMG I'm so silly I can't believe it's so hard to just ask hat's going on with you.  But I really do want to know please!"



FangsNfeet -> RE: Communication and Sharing (5/8/2008 9:27:29 PM)

What's mine is mine and what's yours is ours



michaels4evr -> RE: Communication and Sharing (5/9/2008 12:03:07 AM)

I'm kinda with the original poster. I feel like its prying to a certain extent if a person doesn't volunteer what they've been doing, etc. But it could just be me. Things the i want to share i share, its not that i wouldn't share or would mind if someone asked me to share what i haven't, but I don't tend to just recount my day point by point to anyone; nor would I expect anyone else to do so. However, of course Daddy and i live together and now that i work primarily at home, and he works nights,  we see eachother quite regularly, so we generally can keep pretty close tabs on each other's activities. lol



whoislikeMichael -> RE: Communication and Sharing (5/9/2008 3:09:18 AM)

From where I sit here on Mt. Olympus, I offer a different perspective.  Communication ISN'T just spoken language people.  Because angel mentioned that she was extremely busy I have to assume that her Master allows her adequate time for T/themselves.  My suggestion is that if you, angel, want to connect with Him about things that are important in His life but you feel (for whatever reason) you aren't satisfactorily included in or know about then petition Him to give you meaningful tasks in those specific areas.
 
Most of U/us (in the lifestyle anyhow), if W/we truly love something W/we tend to act on it, desire to want to learn more, etc.  He too could be busy and/or just appreciate your supporting Him in actually completing those tasks which bring greater meaning to Him as a person.  For instance, I love to write medical/psychological novels.  It's inevitable that I wouldn't ask My beloved slave to edit a chapter or ten, or ask her opinion on something I may be divided about, or fetch Me a roll of toilet paper as I sit grunting on the can writing feverishly (on toilet paper, of course).
 
Some talk.  Some do.  I take it you're becoming bored w/talking.  Then do.
 
-Michael (who is like Me?)



mstrj69 -> RE: Communication and Sharing (5/11/2008 1:40:28 PM)

I think you have gotten some good ideas.  If I was him, I would like it if you approached it as, "I know you haven't talked to me much about ....... but I am wonderring if there is any way I can help you there?"   Thus if he thinks you can help him, he will tell you more and have you help him.  If not and if it is just something that he is tied up with and you can not help, then he will say that and at least you will have an answer.



BikerDomRealTime -> RE: Communication and Sharing (5/11/2008 1:47:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SltlyBrokenAngel

This may seem like an odd question with an easy answer – but i'm intersted in a Dom's perspective on how a sub can ask her Dom to “share” with her?  (yes… i know communication, communication, communication) 
 
i’ve been in a relationship for a little over a month.   While we talk about what seems like everything sometimes i would like to feel like i can ask him directly about things in his life but sometimes i feel like it isn't my place.   This really is my issue and not his.
(please please please…. don’t  think I’m asking this in a nagging manner just that i’d like to feel more connected to Him and I feel like hearing about what he’s doing with his time when we’re apart would be a way to connect to Him and His likes….  i hope that made sense…..) 
 
…. Please don’t beat me up too badly for such a silly post  - just thought i’d see what Your thoughts are. 
 
Thank You


Hello sltlybrokenangel,

Is the feeling that you can't ask him directly something with you or has he given some sort of indication that you cannot?  I know with several slaves/subs that I have had that even though I have told them, encouraged them to ask anything they wanted and to communicate they were hesitant to do so.  I would suggest starting out as simply as 'may I ask you something?' and go from there.  While I will usually answer any question that a sub/slave had asked, I generally just did not voluntairly divulge information. 



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