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RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 9:29:44 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I can't understand why everyone is casting stones in the direction of the girls when no one here knows anything about them or their reasons for leaving.

Because it is the obvious, easy route to take. If a dominant leaves a submissive during a rough patch, everyone bangs on him/her, as being evil. Same mindset.

You are correct Erin, without knowing the whole story, which we won't......there is no way we can sling shit at them for their actions.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 21

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 9:30:32 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
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op...the girls and the job are not the issues you need to be dealing with right now. YOU are your main priority. If you have not done so already, get professional help as soon as you can.

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(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 22

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 9:34:21 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Were your girls aware that you view submissives as weak, helpless, and on a par with someone who has a mental breakdown? Or was that just a really, really poor choice of words on your part?

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 23

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 9:56:56 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Depression is a terrible thing. You might feel like you are trying to walk through waist high mud and not getting very far. Lack of sleep can only make things worse. If your dynamic was one where there was no leeway about power, then the break is more extreme and I can see how they couldn't cope. As hard as it is you need to push forward. Sometimes working in a no-brainer job helps to pass the time and give you the opportunity to make a small amount of cash to keep you going until you can heal. You need sleep and lots of it. You need to get out and walk, or bike, or sit and watch the wildlife around you. You need calm. Depression is not something that comes on suddenly, or has a quick fix.

This can happen to anyone, not just submissives. Holey smokes, submissives are some of the strongest people I have met.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee
I don't love your OP title, however. You may not be feeling much control right now, but aligning a mental breakdown with submissiveness--inherent submissiveness--kinda sucks. To me. As a submissive.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 24

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 10:49:05 AM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

I guess that apart from being a "heterosexual eurogenic hominid", you're a human, too. And without the girls being here to talk about it, there isn't a lot I can say. I am fully assuming there is more to the story than just your point of view, as I would not necessarily expect them to leave, so you need to figure out what led up to that. And no, a nervous breakdown does not make you submissive. A nervous breakdown makes you be in need of a good therapist. It happens. Especially your being completely unaware that the girls would be leaving means you need to intro/retrospect.

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

Post #: 25

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 12:32:07 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Welcome to the human side of things, OP. I hope you like it here.

I'm not going to jump on the bandwagon about the girls. I don't know them and I'm sure there's more to it out of relationships that lasted years than is able to be covered in a couple of paragraphs. You got good advice from those who said to concentrate on you just now. The fact that you did acquire a job is a good thing. It gives you a better shot at improving that sleep cycle.

As to feeling weak, I understand that you don't like it. I don't care for it much Myself. I don't think I feel that way because I happen to be a Dominant. I happen to think I don't like it because I'm a person, and most people that I know don't particularly care for it. Yet, I have to accept that bit of reality that it isn't possible for Me to be a tower of strength all of the time. In My opinion, it takes a much stronger Dominant to admit that they have feelings and deal with them, than it does to never have any.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 26

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 1:12:42 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

My best advice. Allow yourself to just be a guy-and stop thinking everything going south was all on you. Get some knock out pills and rest, tomorrow will be a better day.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

Post #: 27

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 1:15:43 PM

Guest123

Posts: 58
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline

it matters little why they left, they are gone, and so now taking care of himself should be his focus... imo

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"If you see a little turtle on a rock, know it did not get there by itself"

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 28

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 1:59:51 PM

darkesttdesire

Posts: 25
Joined: 10/11/2007
Status: offline

You seem to associate "strength" to your self proclaimed "Dominance"
we all reach points in life where we find ourselves needing support in some way, but that does not make us 'weak' all it does is proves that we are human and humans unlike lifeless robots have feelings,.
I would worry more if you werent capable of communicating your needs to another. If 'ones mountain stands on solid foundations it will survive the tremors of life..... obviously yours wasnt.Get up, get out there and start rebuilding it, it cant and wont rebuild itself and no one else can build it for you, those with any substance will be there to offer a helping hand.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 29

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 2:02:20 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

using fast reply.......

