Chat requests? (Full Version)

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thetammyjo -> Chat requests? (10/17/2005 3:11:05 PM)

I'm wondering if it is common on this website to get chat requests from people who haven't sent a note before?

I personally don't accept chat request from folks I don't know -- I need to know someone a bit more before I want to chat in real time with them. It feels a bit like getting a telephone call from someone I don't know.

Is this common to just chat away or is my reluctance more common?

Answers won't change what I do but its happened about a dozen times now.



KCMOLucky -> RE: Chat requests? (10/17/2005 3:54:45 PM)

I usually accept the request, but I ask them in the chat to go ahead and send me a note.



FTopinMichigan -> RE: Chat requests? (10/17/2005 4:09:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
I'm wondering if it is common on this website to get chat requests from people who haven't sent a note before?


I've gotten Chat Requests from total and complete strangers...and not a single one contacted me prior to the request, via e-mail!

quote:


I personally don't accept chat request from folks I don't know -- I need to know someone a bit more before I want to chat in real time with them.


I feel exactly as you do, TammyJo. [:)] My own profile requests a thorough introduction via e-mail, so a "chat request" isn't going to get me to respond, without at least a decent "hello, I'm....." (I tend to see those Chat Requests as being similar to a telemarketer calling my home at dinnertime...just plain ole irritating, and I hang up, and in this case, just hit "delete.")

quote:


Is this common to just chat away or is my reluctance more common?


I don't know if I'd call my attitude toward this, as "reluctance." I don't "chat" with people I know absolutely nothing about. Why would I talk with someone that can't contact me the traditional AND preferred method, as explained in my profile...which is how they found me in the first place. (Unless the profile states, IM, PMs or Chat Requests welcome, I see it's best to e-mail for first contact.)

In my experience, the "requests, with no prior contact" are VERY common. Sort of like the e-mails that just say, "i wanna talk to you" (and nothing more), or the supposed introduction that just says, "hi." How someone can complain later..."they never respond to my contact"....always has me shaking my head.

K



JohnWarren -> RE: Chat requests? (10/17/2005 4:57:47 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

I'm wondering if it is common on this website to get chat requests from people who haven't sent a note before?



I ask what the purpose for the chat is. Often people see me in chat rooms and want to ask a question they are embarrassed to ask in the room. For that, I'll chat. If I get back "your [sic] hot" or something like that, I just say "thanks but no thanks".



thetammyjo -> RE: Chat requests? (10/17/2005 5:13:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren


quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

I'm wondering if it is common on this website to get chat requests from people who haven't sent a note before?



I ask what the purpose for the chat is. Often people see me in chat rooms and want to ask a question they are embarrassed to ask in the room. For that, I'll chat. If I get back "your [sic] hot" or something like that, I just say "thanks but no thanks".


How does one do that? I don't seem to be able to figure out how to email them or send a note asking for a note in return. Attempts to click on the name doesn't pull up a profile either just keeps returning to the chat request menu.

It is entirely possible that I just haven't figure it out.



JohnWarren -> RE: Chat requests? (10/17/2005 5:37:15 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
How does one do that? I don't seem to be able to figure out how to email them or send a note asking for a note in return. Attempts to click on the name doesn't pull up a profile either just keeps returning to the chat request menu.

It is entirely possible that I just haven't figure it out.


Oh, sorry, I was thinking more globally as I don't spend much time in CollarMe's chatrooms. Usually what I'd describing happened on AOL when I was a member there.



KatyLied -> RE: Chat requests? (10/17/2005 5:53:03 PM)

I find it intrusive to get chat requests. I ignore them. I think people should introduce themselves before expecting someone to chat with them.



GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Chat requests? (10/17/2005 6:03:21 PM)

Funny you should bring this up! *S* Even as I logged in this evening, faster than the 3 seconds it took to flip to email, I already had a chat request.
Yes, it is common. Although I will chat on a rare occasion with someone I already know, I do not chat with total strangers. I don't even go into regular chatrooms!
A few days after this feature was launched I added a note to My journal stating I would not accept chat requests. So I may get fewer than I might otherwise. But it seems like I still get an awful lot of them. I simply decline, and let it go. I have never received a chat request on this site from anyone I know. Only strangers and always boys. So, sad to say, I really know the agenda and I just don't have the time.



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Chat requests? (10/17/2005 6:47:03 PM)

quote:

I'm wondering if it is common on this website to get chat requests from people who haven't sent a note before?
Yes it is common to get chat requests from total strangers, and I consider it an "I'm too lazy to read your profile and send a note before chatting." On occasion, if I'm bored, I have chat with a person that's requested chat, but it has never turned out to be someone compatible or even likable.
I too usually send a note asking for them to introduce selves before trying to chat with me, and sometimes they do, sometimes they don't; either way, I don't care. M



Misstoyou -> RE: Chat requests? (10/17/2005 9:49:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

I'm wondering if it is common on this website to get chat requests from people who haven't sent a note before?
...

Is this common to just chat away or is my reluctance more common?


Yes, it happens a lot. If it's someone local, I'll accept the request to see if there's a specific question. I seem to get a lot of factual questions from local newbies, either about this site or about the local scene. If it's something more personal, I say something similar to my email replies and leave the chat. If the chat request is from a non-local stranger, I just ignore it.



TexasMaam -> RE: Chat requests? (10/18/2005 1:00:02 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

I'm wondering if it is common on this website to get chat requests from people who haven't sent a note before?

I personally don't accept chat request from folks I don't know -- I need to know someone a bit more before I want to chat in real time with them. It feels a bit like getting a telephone call from someone I don't know.

Is this common to just chat away or is my reluctance more common?

Answers won't change what I do but its happened about a dozen times now.



I get chat requests from strangers nearly every time I login to CM. Most of them end up being from someone who created a profile today, so I don't take them seriously. Unless it's someone I've been corresponding via email with, I decline. They're a complete waste of time.

However, I like the chat option here at CM to use before I give someone My messenger id.

Then there are the CM chatters who go to yahoo and wait until we're in yahoo or aol before they send Me their little porn url in a pm. Bah. Delete. Move on.

Texas Maam



MadameDahlia -> RE: Chat requests? (10/18/2005 1:20:06 AM)

I really, really enjoy the "Decline" button. I just wish it would decline 'em with more vehemence. Like maybe send them an email that reads:

We're sorry to inform you but UserName has identified you as unsuitable - and furthermore - a waste of valuable time! UserName has chosen not to accept your chat request. Perhaps you a) failed to read UserName's profile prior to sending him/her an invite b) are wholly loathed by UserName or c) have been found to be about as pretty as a pile of dung and smart as a pile of plywood. Congratulations on your (insert number of times this person has been declined) rejection!

-sniffs- I need Midol and a cookie.

And some sherbet. And a spoon made out of a carrot.



frenchpet -> RE: Chat requests? (10/18/2005 2:10:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadameDahlia

-sniffs- I need Midol and a cookie.

And some sherbet. And a spoon made out of a carrot.

You certainly sound like you need those. Cm'here I have all you need. Not Midol tho, but I have excellent sherbets :). Then you can have a ride on a fluffy donkey. You don't know it yet, but that is exactly what you need. Because donkeys don't make chat requests.



Kasia -> RE: Chat requests? (10/18/2005 6:43:08 AM)

I dont want to update my profile because it would get it on the "new" list and I will get more unwanted messages. So I write in my journal what I have to say. Actually there are people who read it continually.
One of the entries says - "If you flash "chat request" at me without asking me by mail first do I want to chat with you, it is the best way to get yourself on my block list".
So I do. All strangers coming with chat requests get blocked. Period.