I've been thinking about this whole submission = weakness thing and it has been bugging the shit outta me.

Some of the strongest people I've known and seen just happen to be submissive.

AND some of the weakest, biggest, morons, have been self proclaimed dominants. Myself included at various moments in life.......

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to darkesttdesire)

Post #: 30

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 2:09:14 PM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

~fast reply~

Sounds like you're clinically depressed. Cognitive behavioral therapy is preferable, but if you don't want to go to therapy go to your general practitioner, tell him what's going on, and he'll give you something to take the edge off. Good luck.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 31

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 2:20:07 PM

darkesttdesire

Posts: 25
Joined: 10/11/2007
Status: offline

if one sees submission as a weakness they have yet to learn and understand the fundamentals of submission... doesnt bother me that some have this opinion, each and all have their own personal thoughts on things, its like religion or politics, you can't change what some believe in, but you can give those who are not of the same ideals as yourself, a wide wide berth... why waste the breath trying to educate them, we must learn to understand, being told doesnt make for understanding.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 32

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/9/2008 1:20:59 AM

variation30

Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

I saw a completely unrelated thread with a similar phrasing in the 'Ask a Mistress' forum, and realized that this has been weighing on me a lot.

Seven months ago, I suffered a complete mental breakdown. I broke down crying in front of both of my girls, saying that I was very sorry, but I'd rather be up-front with them than try to pretend that things were okay - and that I had completely lost my capacity to keep pushing forward, and needed to be taken care of until I could pull myself together again. And I HATE BEING WEAK. I lost my job, and two weeks later, both my girls... changed. They both lost complete respect for me, and left a week or so later, once they'd both found places to stay.

I've been desperately trying to drag myself along since then, with no job, no money, and no motivation to keep living. God, I hate being weak.

I feel like, as a dominant, I have no right to emotional fragility or weakness - but I also have no right to hide emotional fragility or weakness. I took a gamble on my girls, hoping that the bonds of our 7- and 2-year relationships would be strong enough that I could lean on them for a little while, until I went back to being the Strong One.

Hell, now I don't even know if I'm capable of being the Strong One, ever. I'm terrified that I'm just done. I keep laying in bed, unable to sleep, whispering "Please, God, let Cera come back..." I don't know how I'm supposed to keep myself together. What the hell kind of dominant am I?

yes, this is inherently submissive.

I'm not saying that being submissive is a bad thing.

as far as whining around in bed is concerned: shut the fuck up. take a mg of xanax and get a good night's rest. wake up in the morning and laugh at how ridiculous you've been, and start making things better. you're the only one who can do it and expecting someone else to drag you along isn't a safe bet.

_____________________________

all the good ones are collared or lesbians.

or old.

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

Post #: 33

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/9/2008 1:22:43 AM

variation30

Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

Everyone has moments of weakness.

yes. and it's usually best to keep them limited to 'moments of weakness' and not 'prolonged periods of weakness'.

_____________________________

all the good ones are collared or lesbians.

or old.

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 34

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/9/2008 2:38:28 AM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

i would agree with the posts that you need to focus on you and get well.

why the girls left is not important at this time. YOU getting well is.

anyone can suffer from a mental breakdown. being depressed can and does happen to everyone whether you are submissive or not.

i worked in a mental health clinic and depression knows no boundaries in regards to color, gender, age, or income.

(in reply to variation30)

Post #: 35

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/9/2008 3:29:55 AM

whoislikeMichael

Posts: 18
Joined: 4/16/2008
Status: offline

Seems like you're more concerned with your supposed "dominance" than about addressing the real issue- self esteem.

Classic depression no doubt. Yet some folks crave the attention boo-hooing can garner. Who the phuck do you think you are to even ponder whether life is worth living? The most successful people have also had the most spectacular failures. My point is-- somehow, someway they pressed on.

I agree w/others that you should get some sleep. When you wake up hopefully you'll be strong enough to kick yourself in the ass (which should be easy) considering you are an asshole (or insane- and not recently) in the very sense. I wouldn't want My children around Me either if I acted like such a smuck. Possibly that is what your ex was telling you (and them)?

Dominant? Submissive? Who gives a fuck? Both D & s eventually are responsible for themselves. Get some sleep man...

And then put a nice pair of steel-toed boots on and start to kickin'.

btw, if you need My sympathy- you'll get none except this: "Boo hoo."

Feel better?

Didn't think so. Don't forget the boots. And a good shrink would probably go a long way as well.

-Michael (who is like Me?)

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

Post #: 36

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/9/2008 3:40:08 AM

blacksword404

Posts: 2068
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline

Well your not a submissive just because you are having problems. You got to pick yourself up. If your a dom like you say you are then eventually that dominate spirit will rise up and get your ass back on track. It's going to take time. And as far as them leaving, your better off finding out now rather than later what they are made of. Even if they din't know how to help you if they were loyal they would have at least tried. When a man has a woman who is only there for money, if he loses his money he loses her too.

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

Post #: 37

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/9/2008 3:41:34 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom
Sounds like you're clinically depressed. Cognitive behavioral therapy is preferable,

I am sure there would be a few volunteers around here somewhere to apply CBT, folks are helpful like that

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to batshalom)

Post #: 38

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/9/2008 4:51:28 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: variation30

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

I saw a completely unrelated thread with a similar phrasing in the 'Ask a Mistress' forum, and realized that this has been weighing on me a lot.

Seven months ago, I suffered a complete mental breakdown. I broke down crying in front of both of my girls, saying that I was very sorry, but I'd rather be up-front with them than try to pretend that things were okay - and that I had completely lost my capacity to keep pushing forward, and needed to be taken care of until I could pull myself together again. And I HATE BEING WEAK. I lost my job, and two weeks later, both my girls... changed. They both lost complete respect for me, and left a week or so later, once they'd both found places to stay.

I've been desperately trying to drag myself along since then, with no job, no money, and no motivation to keep living. God, I hate being weak.

I feel like, as a dominant, I have no right to emotional fragility or weakness - but I also have no right to hide emotional fragility or weakness. I took a gamble on my girls, hoping that the bonds of our 7- and 2-year relationships would be strong enough that I could lean on them for a little while, until I went back to being the Strong One.

Hell, now I don't even know if I'm capable of being the Strong One, ever. I'm terrified that I'm just done. I keep laying in bed, unable to sleep, whispering "Please, God, let Cera come back..." I don't know how I'm supposed to keep myself together. What the hell kind of dominant am I?

yes, this is inherently submissive.

I beg to differ.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to variation30)

Post #: 39

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/9/2008 4:54:05 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: whoislikeMichael

Seems like you're more concerned with your supposed "dominance" than about addressing the real issue- self esteem.

Classic depression no doubt. Yet some folks crave the attention boo-hooing can garner. Who the phuck do you think you are to even ponder whether life is worth living? The most successful people have also had the most spectacular failures. My point is-- somehow, someway they pressed on.

I agree w/others that you should get some sleep. When you wake up hopefully you'll be strong enough to kick yourself in the ass (which should be easy) considering you are an asshole (or insane- and not recently) in the very sense. I wouldn't want My children around Me either if I acted like such a smuck. Possibly that is what your ex was telling you (and them)?

Dominant? Submissive? Who gives a fuck? Both D & s eventually are responsible for themselves. Get some sleep man...

And then put a nice pair of steel-toed boots on and start to kickin'.

btw, if you need My sympathy- you'll get none except this: "Boo hoo."

Feel better?

Didn't think so. Don't forget the boots. And a good shrink would probably go a long way as well.

-Michael (who is like Me?)

Ummmm.....well....just.....WOW
(and they tell me that I lack compassion)

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to whoislikeMichael)

Post #: 40

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