MadameDahlia -> RE: Chat requests? (10/18/2005 1:27:27 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: frenchpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadameDahlia

-sniffs- I need Midol and a cookie.

And some sherbet. And a spoon made out of a carrot.

You certainly sound like you need those. Cm'here I have all you need. Not Midol tho, but I have excellent sherbets :). Then you can have a ride on a fluffy donkey. You don't know it yet, but that is exactly what you need. Because donkeys don't make chat requests.


Hmm... I'm not exactly sure how riding a fluffy donkey would cure what ails me. Aside from them not making chat requests of course. That's nice. I think I'd much rather ride a horse though. I've always wanted to learn how to do that...



GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Chat requests? (10/19/2005 1:49:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kasia

I dont want to update my profile because it would get it on the "new" list and I will get more unwanted messages. So I write in my journal what I have to say. Actually there are people who read it continually.


Kassia,
I write in My journal also, but I do not think that updating your profile puts you back into the "new" queue. So I think it is safe to update. I just did it since I need to take a break from "looking", and I only got 4 new emails today.
If I am wrong, maybe someone else, or a Mod can clarify?



Kasia -> RE: Chat requests? (10/19/2005 2:06:49 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

Kassia,
I write in My journal also, but I do not think that updating your profile puts you back into the "new" queue. So I think it is safe to update. I just did it since I need to take a break from "looking", and I only got 4 new emails today.
If I am wrong, maybe someone else, or a Mod can clarify?

You think so? I thought every update puts you on that "new" list.
Nevermind, I wouldnt want to make one long serpent out of my profile anyway [:D]...... I wrote lots of things. And I am proud to say I got only one new email in last couple of days, what suits me perfectly now. Proving that people do read journals, at least those I care to answer back.



sub4hire -> RE: Chat requests? (10/19/2005 4:03:27 PM)

I spend virtually zero time on the other side. I get chat requests. All are from complete strangers. The most time I'm ever on the other side of this site is 30 seconds at a time if that long.
So, yes it happens all the time...and I think mostly by strangers.



herobedientslav -> RE: Chat requests? (10/19/2005 6:36:27 PM)

thats a pretty pathetic reply.Thats how you get to know someone is by chat.What would be wrong about talking on phone to a stranger?,Unless you are scared of your own shadow its not a big deal



GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Chat requests? (10/19/2005 7:02:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: herobedientslav

thats a pretty pathetic reply.Thats how you get to know someone is by chat.What would be wrong about talking on phone to a stranger?,Unless you are scared of your own shadow its not a big deal


I truly do appreciate your concern and feelings here, but I would hope that you could try to look at it from the point of view of the Ladies.
If I want to chat, I will go into a public chatroom or I will make arrangements to chat with someone via another service (or even the service on this site). If I don't care to chat with a perfect stranger, that should be My perogative. I list on My profile that I do not chat, and I also list what I seek and how to contact Me. One of the methods of contacting Me is not via a private chat request, out of the blue, with no introduction, whatsoever.
Unfortunately, most of the boys who request chat are thousands of miles away, and all they want is to joke around and try to get in some quickie cyber sex or cyber domination. If that is someone's thing, then I am sure there is no lack of it. But if it is not someone's thing, then I think that a preferance not to chat with just anyone who has some spare time should be respected.
If you want to get to know Me, then you should send a polite email. If you want to cyber, then you shouldn't contact Me at all.
That is all we are tyring to say here.
Welcome to the boards.

*edited to add: I do not talk to strangers on the phone either. When I am ready to move to the telephone, numbers are exchanged. I don't post My phone number so that anyone call call Me. Just because there is a chat system available doesn't mean I am obligated to chat. And I do not consider telephone conversation the same as online chat.
So I think the assumption that because someone has an ad online and is online at that moment means it is automatically apporpriate and okay to request chat is wrong. I am not in a chat room so why would anyone assume that I am available to chat? Even so, I still try to make it as clear as possible that chat requests will be either declined or I will never even see them.



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